u/AbbreviationsThin899

i'm just wondering

i feel very fortunate to have discovered the Drink More Water mixtape series. thanks to the son of osama

this shit is absolutely beautiful

thoushallnotbanme

#cloudrap #ethereal #ambientmusic

i don't think i'm the goat or anything but i really like my music and the fact that i can't categorise it (until it's time for promo)

i literally left all these attachment subs because i was optimistic enough to believe i was done dealing with insecurely attached folks but hey, they love me and i guess so do i 😔

i'm fearful-avoidant, formerly secure and anxious leaning. this girl i'm talking to, i'm not gonna diagnose her but: we met through a mutual friend exactly 10 days ago and we hit it off. on the second day of us talking she asked me to wake her up to study in the early hours of the morning, i agreed and it has been our routine since. i'd call her, stay up with her for hours

we never had a honeymoon phase, i was "perfect" and her "match" the first time we started talking, second day she complained about me being "nonchalant" on the phone. i was high so a bit laid back than usual (i told her this, and that it had nun to do with her, didn't matter i guess). everyday since we met, she has told me something she dislikes about me. i'm "boring and too serious" (i brought up emotional fulfilment during sex talk), "too soft", "not mature" (i made a joke in the morning instead of telling her good morning and asking how she was although i did ask a few hours earlier when we were on the phone)

yesterday she called me forward and was annoyed cos i googled the course she's doing to better understand what she deals with, in that same day i asked to define what we wanted because i felt like she didn't like me since she criticises me so much. she said she wants a situationship and it's non negotiable because she's so afraid of being betrayed. obviously i rejected that shit and of course the ultimatums had to enter the room at that moment. she told me she's going back to her ex girlfriend, i told her to go ahead and wished her luck so she asked me to block her, i asked why. her answer? "i don't know"

we went back and forth about this, and i truly understand why she's afraid and wants to settle for less however, if you don't want to be in a committed relationship with me why throw tantrums and triangulate? she literally admitted that she brought up her ex cos i "don't want her". of course i reassured her multiple times and validated her fears, i just don't want to be in a situationship 😭 so i offered a friendship and asserted it

i tried to rehash the conversation a few hours later and she said I'm a nuisance, she could never imagine being in a serious relationship with me and it "won't work" and we're "fine as friends", she's "over the topic" and basically redefined what emotional support means because i asked if she wanted relationship treatment without the title since she literally complained about me not being "supportive" regarding her education just because i didn't always understand what she was going through. I left her alone right there, unfollowed on socials and deleted her number

this morning she texted me "hi" i replied "sup?" and she hasn't said anything since

i don't know if I'm venting or I need a different perspective but baby this is bonkers and i will never get used to it no matter how many times i experience it