u/AgreeableOccasion336

Can we get this uploaded? 🙏

Most of the posts here seem oriented around dating, and that’s fine. But I thought I’d share my experience with style and look for others experience and advice. To make a long story short, I don’t pass in the face (FFS god willing) and I’m still getting laser hair removal on my beard. I wear a wig (hair loss) and I’m on the shorter side with an hourglass body (body tea?) Anyway, the point is I’m in this in between zone where I sometimes get read as a masculine woman until I open my mouth lol. Because of the wig and my dark features I actually get read as a Jewish woman sometimes which is amusing to me.

I tend to dress “conservatively.” I notice that the more bold color I wear or the more revealing or tight fitting the outfit the more triggered others are more likely to become, and the more harassment I am likely to experience. I stick to black and white, focusing on flattering silhouette and proportion that reads as feminine or womanly. I usually wear no makeup. I get clocked more when I do wear any. I wear pearl stud earrings, and on dressy occasions, a simple strand of pearls. The Sex in the City character I most admire is Charlotte.

Again, I’ve been told by Jewish women that I “dress Jewish” as in like a conservative orthodox woman (think long skirts, a cardigan, black and white etc.) Funny how in the search for a personal style, I’ve unintentionally landed in this culturally appropriative space and “I couldn’t help but wonder” if other trans women had a similar experience. I’m wondering how I can safely incorporate more personality into my wardrobe without veering into “crossdresser” territory.

The rules of womanhood are so severe for us (or at least for me) that the slightest infraction is met with hostility and a stern warning. “That’s not for you” society seems to say. While some would reply “eff off” and wear what they like, I enjoy blending in. I feel safer, more authentic, more like myself, in conservative clothes. Coco Chanel tells us to take one thing off before leaving the house, and I’ve taken this to heart, having become almost rigorously minimalist in my approach. Part of me yearns for color, maximalism, for ornament and adornment, but the fascist in me says “no, it’s not safe to stand out.” This makes me sad, but also proud that I’ve adapted to my circumstances and found a way to survive.

The question is, how do we thrive? Can I have a personal style, safety, and aesthetic fulfillment? Or am I doomed to a lifetime of drab?

I’ve had my earlobes pierced for about 4.5 months now, I had no problem with the starter jewelry (stainless steel I think) but they finally got loose and I got tired of waiting so I bought some cheap plated earrings at a beauty supply store. Those obviously irritated my ears so I looked into earrings with plastic posts. I’ve been wearing the plastic earrings for a couple of days now with no major signs of irritation but I’m wondering if it’s too soon to switch to the plastic posts? Should I stick with the starter jewelry a bit longer? My ears aren’t red, they don’t hurt, and there’s no bleeding but there will be some discharge/crust and bad smell when I take out the new earrings.

Hey BWT, Wondering if anyone can recommend a bag refinisher/restorer, any borough, who doesn’t charge a fortune. I have two old black leather bags, no designer but I’m quite fond of them. The finish has worn off one of the shoulder straps so when I wear it, the dye rubs off on clothing! Any recs appreciated 💕

Hey BWT, so i need a cute t shirt with writing on it for a party last minute, otherwise i would just order one online. The one i want would say “literally just a girl” or something with coquette/Femcel vibes. Any place in the city I can get something like this for $20 and under? Thank you!!

Kind of a weird question to post here but I figured there must be other girls with my experience. I’ve had about a dozen laser hair removal sessions on my face and I’ve started electrolysis to get rid of the remaining white hairs. I started out with a thick beard and now I’m mostly smooth. However I still get ingrown hair hairs under my chin and occasionally on my cheeks. Besides being unsightly and painful they remind me of the beard I used to shave every day and lowers my self esteem :( does anyone have any tips for how to prevent this from happening? I’m wondering if shaving every day or shaving less would help.

So I met this chaser on taimi we go on one date, good chemistry, very masculine, treats me like a lady, meet in public etc etc. Life happens and we don’t get to meet again despite keeping in touch. A few weeks go by and I get a text from a random number. It’s his wife! She sends me a video of him drunk in bed with a hangover. She sends me a screenshot of all the other girls (trans) he’s been talking to. She warns me not to get involved with him, she says he’s an alcoholic and a cheater. I didn’t tell her I’m trans but I think she knows. Women looking out for women I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

I have a human hair center part wig, about 20 inches long. I need some tips on how to style it/what products to use to make it look natural and really shine. I’d like to tuck it behind my ears but it ends up “sticking out” too much if you know what I mean. I’ve been told to avoid using heat and too many products, I’ve just been using water and detangler spray, but I’m tempted to try using hair oil on the ends and a wax stick on the top to give it that slicked back look. Any tips? Thank you!!

Like the title says, looking to start needling my scalp to promote hair regrowth, any recommendations?

I’m starting 2.5 mg daily minoxidil in addition to dutasteride, and weekly estradiol valerate injections, possibly adding progesterone also. I want to start micro needling my scalp as well. Is it overkill to take both oral minoxidil and apply topically with micro needling or is it better to do both for maximum effect? Thanks!

Hey BWT, I have a human hair wig that needs to be cut and styled. I’m new to wearing wigs and I could use some maintenance tips as well. I’m also a trans woman so looking for an inclusive place. I’ve tried going to wig shops but they’ll only cut wigs you’ve bough from them. Any suggestions in any of the five boroughs are welcome!

I’m a trans woman getting laser on my facial hair. I had cynosure laser done on my beard after a 6 week break after a session with candela gentle max pro. The last candela treatment was super effective at zapping the five o clock shadow remaining on my upper lip and around the mouth. I feel like I’ve botched my hair removal, or at least, it’s not as effective as it could have been. This last time the tech assured me the cynosure laser was at a “strong setting” . I know the hairs come to the surface the first few weeks after a laser treatment so the shadow looks “worse” before it gets better. Still, I’ve been getting misgendered more often than I was so it’s made me doubt if I made a mistake trying the cynosure.

I guess my question is have I hurt my progress trying cybosure, how long will the shadow persist for after the session? Have any trans women seen good reduction of beard shadow after trying cybosure? Should I resume candela?

Sorry for the saga! TLDR: should I disclose to my client or not?

I’m dealing with a stressful work situation I need advice on and I know you all will keep it real with me!

I’m a late transitioner, started in my 30s. I don’t pass fully, I’m visibly trans. I’m scheduled for FFS later this year, getting laser and electrolysis, but still haven’t voice trained. Although I got a “miss” this morning, it’s a “being polite” thing rather than a “stealth” thing.

I’m working part time as a caretaker companion for people with memory loss. For a lot of reasons, this job is what I need right now. I’ve only worked with two clients so far, both cis women in their 80s. Long story short, I’m passing to my new client. At first this felt great, like the work I’ve been doing is paying off. I’m being validated, and being treated like a normal woman and not like an oddity.

The agency I work for has been fine about me changing my name, they’ve known I’m trans since they hired me, they’re “LGBTQ friendly.” I live in a blue city in a blue state.

The issue is, there are times when I need to accompany her to doctor’s appointments and sometimes to public restrooms. We’ve already had an instance where a Dr “clocked” me in front of her (went out of his way to refer to me as “he”) and she corrected him that I’m a woman. The Dr. referred to me as a woman after that.

I’m also not really comfortable being in the women’s bathroom as I’m not passing and I’m afraid of the potential for conflict.

After the incident with the doctor, I can tell this has placed some doubt in her mind about my “womanhood” and I feel some guilt about it.

After the doctor indecent, I’ve been so nervous I even went to a legal clinic to ask for advice from a lawyer. The lawyer basically said, you’re not required to disclose anything to your client, you’re not breaking any laws in the city/state by accompanying her to the rest room, your job can’t fire you for being trans. “Try not to worry so much” were his exact words lol.

But I can’t get over the feeling that I’m doing something wrong by letting her think I’m a cis woman. Everything is fine until I have to accompany her to a doctors appointment or to use a public restroom. I’m scared of having a confrontation with someone, someone whipping out their phone and trying to make a scene. We all see what’s happening on social media and the political climate is so hostile to us right now. I should be “safe” since I’m legally protected in my area but I’m still sweating like a wh*re in church when we get in these situations.

I like the job, I like being validated as a woman, the pay and schedule are what I need right now.

As far as I can tell, my choices are:

1. Disclose to her that I’m trans and see how she takes it. If she’s not comfortable with it, I can ask the agency for a new client.

2. Keep things as they are and let her figure it out on her own. Let her ask me if she wants to.

3. Be honest with the agency, tell them my discomfort with assisting her in the bathroom. I risk “raising the alarm” that I’m a liability or not able to do the job.

4. Ask the agency for a new client. This client has dementia and is known for being difficult, I can keep things vague, “things just aren’t working out,” move on to someone new before things get complicated. Cons of this, it takes time to be placed with a new client, I need income.

The irony of all this is that the client treats me how I want to be treated, just as a normal woman helping her out with errands and chores. It’s a nice part time gig while I transition/get my surgeries covered by insurance. I don’t feel I’m doing anything morally wrong or illegal but all it takes is one person to make a problem. I was so stressed after the last doctor appointment, I popped some anxiety medication and spent all weekend sleeping in bed. I shouldn’t have to feel this high level of anxiety just for being clocky and trying to do my job but this is the reality. Any advice is appreciated!