u/AssumptionThat2844

should i b worried?

i saw a video that apparently mr morale has a mirror concept. they weren’t talking abt the song tjo can anybody explain?

geniunly these people are the most annoying pieces of shit that either like my little pony, digital circus or the sentient object bs (not that there is anything wrong with it expect the object shit i hate that) or are just pedos in disguise. but those are mostly the „silly femboy” "teenagers". geniunly "silly" teenagers are so fucking unfunny and unlikeable. and then on top of that they pretend they have autism or adhd or some other disorders just so they can be seen as special on the internet. then some of them are fucked up in the head with the therian bullshit and the little fucking paper dragons too. also they OVERGLAZE DELTARUNE LIKE. i have to admit it’s pretty good and some of the memes are pretty funny like the weird route jingle but like i don’t know too much abt it but my youtube keeps getting infested with these glazers that dick ride the game like it’s the best thing on earth like it‘s a good game but this just makes me hate it.AND the fucking slime rants….don’t even get me started. i saw one that my friend sent me and jist like him i hope it’s satire because she has that little "silly alien" and was like: „sup bitches, my name is glorp (or sum shit like that)" geniunly filled me with rage because that’s the most stereotypical version of that person and even if it was satire IT PISSES ME OFF. WHEN I LOOKED AT THEIR CHANNEL THEY HAVE SOME MY LITTLE PONY GIRL SO IT PROBABLY ISN’T SATIRE AND SHE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY. and the comments THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TOO.. OHHH MY GODD I WANT TO KILL MYSELF. also i found out that a friend of mine might be that kind of person. BECAUSE we didn’t talk in a long time and we reunited thru text cuz why not and……she has a tiktok….might seem normal at first……she has THOSE FUCKING ANIMATIONS WHERE IT JUST LIKE BOUNCING UP AND DOWN AND IT’S ALL SOME SHIPPING BULLSHIT. and i was just cleaning my room and i saw a thing she gifted me that i forgot about. THAT STUPID FUCKING PAPER DRAGON. and not to be offensive or seen as misogynistic i don’t want to and i am not that but. let’s be real these are 99% girls doing this shit. this community is 99% girls. but i can believe that maybe some people can atleast be talked to. because that friend wasn’t that bad to talk to compared to other people with the same red flags. atleast she isn’t like r/SillyTeens oh my god i looked there and it gave it’s actuall cancer dawg.

sorry for the rant i just got filled up with rage. also edit i want to add on that i mostly hate the humor not the people but i can get very mad (i’m after my mom) so sometimes it may seem like i hate the people. sometimes the people suck too yho

have been feeling really bad because of the same things but today i’m at an all time low. i kinda put all of my 3 rants here in one i’m sorry if i can’t do that. i’m so sorry i’m sorry

i really wanna go to therapy but for some reason I’m scared to tell 

i think about a lot of stuff that makes me sad/numb/misarable/#notgood (based on so many annoying rants i made here) but for the longest time ever since those thoughts were a problem i wanted to go to therapy or to a psychiatrist or psycholigist or whatever. but am too scared to tell mom. i almost told her last year but then didn’t. and i want to go to therapy more then ever but my stupid mentality is like:„ you are a kid that needs to enjoy summer break. therapy will waste your time. you can ask her during school year“ which is true and school year for me is like in 2 and a half weeks but like idk. all the dysmorphia,random stress, anxiety are piling on top of me and i don’t want to tell my family yet because i’m a pussy that can’t come out. and i don’t wanna tell friend because i’m scared that i will make them uncomfortable and also can‘t come out to them because my best friend doesn’t want to have a queer friend and when i asked him why he said idk. he isn’t even homophobic or anything. ye he is like:„u gay haha funny“ but like he never hates gays. he just kinda says u’re gay when we are losing a game or sum which like every teenager does. atleast in slovakia. i do it sometimes ngl 👀 problem is other “friends” are bassically just classmates anf almost every kid in my school ESPECIALLY DUDES are homophobic asf. one of my “friends” even admitted it and said stuff like: „all warm people can burn in warm hell” (context: teplý in Slovak is warm but also queer so he bassically said all queer people can burn in warm hell) or „if i was the only straight person on earth i would jump” which is really fucked up and i’m starting to be really uncomfortable around him because i am secretly trans. basically i want to vent to someone who is a professional and knows stuff about psychology so maybe he could also figure out why i’m thinking so negativly and why i stress over absolute bs and why i have such a fucked up mentality. one good thing is that i’m not suicidal yet. like i thought of it but in the sense: it would be nice but u wouldn’t actually do it because life might get better anyway. ig im kinda reserving it for worse times??? that was worder poorly i‘m sorry if i offenended any suicidal people. do u guys have any advice abt the therapy thing?

i geniunly hate my past self 

i’m cleaning my table because it’s gonna be a new school year and it would be good if i have space and get rid of my old bullshit. and this is the first time i cleaned it in my new house so it’s got abt…3-4 years of bs in there?

so i was cleaning it and i saw a lot of my old drawings. and i know i was really young and stupid back then (as every kid) so i drew bs but now that i look at it i just….hate it. even tho it’s not that bad and some of it is kinda charming i js wanna throw up for some reason? idk why i geniunly just hate it and i‘m glad i’m doing this alone because omg i would kms if anybody saw them. i saw 2 good drawings tho i’m keeping them but that was last year so that’s fine

but geniunly i even hate to remember some of my old memories. like i just hate 6-11 yo me for some reason. but i’m fine with when i was a baby….but like babies are fine. even if i fought and bit my kindergarten classmates. i prolly have that from my mom because as a kindergartener she apparently broke a kids head so cool. i beat up my cousin too i hated him. even tho i hated my cousin back them i don’t hate my back then cousin as much as back then me. both of us were cringe but like i just hate the back then me more then the back then him. my cousin now that he is starting to mature is getting really cool to talk to again too. side rant damn.

if i could beat up my younger self i hate to say it i feel disgusting and it makes me want to cry but i would beat him up. idk why i hate my young self so much. somebody help me.

is it normal?

i’m closeted and need comfort pls 

Rant

i am trans. i live in slovakia tho and i’m a teenager so i (logically) also live with my family and i fear that they will look at me differently when i tell them.

my sister would probably be fine with it. she’s gen z so she understands the world differently than parents. my mom would probably be fine because i was ranting about a homophobic “friend” (only a classmate who says im his best friend) and when I told her my opinions: „it’s a little bit strange but at the end of the day. why would i care? if a guy makes out with a guy i don’t treat them like terrible monsters. unless they do terrible stuff.“ and my mom said she has the same views. i know that’s an opinion on gay people but i feel like she could have the same views on the lgbtq in general. i’m only really worried about dad because his dad would be mean to him and literally rip his notebook apart if he did homework wrong and would have to write EVERYTHING in a new notebook. my dad loves me and everything but i feel like his views could be….old school…

the thing is i want to transition so i can be the person i wanna be but don’t want to transition because i don’t wanna wipe away the memories. the great great memories i had as a boy. i want to tell atleast someone to get it off my chest but i don’t want to ruin any relationship. almost told it to my best friend but in a convo he said: „ i don’t want to have a gay bestfriend” and by gay he means lgbtq.

my family is also religious and it isn’t like some american families where it’s: NO SWEARING, NO JERKING, READ BIBLE, ETC. it’s more like: god is our savior and i belive in him. i was also scared about coming out because of the christianity but then also realized…. if being trans, gay, lgbt is a sin. wouldn’t that mean that god doesn’t like some people. isn’t it love by neighbor? if I remember it went like that not like „love by neighbor unless they’re gay” and god loves everybody? so why would some people say that’s a sin. and also the conversion camps sounf horrifying. where the priests try to make you “not gay”. because if god loves us but lgbt is a sin… why would he make lgbt people…because gay people are born gay. they don’t choose to be attracted to girls or guys. some are born with an attraction to guys…and trans people are trans because god gave them gender dysmorphia. it’s just confusing

also sometimes my mentality goes against me and makes me even more misarable. ofc i hide the misarableness. but when i hear someone in my family enjoy life while i’m sitting in my room just thinking does stuff to me. i think: „i’m young and not an adult yet. i should enjoy my life.” when i think about me being still young and basically being in the caterpillar stage of life. how most people my age are happy, enjoy summer, hanging out with friends and I’m just misarable in my room, thinking about myself. Calling my only real friend who is far away from me. while my mom wants me to do something else and enjoy life just hurts me. most teens my age want to be more mature and while i have that feeling a lot of times. I also have feelings of my life being wasted. and to depressing for a early teenager like me.

i want to ask my mom if i can go to therapy and even tho my sister DID go to therapy and my mom would be fine with it i’m for some strange reason…scared. my grandma wanted to know at a party why i was so sad looking and i wanted to confess to her cause she is the sweetest but. I blamed it on school. when i finnaly mentioned therapy i told her to not tell my parents and she said she could try finding a place for me and I appreciate it but….i know then my parents would have to find out so I can go there….that sounds stupid but whatever

i also noticed a lot of changes on me. just last year i was shy but when i met someone well I could talk for hours switching to multiple topics and stuff like that. but now especially on family gatherings and parties. i sit in my seat. looking like the college dropout bear. don’t eat. atleast i drink. but don’t really talk. when someone starts a convo i akwardly anwser and they only ask one question so it’s fine. or not idk anymore. but past me would have then continued the convo and branching out into more topics like: new stuff that happened to me, some random stuff, past memories but now… i just stay silent. and the thing is most of the times i don’t look sad. I look blank or sometimes rarely missarable. i don’t want people thinking i fake depression and stuff because that is pretty common because teenagares LOVE attention but to be honest. I loved attention when i was little. and now I would rather be like a cool backround character that gets one-three episode in the shows of my friends lives.

with the fact that i’m lonely it just makes my life kinda worse. when I finnaly get to courage for atleast therapy things will get better i know it. that’s why I think about suicide but in a way like: „ it could be nice but i know i won’t do it. i know life will be better” so atleast there is some fairy tale happines in this story. main way of coping is by making beats. and listening to my cds. especially my goat tyler the creator. someday gonna start writing lyrics for the beats. might release it might not. idk. main thing is that I’m alive rn and that i need help. i theorize about myself a lot tho. i thought I was bisexual. think im pansexual (both don’t help me in my case). i thought i could be bipolar because i get sad randomly even when calling my best friend and idk