u/AutisticUrianger

I am having a bad time. I am 25 years old with fibro autism and cptsd, I am too disabled to work and I live on universal credit and PIP alone. It is Fine, not enough for me to easily save up, but enough that I have what I need each month. My pip is under review. If I lose it I will fall into poverty. I will not be able to afford my therapy or private meds and I will struggle greatly with my bills. I live in a tiny shoebox of a flat, I don't have a bathtub or a garden, there is no room for a dining table, the kitchen is difficult to work in because it's so cramped. It's just tiny. My best friend is buying a house soon, because she has a middle class family and thousands of pounds ready to drop. They have a family business. I don't have any parents. My mother is estranged and my dad is dead. So I have no family to financially rely on. I will never be able to buy a house. I will never be a homeowner and I will be lucky if I ever get to take a bath again. I will never get to have a nice dinner party with my friends, I will never get to sit out in my own garden, I will never have the space to do what I want. Because I will never be well enough to work. It hurts knowing that I am condemned to this. I have no control over it. It would be selfish of me to try and raise funds for a home without working. But I'm terrified of living in this tiny flat forever. I'm too poor to go on holiday. My carers talk to me about these amazing holidays they get to go on and I don't get to do any of that. It hurts so much. Everyone is living their lives without me. I don't feel like a person. I went out today with my friend and she was talking about her new house and I wanted to be happy for her but it just hurts so much knowing I will never have what she has. It feels like everyone else gets to have special privileges that I am barred from because of my disability.

Hiya all. I have a new question. I attend a day center every Friday for disabled people. I have seen other people take their medication there before. Should I email in advance before my next visit to discuss bringing my prescription with me, or should I just bring it? I don't intend to vape it indoors, but I think having it with me would be beneficial to me. But I'm afraid of getting in trouble for it. Especially because I will be in a manual wheelchair and will need to ask directly to be taken outside to take it. Should I email in advance or should I just take it?

Hiya again. After the interaction I've had with my care team today where they objected to the idea of me consuming my medication at all during a care call (which I managed to convince them to allow outside at least) along with discussing my new medication with some of my individual carers, I am full of anxiety that I am doing something wrong by taking my meds now. Some of my carers are incredibly pro weed and even do it themselves, and I feel very safe around them. But they informed me that some of the other carers are very anti cannabis, and now I am really scared of having them on my rota. I don't think I should have to hide my medication but I am afraid that they will be angry or judgemental when they see my prescription. I'll obviously not do it right in front of them, but I don't want to hide away my stash or have to hide the fact that I do it at all. Unfortunately I take this medicine partly for anxiety due to cptsd and autism and now I am anxious to take it. My care call for the day has ended, so I am alone for the rest of the day, but I've worked myself up into feeling scared I will get into trouble for it somehow. I know it's irrational. I just wish that I didn't have to feel so ashamed of taking my prescribed medication, or feel like I am doing something wrong or morally bad.

Hiya all. I had turned to a sub to discuss some of my medical care and I've had multiple people there bully me for my mannerisms now. As it's a medical sub, surely they can understand there would be disabled people posting there...? It's really upsetting. I made a "baby's first x" joke and people have just piled on about it. It feels like people are purposefully picking apart things that I'm saying . I was excited about something, and people started making fun of me for being "quirky" in reference to my username, and laughing at me for trying to explain the "baby's first X" joke even though they were confused by it. My username just says autism, so I feel like I was being targeted for being mentally disabled. I just wanted to make light of the situation. why can't people put two and two together and recognise that they are talking to someone with a developmental disability? It's a sub for medical patients. I don't understand lateral ableists. It makes me really upset

edit: this person is now pulling the "i'm also autistic and it was just a joke" card :/ you can be autistic and still bully other autistic people

Hi all

So right as I am starting my MC journey, my PIP is now up for review. it's standard procedure, i'm not in trouble, but anyone who's ever dealt with the DWP knows how terrifying it is to have your livelihood under threat as i'm too disabled to work and rely solely on UC and PIP. I had a previous terrible experience where my PIP was taken away from me and i was forced to live in poverty for a year. When it went to tribunal, I got a full 12 points, so they clearly recognised my previous 0 (!!!!!) points was bullshit. The dwp is so cruel. At my current award, I'm doing fine. It pays for my therapy, maintenance for my mobility aids, my care plan, transport, daily living such as food and home supplies, and now my MC. My question is, when the form arrives for me to fill out, I should add my MC to my list of prescriptions, right? I want to be hopeful and think that having a privately prescribed medication that my PIP directly funds should go in my favour, but after skimming the sub it seems like some people have had issues with the DWP not recognising their prescription as legit and using illicit drug use against them. I'm really scared, I want to get it all right, cannabis is the only thing that helps me function day to day, and without PIP i will lose everything.

Hiya all, me again. I have daily care funded by the council. I have to keep them up to date on my medication. Tomorrow a carer I know is very cannabis friendly will be visiting. Telling her should go fine, but I'm a little bit anxious about whether there could be any complications that come out of this. A care team can't discriminate against me for using MC, can they? I think I'm just scared in the back of my mind there will be doubts from some of the staff, or they'll have to pull insurance into question or something. I don't wanna kick up a fuss. But I have to tell them about my medication. I should be able to use in front of them, right? It's my medicine.

Hiya. I just need to rant. I have fibro, mild-moderate ME, autism, cptsd, anxiety, the works. All ofthis in tandem has resulted in me going down the burnt out gifted kid pipeline; I was very intelligent and promising as a kid, and now I'm a NEET who survives on benefits. I dropped out of college 4 separate times. It makes me so sad. I tried, I really did try, that's why I kept going back, but not a single of my courses lasted more than a single academic year. I went for stuff I enjoyed and am good at; media production, performing arts, graphic design and game art design. I did well in all of them while I was there. Ever since I was a kid, despite being praised for being smart, I would never actually study, like, ever. I winged every single exam I ever did. So when I went to uni I purposefully chose courses that use a coursework format with no closed book exams. But I just couldn't keep up, it was killing me. The third time, when I did graphics, my fibro had really kicked off, and I had to request to work from home because I was in so much pain all the time. I ended up dropping out. My teachers were really sad, they told me I had so much potential, and I was getting really good grades. After a year's break and having obtained a power wheelchair, I tried to start again with a course in game art design. I didn't even last a few months, my illnesses are just too bad.

Ever since then my job has been to focus on just... living. Surviving and trying to thrive. A lot of things changed, my dad died, I lived on my own for the very first time, I got a cat, my dog died, and I have a care team now. And studying just isn't on the cards, unless I were to do something that costs nothing and has 0 pressure whatsoever to succeed. You know, like a club.

I do attend a day center now every Friday, which gives me a similar sense of being in a room with other people, but that's about where the comparisons end. I miss the atmosphere of college. I miss the commute, the campus, the proximity to the city, the on-campus amenities like a subway, cafe, shop, they even had a bakery and restaurant run by the culinary and hospitality students. I loved the library and I even liked the food hall even though it was chaotic and loud. Being at college made me feel like a Grown Up, and also kind of like I was in a movie. There was just something really nice about it. But I couldn't handle it.

I miss having excuses to go out, and meeting new people, and learning new things, and feeling like I'm a Part of something. Now I just stay at home, crochet, play videogames and entertain my cat, and hang out with people on discord. It's sad.

Hi there, I'm still learning all about the process, and while I've been prescribed something to start with, I see a lot of people here recommending strains and stuff. My limit seems to be quite high, so I've got a lot of choices at my disposal. However, I am wondering about the process of requesting. I added something I am interested in to my basket, and it asks for your reason for requesting. The only options are that you've run out, are running out, or your current prescription isn't effective. But the vibe i get from a lot of people is they order things simply to try it and see if it works for them. I'm autistic and take things very literally and I don't want to do anything wrong or indicate to the clinic that I am up to no good or anything, because I have been recommended to start on something with quite low thc content, but the limit I have been given is a lot higher, so... does that mean I can request something a lot more potent, or should I not? I don't know, I don't wanna get in trouble or something ;_; and like what reason would I give? If I'm not running out, and it's not necessarily that my current strain isn't working for me rather that I want to see if something works Better for me, especially if its in a different form like vape or oil, what do I do? Should I wait for my follow up appointment next month before I place any other requests? I feel like I'm in some kind of probationary period.

Sorry if this is confusing, I just really want to make sure I'm doing everything right.

(SCARVES!! THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT FITTED GARMENTS!! IT'S ABOUT SCARVES!!) I'm so sick and tired of seeing this while looking for patterns. Why do men need their masculinity coddled so bad that people have to clarify that their pattern is sufficiently lacking in frills and character that a man can wear it. Like it's just so pathetic to me. You shouldn't have to be told "yes you as a man will not have your masculinity compromised if you wear this pattern". Use your EYES and decide if the pattern looks like it's to your tastes. imagine being so insecure you need the pattern to explicitly say "this is a masculine pattern for men no frills no flowers no pretty colours just pure gasoline and beer" in order to be allowed to make or wear it. Thog don't caare!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get over yourselves!!!!!!!! If you like a pattern you like it!!!! Stop asking for permission!!! Stop putting yourself in a tiny little box!!!!! You have created your own prison!!!!!!!

Edit: this post is about scarf patterns, yes I understand some things need to be tailored for specific body types, but you cannot convince me scarves need to be in any way gendered

Edit 2: THIS POST IS ABOUT ACCESSORIES!! NOT FITTED GARMENTS!! your argument about fitted sweaters falls on deaf ears!!!! This is about people assigning arbitrary gender to style, not about body types!!!

Hiya. I hope this is an OK place to ask for advice about this. We are an autistic system, and also have a history of voluntary and involuntary regression. Last year we had a period over a month where all the little parts of our brain kind of took over, and we were basically regressed 24/7 as a result. It seemed to be because we had repressed the regression for so long, and they wanted out.

We haven't really had any big episodes of regression since, and it makes me really sad. When it's involuntary, it can come with a lot of emotions, and we have had many meltdowns during involuntary episodes. But when it hasn't come with a big release of emotions, regression has been incredibly comforting for us. I think the biggest issue is that sometimes we get stressed if we are little and on our own - we want attention.

I was wondering if anyone has advice for letting ourself regress comfortably again. It seems to be the key to letting our little parts open up and be themselves, and we want them to have space to be happy and have fun. But it's like we're scared of it now, for some reason. How can we ease ourself back into comfortable, happy regression? We have a lot of like... half-regressed days, where we sound a lot more like a child, and we carry plushies around, but we never really truly let ourself sink into that feeling. I just want our inner children to feel happy and safe:( we used to be able to engage in activities like colouring books and using a paci with ease, but now our agere toy basket is collecting dust.

So often when I see people describe their fibro pain, they describe it as an all over ache. But I have this thing where I will randomly experience a localised pain, in a specific spot - I.e on the side of my lower leg or something. It only lasts for a few seconds but it feels like some kind of weird internal ache, as if there is a bruise on my muscle there? They can happen pretty much wherever, like I've experienced them in my arms too, but recently I've had a lot in my legs. It reminds me a bit of costochondritis pain, but obviousiy its not in the ribs. Does anyone else get this kind of weird intermittent localised pain? It'll just flash up randomly, in different spots, with no apparent trigger. Edit: IT'S NOT A NEEDLE LIKE PAIN!! It is a DULL ACHE. I have those, they are different!! This is not sharp!! It's dull!! This is why I am confused, because this kind of pain does not seem to be described by neuropathy!!!

Hiya. I don't really post in this sub but I need to complain. I'm so so so so so sick and tired of seeing posts in crochet subs like "where can I find this pattern?" "What stitch is this?" And the item is knit. Oh my god!!!! Learn to identify what you are looking at!!! Crochet and knit don't look remotely similar to me, and all these posts of knitted items are clogging up crochet subreddits. I'm so tired. I wish people would just learn to identify what crochet and knit look like. I don't think I can take another post like it. It's infuriating!!!!

I've had saria since I was 13. She is my entire world. She was the only thing that kept me sane when my dad died. And now she is 12 and her liver is failing. She also has increasingly bad arthritis. Back in spring she started peeing inside, and it all just went downhill from there. Her decline was gradual but I can no longer deny how much she is hurting. Today my brother and I took her for a walk, and she didn't want to move the whole time, so he had to carry her the whole way. She still has a big appetite and she still wants to play, but she just seems to be in constant discomfort. She is positively spherical with ascites and I just cannot imagine that feels nice at all.

I've had a few weeks to prepare for this, but it still feels like it's coming out of nowhere. It's half 3 in the morning. I know I should sleep but I don't want to sleep away the last few hours I have left with her. It hurts. I'm scared. I don't want her to die but I don't want her to suffer. And I can't take away her suffering without ending her life. So here we are. I just don't know what to do with myself. I don't know whether to sleep or if I'll regret it after. I feel like everything I do isn't enough. Idk.

I'm going to lose my mind. For as long as I can remember, my fibro has manifested in the form of heart attack symptoms. I have other symptoms as well, but my body is constantly trying to convince me I'm having a medical emergency and I can't take it any more. I have health anxiety and some form of undiagnosed ocd so right now my obsession is deep vein thrombosis and my compulsion is doing squats or pacing about whenever I feel pain in my legs just in case it's a clot that's about to stop my heart or go to my lungs or brain. I'm sick and tired of it. I hate that my options are either listen to what my body is telling me and go to the hospital and wait there for hours just to be told everything is fine, because I have done that countless times before, or sit and wait it out and just hope I don't die in the next few hours. It's terrifying. I'm literally constantly in a state of wondering if the pain I'm feeling is a warning that I'm about to die a horrible death. I know that I should know after over a decade of suffering from fibro that they are just false alarms, but every single time my anxiety spikes and I get restless and have to start moving about as if suddenly doing some exercise will magically cure whatever is happening to me. I keep coming across articles about people who died from deep vein thrombosis complications. And every single one is like "this can happen if you sit down too much." I have severe fatigue and daily pain and I rely on a wheelchair to go out for more than a short walk, and while I do stand up every day, I can't tolerate a lot of exercise at all. And I just live in constant fear because of it. I'm so tired. I'm so tired of being terrified of my own body.

And just because of bad experiences i've had on reddit in the past: If you're going to comment with stuff like "you need to exercise more" then please save your words. I'm not clueless. I'm not stupid. I'm not lazy. I'm suffering. If you can exercise regularly, great, good for you. But my fatigue is severe and I likely have ME. I'm literally just trying to survive.

hi there. i'm losing my mind. i started chapter 5 with my complete pacifist run save file. jackenstein was not at castle town. dialogue from susie and alvin indicated he died. i DEFINITELY got all recruits. i triple checked, i got the "good" cutscene with jackenstein before the boss. and he wasn't there. so i went and replayed the WHOLE CHAPTER.

he's still not fucking there. I'm really upset because i feel like i can't continue with the chapter until i find some way to fix this. i don't understand how he showed up for some people, but for others like myself he's just dead. it seems like it HAS to be a glitch, right? because i'm not the only one who's had this.

EDIT: someone figured it out. Apparently if you kill any titan spawn in chapter 4, you level up, and chapter 5 takes levelling up as an indication that you are no longer on pacifist route. This seems like a massive oversight. You have to go into the save file and edit your level back down to 0.

hiya, please don't read this post until you've started chapter 5. i have an issue and i'm worried and i dunno how to resolve it.

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so i'm playing from a completed chapter 4 save file, and i've been doing pacifist. i got the good ending cutscene where jackenstein gets helped by all the recruits. in chapter 5, he was nowhere to be seen, and dialogue from susie and alvin indicates i got the ending where he died. looked it up and he's apparently supposed to be at the bakery in castle town. he wasn't there. what do i do?? i don't want to replay the whole of chapter 4 again. but i don't want to continue with chapter 5 if my choices aren't being reflected correctly?

Idk what to do. I've been sick for most of my adult life. I have fibro and probably MECFS too, and moderate support needs autism. Also CPTSD. I'm constantly drained and exhausted. I can't study or work, and I really did try to do both. But now I just stay at home, relying on care workers 2 hours a day to help me maintain things. My only responsibilities are myself and my pets who keep me sane.

I always wanted to tell a story. Ever since I was a little kid I've loved drawing and I've loved fiction and I had such a rich inner world and now it feels like it's all blanketed in fog. I have all these loose ideas for world building and characters and stories and if there is anything I wanna do before I go, it's make a webcomic or something along those lines. I want to write a story and share it with the world. But I'm just so fucking tired. All the time. Even one drawing a week is pushing it. I mostly just sleep, play videogames and, occasionally, crochet. If I try to push through I become exhausted, I get a headache, and feel like utter shit.

I don't want to be seen as a failure. I don't want to do nothing with my life. But I can't do anything when my body and mind won't let me be productive at all.

How do I cope? How do I keep going? Everyone I know is doing amazing things with their lives. One of my friends is about to buy a house. Another has become a nuclear physicist and travels all over the country. I never even finished college. I want to be something. So badly. It hurts so much. I go to a day center every Friday where we do crafts and other things, which is nice, but it just feels like... The bare minimum.

Idk what I want to get out of making this post. I'm just so tired of being tired. I had dreams. I watched the finale of the amazing digital circus and without spoiling anything, the themes of "I wanted to make a mark on the world" with zooble really hit me right in the chest.

Hi everyone, I have a question. is it a VSS thing for bright images to pretty consistently have bloom around them? Just looking at my conmputer screen right now, all these letters, every button and piece of contrast has a little aura around it. I suspect I might also have astigmatism because I have always seen streaks across bright lights, but I don't know if the bloom is related. it kind of looks like when you have tears in your eyes.