Should I (29M) give my ex-fiancee(25F) another chance after everything that has happened.
I’m posting this specifically to get an unbiased perspective from Indian women, especially women who have been through serious relationships/arranged marriages. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “leave her” or “take her back.” I genuinely want to understand whether, from a woman’s perspective, this relationship is something that could realistically be repaired, or whether I would be making a mistake by giving it another chance.
I’ll try to present the timeline as objectively as possible.
How we met
We met around January through an arranged-marriage route.
We first met in person in the first week of February.
During the initial few weeks, I repeatedly told her that if she had any doubts about me, didn't like me, or didn't see a future with me, she could tell me and I would walk away amicably. She repeatedly told me that she liked me and wanted to continue.
Around the last week of February, we went on our first date. We started talking extensively, flirting, and discussing practically everything — married life, children, honeymoon, sex, finances, family, etc.
In the middle of March, our roka happened with both of our consent.
The first major problem
- About a week after the roka, her parents invited me over because they wanted to buy my ring. Before going to the jewellery shop, we went to a movie and spent some time together.
That night she told me that everything was happening too quickly. I agreed that perhaps it was.
But then she told me something much more serious: she said she had not been completely sure about me from the beginning and was considering calling off the marriage if our emotional bonding did not become stronger.
This shook me badly.
- The next day, after some difficult discussions, we mutually decided to put the marriage preparations on hold and go back into “dating mode.” There would be no pressure from either family and no immediate expectation of marriage. She said she needed time to become sure about us.
I liked her a lot, so I agreed.
- From then onwards, we went on dates almost every weekend. I deliberately prioritized spending time together because I wanted us to develop a stronger emotional connection.
Things started getting more complicated
During the first week of April, I was going on a motorcycle trip to the Himalayas. The day before I left, we met, kissed for the first time and cuddled. We didn't have sex.
The day after I left, her communication suddenly reduced significantly. Replies became very short and she removed her profile picture. I asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing was wrong.
The day before I returned, she went out drinking with some friends whom I didn't know about and came home drunk late at night without telling me beforehand.
Given that we were talking seriously about marriage, I was uncomfortable with it and confronted her. She said she wouldn't repeat it.
When I returned, I expected us to have a huge argument. Instead, when we met, we hugged and kissed and things became much more intimate between us.
Throughout the first three weeks of April, we continued meeting, going on dates and spending time together.
I told her that I couldn't wait indefinitely and that I needed an answer from her by around 15 May.
By the end of April, she finally told me that she was sure and wanted to proceed. She asked me to buy her ring and resume the marriage preparations.
I was extremely happy because I genuinely believed we had finally crossed that difficult phase.
We became physically and emotionally closer
During the first week of May, after discussing it and mutually agreeing, we became physically intimate for the first time.
We continued dating and talking about our future.
Around the last week of May, she asked me to accompany her because her family was supposed to go jewellery shopping for her wedding. The plan was eventually cancelled, and instead we spent the day together.
We stayed together until around 11 PM, talking, kissing, cuddling and discussing our future married life, children and even our future sex life.
She was affectionate with me and seemed completely invested in the relationship.
The families had decided that our registry marriage would take place in the first week of August, and we were supposed to begin the registration process around the second week of June.
The following day we planned to get tattoos together and go jewellery shopping. We spent another good day together.
Then came the day that completely changed everything.
The D-day
It was a Tuesday towards the end of May.
After work, we were on a video call. I could see that she was extremely worried and distressed.
I asked her what was wrong and told her she could tell me anything.
She said she had a secret and that if she told me, everything would fall apart and I would call off the marriage.
I told her that if there was something this serious, I deserved to know.
Then she started telling me things that completely shattered my understanding of our relationship.
She told me that she had not been emotionally available to me, including during the period when we had become physically intimate.
She told me that she still belonged emotionally to her ex and that she wished she were marrying him.
She said she would think about him even during intimacy with me.
She said she wanted to continue sharing the “little joys” of life with him.
She also said that signing marriage papers with me would mean that she would stop belonging to him.
She also made it clear that she didn't feel the same level of attachment toward me and said that she wouldn't be devastated if I eventually married someone else.
I was completely blindsided.
What made it especially difficult for me was that only days earlier she had been affectionate with me, talking about our future, marriage and our intimate life, and behaving as though she had finally chosen me.
For me, it wasn't simply “she has doubts.”
It felt like I had been building a marriage with someone who was simultaneously telling me that emotionally she was somewhere else.
What happened next
The next day, Wednesday, I took leave from work and asked her not to contact me because I needed time to process everything.
I contacted two of the people closest to her and explained what had happened because I was genuinely confused and wanted someone who knew her well to speak to her. In hindsight, I'm not sure whether I should have done that.
On Thursday, I gave her one final opportunity to take responsibility and try to repair the situation.
Instead, a significant part of the conversation became about why I had told those two people what she had said.
She continued to stand by what she had told me previously and even said that if we married, it would be a loveless marriage, that she wouldn't put in effort to save it if it started falling apart, and that she wouldn't put effort into making the marriage better.
At that point I felt that I had no choice.
I called her parents and called off the marriage.
What happened after the breakup
There was eventually a final meeting involving our families.
My mother basically told her that she could have forgiven her if she had genuinely acknowledged what she had done, spoken to the people she had hurt, taken responsibility and asked for forgiveness.
Instead, the situation became more argumentative and emotionally chaotic.
After the breakup, however, her behaviour changed dramatically.
She started apologizing intensely.
She told me that she loved me, that she wanted nobody else, that what she had said was an outburst and that she didn't understand how deeply those words would hurt me.
She cried, begged me to come back and sent videos/messages asking me to return.
There were actually multiple videos she recorded of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance. She was visibly emotional in those videos and repeatedly asked me not to end the relationship permanently.
She suggested couples therapy and repeatedly asked for another chance.
At various points she also said that she regretted what she had done and wanted to fix everything.
There were also repeated attempts to contact me after I blocked her, social-media posts that I felt were directed at me, and eventually suicide-related threats/statements. Because of that, I informed her closest friend and blocked her again. Her friend subsequently contacted me and told me she was in a very bad state.
So now I'm left with a very difficult question.
My question to Indian women
If you were in my position, would you give her another chance?
I'm not talking about immediately getting married again.
I'm asking whether you would even give the relationship another opportunity — perhaps dating again, with marriage completely off the table for the foreseeable future, couples counselling, strict boundaries and no family involvement.
Or would you consider the things she told me on that Tuesday to be fundamentally incompatible with a healthy marriage?
The biggest things I struggle with are:
\- She explicitly said she wasn't emotionally available to me.
\- She said she still belonged to her ex.
\- She said she wished she were marrying him.
\- She said she thought about him even during intimacy with me.
\- She said she wouldn't put effort into saving or improving our marriage.
\- Yet after I ended things, she completely reversed her position and started saying she loved me and wanted me back.
\- She made multiple videos of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance.
I understand that people can say terrible things during an emotional breakdown and genuinely regret them later.
But at the same time, those words were the truth I was given at the time I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.
I don't know whether I should interpret her later behaviour as genuine realization and remorse, or whether I would simply be reopening a relationship that had already shown me what it could become.
Women of r/RelationshipIndia, especially those who have been in long-term relationships or marriages:
If you were me, would you give her one carefully controlled second chance — not marriage, just an opportunity to see whether she can genuinely rebuild trust — or would you permanently walk away?
And if you would give her another chance, what would she realistically need to do to prove that this isn't just guilt, fear of losing me, or regret after the breakup?
TL;DR: I met my ex-fiancée through an arranged-marriage setup, we got engaged/held a roka, dated for several months, became physically intimate, and were actively planning our marriage. Shortly before the wedding process was supposed to begin, she told me that she wasn't emotionally available to me, still belonged emotionally to her ex, wished she were marrying him, thought about him during intimacy, and wouldn't put effort into saving or improving a marriage with me. Based on that, I called off the marriage.
After the breakup, however, she completely reversed her position. She said she loves me, regrets what she said, wants nobody else, suggested couples counselling, and repeatedly begged me to give her another chance, including sending multiple videos of herself crying and pleading with me to come back. There were also later suicide-related statements/threats, after which I informed her closest friend and blocked her.
I'm not asking whether I should immediately marry her again. I'm asking whether it would be reasonable to give her one carefully controlled second chance to date, with marriage completely off the table for now, counselling and strict boundaries in place — or whether what she told me that Tuesday is something that should be considered fundamentally incompatible with a healthy marriage, regardless of how much she regrets it now.
If you were in my position, would you give her that one chance to prove that her remorse and feelings are genuine, or would you permanently walk away?