u/AwkardOiledBalls1984

So today I finished my biceps and lads exercise, then as usual I walked up to the treadmill for a high incline walk for fat burning.

I saw the treadmill was not being used but an elder person(a man) was doing shitty warmup stuff beside the treadmill, so the machine was not being used I went forward to start my walking session then that boomer abruptly stopped me saying I'm going to use it.

Out of courtesy I said okay then use it and gave away the treademill, then I noticed for next 3/4 minutes he still kept on doing those shitty warmup stuff which everyone knows is shit.

Why do elderly people act so entitled in the gym, our gym trainer also noticed it and started cursing him on the side with me saying he is an idiot it seems. How can you kindof "book" a machine when you aren't using it when rush is high?

How do you guys deal with these kinds of people at the gym?

For those who have been married for 5, 10, 15, 20+ years, I’d really like to hear about your experience.

I’m 29M and at a stage in life where marriage is something I’m seriously thinking about. One thing I’ve been wondering about is what actually happens to love and attraction when two people spend a large part of their lives together.

When you first get married, there’s usually excitement, attraction, romance and a lot of novelty. But what does the relationship feel like after 5, 10 or 15+ years?

Does romantic love eventually fade, or does it simply evolve into a different kind of love?

For those who have been married for years:

- Do you still feel “in love” with your spouse?

- How has physical attraction and intimacy changed over time?

- Does the relationship gradually become more about companionship, trust, friendship and being a team?

- Do you miss the excitement of the early years, or does the deeper connection make up for it?

- Are there particular stages of marriage where you noticed a significant change?

- Do couples need to consciously work to keep romance alive, or does it happen naturally when the relationship is healthy?

- What has surprised you most about being married for a long time?

- Looking back, what do you wish someone had told you about love and marriage before you got married?

I’m not looking for either idealised “marriage is beautiful” answers or horror stories. I’m genuinely curious about what long-term love actually feels like once the initial excitement has settled.

Would especially appreciate honest perspectives from people who have been married for 5+ years.

I’m genuinely confused by my ex-fiancée’s behaviour and would like to hear from guys who have experienced something similar.

We broke up after a very messy relationship. One of the biggest reasons I ended things was because, during an argument, she told me that she mentally belonged to her ex. That completely destroyed my trust in the relationship.

After the breakup, I blocked her everywhere because I wanted to move on.

Recently, I briefly unblocked her only to check how she was doing. I didn't message her or initiate any conversation.

Within around 30 minutes of me unblocking her, she sent me an Instagram reel of a song that we used to listen to during our intimate times.

She apparently still thought she was blocked. Once she realised that the DM was actually open, she panicked and apologised, saying something along the lines of "I didn't understand that this was an open DM now."

I didn't respond.

After 3–4 hours, she sent just a "." — presumably to check whether the DM was still open.

Again, I saw it but didn't reply.

Then something even stranger happened.

She had initially posted a completely normal status. As soon as she realised that I had viewed it, she started posting things related to our relationship and our breakup — songs we used to listen to together, emotional messages about me, and posts that seemed to imply that I had abandoned her, despite the fact that the relationship ended because of serious issues on her side as well.

Here's the part I really don't understand.

She's apparently seeing someone new now.

Yet she's still posting things about me, saying that a part of her will always belong to me, that she'll always carry a part of what she lost with me and my family, etc.

She also keeps checking my LinkedIn profile despite being blocked elsewhere. I eventually blocked her there too.

What confuses me is the contradiction.

If you're genuinely starting a new relationship, why are you still emotionally posting about your ex and trying to get your ex's attention?

And considering that our relationship ended partly because she told me she "mentally belonged to her ex", isn't she potentially doing the exact same thing to this new guy now?

I'm not looking to get back with her. I've blocked her everywhere and intend to keep it that way.

I'm just trying to understand why someone would behave like this — repeatedly trying to get an ex's attention while simultaneously moving on with someone else.

Has anyone here experienced something similar?

So I am a Bengali man(29YO), I am originally from Hoogly but was raised in Kolkata from my childhood. I have lived in Kolkata for almost 27years of my life.

The more I get older people here pass weird comments about my looks -

Example 1: last year I went to arunachal pradesh and when I came back and visited the office, some of my colleagues commented after seeing my picture "Toke oi pare chinese ra nijer bhebe niye jayni? Tui to oder motoi dekhte".

Example 2: My previous partner out of the blue commented that "ami bhabini toke etota chinese/nepali lage dekhte"

Example 3: One of the Friends who I go on bike rides with throws comments almost everyday "Kire nepali? Koyta momo banali ajke?"

He once asked one of my other friend "Oke dada dekhte nepali ba pahari pahari lage na"

Example 4: My another ex partner said to me "Once I saw you for the first time entering the room I thought you were someone from the hills"

Example 5: One of my other friend casually commented "bhai tui pahare chole ja koyekdin thak okahner meye ra toke emni i biye kore nebe karon tui saab ji der moto dekhte"

I know Bengalis have "mongoloid" genes and some Bengalis can look like nepali or people from the hills but why do we point it out again and again to people like us?

Is casual racism so normalised in cities like kolkata?

At this point I just take it as a compliment because it is so common these days.

Has anyone else faced this?

I’m posting this specifically to get an unbiased perspective from Indian people, especially who have been through serious relationships/arranged marriages. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “leave her” or “take her back.” I genuinely want to understand whether, this relationship is something that could realistically be repaired, or whether I would be making a mistake by giving it another chance.

I’ll try to present the timeline as objectively as possible.

How we met

1. We met around January through an arranged-marriage route.

2. We first met in person in the first week of February.

3. During the initial few weeks, I repeatedly told her that if she had any doubts about me, didn't like me, or didn't see a future with me, she could tell me and I would walk away amicably. She repeatedly told me that she liked me and wanted to continue.

4. Around the last week of February, we went on our first date. We started talking extensively, flirting, and discussing practically everything — married life, children, honeymoon, sex, finances, family, etc.

5. In the middle of March, our roka happened with both of our consent.

The first major problem

6. About a week after the roka, her parents invited me over because they wanted to buy my ring. Before going to the jewellery shop, we went to a movie and spent some time together.

That night she told me that everything was happening too quickly. I agreed that perhaps it was.

But then she told me something much more serious: she said she had not been completely sure about me from the beginning and was considering calling off the marriage if our emotional bonding did not become stronger.

This shook me badly.

7. The next day, after some difficult discussions, we mutually decided to put the marriage preparations on hold and go back into “dating mode.” There would be no pressure from either family and no immediate expectation of marriage. She said she needed time to become sure about us.

I liked her a lot, so I agreed.

8. From then onwards, we went on dates almost every weekend. I deliberately prioritized spending time together because I wanted us to develop a stronger emotional connection.

Things started getting more complicated

9. During the first week of April, I was going on a motorcycle trip to the Himalayas. The day before I left, we met, kissed for the first time and cuddled. We didn't have sex.

10. The day after I left, her communication suddenly reduced significantly. Replies became very short and she removed her profile picture. I asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing was wrong.

11. The day before I returned, she went out drinking with some friends whom I didn't know about and came home drunk late at night without telling me beforehand.

Given that we were talking seriously about marriage, I was uncomfortable with it and confronted her. She said she wouldn't repeat it.

12. When I returned, I expected us to have a huge argument. Instead, when we met, we hugged and kissed and things became much more intimate between us.

13. Throughout the first three weeks of April, we continued meeting, going on dates and spending time together.

14. I told her that I couldn't wait indefinitely and that I needed an answer from her by around 15 May.

15. By the end of April, she finally told me that she was sure and wanted to proceed. She asked me to buy her ring and resume the marriage preparations.

I was extremely happy because I genuinely believed we had finally crossed that difficult phase.

We became physically and emotionally closer

16. During the first week of May, after discussing it and mutually agreeing, we became physically intimate for the first time.

17. We continued dating and talking about our future.

18. Around the last week of May, she asked me to accompany her because her family was supposed to go jewellery shopping for her wedding. The plan was eventually cancelled, and instead we spent the day together.

We stayed together until around 11 PM, talking, kissing, cuddling and discussing our future married life, children and even our future sex life.

She was affectionate with me and seemed completely invested in the relationship.

19. The families had decided that our registry marriage would take place in the first week of August, and we were supposed to begin the registration process around the second week of June.

20. The following day we planned to get tattoos together and go jewellery shopping. We spent another good day together.

Then came the day that completely changed everything.

The D-day

It was a Tuesday towards the end of May.

After work, we were on a video call. I could see that she was extremely worried and distressed.

I asked her what was wrong and told her she could tell me anything.

She said she had a secret and that if she told me, everything would fall apart and I would call off the marriage.

I told her that if there was something this serious, I deserved to know.

Then she started telling me things that completely shattered my understanding of our relationship.

She told me that she had not been emotionally available to me, including during the period when we had become physically intimate.

She told me that she still belonged emotionally to her ex and that she wished she were marrying him.

She said she would think about him even during intimacy with me.

She said she wanted to continue sharing the “little joys” of life with him.

She also said that signing marriage papers with me would mean that she would stop belonging to him.

She also made it clear that she didn't feel the same level of attachment toward me and said that she wouldn't be devastated if I eventually married someone else.

I was completely blindsided.

What made it especially difficult for me was that only days earlier she had been affectionate with me, talking about our future, marriage and our intimate life, and behaving as though she had finally chosen me.

For me, it wasn't simply “she has doubts.”

It felt like I had been building a marriage with someone who was simultaneously telling me that emotionally she was somewhere else.

What happened next

The next day, Wednesday, I took leave from work and asked her not to contact me because I needed time to process everything.

I contacted two of the people closest to her and explained what had happened because I was genuinely confused and wanted someone who knew her well to speak to her. In hindsight, I'm not sure whether I should have done that.

On Thursday, I gave her one final opportunity to take responsibility and try to repair the situation.

Instead, a significant part of the conversation became about why I had told those two people what she had said.

She continued to stand by what she had told me previously and even said that if we married, it would be a loveless marriage, that she wouldn't put in effort to save it if it started falling apart, and that she wouldn't put effort into making the marriage better.

At that point I felt that I had no choice.

I called her parents and called off the marriage.

What happened after the breakup

There was eventually a final meeting involving our families.

My mother basically told her that she could have forgiven her if she had genuinely acknowledged what she had done, spoken to the people she had hurt, taken responsibility and asked for forgiveness.

Instead, the situation became more argumentative and emotionally chaotic.

After the breakup, however, her behaviour changed dramatically.

She started apologizing intensely.

She told me that she loved me, that she wanted nobody else, that what she had said was an outburst and that she didn't understand how deeply those words would hurt me.

She cried, begged me to come back and sent videos/messages asking me to return.

There were actually multiple videos she recorded of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance. She was visibly emotional in those videos and repeatedly asked me not to end the relationship permanently.

She suggested couples therapy and repeatedly asked for another chance.

At various points she also said that she regretted what she had done and wanted to fix everything.

There were also repeated attempts to contact me after I blocked her, social-media posts that I felt were directed at me, and eventually suicide-related threats/statements. Because of that, I informed her closest friend and blocked her again. Her friend subsequently contacted me and told me she was in a very bad state.

So now I'm left with a very difficult question.

My question to everyone

If you were in my position, would you give her another chance?

I'm not talking about immediately getting married again.

I'm asking whether you would even give the relationship another opportunity — perhaps dating again, with marriage completely off the table for the foreseeable future, couples counselling, strict boundaries and no family involvement.

Or would you consider the things she told me on that Tuesday to be fundamentally incompatible with a healthy marriage?

The biggest things I struggle with are:

- She explicitly said she wasn't emotionally available to me.

- She said she still belonged to her ex.

- She said she wished she were marrying him.

- She said she thought about him even during intimacy with me.

- She said she wouldn't put effort into saving or improving our marriage.

- Yet after I ended things, she completely reversed her position and started saying she loved me and wanted me back.

- She made multiple videos of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance.

I understand that people can say terrible things during an emotional breakdown and genuinely regret them later.

But at the same time, those words were the truth I was given at the time I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.

I don't know whether I should interpret her later behaviour as genuine realization and remorse, or whether I would simply be reopening a relationship that had already shown me what it could become.

People of this subreddit especially those who have been in long-term relationships or marriages:

If you were me, would you give her one carefully controlled second chance — not marriage, just an opportunity to see whether she can genuinely rebuild trust — or would you permanently walk away?

And if you would give her another chance, what would she realistically need to do to prove that this isn't just guilt, fear of losing me, or regret after the breakup?

I’m sharing this because I want to document what happened in my arranged-marriage journey and get some perspective from people who have been through similar situations. I’m not writing this to attack my ex-fiancée or portray her as a bad person. I’ll try to stick to the events and explain how I experienced them.

I’m 29M from Kolkata, and my ex-fiancée was 25F. We met through the arranged-marriage route earlier this year.

We started talking around January and met in person for the first time around the first week of February. Things progressed fairly quickly. We met multiple times, spent time together, became physically and emotionally close, and eventually decided to move forward.

From my perspective, the relationship appeared to be progressing normally. We held hands, kissed, had sex, spent time together privately and discussed our future. Those experiences naturally made me emotionally invested and gave me the impression that we were moving towards marriage.

Eventually, we had our roka. Both families became involved, and wedding preparations started. We discussed dates, venues, finances, honeymoon plans and other practical aspects of getting married.

However, there were doubts on her side about her feelings.

The turning point was a particular night when we had a very difficult and emotional conversation.

During that conversation, she told me that she didn't love me and that she couldn't guarantee that she would develop those feelings in the future.

What affected me even more was what she said when I asked her about our relationship up to that point.

I asked her about the moments we had shared — holding hands, kissing, being intimate and having sex. From my perspective, those moments had been evidence that we were emotionally connected and moving towards marriage.

I specifically asked her whether she had been emotionally available during those moments.

Her answer was that she had not been emotionally available.

That was extremely difficult for me to process.

It wasn't just the statement that she didn't love me. It made me question how I had understood the entire relationship. I had experienced those moments as genuine emotional and physical intimacy between two people preparing to get married. Hearing that she hadn't been emotionally available made me wonder whether I had understood the relationship completely differently from her.

That night therefore became the point at which my perception of the relationship fundamentally changed.

I remember telling her, essentially, that I couldn't just forget what had been said that night because, for me, those words represented what she genuinely felt at that moment.

Later, she tried to explain that she hadn't realised how deeply those words would hurt me and that the things she said that night were an emotional outburst rather than a complete representation of how she felt about the entire relationship.

At one point, when I told her that I believed what she had said that night was true, she responded that if I believed that night represented the truth, then I should also believe that the following two months were true because she had spent that time trying to reconcile with me and asking me to come back.

She apologized several times and tried to reconcile. She told me that she genuinely loved me and wanted another chance. She asked me to forgive her and suggested that we take things slowly and rebuild the relationship.

There were also very emotional attempts to reconcile. She cried, pleaded with me to give her another chance and made videos of herself crying and asking me to reconsider.

I could see that she was genuinely distressed by the breakup. I don't want to dismiss that or claim that everything she did was fake.

But the problem was that I had already reached a point where I didn't know whether I could trust the relationship enough to proceed with marriage.

For me, the question wasn't simply, "Does she love me now?"

It became, "Can I marry someone when I have heard these things directly from her and still carry these doubts about what our relationship actually meant to both of us?"

There were also incidents after the breakup that made communication more difficult. At one point, when I unblocked her to talk, the conversation became extremely emotional and she made statements about suicide. I informed her close friend because I was concerned about her safety and then blocked her again. I didn't consider myself responsible for managing her mental health, but I felt informing someone close to her was the responsible thing to do.

There were subsequently attempts to reopen communication, including through friends and other channels. Eventually, I decided that continuing contact was making things worse for both of us, so I stopped engaging.

It has now been around three months since the breakup.

What makes this difficult for me is that I don't think the entire relationship was fake. There were genuine moments between us. We had affection, intimacy, conversations about our future, involvement of our families and actual plans for marriage.

I also don't think it would be fair to reduce the story to "she never loved me" or "she was pretending." I don't know what was happening inside her emotionally, and I don't want to claim that I do.

At the same time, I can't simply erase what she said that night. Those words fundamentally changed my understanding of the relationship and my ability to trust it.

That's ultimately why I called off the marriage.

I don't necessarily think either of us was a villain. I think two people entered an arranged-marriage process with their own expectations, emotions and vulnerabilities. We became very close very quickly, got engaged and started planning a wedding, but eventually reached a point where the emotional certainty and trust required for marriage were no longer there.

Looking back, my biggest lesson is that an arranged marriage isn't just about compatibility on paper or whether both families approve. Even after an engagement, both people still need to feel emotionally secure and certain enough to take the final step.

I would rather end an engagement and deal with the heartbreak than enter a marriage while carrying serious doubts about whether my partner genuinely wants to be there.

I'm posting this because I'd genuinely like to hear from people who have gone through arranged marriages or broken engagements.

If someone says something as fundamental as "I don't love you" and says they weren't emotionally available even during the intimacy you shared, but later regrets saying it, apologizes and genuinely tries to repair the relationship — how would you interpret that?

Would you consider it something that can realistically be repaired before marriage, or would those statements be enough to make you walk away?

I’m posting this specifically to get an unbiased perspective from Indian women, especially women who have been through serious relationships/arranged marriages. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “leave her” or “take her back.” I genuinely want to understand whether, from a woman’s perspective, this relationship is something that could realistically be repaired, or whether I would be making a mistake by giving it another chance.

I’ll try to present the timeline as objectively as possible.

How we met

1. We met around January through an arranged-marriage route.

2. We first met in person in the first week of February.

3. During the initial few weeks, I repeatedly told her that if she had any doubts about me, didn't like me, or didn't see a future with me, she could tell me and I would walk away amicably. She repeatedly told me that she liked me and wanted to continue.

4. Around the last week of February, we went on our first date. We started talking extensively, flirting, and discussing practically everything — married life, children, honeymoon, sex, finances, family, etc.

5. In the middle of March, our roka happened with both of our consent.

The first major problem

6. About a week after the roka, her parents invited me over because they wanted to buy my ring. Before going to the jewellery shop, we went to a movie and spent some time together.

That night she told me that everything was happening too quickly. I agreed that perhaps it was.

But then she told me something much more serious: she said she had not been completely sure about me from the beginning and was considering calling off the marriage if our emotional bonding did not become stronger.

This shook me badly.

7. The next day, after some difficult discussions, we mutually decided to put the marriage preparations on hold and go back into “dating mode.” There would be no pressure from either family and no immediate expectation of marriage. She said she needed time to become sure about us.

I liked her a lot, so I agreed.

8. From then onwards, we went on dates almost every weekend. I deliberately prioritized spending time together because I wanted us to develop a stronger emotional connection.

Things started getting more complicated

9. During the first week of April, I was going on a motorcycle trip to the Himalayas. The day before I left, we met, kissed for the first time and cuddled. We didn't have sex.

10. The day after I left, her communication suddenly reduced significantly. Replies became very short and she removed her profile picture. I asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing was wrong.

11. The day before I returned, she went out drinking with some friends whom I didn't know about and came home drunk late at night without telling me beforehand.

Given that we were talking seriously about marriage, I was uncomfortable with it and confronted her. She said she wouldn't repeat it.

12. When I returned, I expected us to have a huge argument. Instead, when we met, we hugged and kissed and things became much more intimate between us.

13. Throughout the first three weeks of April, we continued meeting, going on dates and spending time together.

14. I told her that I couldn't wait indefinitely and that I needed an answer from her by around 15 May.

15. By the end of April, she finally told me that she was sure and wanted to proceed. She asked me to buy her ring and resume the marriage preparations.

I was extremely happy because I genuinely believed we had finally crossed that difficult phase.

We became physically and emotionally closer

16. During the first week of May, after discussing it and mutually agreeing, we became physically intimate for the first time.

17. We continued dating and talking about our future.

18. Around the last week of May, she asked me to accompany her because her family was supposed to go jewellery shopping for her wedding. The plan was eventually cancelled, and instead we spent the day together.

We stayed together until around 11 PM, talking, kissing, cuddling and discussing our future married life, children and even our future sex life.

She was affectionate with me and seemed completely invested in the relationship.

19. The families had decided that our registry marriage would take place in the first week of August, and we were supposed to begin the registration process around the second week of June.

20. The following day we planned to get tattoos together and go jewellery shopping. We spent another good day together.

Then came the day that completely changed everything.

The D-day

It was a Tuesday towards the end of May.

After work, we were on a video call. I could see that she was extremely worried and distressed.

I asked her what was wrong and told her she could tell me anything.

She said she had a secret and that if she told me, everything would fall apart and I would call off the marriage.

I told her that if there was something this serious, I deserved to know.

Then she started telling me things that completely shattered my understanding of our relationship.

She told me that she had not been emotionally available to me, including during the period when we had become physically intimate.

She told me that she still belonged emotionally to her ex and that she wished she were marrying him.

She said she would think about him even during intimacy with me.

She said she wanted to continue sharing the “little joys” of life with him.

She also said that signing marriage papers with me would mean that she would stop belonging to him.

She also made it clear that she didn't feel the same level of attachment toward me and said that she wouldn't be devastated if I eventually married someone else.

I was completely blindsided.

What made it especially difficult for me was that only days earlier she had been affectionate with me, talking about our future, marriage and our intimate life, and behaving as though she had finally chosen me.

For me, it wasn't simply “she has doubts.”

It felt like I had been building a marriage with someone who was simultaneously telling me that emotionally she was somewhere else.

What happened next

The next day, Wednesday, I took leave from work and asked her not to contact me because I needed time to process everything.

I contacted two of the people closest to her and explained what had happened because I was genuinely confused and wanted someone who knew her well to speak to her. In hindsight, I'm not sure whether I should have done that.

On Thursday, I gave her one final opportunity to take responsibility and try to repair the situation.

Instead, a significant part of the conversation became about why I had told those two people what she had said.

She continued to stand by what she had told me previously and even said that if we married, it would be a loveless marriage, that she wouldn't put in effort to save it if it started falling apart, and that she wouldn't put effort into making the marriage better.

At that point I felt that I had no choice.

I called her parents and called off the marriage.

What happened after the breakup

There was eventually a final meeting involving our families.

My mother basically told her that she could have forgiven her if she had genuinely acknowledged what she had done, spoken to the people she had hurt, taken responsibility and asked for forgiveness.

Instead, the situation became more argumentative and emotionally chaotic.

After the breakup, however, her behaviour changed dramatically.

She started apologizing intensely.

She told me that she loved me, that she wanted nobody else, that what she had said was an outburst and that she didn't understand how deeply those words would hurt me.

She cried, begged me to come back and sent videos/messages asking me to return.

There were actually multiple videos she recorded of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance. She was visibly emotional in those videos and repeatedly asked me not to end the relationship permanently.

She suggested couples therapy and repeatedly asked for another chance.

At various points she also said that she regretted what she had done and wanted to fix everything.

There were also repeated attempts to contact me after I blocked her, social-media posts that I felt were directed at me, and eventually suicide-related threats/statements. Because of that, I informed her closest friend and blocked her again. Her friend subsequently contacted me and told me she was in a very bad state.

So now I'm left with a very difficult question.

My question to Indian women

If you were in my position, would you give her another chance?

I'm not talking about immediately getting married again.

I'm asking whether you would even give the relationship another opportunity — perhaps dating again, with marriage completely off the table for the foreseeable future, couples counselling, strict boundaries and no family involvement.

Or would you consider the things she told me on that Tuesday to be fundamentally incompatible with a healthy marriage?

The biggest things I struggle with are:

\- She explicitly said she wasn't emotionally available to me.

\- She said she still belonged to her ex.

\- She said she wished she were marrying him.

\- She said she thought about him even during intimacy with me.

\- She said she wouldn't put effort into saving or improving our marriage.

\- Yet after I ended things, she completely reversed her position and started saying she loved me and wanted me back.

\- She made multiple videos of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance.

I understand that people can say terrible things during an emotional breakdown and genuinely regret them later.

But at the same time, those words were the truth I was given at the time I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.

I don't know whether I should interpret her later behaviour as genuine realization and remorse, or whether I would simply be reopening a relationship that had already shown me what it could become.

Women of r/RelationshipIndia, especially those who have been in long-term relationships or marriages:

If you were me, would you give her one carefully controlled second chance — not marriage, just an opportunity to see whether she can genuinely rebuild trust — or would you permanently walk away?

And if you would give her another chance, what would she realistically need to do to prove that this isn't just guilt, fear of losing me, or regret after the breakup?

TL;DR: I met my ex-fiancée through an arranged-marriage setup, we got engaged/held a roka, dated for several months, became physically intimate, and were actively planning our marriage. Shortly before the wedding process was supposed to begin, she told me that she wasn't emotionally available to me, still belonged emotionally to her ex, wished she were marrying him, thought about him during intimacy, and wouldn't put effort into saving or improving a marriage with me. Based on that, I called off the marriage.

After the breakup, however, she completely reversed her position. She said she loves me, regrets what she said, wants nobody else, suggested couples counselling, and repeatedly begged me to give her another chance, including sending multiple videos of herself crying and pleading with me to come back. There were also later suicide-related statements/threats, after which I informed her closest friend and blocked her.

I'm not asking whether I should immediately marry her again. I'm asking whether it would be reasonable to give her one carefully controlled second chance to date, with marriage completely off the table for now, counselling and strict boundaries in place — or whether what she told me that Tuesday is something that should be considered fundamentally incompatible with a healthy marriage, regardless of how much she regrets it now.

If you were in my position, would you give her that one chance to prove that her remorse and feelings are genuine, or would you permanently walk away?

I’m posting this specifically to get an unbiased perspective from Indian women, especially women who have been through serious relationships/arranged marriages. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “leave her” or “take her back.” I genuinely want to understand whether, from a woman’s perspective, this relationship is something that could realistically be repaired, or whether I would be making a mistake by giving it another chance.

I’ll try to present the timeline as objectively as possible.

How we met

1. We met around January through an arranged-marriage route.

2. We first met in person in the first week of February.

3. During the initial few weeks, I repeatedly told her that if she had any doubts about me, didn't like me, or didn't see a future with me, she could tell me and I would walk away amicably. She repeatedly told me that she liked me and wanted to continue.

4. Around the last week of February, we went on our first date. We started talking extensively, flirting, and discussing practically everything — married life, children, honeymoon, sex, finances, family, etc.

5. In the middle of March, our roka happened with both of our consent.

The first major problem

6. About a week after the roka, her parents invited me over because they wanted to buy my ring. Before going to the jewellery shop, we went to a movie and spent some time together.

That night she told me that everything was happening too quickly. I agreed that perhaps it was.

But then she told me something much more serious: she said she had not been completely sure about me from the beginning and was considering calling off the marriage if our emotional bonding did not become stronger.

This shook me badly.

7. The next day, after some difficult discussions, we mutually decided to put the marriage preparations on hold and go back into “dating mode.” There would be no pressure from either family and no immediate expectation of marriage. She said she needed time to become sure about us.

I liked her a lot, so I agreed.

8. From then onwards, we went on dates almost every weekend. I deliberately prioritized spending time together because I wanted us to develop a stronger emotional connection.

Things started getting more complicated

9. During the first week of April, I was going on a motorcycle trip to the Himalayas. The day before I left, we met, kissed for the first time and cuddled. We didn't have sex.

10. The day after I left, her communication suddenly reduced significantly. Replies became very short and she removed her profile picture. I asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing was wrong.

11. The day before I returned, she went out drinking with some friends whom I didn't know about and came home drunk late at night without telling me beforehand.

Given that we were talking seriously about marriage, I was uncomfortable with it and confronted her. She said she wouldn't repeat it.

12. When I returned, I expected us to have a huge argument. Instead, when we met, we hugged and kissed and things became much more intimate between us.

13. Throughout the first three weeks of April, we continued meeting, going on dates and spending time together.

14. I told her that I couldn't wait indefinitely and that I needed an answer from her by around 15 May.

15. By the end of April, she finally told me that she was sure and wanted to proceed. She asked me to buy her ring and resume the marriage preparations.

I was extremely happy because I genuinely believed we had finally crossed that difficult phase.

We became physically and emotionally closer

16. During the first week of May, after discussing it and mutually agreeing, we became physically intimate for the first time.

17. We continued dating and talking about our future.

18. Around the last week of May, she asked me to accompany her because her family was supposed to go jewellery shopping for her wedding. The plan was eventually cancelled, and instead we spent the day together.

We stayed together until around 11 PM, talking, kissing, cuddling and discussing our future married life, children and even our future sex life.

She was affectionate with me and seemed completely invested in the relationship.

19. The families had decided that our registry marriage would take place in the first week of August, and we were supposed to begin the registration process around the second week of June.

20. The following day we planned to get tattoos together and go jewellery shopping. We spent another good day together.

Then came the day that completely changed everything.

The D-day

It was a Tuesday towards the end of May.

After work, we were on a video call. I could see that she was extremely worried and distressed.

I asked her what was wrong and told her she could tell me anything.

She said she had a secret and that if she told me, everything would fall apart and I would call off the marriage.

I told her that if there was something this serious, I deserved to know.

Then she started telling me things that completely shattered my understanding of our relationship.

She told me that she had not been emotionally available to me, including during the period when we had become physically intimate.

She told me that she still belonged emotionally to her ex and that she wished she were marrying him.

She said she would think about him even during intimacy with me.

She said she wanted to continue sharing the “little joys” of life with him.

She also said that signing marriage papers with me would mean that she would stop belonging to him.

She also made it clear that she didn't feel the same level of attachment toward me and said that she wouldn't be devastated if I eventually married someone else.

I was completely blindsided.

What made it especially difficult for me was that only days earlier she had been affectionate with me, talking about our future, marriage and our intimate life, and behaving as though she had finally chosen me.

For me, it wasn't simply “she has doubts.”

It felt like I had been building a marriage with someone who was simultaneously telling me that emotionally she was somewhere else.

What happened next

The next day, Wednesday, I took leave from work and asked her not to contact me because I needed time to process everything.

I contacted two of the people closest to her and explained what had happened because I was genuinely confused and wanted someone who knew her well to speak to her. In hindsight, I'm not sure whether I should have done that.

On Thursday, I gave her one final opportunity to take responsibility and try to repair the situation.

Instead, a significant part of the conversation became about why I had told those two people what she had said.

She continued to stand by what she had told me previously and even said that if we married, it would be a loveless marriage, that she wouldn't put in effort to save it if it started falling apart, and that she wouldn't put effort into making the marriage better.

At that point I felt that I had no choice.

I called her parents and called off the marriage.

What happened after the breakup

There was eventually a final meeting involving our families.

My mother basically told her that she could have forgiven her if she had genuinely acknowledged what she had done, spoken to the people she had hurt, taken responsibility and asked for forgiveness.

Instead, the situation became more argumentative and emotionally chaotic.

After the breakup, however, her behaviour changed dramatically.

She started apologizing intensely.

She told me that she loved me, that she wanted nobody else, that what she had said was an outburst and that she didn't understand how deeply those words would hurt me.

She cried, begged me to come back and sent videos/messages asking me to return.

There were actually multiple videos she recorded of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance. She was visibly emotional in those videos and repeatedly asked me not to end the relationship permanently.

She suggested couples therapy and repeatedly asked for another chance.

At various points she also said that she regretted what she had done and wanted to fix everything.

There were also repeated attempts to contact me after I blocked her, social-media posts that I felt were directed at me, and eventually suicide-related threats/statements. Because of that, I informed her closest friend and blocked her again. Her friend subsequently contacted me and told me she was in a very bad state.

So now I'm left with a very difficult question.

My question to Indian women

If you were in my position, would you give her another chance?

I'm not talking about immediately getting married again.

I'm asking whether you would even give the relationship another opportunity — perhaps dating again, with marriage completely off the table for the foreseeable future, couples counselling, strict boundaries and no family involvement.

Or would you consider the things she told me on that Tuesday to be fundamentally incompatible with a healthy marriage?

The biggest things I struggle with are:

- She explicitly said she wasn't emotionally available to me.

- She said she still belonged to her ex.

- She said she wished she were marrying him.

- She said she thought about him even during intimacy with me.

- She said she wouldn't put effort into saving or improving our marriage.

- Yet after I ended things, she completely reversed her position and started saying she loved me and wanted me back.

- She made multiple videos of herself crying and pleading with me to give her another chance.

I understand that people can say terrible things during an emotional breakdown and genuinely regret them later.

But at the same time, those words were the truth I was given at the time I had to make one of the biggest decisions of my life.

I don't know whether I should interpret her later behaviour as genuine realization and remorse, or whether I would simply be reopening a relationship that had already shown me what it could become.

Women of r/AskIndianWomen, especially those who have been in long-term relationships or marriages:

If you were me, would you give her one carefully controlled second chance — not marriage, just an opportunity to see whether she can genuinely rebuild trust — or would you permanently walk away?

And if you would give her another chance, what would she realistically need to do to prove that this isn't just guilt, fear of losing me, or regret after the breakup?

TL;DR: I met my ex-fiancée through an arranged-marriage setup, we got engaged/held a roka, dated for several months, became physically intimate, and were actively planning our marriage. Shortly before the wedding process was supposed to begin, she told me that she wasn't emotionally available to me, still belonged emotionally to her ex, wished she were marrying him, thought about him during intimacy, and wouldn't put effort into saving or improving a marriage with me. Based on that, I called off the marriage.

After the breakup, however, she completely reversed her position. She said she loves me, regrets what she said, wants nobody else, suggested couples counselling, and repeatedly begged me to give her another chance, including sending multiple videos of herself crying and pleading with me to come back. There were also later suicide-related statements/threats, after which I informed her closest friend and blocked her.

I'm not asking whether I should immediately marry her again. I'm asking whether it would be reasonable to give her one carefully controlled second chance to date, with marriage completely off the table for now, counselling and strict boundaries in place — or whether what she told me that Tuesday is something that should be considered fundamentally incompatible with a healthy marriage, regardless of how much she regrets it now.

If you were in my position, would you give her that one chance to prove that her remorse and feelings are genuine, or would you permanently walk away?

Hello everyone,

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So I am talking to a lovely lady via AM apps, her parents decided to come to our place for the first time to talk to my family and me and to see our place. I have tattoos in both of my arms, one of them is a big one, shall I wear a full sleeve shirt to hide them for this first meeting or not needed?