u/Bluebirddiaries

If happiness is lonliness

Why are we always clinging on

She made an art form of holding on

To

people she couldnt keep

Testing fate

Losing her way time and time again

If only there was a time

if only there was a place

Where love stays and

people dont fade away

Homes lost and hearts broken

Life rebuilt and roots replanted

Beginning again even when we lost all the love we spent

Coming back to herself even if she has to keep her own tent

Wasn't that the way they said

You cant stay where theres food no longer served

Your trauma a home for rebirth

The sharp stones he threw

Paved a way to your truth

Not much else to do

When you came back from that-

you make this life worth it

Theres no turning back

My bleeding heart finally

A queen with her own throne

Dont step to close

Or she may have to simply

Leave you all alone

There it settled

If only for these brief moments

The smell of coffee as the morning dew lingered

Sweat dripping from me

You could have been anybody

A quick kiss and on your way

That seems to be our story these days

A sense of lust and longing

Started to truly fade away

When I cried and begged for your touch

For you to look at me and turn away

And you made me feel like it was all just too much

To demand to be desired

As if I was in this big rush

I was patient waiting for the thrill

But your rejection was too big a pill

I didnt wanna fight i just wanted your love

Cant you see I never felt like enough

Built my home in you for you to build your own

What is this kingdom and why are you so often on your throne

Demanding respect and alliance

As I stumble along this now dry path

When I plead for your companionship

You looked over once then ran,

Leaving me alone on this road-

So I took a stand, with or without

Your royal hand.

There it settled

If only for these brief moments

The smell of coffee as the morning dew lingered

Sweat dripping from me

You could have been anybody

A quick kiss and on your way

That seems to be our story these days

A sense of lust and longing

Started to truly fade away

When I cried and begged for your touch

For you to look at me and turn away

And you made me feel like it was all just too much

To demand to be desired

As if I was in this big rush

I was patient waiting for the thrill

But your rejection was too big a pill

I didnt wanna fight i just wanted your love

Cant you see I never felt like enough

Built my home in you for you to build your own

What is this kingdom and why are you so often on your throne

Demanding respect and alliance

As I stumble along this now dry path

When I plead for your companionship

You looked over once then ran,

Leaving me alone on this road-

So I took a stand, with or without

Your royal hand.

When you find it

Theres no putting it down

The peace and clarity is intoxicating

The other side filled with webs of darkness, pain and unanswered questions

Projections clear of their own misery

The sadness you felt for them but the peace within yourself at last unmoved

The sun, the laughter, the dancing

Its all we want, to feel good, just joy

Lessons already learned, so we keep moving and breathing

Not waiting, no

But rejoicing in our own existence

With or without the love you desire more than your own freedom

But not more than your own peace

Im still waiting for the racing heart and adrenaline to subside

Weird how much I dont even miss you by my side

Surely feels like our relationship was mostly a lie

You starved me of affectionate then couldnt even state why

Bailed whenever you could

Then always claim to be misunderstood

I took your troubles and pain

And I made them my own heartbreaking game

One that I could never win

you just kept my head in a spin

We fell out of love because you couldnt show up

Then expected me to be there for you

Almost like you always used me as a tool

But alas

I am nobody's fool.

I hope you find peace and stop rotting

We could have been happy if you ever stopped plotting

It had to end as they always do

You couldnt ever really be there for me

Said all the words but lacked consistency

I knew from the start

You could never really give your heart.

When someone doesnt show up for you

Its a different kind of hurt isnt it

Like a fiery slingshot right to your soul

You cant move or speak even breathing feels shallow and weak

Ive learned to let it go

When they hurt me

Its out of my control

Is it though?

Even when they are on your side

You know its never for long

But how far do they go

Does anyone know

Throwing hand grenades among the daily stones

What level will it take

For them to give up while trying not to break

Under my skin not anymore

Ive learned your ways from the icy lovers before

They turned my pain into their fortunes

My life into their fun deceitful games

What point do we say enough is enough

Or do we just stop feeling their projecting pain?

Thats worst and where its gotten

You make me feel so forgotten

The weight of you leaves me breathless

I thought wed find a way but all you ever do is leave anyway

All I ever wanted was for you to show up

Not have us end because you could never stay.

But what is there left but a deep distance and the always trauma of yesterday

When someone doesnt show up for you

Its a different kind of hurt isnt it

Like a fiery slingshot right to your soul

You cant move or speak even breathing feels shallow and weak

Ive learned to let it go

When they hurt me

Its out of my control

Is it though?

Even when they are on your side

You know its never for long

But how far do they go

Does anyone know

Throwing hand grenades among the daily stones

What level will it take

For them to give up while trying not to break

Under my skin not anymore

Ive learned your ways from the icy lovers before

They turned my pain into their fortunes

My life into their fun deceitful games

What point do we say enough is enough

Or do we just stop feeling their projecting pain?

Thats worst and where its gotten

You make me feel so forgotten

The weight of you leaves me breathless

I thought wed find a way but all you ever do is leave anyway

All I ever wanted was for you to show up

Not have us end because you could never stay.

But what is there left but a deep distance and the always trauma of yesterday

When someone doesnt show up for you

Its a different kind of hurt isnt it

Like a fiery slingshot right to your soul

You cant move or speak even breathing feels shallow and weak

Ive learned to let it go

When they hurt me

Its out of my control

Is it though?

Even when they are on your side

You know its never for long

But how far do they go

Does anyone know

Throwing hand grenades among the daily stones

What level will it take

For them to give up while trying not to break

Under my skin not anymore

Ive learned your ways from the icy lovers before

They turned my pain into their fortunes

My life into their fun deceitful games

What point do we say enough is enough

Or do we just stop feeling their projecting pain?

Thats worst and where its gotten

You make me feel so forgotten

The weight of you leaves me breathless

I thought wed find a way but all you ever do is leave anyway

All I ever wanted was for you to show up

Not have us end because you could never stay.

But what is there left but a deep distance and the always trauma of yesterday

A deadly dream

They are

Each one with roses and ties

Behind their backs

Bow and arrows

Waiting to take their demise

Capturing hearts and leaving them to the side

What happened to trust falling

What happened to keeping the prize

Adore your love then

leave them to die

Is this how the story ends

Where we don't ever know the reasons why

But in that stillness

When the sun sets again

All thats left is a

Cold and distant final goodbye

So

I will take my boat and finally leave

Paddling relentlesly through

the many tears I've cried

You were never worth it

But at least I can say I really tried