u/Bluebirddiaries

She sat quietly with her tea, this time with such relief on her face,

Her hair falling upon her bare shoulders as the sun sent its rays upon her like it was searching for her, like it was meant to find her like a spotlight.

He couldnt understand the peacefulness he felt around her, even when she was in her madness, she carried with her this stillness, this knowing,

Only questioning what deserved to be questioned, then observing with these eyes that Ive never seen hold judgements, only curiosity, grace and empathy.

She looked up at me after noticing my gawking stare, smiling slowly then looked like she was about to say something but instead grabbed my hand and said * dont forget to breathe*

As if she knew what I hadnt even said outloud yet, how she has always been and will forever be,

the very air I need to breathe.

Their refreshing sweet fragrance danced in the air

Don't die she thought

And would anyone care?

How delicate and beautiful

All the past loves have given the same flower

The fresh familiar smell still bringing joy

Until that lover gets hasty, oh boy

So the flowers die and so does the love

Her heart ached for him so madly

She looked high above

What about the trees and sky? You can't give me those too..

He shrugged and laughed a little

Only if you let me, guess its up to you

It was mother's day

She walked slowly

Admiring the variety of flowers before her

The tulips seemed to be in full bloom, she saw them but didnt look long,

The memories still sending a small pang in her chest

Of her constantly tending to loves garden

A garden where stones were thrown and roots became fed with poison

Where care was a reward and pain and damage was inevitable

Everytime a flower became diseased and unbloomed , her heart sank , still hope, the hope was there,

And so were the perfect tulips

The manicured lawn

The big white fences

The rules and regulations

The unspoken tethering of society

She walked into the woods and grabbed a fistful of wildflowers,

Her hand bleeding slightly from the thorns she had waved through with ease

She didnt miss that life, not even a little

And when she left she ran past the tulips

Staring at her wildflowers

This garden she building for herself

would be forever

It was effortless

The way she carried her heart around on her sleeve

Like a pearl just showing off how delicate and rare it is But

She didnt even have to try

Her eyes like a doe but held so much pain

Striking yet sad

Like it was rare she ever looked at peace

Always on edge if not after the downfall awaiting it

But there were moments

Where she felt time stood more than still

Like a warm towel out of the dryer after the bath

Or when a baby laughs and you hear literal magic coming to the material world

Where he looked in her eyes and smiled softly but with intent than kept the gaze like a hypnotizing thief after a heart of gold.

It was more than happiness but a peace that came over her, unlike any other love

Where love and love itself, really was all she needed.

A love so deep and encompassing, That she feared she'd never be able to truly walk away from it,

Nor ever find again.

She looked up at the sunflowers in awe,

The sun beaming on his face yet he remained unflinching

He grabbed her hand,

"You'll never find another like me, babe"

So much her tender heart had to learn,

Yet,

She was willing to learn it, if he was real, if this was true..

She said under her breath,

Be still my heart, be still.

The winds blowing your spirit most days

No need for any clocks or your sunshine

intuition leading me in the dark

Easy to run when the end isnt far

Hard times dealing with the unkind

But when does it end?

Where even is the door?

What made you pull the rug

From the damn runway floor

I cant keep track of you

Anymore

You look over at me

And

like a spell

Ive lost track of time again

Like sitting for hours on a plane

Crawling from your skin

We could all learn to give

Or sit lonely in our pain

Will we ever get that high

Again?

Bluebirddiaries

It was here

In the ashes after the fire

The gut wrenching ache

The empty silence that no words can fill

Where she found a stillness

That no one can steal from her

Though they have tried

Cupids with vampire fangs

No amount of love she gave them was ever enough

But it didnt matter anymore

Because she was enough

In her messiness, her rawness and even

her sadness

She found what would be

The foundation of forever

She learned the wonderment in being free

Bluebirddiaries

In that moment

She watched off the grand balcony

The fountain dancing to the music

The birds overhead singing and moving too

My heart full and at peace

That we saw this together

Then you say it, how you dont want me so

And

Still in that moment

Despite everything, all the stones you continue to throw my way,

I still keep on trying, you yourself wondering why, my ego tossed to the side

still at this point i might as well have died

When you love someone like this

Who cannot love you the same

It's a different type of pain

Like a darkness washing over us,

Then there comes a heavy rain

Our soul trapped in this tragedy

It cannot be, theres no way

Denial and deception become friends here

We do a little dance and the rest is always up for chance

I give you my heart and you take it and run

Then you come back smiling and

That's when we feel

The sun is shining

In that moment