I feel that I’ve been attracting extremely difficult and draining situations recently
its like I’m a magnet for awful things
I’m wondering in what ways I could be sabotaging myself and potentially causing this? is it a lack of self esteem / confidence?
maybe I’m just DOOMED 😩
I mean being a high performer
if so, how has this helped or hurt you?
like literally?
are they all hooking up? what’s going on?
so, every time I have historically opened up to anyone or shared something about myself — anything - whether it’s about my troubled childhood, or showing someone my place or anything — it leads to a subsequent spiral and mental breakdown.
i thought I was over that phase but last week I had to dig up a stack of medical records to give to my attorney who is fairly young and attractive. I began spiraling shortly after I shared them because I felt SO exposed.
yesterday, he said he needed my social and date of birth to run standard background checks etc — I told him “no” and panicked.
what is the deal?
why am I always hiding? why can’t I be normal like everyone else without melting down?
how do I make this stop? today I‘m super unwell, feel self conscious, depressed and borderline suicidal.
what gives?
and why?
I rarely feel better when I see a standard doctor, unless it’s been an emergency
its remarkable how much better I feel when I simply eat well, stay active and see an acupuncturist.
at this point, we’ve gotten so far from our natural states and have over complicated our lives with “solutions” to mere problems that we ourselves have largely created
I don’t want to sound ungrateful - I am grateful to access to healthcare but also long for a simpler life.
for context I have severe clinical ocd and the manifestation often is major avoidance of things that I find anxiety inducing (mainly administrative stuff).
i wonder though if most adults have grown out of avoiding things they need to do and merely have the motivation and discipline to power through.
how common is avoidance? how do I get motivated to improve this?
its ruining my life. help!!
genuinely every time I hear from a billionaire in an interview they always talk about going to bed super early and wake up super early.
is this the common thread among them?
it’s a pattern where I’m constantly accommodating and flexible and people just take advantage. I also get screwed over constantly.
I’m particularly annoyed bc there is a couple who live in my building who have a dog that my dog plays well with. We have their dog over all the time for hour long stretches — but it’s always me hosting, not them. I also always cater to their schedule.
Last night I didn’t take my dog swimming bc I said if they wanted to go today we could possibly wait. So today they said let’s go at 11 am. I didn’t really want to go at that time but I said ok, packed the dog and ordered an uber pet. 1 min before my ride arrives the girl texts and says “oh no it’s raining” we’re not going. So I cancelled the ride and ate a cancellation fee.
Turns out they were there already. They then said well you can still come but it’s sort of raining. I’m LIVID WITH THEM. Like what the actual fuck. Then the girl texts me and had the audacity to say well we might take him again later, as if I’m just going to accommodate them some more. I could break shit.
im so annoyed with everyone in my life. people are selfish and I am always way better to others than they are to me.
what fucking gives
and yet the average person is falling for it. willingly giving their data to these tools, training them each day so that they can (eventually) take over some jobs - not so that we live in utopia - but so that these founders consolidate wealth and widen the economic divide.
what’s funny is, Elon constantly talks about saving the world with AI and via the nonexistent occupation of Mars.
the thing is, he has enough money to solve most problems that the world is facing; world hunger, education, access to healthcare.
instead of investing in any of those, he invests in technology that is lessening our critical thinking skills, further isolating us, all whilst promising utopia.
when will people wake up?
and how has it improved your life or mindset?
it’s maddening how much time it consumes, how many errors it makes .. how it makes you feel like you’re being productive / like you’re ahead of the game. and yet you aren’t.
you would be better of having not used AI 99% of the time.
think for yourself. don’t rely on AI to do the thinking for you.
it‘s becoming almost unbearable to live in the western world; entirely removed from all things natural and intuitive and creative and solely driven by exploiting others, profiteering on other people’s suffering, all while pretending everything is ok.
it’s a sick world we live in.
everyone for themselves.
is this all there is to life? An endless pursuit of money, getting exploited, exploiting others, rinse and repeat?
I vomited for about 5 minutes straight and am now laying down. part of me wishes it had ended — I can’t take this anymore
so, what happens now?
location: DC
I am dealing with a client who was in a backseat, hit by a commercial truck. has had two years worth of treatment and now needs to have surgery.
the insurance is trying to blame this on degenerative changes of certain discs, but client is fairly young (39) and so that makes no sense.
clearly you’d be injured if a giant truck smashed into the back of you.
have any tips?
Location: DC
attorneys keep saying that’s my claim‘s biggest weakness; I do understand that but also the same injuries that I had going to the emergency room have only worsened.
the gap is insurance related, not because I didn’t want treatment.
am I screwed?
like how does it show up at work, at home, in relationships ..
curious because someone I know alluded to me having BPD and when I googled it, some symptoms resonated and some didn’t, but I do have CPTSD.