u/ComfortableSpot6760

I love cosleeping worth our 7 month old.
It’s so convenient with the BF and with a baby who loves to suckle for comfort but my back and shoulders and arms are all aching. We only have a double bed and I guess the bigger LO gets the more awkward will be. My husband is already nearly hanging off the bed but we like to sleep together so him moving to the spare room isn’t really an option. We’ve said we will start saving up for a King or even superking but it’s ironic because our current bed is new … bought it about 5 months before I was pregnant

I always said we could cosleep until LO can understand ‘this is your big boy room’ sort of thing but lots of people have said it becomes harder to get their child into their own space the older they get. I guess because they can keep coming in etc. Is this true? If you skipped the cot stage entirely , when did you LO sleep in their own space?

To me it feels wrong to discipline a child just because they can’t sleep in their own room… I guess just having a bigger bed would solve the issue of aches and pains

Love my MIL. She brought my husband into the world. But I find her energy incredibly draining. She’s juvenile and very needy, and this was the case long before we had a baby. She still calls my husband by the same childish pet names she used when he was about 2, which gives an idea about the dynamic… from HER side. HE is not a mummy’s boy… when he was old enough to decide he went to live with his dad because she was too much …

When I first met her, she’d message me things like “make sure [husband] has or does X, Y and Z. When we went on holiday together, she’d send me long lists of things to pack, including really obvious things like medicine and sun cream. I’d think, does she genuinely think I’m that stupid?🤣 … I found out she would also message his godmother when he was a late teenager when he stayed before he met me saying make sure he wears suncream. So it’s not just me. She’s overbearing.

She’d message me every Tuesday asking us to come for Sunday lunch. And because I’m a massive people pleaser, I’d always say yes because I didn’t want to become the “evil daughter-in-law who took her only son away”. The result was that I’d sometimes see my MIL more than my own mum and dad )who live in the same town) simply because I was so worried about disappointing her.

On our wedding day, she barely smiled in any of the photos, and she introduced me to one of her friends’ daughters and said, “This is who I wanted my son to marry instead.” She then laughed as though it was a joke. I know they were family friends and the girl is very beautiful, so I have no idea whether she genuinely meant anything by it, but I remember thinking it was a pretty horrible thing to say to me on my wedding day.

Since having our baby I feel like the neediness has ramped up significantly.
She messages me every single day. If I don’t reply within a couple of hours, she’ll message again saying, “Is everything okay? I’m really worried about you.” Then when I eventually reply, it’s “Oh thank God you’re okay, I was worried.”
We went on holiday and the packing lists started again — things like “make sure you pack a blanket for the baby so he doesn’t get cold”, “make sure he does this”, “make sure you do that”. We were staying with family and she’d message being like ‘all ok?’ Even if I text her saying we arrived and were with said family. Like what could possibly happen in this timeframe?!?

And she asks for photos every day. It’s literally “Pick of the day please 😬”. With that exact emoji.
I DO send photos. I send them pretty much every day because obviously I want my parents and my husband’s parents to see their grandchild. It’s not the actual sending of the photos that bothers me. It’s the feeling that I’m being asked/demanded to do it.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that when she knows we have other guests staying with us at the weekend, she’ll suddenly FaceTime us multiple times. It’s almost as though she knows we’re busy but wants to be involved anyway. My husband’s parents are divorced, and I’ve particularly noticed she does this when she knows her ex-husband or her ex-in-laws are visiting.
She’ll message me things like, “Make sure baby’s granddad is careful with hot drinks around the baby” when she knows he’s here. Obviously I’m going to make sure my baby is safe, but it adds to this strange feeling of being monitored and reminded about things that I am already perfectly capable of thinking about myself.

We’re now five hours away from her and my own parents and I actually think the distance has made me realise how much the constant WhatsApp contact drains me. I don’t want to have a massive confrontation with her or say “stop messaging me”. I don’t dislike her. I love her, and I want her to have a good relationship with her grandson. Although it’s and she does visit, she literally waits at the bottom of the stairs for us to come down🤣
I just don’t want to feel like I’m being monitored all the time.

How do you set boundaries with someone like this without creating a massive issue? Do I just stop responding immediately and gradually change the pattern? Do I stop sending a photo every single day and let her get used to it?

I think my biggest problem is that I’m such a people pleaser that I’m constantly worried she’ll be upset with me or complain about me behind my back. I don’t want to be the stereotypical “horrible daughter-in-law”, but at the same time I don’t think I should have to be available on WhatsApp every day just to reassure her that everything is okay.

I think this has made me weirdly obsessed with making everything “equal” between my parents and my in-laws. For example, when we go back home, I want to stay with my own parents. They’re my parents, we’re closer, and their house is bigger and easier for us with the baby. But then I immediately think, “Well, should we stay one night with my parents and one night with my MIL so it’s fair?”
I don’t even know whether that’s what most people do. Do you actually split time equally between parents and in-laws? Or is it normal for one family to get more time depending on circumstances and what works for you?

Our LO is 5 months old and seems constantly tired. He gets tired about 1-1.5 hours of being awake, I notice him eye rubbing and getting fussy but I’m sure he’s meant to be going a little longer than that between naps

We’ve slept in the following way since birth (for naps and night time sleep):

Breastfeed to sleep AND when that doesn’t work we stand up and rock him… then he won’t settle and wants the boob. It’s a constant back and forth for every single nap and bed time… just when you think he’s falling asleep with the boob he wakes to be rocked and just when you think he’s fallen asleep being rocked he wants the boob

Then when he is asleep I slowly lie back and keep him on my chest… this was fine when he was small but he must be 18-20 pounds now? Recently he’s allowed me to slowly put him NEXT to me rather than on me once he’s in a deep sleep. He’ll sleep maybe 2-3 go he a first stretch and then stirs every 1.5 hours for a breastfeed but he’s not actually extracting milk it’s just for comfort….

So I’m wondering whilst the co sleeping / chest sleeping helped us all in the beginning … as he’s getting bigger I’m wondering maybe he’s not sleeping well … we only have a double bed. Poor husband is nearly hanging off the bed, I’m in the middle and the cot we originally bought for baby (that he’s never slept in) is propped up against the bed…

I have tried drowsy and awake in the cot … and I’ve tried a transfer and all he does it start to smile and think it’s play time but as soon as I continue rocking him he’s back asleep…

I know all about how it’s biologically normal for him to want to be close and I LOVE how much he loves me (my husband can’t even rock him nowadays unfortunately) BUT I’m worried about hes sleep. He naps 4 times a day due to these shorter windows and bed time is usually 9:00-9:30 as my husband is r home until 7:00, we eat dinner etc etc.

If you had a clingy baby like this, when did you not have to rock anymore? We’ve tried just lying him cry in our bed but he just cries or babbles.

Never went to ‘sleep train’ but I am open to new soothing methods…. But sometimes these new methods means he won’t nap and I’m worried about his brain development … he might end up with ADHD if he’s not sleeping properly :(

I wouldn’t even call it co sleeping anymore and more like ‘on mummy’s chest’ sleeping!! My LO is 5 months now and is rather huge. He is as long as my torso. Ever since birth he’s always contact napped on my chest - I will Bf / rock him before and he’ll fall asleep and I’ll slowly lie down.

He’s sitting up unaided and by the end of this month he’ll defo be ready for purees which I will home make. But I’m not sure how I’m going to have time as he only naps on me! I love it but sometimes I do wish I had one nap where I could get stuff done. I feel bad enough as it is cooking my own dinner in his wake window because he wants attention but I have to eat and soon so will he!

When he’s on 3 meals a day… I don’t know how I’ll manage with the contact naps! Because I’ll be doing everything when he’s awake and I feel guilty about not playing with him and giving him undivided attention. I narrate stuff / talk to him but sometimes he just wants to be held.

Is it better to contact nap and do chores when he’s awake like cook HIM and I food at the expense of him getting agitated or should I start transferring to a cot again? I gave up within the first week and I’ve only tried randomly since and it failed so I haven’t done in a few months.

If you had an ultra Velcro / contact sleeper,… how did you manage as they get older?

We cosleep and so 5 month old has always gone to bed when we do - anytime between 9:00-10:00pm. Just due to husband being home at 7:00, eating, usual evening chaos. I don’t see it getting any earlier when he starts weaning either.. might be even later! Although I guess I can feed him earlier than when we eat

But I’m wondering because he’s going to bed ‘late’ is the reason why he’s not dropping a nap? We nap 4 times a day. The last nap I hope it’s around 6 to bridge the gap but if it’s earlier he could end up being awake for a while before bed whilst we eat etc.

Is it fine to have 4 naps? Or will he just become wired because he’ll drop a nap and then have to be awake ages between last nap and bed time??

The solution I guess is to try to see if he goes down in a cot earlier for the night at least the first stretch if I’m worried about making him overtired

I can roll away briefly to go to the bathroom but wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving him in an adult bed while we’re downstairs. I’m thinking of getting a futon Japanese type bed if he cosleeps for the foreseeable

We cosleep just due to LO always wanting to be that close in the first 3 months and I’m too scared to try cot attempts in case we all get tired but he is pretty much latched to my boob all night. My hips are hurting. If I gently roll away he more often than not stirs. It might soothe him if he’s teething perhaps? Sometimes I wonder if the cosleeping is making him want to comfort nurse because he can smell the milk. If I put him in the next to me cot maybe he won’t smell it as much? But then I think imagine if he was in a separate bed.. the amount of wakings and getting up I’d be doing would be insane! So I guess it works and maybe I just need to try a transfer and see if it works? No harm in trying I suppose… anyone been through the same thing? Did it get better when solids are introduced?

LO is EBF, 5 months and pretty much does a poo everyday. If not every day then it is a BLOW OuT the next day. I can still smell it but I’ve heard it gets worse with solids, understandably.

when solids are given more regularly, the stool becomes solid more like an adult poo? Does that actually make it easier or harder to wipe? I actually think as long as his runny poo at the mo is contained, it’s really easy. But what if it’s a ‘solid’ blow out? Do you still wipe or do you have to ‘pick up’ the poo? lol, I can’t believe I’m asking this but these are genuine questions! I don’t know why I haven’t asked my parents

Also I’m wondering about nappy changes as he starts to walk / crawl? It must be so hard! At the mo it’s so easy he lies on his back although gradually getting harder as he wants to grab the nappy and hold his feet etc etc. but what happens when he runs around?

Also when did you potty train? And do nappy changes become less frequent around form 1 - 2 years? I’m just wondering what to expect because we want another baby ideally when this one is 2 but I’m a bit put off it nappy changes get harder, not easier

Thank you!

I BF on demand. He’s 4.5 months now but up until maybe 3.5 months he would feed multiple times an hour. Now it’s more a less every hour or before / after a nap because he’s much more distracted in wake windows.

Our wedding anniversary is in October and we just so happen to have a relative come and stay for that weekend who has loosely offered to babysit if wanted to go out for dinner as they remembered it’s our anniversary.

It hasn’t even occurred to me to think that far ahead and leaving him is a foreign concept because he feeds so much…he will just be turning 7 months! Could he go a few hours without a breastfeed?? I guess I won’t know until nearer the time. I guess I’ll be making purées then so potentially? Just the thought of my husbands Auntie trying to soothe him if he’s inconsolable because he’s hungry breaks my heart and puts her in an awks situation.

Disclaimer: I know ‘me’ time the way it was before baby is a think of the past. I am leaning into cosleeping because baby gets sleep, we get sleep and he’s only 4.5 months so I’m very happy to keep him happy and keep night time crying to a minimum.

But I’m starting to wonder when I’ll ever be able to read a book again? A physical book? I go on my phone in bed when he’s asleep but it’s not the same. My husband and I whisper so quietly do not to wake him up. We only talk at dinner and even then sometimes it’s through his fussy crying.

When will I be able to watch tv again?? The TV is never on in the house because I don’t want him to watch it until he’s older. I read baby books to him etc during the day which is great but before he was born for some crazy reason I envisioned evenings watching TV or reading a book 🤣… I’m not actually fussed about the TV but it’s just about having a little bit of autonomy?

I’m scared to turn the bedside light when he’s asleep in case it wakes him if I wanted to read. I literally ordered all of these books like Sapiens thinking I was going to have so much time on my hands… lol!

He’s also forced fo a late bed time at around 9-9:30 because my husband isn’t home until 7:15, we eat dinner together and then before you know it it’s 9pm! I read online babies need an earlier bedtime then this so I’m not sure what the solution is

If you coslept, what month could you ‘leave’ them in your bed with the correct safety measures? Or did you have to try and get them used to a cot? Or did you just go to bed early and if so for how long?

I haven’t even thought about the cot in a while as we went through the regression… think we are coming out of it now but I don’t even know if buying a cot will be a waste of money because he didn’t even sleep in his Snuzpod side crib which he’s nearly grown out of

This is a genuine question so I hope I don’t get downvoted. But nursery fees are extortionate, I haven’t looked personally but I know from friends / colleagues that you’re looking at another monthly mortgage payment or second rent payment for nursery… which makes me think isn’t it actually not saving that much money to stay at home with your baby for the early years whilst also being more beneficial to mother & baby?

It’s such a precious time when they’re so young and whilst I appreciate that some people don’t have a choice and have to go back, wouldn’t it be better to not spend loads of money to NOT spend time with your child?

I had a great paying job but I’m going to stay at home until my children are at school. Sure, it means not going on fancy holidays anymore or buying fancy clothes (hello Vinted!)

I know so many people frown upon becoming financially dependent on their husband but taking that out of the equation, surely if nursery is that expensive a month plus usual bills surely staying at work only gives you a little bit extra? It seems worth the sacrifice in my opinion to stay at home.

It seems there’s been a shift in the last decade right? I’m 28 and pretty much all of my friends parents were SAHM’s back in the early 2000’s. We weren’t rich, just ‘normal’ but it seems everyone is rushing back to work which is great if that’s what you want but there seems to be so much more pressure for women to ‘get back to work’ nowadays :(

So much happened in such a short amount of time. Husband got a new job which started a month before LO was born so we moved 5 hours away… thankfully I’ve coped really well being so far away and we’ve had visitors quite regularly … sometimes every weekend! Mainly family… cousins , in laws, parents, some friends.

Our closest friends are on such a different page of life. They’re going travelling in January and it’s just a fact that the dynamic has changed. They visited when LO was 8 weeks so it was tough and at the time I missed just being able to have an Aperol spritz and play games with them. Now I totally don’t feel that way and have adjusted to motherhood well and in more of a routine etc. LO breastfeeds and is quite velco, less so now… he’s 4.5 months and I’m hoping next time we see them at 6/7 maybe it’ll be easier to chat to them.

But regardless of ‘easiness’ I guess I just need to accept that the dynamic with these friends has probs changed forever … I don’t see them having babies at least for another 4 years… well if we have another baby it MIGHT make us have more in common again.

But when I was little… I remember going for weekends away at my parents friends house and I remember going to bed early whilst I could hear them all chatting downstairs and I would go on dog walks when my mums friend … (they had two teenage girls when I was 5) so I guess I’m looking forward to when we can have proper friend time?

I’ve tried making mum friends in this new area but everyone is too tired at baby groups to suggest a coffee I think. Or maybe I need to just suggest it! I am an extrovert but I find myself exhausted at baby groups because I actually use more brain cells then I did before to strike up a convo if anyone knows what I mean 🤣

My 4.5 month old seems to not want to feed anymore unless he’s sleepy or just woken up from a nap etc. I always go into a dark boring room. When I put him to the boob if he hasn’t eaten in a while (ie 1 hr cos he used to feed so frequently) he grunts or cries in the day and looks around and pushes his head around. I think he’s distracted which is a normal milestone but is this normal?

Or is it better to just let them gnaw on their hand? 4 month old is defo teething and just sticks all his toys in his mouth, furry or not! Or if no toys, his hand.

I might sound crazy but if possible I’d like to reduce his plastic exposure. I know plastic is literally everywhere these days but my husbands uncle who is a well respected doctor made a comment that it’s probably best for him to just stick his hand in his mouth rather than plastic - I do see his point but equally I’ve had other parents say to freeze these plastic teething rings??

Atm he isn’t expressing any pain but what do you all think of plastics for babies? There’s a lot of research into plastics causing infertility (ofc not something he needs to worry about now!) but I also use pure oak wood chopping boards to reduce plastic transfer on the knife / food so maybe I’m just a bit OTT anyway.

When was the sweet spot month for you? Ours is just a little over 4 months and he’s just a joy. This is exactly what ‘baby’ means to me and how I always envisioned having a baba. I really did feel like this as we transitioned from 3-4 months! It certainly wasn’t as soon as he hit 12 weeks , or the so called end of first trimester. I remember it still being really tricky and ‘wtf am I doing’ a couple weeks after but he is just SO cute now.

He’s starting to develop such a personality, he’s grabbing everything, and his cuddles seem more intentional and when he giggles OH MY.

Just so so so in love…. Just posting in case anyone is knees deep in newborn trenches, it really does get better!!! I remember when he was 6-9 weeks thinking how on earth we were going to get through witching hour and now I look back at pics and think ‘why was I worried… hindsight is 20/20’

Does it really get better than this in terms of months / age.?

It seems so far away - I’m worried it won’t be when my baby starts school and longer because we want a second close in age….

LO is 4 months and whilst things have absolutely got easier since before 12 weeks, the evenings are still rushed. He’s very contact orientated and only contact naps on my chest and then falls asleep for the night on my chest before moving him next to me at about 10:09. I’m in bed by 9-9:30 because of this (which isn’t that bad) but when my husband gets home at 7:00 we eat dinner, my husband will hold the baby for a bit afterwards where I could go for a run but at the mo I find myself wanting to just clean the kitchen and then just relaxing in the shower. The shower is my luxury!

So there’s a very short window in the evening I could go on a 20 min run and I should probably take it as when I’m in bed with the baby at 9:00 my husband is in the spare room doing weights. I breastfeed so running might feel weird tbh.

If anyone co sleeps… did you eventually get any stretch of evening back? I always wondered why kids had ‘ bedtimes’ and now I know!

Baby is 4 months and while it is A LOT easier to eat a quick sandwich or load the dishwasher… I still find myself cooking dinners very quickly and feeling guilty I’m not giving LO attention he wants as he starts to fuss when I’m not holding him.

He gets bored with his baby bjorn bouncer within 10 mins (he has a toy bar) and I’ll give him a different toy but he fusses and just wants holding after a while.

Same with baby wearing - when I cook dinner I put him in the bjorn and he fusses easily because he’s too distracted to sleep!

I manage to get most laundry done when husband is home at the weekend but I do miss my baking and cooking without having to rush. Tbh spending time with LO is much more important but I’m wondering when he can kind of sit on a blanket and play with his toys whilst I watch and bake?

4 mo only falls asleep rocking or breastfeeding… then I put him on my chest. Then in the middle of the night I’ll be lucky if he stays asleep if I put him next to me in the safe sleep co-sleeping position.

I am so exhausted. Most of the time my body feels like it could collapse. I haven’t had more than 4 hours consecutive sleep since he was born!! And the 4 hours were weeks ago… recently it’s been every hour waking up as he just wants to suck my boob for comfort (not even for milk at night!)… he will suck for maybe 2 mins and then I can go back to sleep but it’s still waking me up!

I’m torn between practising cot sleep (not sleep training) just putting him in and being there when he cries but then he might not get any sleep in the night? And I might not get any either? So I’m terrified. I want to ensure he gets enough sleep for his development so I just go with whatever works best for him. He’s only a baby! There’s no reasoning with him. I can’t say ‘ baby please go to your own cot now’! He’s not got a clue.

The pros at the mo is that I don’t have to physically get out of bed. Getting out of bed every hour would be awful. But I’m not getting deep sleep because he’s on my chest and also because he wants so suckle every hour. Side lying is hurting my hips too.

I guess I have Mum guilt - I’ve tried to transfer a couple times before his night sleep but he wakes up instantly and looks confused.

What is the best course of action here without causing him sleep deprivation ?

4 month baby here and been co-sleeping due to LO always hating the crib / bassinet. We try a transfer sometimes and be wakes up immediately.

But for the past 3 months (post newborn stage)… I can’t get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I can’t even have a glass of water… he falls asleep on my chest and then i move him next to me but i am just terrified to move because then the mattress moves and he might wake up and then it might take ages to resettle him. I’m so scared of waking him up because I’m so scared of becoming chronically sleep deprived (I mean, I already am but even worse!).

I’m sure he’s going through regression. He wakes up for a suckle of breast every 45 mins but of course as we co-sleep it’s not as exhausting getting OUT of bed but it’s still damn tiring. I do actually get to drink water if he’s sucking because it’s less disruptive.

The sacrifices we make for baby!

Also… anyone able to just roll away from their baby after there asleep once they start going to sleep for the night earlier? He currently goes to bed when we do (9:30) after husband gets home and eats but I’m worried this is too late but as we co-sleep and he just WON’T sleep without us there’s not really another option

Since birth, LO only sleeps on my chest. He can fall asleep via rocking (usually for naps) and at bed time it’s BF to sleep … if he’s struggling it’s a combo of both to ‘reset’ him. But when we transfer him to the sidebar crib he wakes up, cries and I feel awful so cosleeping ensures everybody is happy.

He’s 16 weeks (nearly 4 months exactly) and he’s not had a stretch longer than 4 hours without stirring. The 4 hours happened maybe weeks ago and it’s maybe only happened twice. The norm is a first stretch of continuous sleep for 2 hours - then he turns his head around like 4 times and stirs … he doesn’t cry. Before intervening I pat his back but then he makes a little noise so i just stick him on the boob. But most of the time at light it’s just a tiny flutter suck… I guess it’s mostly for comfort. Anyway after the first stretch, it’s then every hour or 1.5 hours of the same thing. I’m the very early morning he will actually eat because he pukes a little so I know it’s still normal to have some feeds in the night.

I’m also just wanting to maybe get him to sleep next to me rather than on me. I’m assuming he might need an earlier bed time at some point but it’ll mean me confining to ned at 7pm? Well, my husband doesn’t get home until 7pm and it would be nice to eat dinner together without forcing the baby awake if he’s overtired. Will there be a time I can sneak away or the kitchen?

I guess I’m feeling overwhelmed with the logistics of it all and although cosleeping is great for him and me, this might be a bit OTT with the nightly stirring… maybe this is something I’ve caused (I know you can’t spoil a baby) but equally I’m so scared of him crying at night to protect our sleep I just JUMP in to save any potential escalation

- this was before any potential sleep regression: I’m not sure he can regress much more although do notice he’s fighting naps much harder so we are potentially going though one which might be way I haven’t seen a 4 hr stretch.

I constantly see online about babies doing 5+ hour stretches in their own crib too!! I can’t even get a 3 hour stretch and he is literally as close as he can be.

We’ve co slept with our LO since birth because he screamed whenever being put down in the bassinet. It was when he was awake too that he hated it for ages so we thought it was reflux but now he happily lies on his back when he’s awake, just always wakes upon transfer.

I value his sleep and think it’s important so to avoid any spike in cortisol I just immediately pick him up and be contact naps with me in the day and sleeps on me at night.

The ‘downside’ to this is they me and my husband never cuddle anymore. We used to nestle into each other every single night. You can forget about sex! We’ve had sex 3 times since his birth, twice when he was awake in playmat and once when I managed to roll away from him at night but it was such an ordeal which takes the ‘sexiness’ out of things (I’m Bf which probably doesn’t help)

I ‘miss’ my husband even though I see him everyday. We talk to each other, a peck on the lips when he’s home but I just miss him. I miss what we were. I think I was so naive in thinking that my baby would go down in his cot for naps and at night so that me and my husband could spend time as a couple. Hilarious I thought that!

I envisage one day an evening of watching TV on the sofa cuddled up. But this can’t even happen because of the co-sleeping. At the moment, husband is home at 7 from work. Baby is fussy, bath, bed. I’m in bed at 8:30 becsuse of the co-sleeping. I wonder when he gets older whether he’ll be less sensitive and I can roll away more easily?

Or once he’s old enough to be in his own nursery… I can practice putting him in the cot… not necessarily sleep training but just exposure practise.

If you ended co-sleeping… was it worth the closeness with your husband or did you end up missing your little baba with you?

I do often embrace this new form of chaotic family life, this IS part of expanding a family. But I do miss my husband and we just feel like roommates. Is this normal regardless of sleeping arrangements?