u/Commercial_Bridge253

I'm trying to understand what my options are as a 20 year old who's been on SSI since they were 12 years old. My legal guardian is deceased but my biological mother is on SSDI. I get max on SSI (996 here in Kansas) but I live alone and pay for a certain medication out of pocket. I'm trying to understand if DAC (disabled adult child/ childhood disability benefits) will help out? If my biological mother makes 1000 on SSDI does whatever I qualify for get added to my current income or does it replace my current income? If it replaces my income with less then what other options do I have? From my understanding I do not qualify for SSDI since I have no work history? I am entirely unable to work. I don't really have anyone who's helping me understand any of this so any and all help is deeply appreciated. I just can't live off 996 anymore.

Okay, now that I no longer have a genuine need for these people in my life I can post about this without being scared they'll find it and I'll idk explode.

I was friends with a married (well, engaged) couple who both faked DID and It literally made me want to rip out my hair.

I (20 ftm) had two people in my life (I don't remember specific ages my mid to late 20s both ftm we will call them L and E respectively.)who simultaneously faked DID. The way I met this people is kinda meh, we met at a local event and they were really fun and nice. I already saw the red flags but they overall were very fun and sweet (plus at this point in time I had like 0 friends and had just disconnected fully from my adoptive family) we spent a majority of the event together and attended an after pride adult event as well. It's worth a mention that I have a visible disability. I mention this because this feature of me seemed to be the main detail that attracted them to me. Most of our conversations somehow ended up with them dragging it back to disabilities and trying to "bond" on that topic.

Things quickly went sour.

Both of these people had the most atrocious, disgustingly comical display of fake DID I have ever seen. When they would start disassociating they would ask the other to quickly pick the alter they'd want to have front. Sometimes they'd be "too deeply disassociated" and the other would start baby talking asking for a specific alter (while the other conveniently continued disassociating until their partner could decide which alter they wanted, suddenly switching in as soon as they finally decide) multiple times they would ask *me* to pick or help decide. I would just get flustered and say I don't know all of the "system" enough to pick.

Different alters had really crappy over the top forced accents and extremely played into one dimensional traits. A British (?) snobby woman and a manic teen boy with tourettes (we'll come back to that) in E's system for example. A gay Southern 40 year old and a baby voiced fawn in L's as another example. Sometimes they'd forget to continue playing up the accent. As soon as they'd notice they'd say something like "oh hey it's ___ now we switched" or if one of them pointed out "who are you? ___ doesn't talk like that" then they would say they switched awhile ago or that they "didn't know" and that they were "blurry" occasionally they'd also forget who said or did what and said the wrong memory for the wrong alter, gaslighting you even if you mention remembering a different alter being there for that memory.

Their headspaces were huge fully formed worlds in their heads where different alters could interact with each other freely. The person fronting would be at a set of controls. Literally like inside out. Different alters could be killed in headspace if they collectively decided that alter was a problem. What a convenient way to avoid accountability.

Shifting focus specifically to E. E found out I have extremely mild tics at some point when we were hanging out. Suddenly, they also had tourettes but only one specific alter had tics as he was the "tourettes holder "....what? This alter also conveniently only fronted when they were around me and my stuff was a bit more intense than baseline. This was EXTREMELY stressful. I was nervous to be seen anywhere with them because I didn't want people to assume I was like them.

E also claimed to have ehlers danlos syndrome. This claim isn't that crazy or intense at baseline until you add in some details. E claimed they had the newly discovered (as of 2018) ultra rare fourteenth type of EDS. Y'know, the one with less than 30 cases worldwide? The one that's only been seen in like three different family lines? Yeah, THAT ONE.

All of this was aggressively annoying but overall I could manage. It meant I could get out of my crappy home and get human interaction which I was severely lacking at the time. They were also helping me get some stuff organized with setting up my states disability resources. Well, it all came to a boiling point when we decided to have a sleepover.

I'm epileptic. E and L were made aware of this incase of the event I ever had a breakthrough episode. They both told me they were well versed and knew multiple people with seizures. E even claimed to have experienced one before. We have a sleepover, I end up drinking some, forget my medication, and have an episode. Epileptic seizures have a postictal phase which I'm sure y'all are aware of. After I fully recover over the next hour or so they are looking at me funny. Confused I ask wtf was up. THESE MFERS spend like 20-30 minutes trying to convince me that I have DID because I couldn't answer what my name was during the postictal phase.

LET ME REPEAT. THEY TRIED TO CONVINCE ME I WAS A SYSTEM BECAUSE OF REGULAR POSTICTAL SYMPTOMS.

They accused me of not being open minded to possibilities and being upset at the idea of being a system. Apparently explaining that what they witnessed was regular postictal behavior and that I know for a fact I am not a system makes me close minded.

Overall this entire months long experience was miserable. I've never wanted to escape a situation so badly and if I wasn't in such a bad spot I would've called them out a lot sooner.

Tldr; crazy couple fakes DID and tries to convince an epileptic that they're a system.

Context: I (20 female to male) just got out of a DV relationship about 4-5 months ago with my ex partner (now 30y/o but at the time 29 y/o male) I was nineteen when we met, we started dating and living together within five days of meeting. We lived together for almost a whole year.

Friday I met a very charming guy. He was funny, cool, made me feel interesting. He asked me out on a date. Well, the date ended up started at five am the next day because I was honestly mildly intoxicated and bored. It was nice....for the first 5 hours. He ended up staying over from Saturday five am till Sunday 3pm. This was the first time I've let a man sleep overnight in my house, in my bed with me since the breakup and the protection order. Finally he leaves. By about 7 hour mark I find that suddenly my body is feeling very unwell. I'm shaky, I feel nauseous, I'm feeling extremely emotional and easily agitated. I thought maybe my blood sugar was just low, maybe I just didn't get enough sleep, did I forget my medication?

We fell asleep that night. In my chest and my bones I just feel wrong. I felt like I couldn't breathe, I wanted to cry, I couldn't STAND him touching me to cuddle. I felt like I was back with my ex. It was like he was THERE, my body was feeling and reacting the same way it was when he was around.

I tried to shake it off at first as just a trauma response. I wanted so bad for it to be just that. Then I looked back at the past several hours and started recognizing all of those signs that I ignored. Even just blatant obviously sirens where he openly told me he had a DV charge from his ex wife which he claimed was a misunderstanding from someone who was in a parking lot. He was casually lying to everyone who asked about how long wed known eachother, saying we've been in the same friend group for awhile. He was actively just a public nuisance to people (mainly women!) who were very obviously uncomfortable with how he was interacting with them and wanted him to leave them alone. Id go to pay for something, he'd interject to pay and then just try to convince the cashier to discount stuff or knock down prices (at literal large scale stores! Even places where we were already getting something with a discount) and then just end up paying full price anyway when they obviously wouldn't discount the items. He lied to me saying that someone we know (who I only met recently and he also just met) said that they'd let us into a local event for free and then behind my back lied to the person giving wrist bands and badgered them into letting us in free (for a small local business with small town local performers!!!)

He asked me withing 24 hours of meeting me if I'd let him move in and rent a room from me and kept saying he wanted to say "I love you" but "ah it's too early!" Which was an exact tactic my ex used also withing 24 hours of meeting me.

He continuously referred to me as female after correcting him multiple times. Calling me she every time he talked about me and other feminine terms. Even after I was vulnerable to him about how my ex forced me to feminize myself and how it affected my comfortability in coming out as trans. It made me start telling myself that I was just a cis woman who got confused even though I knew I wanted to be a boy ever since I was very very little. I stopped introducing myself with he/him pronouns, instead telling people I just used any pronouns even though I knew how my throat closed up Everytime someone referred to me as feminine.

To top it all off apparently he started taking shots from a bottle I had in my fridge at 3am and was taking drinks through the day. What was an almost full GIANT bottle of vodka before we went to sleep is now down to barely 1/4 of the bottle.

Maybe thirty minutes ago he texted me, asking if he could couch surf at my place till the tenth. I told him very blatantly no he could not and he replied acting as if I had said yes.

Idk maybe I'm unjustified in thinking that he's bad news. Maybe I'm overreacting and just being dramatic. I just know that I let a man sleep in my bed that was almost identical to how my ex was. I feel just sick to my stomach. I've been completely unable to get out of bed today and everything in my body just feels so so so bad. I thought I would be over it by now. I thought it wouldn't hurt like this anymore I thought it wouldn't affect me this way. Instead I'm looking at my face and seeing all of the things he told me were unloveable about myself.

Tldr; the first guy I let sleep in my bed ended up being a carbon copy of red flags from my abuser and I feel like an idiot.

Everytime I walk into Walgreens to pick up my medication I linger around the Benadryl a little too long. Doordash now requires ID to purchase which lucky for me I lost mine somewhere months ago. I just want to FEEL something. I keep trying to find excuses to relapse "oh no one would blame me because XYZ happened" I was scrolling reddit today and the hatman subreddit popped up with someone's "trip" report. I wanted to leave an angry comment on the post. Yell at them about how it's not a trip, how it's medication induced delirium, how it's caused by your body and brain completely short circuiting. I knew it wouldn't do any good though. I was them once and I didn't care how many times the doctors and nurses told me I was gonna end up dead. I found out some stuff I'm experiencing now can be symptoms of dementia or other neurological damage. I left my house with food in my oven for three hours. Im having a hard time processing visual information, recalling things I've seen, remembering what people I JUST SAW look like. Not sure how to cope with that idea.

Don't freaking try DPH/ Benadryl tripping. You may not think it's serious. I didnt think it was until maybe my fourth intubation.

I was starting to feel discouraged this past week. I was getting so anxious for everything to just *start happening* and the suspense was making me feel like maybe T wasn't gonna work (I know that's not super rational to think my testosterone would just never kick in but I have a lot of anxiety that isn't always the most logical) then today I made the realization that I have a considerable amount of bottom growth! Its not much compared to what I've seen but it's definitely starting and is a considerably large change for me! My voice has also been all gravely in the mornings as well as some throat congestion (not sick at all). I'm so happy and so excited!

If this isn't the best sub to post I apologize and will remove. Just wanted to share possibly the cutest interaction I've had involving my ehlers danlos syndrome ever. I wear AFOs to help with ankle instability and foot drop. I was walking through a little pride event when a sat on the curb facing away from the med tent to momentarily take off my AFOs and roll out my ankles (still getting used to them!) I went back on about my day thinking nothing of it. Well later I pass by the med tent to ask for some water. This volunteer says "I saw you take off your feet earlier I was gonna come ask if you needed help" and I just absolutely giggled. I explained they were actually braces, not prosthetics and gave a little bit of information on EDS because he seemed very interested in learning. He REALLY wanted to help and very desperately asked "is there anything I can do to help your joint pain? Uh can sugar help joints?" It was honestly just adorable and sweet that though he didn't know anything about my condition he really wanted to help somehow. He was a super sweet guy and was very kind and receptive to the information. I do now call my AFOs my feet to my friends.

Im sure this question has been asked a million times before but I'm so nervous. What if I don't like the way my fat redistributes? I know that's such a dumb concern but my small waist has always been the only feature of my body that I enjoy. It makes the silhouette of my outfits fun Atleast. I'm starting zepbound soon too so the weight loss + fat redistribution has me so nervous. I haven't decided on top surgery because we're still discussing if I'm capable of handling the surgery from a medical perspective. What if I get even more dysphoric from my chest than I am now since the rest of me is changing? I'm so nervous about the what ifs. Is this normal? I mean the gender dysphoria I have is devastating on me. Its a constant weight in my mind Everytime I look at my body or hear my voice but I'm also so scared of change. I get my baseline blood draw tomorrow then once that comes back I can pick up my first dose. I'm scared about the what ifs but the idea that I might back out scares me even more. Reassurance, advice, anything really is Greatly appreciated.

I was writing a sort of article (kinda?) on the long term and short term risks of addiction to Benadryl and theorizing on ways that the risk can be lessened. The hope was that people like me would find it and maybe reach out for help or prevent people from going down the same path. I asked a different group today for different resources on getting my article out there. Publishing sites, blogs, how to create my own site, whatever literally anything. Tons of comments just telling me that no one would take my article seriously because I'm not a professional. That I wouldn't be adding anything to the existing articles that are published. Someone even compared it to the article that made everyone demonize MSG. I feel like an idiot. I don't even want to finish it anymore because there's no point. No one's gonna read it, it's not going to help anyone, and it was just a waste of time. This article was the one thing getting me through my sobriety journey and now it feels completely ruined. I just wanted to feel like I was making a difference.

Vent/ experience/ OD tw because of how my substance of choice is used and the severity of the experience

Context I was heavily abusing Benadryl, taking typically around or over 1500mg at a time 3+ days a week.

The last time I used I was in a Kwik shop bathroom. I had them in my purse. I was in a town that I'm not from so I obviously couldn't just go to my house and use. I take my pills and then look up. "Drug monitoring device in use". Wtf does that mean? I google it and find out that Atleast this specific one detects if there's a lack of movement for a long period of time and sets off an alarm. I have three options now. Roam the roads and risk dying in an alley either from the Benadryl or idk a serial killer (I watch too much true crime), just wait for the alarm to go off and the cashier to call 911, or go to the cashier and be honest that I may need medical attention. I chose to be honest (though I purposely took my time to allow the effects to hit)

I remember thinking I kept seeing the doctor walk in and then looking to where he walked just for no one to be there. Talking to a patient sitter then looking over at an empty chair. Then when there finally was a patient sitter there was a second person (?) I kept seeing and talking to. Next thing I know the nurse comes in and tells me they're about to take me up to ICU. When did the ICU doctor come down to assess? I start seeing something I can only describe as ghosts. Faint outlines of faces flying over above the bed as I slowly started losing consciousness.

I remember telling myself in my head so clearly that this was it. That I was dying. That I couldn't quit using and I killed myself because of it. The feeling I had was somewhere between absolute terror/ fear and peace. Ig I couldnt be an addict anymore if I died.

I'm really struggling to stay sober right now. Death doesn't necessarily scare me anymore. I know they'll most likely put me in a medically induced coma if it gets to the point that my body starts dying so I'll go peacefully Atleast. But I'm so scared of after and so SAD. There's so many things I'd miss. Id never get to hold my partner again, I'd never see my friends, id never draw or sing or write poetry ever again.

I'm so scared because I feel like I'm on the verge of relapse. I can't shake the feeling that if I relapse it will be the last one. If I relapse I just feel in my soul that it will be the one that kills me. But God dangit I want to use so freaking bad. I just want to FEEL something.

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm never going to escape these thoughts. I'm so scared that I'll never get better.

I made the mistake of searching up Benadryl here on reddit and scrolling today. Typically this is something I do just to find people asking questions about the experience of using Benadryl/ people planning on using it so I can share my experience with them and share a warning on the dangers. I know if someone really wants to do it they're going to do it but I just feel like I have to do something to prevent others from making the same mistake as me. Normally this hasn't been too triggering for me but typically I don't run into "trip reports". I accidentally stumbled across one of these reports and read all of the details of their experience. Its like I can feel it in my body. I literally feel my heart beating out of my chest right now. I've been thinking of a plan in my mind of how im going to go get some. There's a Walgreens in walking distance to my house. The cash register and pharmacy don't overlook the shelves that the Benadryl sits at. Its a pretty easy plan that I know I can accomplish. Im so worried that I'm going to follow through and I'm really struggling to find any protective factors to convince me not to do it.

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Kind words and advice greatly appreciated. Much love.

Im on SSI and have been since I was a preteen. I was immediately appointed a payee when I turned 18 even though there was no review of my case. I really don't believe I need one in general. When my mom passed last year my aunt was made my payee instead (I was involved in none of this). My aunt decided she no longer wanted to be my payee and forged my signature applying for a local agency to be my payee. I did not agree to this! My payee who has already made me miss two rent payments because no one was contacting me to tell me anything about any paperwork that I needed to sign or provide. I even tried calling them over 20 times within one week and they never answered the phone and no one called back, tried emailing as well with no response. I apparently have 1600 in their office untouched because of that. I went in today to turn in lease papers and utilities since social security was being absolutely no help at all when I tried appealing. Out of that 1600 they are only giving me 30 dollars spending cash the rest of the month. My rent is caught up (as a really amazing friend was taking care of It for me) and the only thing leftover is my utilities being due which is definitely not 1600 dollars. They told me I could at maximum ask for 30 more this month. I don't even know WHY I have a payee. When my aunt was my payee I was practically managing my own money anyways and should have plenty of proof that I am completely capable of managing my own money. I don't know where to go from here. I was under the assumption that I was just automatically assigned a payee as an adult since I was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of seventeen but have since talked to other people with the same diagnosis who have not had that experience. Any and all help Greatly appreciated. I am a younger person who greatly values their social life. 30 dollars is absolutely insane.

I have this flaired as a tw for overdose as the way I misused benadryl was by purposely overdosing on it repeatedly but this is more of a discussion/ story.

I am 20 y/o female and I have been addicted to Benadryl for a bit over a year. It started about a week and a half before my mom passed, when she first got really sick. I had taken 60 pills trying to hurt myself and ended up in the ICU. The Internet tells you that Benadryl makes you see things but it doesn't tell you much other than that. I wish I knew what all it really did. I wish I never took those pills.

When I left the hospital I told myself I would never do that ever again. The experience was terrifying. I was so confused that I could barely tell where I was and I was hallucinating so severely that I was talking to the air fully convinced my family was there. The entire time was absolutely terrible. Then two days later all of the sudden I started getting urges. I wanted to do it again. I couldn't really understand why. I assumed I was feeling suicidal because why would I want to go through that awful experience more? The urges were too strong and it spiraled into a year of absolute hell.

I was taking 60+ pills at a time 3+ times every week. Benadryl is EXTREMELY dangerous which I knew. I knew that if I wasn't careful and supervised I could die while using this amount. The way I combatted this is by going to the hospital after taking it but refusing activated charcoal since I was an adult and had the right to that decision (as it would stop the effects faster if I took the charcoal)

At some point it got so bad that all I ever thought about was Benadryl. I would be discharged from the emergency room, feel unsatisfied with my high and doordash Benadryl right outside of the hospital. I was in the ICU more times that I can count and intubated 4(?) separate times. I still couldn't stop.

I was accepted by a rehab program once but I felt like everyone would make fun of me if I went to rehab for Benadryl. I wouldn't go the NA like suggested because I felt embarrassed. People would judge me when I'd tell the my drug of choice. Tell me that it's not a real addiction and that it's not even dangerous. Hearing people tell me it's not serious as I think about them putting the defib pads on me, trying to calm me down by telling me it's "just in case".

I'm lucky to be alive. Im four weeks sober today. Its really hard. When I see it I get the urge. I feel it in my body. I want to get the conversation started on the reality of Benadryl addiction in hopes that people like me feel comfortable seeking help before its too late.