u/DeCryingShame

When I left over 10 years ago, I tried to sit down and talk to my parents about things. It was bad. Really bad.

For a while, things were really uncomfortable among us but eventually we found a new groove. I felt like I had to be the bigger person. They talk about church stuff in front of me but I never mention anything I believe. It sucks but I figure they are the ones stuck in a cult.

Only lately mom has been taking it to a new level. It used to be that they basically talked like I was a non-member and that was fine. But now mom has been making comments directly to me that you only make to other members, like how at least the teenager that drowned had joined the church first and how the next-door neighbors are "nice but want nothing to do with the church."

I usually don't respond and just change the subject but mom is not getting the hint. I'm afraid to talk to her directly because of how badly she and my dad reacted when I first talked to them (dad's gone now, fyi). Not to mention, I know how it would crush her for me to shut her down and I have a hard time doing that to her.

At the same time, I've tried to make it more comfortable to talk about things I know she disapproves of, like mentioning that I'm going to grab a cup of coffee. But when I say stuff like that she ignores it and acts like I haven't said anything.

I don't know, maybe I should start talking about coffee every time she starts talking about the church. I feel like it's that or watch my mom melt down like a toddler who's been denied ice cream if I try to have an honest conversation with her.

Anyway, just venting here. Thanks for listening.

I know most people on here won't know or care about the Circles program but I'm heartbroken over this and just want to get this out there.

The Circles program is associated with Community Action Services & Food Bank in Provo. They are an employment program that works with individuals and families to help them stabilize their income and get off welfare. They've been there for well over a decade.

The program relies heavily on volunteer help and provides a large amount of support for each participant. They offer meals and child care during their meetings, as well as provide mentors for each participant who help guide them to better opportunities.

You don't see a large number of people successfully completing the program each year. Instead you see maybe a dozen individuals who have had their lives profoundly changed. Over the years, many people have turned their lives around and now they and their families are much better off.

Last week all of the handful of staff members except one were told their jobs would be ending at the end of this week. And no one knows what the program will look like next month when the sole remaining employee tries to figure out how to run the program by himself.

We need programs like this that make an actual difference. It's sad that programs like this, that teach a person to fish rather than giving them a fish, are among those getting cut.

I'm totally shocked and stressed right now. Last week I got an email from someone at the property management company for my apartment. I recognized the address and of course have received documents that I'm required to review and sign from them before so it didn't raise any red flags, even though I wasn't aware of anything current that needed to be reviewed and the process was a little different than usual.

I was in the middle of something big and forgot to go back and open the file until today. I was honestly feeling a bit worried that I might have forgotten about something important that would affect my lease or rent.

I couldn't find the document I had downloaded so I ended up reaching back out to them about it. That's when they informed me that their email had been compromised!

In a panic I was going through my downloads and finally found a file that I didn't recognize. The file extension is one known to be used by scammers and can totally mess with your computer.

I'm pretty sure that nothing was actually installed on my computer, although I'm running all the scans now to check. My question now is what the hell do I do about the totally inept property management employee who apparently knew their email had been compromised and did absolutely nothing to warn me? I work from home and losing my computer to malware would have been completely disastrous.

Moms, please tell me I'm making the right decision!

My 17 year old wants to go alone to a concert in the bigger city near us. I told her I don't feel comfortable with her going alone. The area isn't the best and I feel like she needs someone with her if she's going to go.

Normally, I don't place a lot of limits on my kids by the time they are 17. I figure they are basically adults and so I usually let them make their own choices. If I'm uncomfortable with something I explain the problem and we usually find a way for them to do what they want in conditions that are safe.

This time for whatever reason she is just dead set on it being a certain way (her alone). She kept asking me what could happen. I explained that she could be attacked and that I wouldn't even go alone myself.

She is sooo disappointed and I feel so guilty. I know I shouldn't but when they give you that broken-hearted look it just bypasses the head and goes straight to the heart. Please remind me I'm not crazy!

ETA: Okay, due to your comments, I probed a bit deeper into this (after she had calmed down). Here is what I got:

• Her friends don't have the same taste in music and wouldn't really enjoy the concert (I knew this but didn't think about it).
• She's seen people talk about it on social media and thinks it's a normal thing to go to concerts alone.
• She got in a fight with her dad yesterday and is still feeling emotional about that.

Also, to those of you judging me for saying going to a concert is too expensive, consider yourselves lucky that something like that isn't such a huge sacrifice you could do it just to fulfill your kid's whim. I'm a single mom, work almost all my waking hours, and barely make ends meet. Killing a few moments once or twice a week on Reddit is about all I can usually manage without extensive planning and saving up.

We finally figured out what was going on with my daughter last year when she was 10 and suddenly managing her insane "growing pains" got so much easier. When she has joint pain, now I tug on the joints and try to get them back in place. Her pain has been way more manageable.

Here's my problem: I'm just making this up as a go. I tried to ask her physical therapist what I should be doing and she gave me a half-assed explanation. I don't know, maybe she's worried about a lawsuit or something.

My technique seems to work okay on her knees and elbows but ankles and shoulders are trickier. This weekend she's suffering from ankle pain that started suddenly when she crawled quickly across the ground. Nothing I'm doing is helping and of course no one's open until tomorrow. I'm also worried about how she will manage this when she's grown up.

So I'm hoping you guys can share what you do when your joints pop out of place. How do you get them back in place (references to videos or guides would be great!) and can you fix them yourself?

It's how many, where, and how bad will they be.

We need serious changes made NOW!

I've been looking for a specific make and model of car for a while and finally find one listed by a private seller within my price range.

Great condition, well maintained, up to date on service. Priced accordingly.

I rush to go look at it because they are so hard to find. Of course, they drop enough virtual signals while I'm there to let me know they are LDS.

After taking it for a test drive I tell them I want to come back the next day and take it to a mechanic. The guy seems so confused about why I might want to double-check the condition of the car. We never get our cars checked before we buy them, he says.

Sorry, dude, you didn't drop enough virtue signals for me to simply take your word for it.

I take the car to the mechanic and I'm telling myself that they are going to find that the car is in great condition. It's a great brand. These cars are known to last forever. I'm just taking a precaution but I'm already envisioning the mechanic telling me how great the car is after the inspection.

Over an hour later I'm starting to get worried about how long it's taking. Then I hear whispers mentioning the "pre-purchase inspection." Damn.

Multiple massive issues. The mechanic was surprised it made it to the shop. It would take thousands to repair. Double damn.

Oh yeah, and there is absolutely no way the seller didn't know about this.

I return the car, back out of the sale. The woman is the one talking to me now. So strange. How did we miss that? It's been working fine.

Just in case, I waited nearly a whole day before reporting the listing. I gave them the chance to edit it or take it down. Never happened. They absolutely know they are selling a car that is a stiff breeze away from kicking the bucket.

. . . but what they meant was we were more attractive.

When I was on my mission, a temple was built in our area. I just realized why they actually asked only the sister missionaries to help out at the open house.

It was the boobs. It was always the boobs.

My daughter (Tina) and my son-in-law (Lance) have been together for a little over two years. The relationship has been really good for Tina. She suffered a lot of trauma from my ex (as did I) and she has become a lot more stable in the past two years.

Even so, Tina has had doubts about whether she wanted to continue the relationship. As she has matured and worked through her childhood trauma, she was more honest about ways that she and Lance simply weren't compatible.

She's shared her concerns with me and also with Lance. They sat down with me a couple of months ago to talk things through. I got the feeling from that conversation that Lance was desperate to keep the relationship together and so was not being honest with himself about the compatibility issues.

Tina finally decided to end things and told Lance today that she will be moving out. He's absolutely stunned.

I really care about Lance. He and I hit it off pretty well right from the start. When I first realized things weren't going to work out between him and Tina, I even broke down to a friend over losing him as a member of our family.

Even so, I was surprised when Lance called today and wanted to talk. He and I went out to lunch and I mostly just listened. It was apparent that he was basically in shock and not ready to process through everything yet. He kept repeating a lot of the same things over and over, like they hadn't sunk in yet.

I told him that I care about him and that he will still be welcome at family events as long as Tina is okay with it. But it was heartbreaking to see how deeply hurt he is and I didn't know how to address that. While I care about him and have enjoyed his company, I'm not sure that we have as deep an emotional connection for me to really help him process through this. Not to mention, my first loyalty lies with my daughter so it feels like a bit of a tightrope walk to navigate this.

I'm not sure what I'm looking for exactly. No one really talks about how to successfully navigate in-law relationships. If anyone has tips for helping a heartbroken son-in-law during his breakup with your daughter, I would appreciate the help.

Edited to add (since everyone is losing their minds about me telling him he's welcome at family events): my daughter still cares about him and this is an amicable breakup. She and I have talked a lot and she's told me repeatedly that she hopes she can continue being friends with him. Our whole family loves him and he hasn't done anything that would make anyone change their minds about him. Obviously if any of that changes, I won't be inviting him over my daughter's wishes, which I made clear to him.

They are both still very young and all I see right now is a heartbroken kid who was a son to me for a couple of years. I was surprised that he trusts me enough to reach out to me. I would like to help in any way I can. My daughter still is, and always will be, my first priority.

I'm not a developer but my brother is. We're working on a project together but as the lone developer, it's taking him a very long time to build it.

I suggested using AI but he's never used it before and we're having a hard time finding good information about them. Companies like Base 44 make great claims but reviews say they don't let you access code and shut down your project if you stop paying.

What AI agents actually support the coding process and give you access to the code? We don't want AI to do it for us, we just want it to help out so my brother can speed things up.

I need to sell my current vehicle and buy a new one but I'm really worried about how this will affect my SSI. If I go to a dealership and trade in, I will lose over $4k on my vehicle's value, plus pay however much more to buy from the dealership. I absolutely cannot afford that.

In the past before I was on SSI, I would buy my new vehicle and then sell the old one and put that money toward the balance on the new loan. It worked out great. But that means owning two vehicles for a while. In my experience, it would be around a month, maybe two.

Searches are suggesting the SSA may allow me to have the second car while I sell the first one but I can't find any solid answers on their policy and I'm not willing to take the risk. Has anyone ever done this before? How did it work out?

I need to sell my current vehicle and buy a new one but I'm really worried about how this will affect my SSI. If I go to a dealership and trade in, I will lose over $4k on my vehicle's value, plus pay however much more to buy from the dealership. I absolutely cannot afford that.

In the past, I would buy my new vehicle and then sell the old one and put that money toward the balance on the new loan. It worked out great. But that means owning two vehicles for a while. In my experience, it would be around a month, maybe two.

Searches are suggesting the SSA may allow me to have the second car while I sell the first one but I can't find any solid answers on their policy and I'm not willing to take the risk. Has anyone ever done this before? How did it work out?

Although my family knows I left the church, I tend to keep quiet about my new beliefs to keep the peace in the family. However, my oldest daughter who is out of the church and rocking an amazing young adult life doesn't bother to keep her lifestyle hidden (grandchildren can get away with murder, I swear!)

Anyway, we're doing two days in Nauvoo with all the kids and grandma. Several of the kids and grandma are all super TBM. My daughter and I wanted to see the winery and originally planned to split up, but on a whim, I asked if anyone else minded going too. So the whole group ended up in their little gift shop as my daughter and I sampled their delicious wines.

It was honestly pretty fun for everyone. The kids and grandma all got to taste the alcohol-free juices as well and we left with two loaves of some amazing sweet breads, along with other snacks and of course a couple bottles of wine.

Only thing was that I've never talked to my mom about drinking alcohol and I'm not sure she was ready to have that an open secret. For a while during and after our visit, she spent quite a bit of time just looking at me. One time I'm pretty sure there were tears in her eyes.

Here's me raising a glass to all of you who hate breaking your mother's hearts just for living a normal life. She'll go to her grave waiting for me to go back to church. I hope she can find peace in her hope.

My daughter has been diagnosed with dyslexia and dyscalculia, among other things. She also has some special health needs which were making it harder and harder for her to attend school. This past school year her health was deteriorating so I decided to move her to online classes.

I was shocked to discover that her scores made a huge jump during the semester she has been at the new school. She even went from nearly the bottom of the red area in reading to the yellow section.

Some of the things she told me about her last school had me wondering if she was getting the special instruction she needed there, but when I talked to the school about it, they always claimed she was. I had no idea how to determine if they were following her IEP. Now I'm realizing they must not have been.

Honestly, it's heartbreaking and frustrating to try and navigate the school system with a special needs child. There is very little we can do to determine whether the school is doing their part.

My daughter was assessed and put on an IEP in 3rd grade. I also had her professionally assessed and she was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyscalculia, among other things.

Then last year things got really bad. Her physical health was deteriorating and she began missing a lot of school. In desperation, I switched her to an online school thinking that it would enable her to get a little extra sleep in the mornings and hopefully help her physical health. What actually happened was astounding and disturbing in its implications.

First of all, her physical health improved immensely. She was way less stressed and was just much more cheerful and happy to engage in school.

But what really surprised me was her academic progress. In her old school, she was getting further and further behind until she was almost at the bottom of the red line. This year, after only one semester in her new school, her reports showed that she was near the top of the red line in math and in the yellow section for reading!

All this time I thought my daughter's school was doing what they could and that she was simply struggling because of her limitations. That said, before I moved her I was becoming aware of some problems. When I looked into it, I discovered they weren't following any of her accommodations and might not have even been giving her all of her special instruction hours.

Is there anything I can do about this now? I am just sick thinking that all along they were ignoring my daughter's needs and I had no idea. Someone needs to step in and make sure the kids there are getting the help they need. I just have no idea what I can do about it now.

I was thrilled a few months ago when my daughter started dating a new guy. He seemed like a really great person and she was really happy. Only even then I was worried about what would happen if these two young people who were obviously crazy about each other did what people naturally do in that situation.

Sadly, about a month ago my daughter and this young man did something that she felt guilty about. She didn't give me details but from what she has said, it wasn't even very serious. And yet her bishop has come down hard on her and even asked her to break up with him.

At first she pushed back and I was relieved she did. But because she believed that she would remain under the condemnation of the church if she stayed with him, she eventually caved and broke up with him.

She's literally been so miserable since. She told me last time I saw her that she just cried herself to sleep the other night "for no reason."

I know a lot of people have talked about being hurt by this same thing happening to them. But this is the first time it's occurred to me that members might actually be avoiding healthy relationships and ending up in unhealthy ones because of the law of chastity.

It's so fucked up and I think my daughter is going to regret this for the rest of her life, whether she eventually leaves the church or not. Fuck the church.

Not sure if this is the right space for this, but here I go anyway. Windows is insisting on updating my Windows 10 computer. When Windows 11 came out, I tried updating but because it has a SSD and a hard drive combination, it wouldn't install. Or actually, it did install and I had to take it to the computer shop to get fixed because it became useless.

When I heard they were no longer going to support Windows 10, I figured I'd still be able to get several years out of it anyway. But apparently Windows is determined to screw up my computer?

Even after they said they were done supporting Windows 10, I've still gotten regular updates. A couple months ago I downloaded an update and it got stuck at 86%. I ended up forcing it to shut down and thankfully the computer restored itself automatically the next time I turned it on.

The request to update came back and I ignored it until it just went ahead and updated anyway. Same result. Stuck at 86% and then it automatically restored itself after I forced it to shut down. Only that time there were a few glitches that left me wondering if my computer would ever work again.

Now it is insisting on installing updates again. I paused updates as long as I could but now it is saying I can't pause again until I install the latest update.

What do I do? How do I get Windows 10 to do what they said they were going to do and neglect my computer from now on? Obviously, I'm not super tech savvy.

I'm disabled and live in government housing. They have cleaning checks every 6 months which I passed every time until a new woman started doing the inspections. She has failed me twice now (both times she's inspected my place) over fairly minor issues and this time is saying that if I fail again, I'll be kicked out.

Last time the house was clean except for two things: I was sorting through items in my living room and the dishes weren't done. The items I was sorting through were all in boxes around my couch. There was maybe ten small to medium boxes (I had just cleared out some closets and shelves). There were a lot of dishes, but they were all stacked in the sink and the kitchen was clean otherwise.

This time I got the notice when I was super sick and forgot the date of the inspection (I thought it was this coming Monday). It was on Wednesday which is the day I get my non-custodial kids. They are 3 teenagers who are all trying to catch up on end-of-the-year school work right now. Because they are growing teens, they don't grab a granola bar for a snack, they make themselves a small meal.

The inspector woman showed up just after they had all eaten their after school meals. Their backpacks, jackets, shoes and homework papers were all scattered around them as well as their dishes from the food they had eaten. There were a few other unwashed dishes but they had all been rinsed and stacked in a plastic bin until I could get to them that evening. Also, I had started a jigsaw puzzle which was on a table in the living room, making it look even more crowded.

She walked in the door and immediately said we weren't passing. I was a bit shocked because though it did look pretty cluttered, there was nothing that was unsanitary or hazardous in any way. And even though it was messy, you could still walk through each room, no tripping hazards, nothing blocking the doors, no trash except in the trash cans, etc.

I was even more shocked today when I got the re-inspection notice that said my lease will be terminated if I fail the follow-up inspection. Am I overreacting thinking that this is over-the-top? Should my housing really be in jeopardy just because my place isn't "company clean?"

I'm legitimately scared because I'm not sure if my place will be up to this woman's standard even if I do my best to get everything clean before she comes back next week.

I'm so heartbroken for my daughter. Backstory is pretty typical for the church: I married an abusive asshole and had way too many kids. When I started questioning the church, my marriage fell apart as well. My kids are about evenly divided between being overzealous like their dad or out of the church like me.

One of my TBM daughters turned 18 last year and was eagerly waiting to go on her mission. Then the age for women dropped and she immediately applied. She got her dream mission call and we were all overjoyed for her. Even though I would much rather have my kids stay home, I was still really happy for her.

Soon after she got the call she started having really bad panic attacks. She was really nervous about leaving her family and going so far away. I tried to be supportive but also told her that she should wait a little longer to go on her mission. I didn't expect her to listen and she didn't. She continued to prepare to go. I didn't blame her. She wanted that call so bad.

Without going into private details, she ended up having to delay the mission. I could see it coming. As I saw the choices she was making, I knew she was going to end up sabotaging herself and she did. She now has to wait several months to a year before she can go on her mission.

The most heartbreaking part is that she thought her dad and church leaders would be understanding but they aren't. She mentioned her brother, who was sent home early from his mission, and a few other young men she knows who were also disciplined. Her dad and their church leaders were far more understanding and lenient with them. But not her.

When her dad found out, he gave her a week to get her own phone plan and health insurance and told her to come get all her stuff that he has stored at his house. Her bishop is also being hard on her.

I'm so sad for her. The life she had planned has been upended and she's floundering. Even though she understands she's being treated unfairly, she's still so entrenched in the church that all I can do is sympathize. I can't explain how the church is sexist and that her worth doesn't depend on what these men think of her. I mean, I've tried to gently suggest it, but she just won't accept what I'm saying.

I really hate the church right now and what it is doing to my daughter. I'm holding my breath hoping that this will help her realize the church isn't true, but so far, she still believes in it as much as ever.

ETA: Wow, thanks for all the comments and awards! I really appreciate having you guys to vent to.