u/DeadTiredAndWired

Hey all,

I literally never really thought of myself as addicted to gaming. Until I started doing some things that made me question how much I play. Let me start of by saying I literally play like one game which happens to be Call of Duty most people now days are unhappy with the franchise any way but I'm in my 40s and have played it since I was kid on and off but I guess in the past it was never a problem atleast in my eyes.

I started noticing in the last year or two I was playing the game more and more. Just wanting to game with the same people I always game with about 4 to 5 hours a day outside of work and playing on the weekend longer hours outside of family time. I was still doing things with family but still putting in some long hours 6-8 hours sometimes on weekends. It really wasn't stopping me from things I was still doing stuff with people but always thinking about getting back home to start gaming. I realized I turned down a couple bike rides with my daughter which really upset me because I felt like I had just sat down to relax and the thought of getting up and exercising just wasn't it. But it got me reflecting that I didn't have this habit I would have more energy.

My energy is always drained because of all the mental stimulation so it affects me at work too. I use to really enjoy my job and stuff but haven't had the mental space as much any more I get aggravated when anything is requested of me cause it's like I'm trying to save my mental steam for evening gaming.

I also think part of me was using it as a way to self medicate because my wife is always busy wanting to see friends or family or do hobbies like her dance class. I always enjoyed spending my time with her and the kids she is very independent. I don't think there is any issue between us it's just more of she enjoys doing lower stimulating activities that bring her joy and that's how she maintains her mental health and space. To me that's what gaming brought for the last few years an outlet of friends that when I was feeling a bit alone I had people that cared if I showed up. Friends that would shoot me messages to get on a play. So I felt like I had a community. It made times when she was gone a lot easier to manage without feeling depressed.

But recently something changed where even when playing larger amounts it felt like when I wasn't playing my lows were lower. As if I wasn't having as much fun anymore. I started thinking well maybe I'm depressed but this has all started peaking over the last couple months. As I read more and more I learned we can desensitize our reward system and listening to it explained it completely sounded like me. I was worried because the one thing that had been bringing immense joy now wasn't.

I made the decision about 12 days ago to do kind of a reset not really sure where it's headed. I really don't want to be the end of my gaming but not the thought of it not bringing me joy depresses me. I agree I need a healthier relationship cause I am worn out outside of being dad. I'm trying to be a good dad and take my kids to do stuff and everything but I have stopped anything else that would have made me happy like exercise to save my energy for gaming. All my other hobbies kinda stopped I just kept the hobbies I did with my kids.

12 days in I am more depressed then ever. I have all this new free time and I have very little motivation. I am trying to get caught up on all the stuff that I have been avoiding. I have started to walk at the gym alittle bit I am in the worst possible funk. Because it's like I associate my fun game with depression if I slip and play it but at the same time. I get urges everyday multiple times.i think it was the competitiveness about and i was good at it. It's felt so good when all the playing hours paid off when me and the friends beat a team full of absolute demons that were like us. When the communication was on point and we all performed well it was just awesome.

So when I'm sitting in my new found free time I find my mind wander sometimes with an urge to play like this is what your good at it. Also life feels incredibly slow I'm use to making decision so quickly and I liked the mental stimulation so being slowed down is weird like my brain is trying to search for that stimulation again. The only way I can explain it is if you have gone through it. Like I can tell that's what my brain wants to think quickly again.

Anyways I appreciate everyone letting me rant my story a bit. It's just been a lot to take in. I hope it gets better. I hope the depression and motivation lifts. But also I have a hard time with thinking I may need to quit more forever like maybe just a game or two here and there.

This was a hobby I played multiple times a week no different then someone practicing to get good at a sport. I practiced to be good so even if I ever got to where I could play again I know I would was to play enough to keep my skill base good and to me that is still likely too much if I could end up back here.

It's just a lot to take in. Any of you have any similar stories? How your doing now? If you played did you play competitively a rank based game? Did you determine if you can ever have a healthy amount of it again? And the most important question of all how quickly did you start to notice the reward center start to resensitize? I'm I see 30 days 90 days all these different ideas but when you aren't feeling good all that seems far off

Hey all,

I have developed this weird ocd thing I think most people call it harm ocd. But when I get the feeling it's all most like my body is telling me I should do what ever this thought is. It's very scary because naturally anyone who knows me knows I would do what ever it is.

It's weird I get this feeling that almost like a command to act. Thankfully I have never done anything because something in the body keeps it from happening maybe it's morals but at the same time the thought feels like I should do it.

I guess what scares me is in a calm state I can just say those are just thoughts but when stressed the thought feels like it should happen actually might even have adrenaline behind it.

I don't know it's really been wrestling with me because it makes me question if I would do something. I don't this whole thing is bizarre it started immediately after I took some medication and I haven't been able to make it go away

Hey all,

I have developed this weird ocd thing I think most people call it harm ocd. But when I get the feeling it's all most like my body is telling me I should do what ever this thought is. It's very scary because naturally anyone who knows me knows I would do what ever it is.

It's weird I get this feeling that almost like a command to act. Thankfully I have never done anything because something in the body keeps it from happening maybe it's morals but at the same time the thought feels like I should do it.

I guess what scares me is in a calm state I can just say those are just thoughts but when stressed the thought feels like it should happen actually might even have adrenaline behind it.

I don't know it's really been wrestling with me because it makes me question if I would do something. I don't this whole thing is bizarre it started immediately after I took some medication and I haven't been able to make it go away

Hey all,

I'm a younger guy and I'm pretty sure my Ed is antidepressant medication induced being that it happened immediately after taking medication. I have been relying on Ed meds currently at only 41 years old. I'm gonna try to get rid of the anti depressant and see if my dick comes back to life.

But it got me thinking my wife really wanted to have several drinks the other night with me and I have been on cialis 5mg a day. I kept my drinking to one drink and I felt like I was being a fun sucker I think she was a bit frustrated too.

I'm just curious if any yall still party occasionally and keep a hard dick. I have heard of injections and pumps and shit. Just not sure what older guys do when they still want to party also

Hey all,

I know this page is for protracted withdraw and I'm not there yet and have a long way to go. I'm just trying to make it through the initial withdraw phase. I am withdrawing from lexapro my last dose was 2.5 last Thursday so it's been almost a week. I am having terrible intrusive thoughts very disturbing and alot of internal agitation, also alot of emotional instability, I am crossing between hyper aware and brain fog. Also I have had insomnia and low energy.

I guess my question is how long till the worst of it is over mainly concerned about the intrusive thoughts and depression. I can deal with insomnia just the thoughts all day have been bugging me it's like I'm trying to avoid people cause I feel unstable.

Long story short I accidentally took two large doses of Zoloft a month and half ago got a ton of symptoms and quit immediately. 5 days later I developed suicidal harm thoughts. I went to the psychiatrist who said the doses I took were large and shocked my system she recommended getting on lexapro 5 mg for a few weeks to stabilize my system then come off.

I did that and initially got worse tons of insomnia and a full blown impotence and sexual issues. That went in for four weeks I told her I wanted to come off so she recommended going to 2.5 for a couple weeks and then quitting.

I did the 2.5 for almost 3 weeks and was pretty stable at even the lower dose. But when I stopped completely last Friday the last four days have been miserable insomnia, intrusive thoughts the same kind when I quit the Zoloft are back, emotional instability it's like I'm thinking all kind of things that is totally not like me and it's constant.

I'm just wondering at what point does it peak I'm trying to ride it out if I can just get to the part that is more manageable.

I absolutely hate these SSRIs the gave me full blow emotional numbness, numb genitals, and full blown impotence so I am trying to fight to not reinstate the drug but the the thoughts are so terrible and the internal agitation.

It feels almost like someone fucked with my hormones bad so emotionally unstable.

Anyways just curious some peoples experiences and maybe some hope because this is so miserable. I know I'm not myself right now and I regret every day I took those two Zoloft pills a month and a half ago I was having a panic attack and didn't realize you have to go up slowly every time and the drugs never affected me when I was young I took them for like 15 years.

It was so stupid but I just assumed my anxiety was flaring up and needed to restart my medication after having been off many years and I had a completely different reaction I literally was suicidal within days. I have never been suicidal before meds the only reason I was on them in the past was anxiety. This time I developed this harm OCD thing. I know it's not me but doesn't make it any less scary.

Sorry everytime I go to the psychiatrist they just tell me the only option is to get back on SSRIs. I just don't understand why there is nothing to make someone more stable when coming off a ssri

Hey all,

I all withdrawing from escilotalopram I weaned all the way down to 2.5mg with minimal issues. But my psychiatrist wasn't helpful in getting a liquid and the pills were too difficult to break further. I did pretty good getting to 2.5. But I have been off now completely for 5 days and the main symptom is severe crippling depression. I never had depression too much before the drug I was put on it for ocd related symptoms and anxiety.

The depression is horrible thoughts all day. I just feeling terrible lots of brain fog and emotional numbness and I also have been severely fatigued not sure why.

Just curious because most people mention symptoms like brain zaps and dizziness or worsened anxiety. For me it's weird cause I have always had anxiety but this is more like full blown depressive symptoms very scary for me since that's never been my issue.

Obviously I could go back to the psychiatrist but id like to avoid it if possible. I feel like the drugs cause more problems and weren't making me feel good either. Tried two different SSRIs.

I'm just curious if anyone had something similar and about how long it took to get through the worst of it.

I don't mind the anxiety or general symptoms it's just the deep depression that scares me. Basically it feels like my neurotransmitters are fried like nothing is working right now. Almost like there is no dopamine left to motivate me to keep pushing.

The weird thing is I have always been a dopamine driven person but those SSRIs blunted me so bad I was interested or motivate by anything but now that I stopped them I'm worse then being just blunted I'm depressed cause I feel like I'm missing both neurotransmitters.

The only thing that has slightly helped was walking once a day at the gym. It keeps me in a slightly better mood for a couple hours.

Hey all I have been having a hell of a mental struggle lately. I was on SSRIs years ago when I was in my teens and early 20s. I'm in my 40s now and psych thought I needed to start a low dose of SSRIs again. I have been on them a few weeks and been suffering impotence it was like almost immediate. I have never had erection issues so it leads me to believe it's the medication but being in my 40s it's got me thinking maybe it's early heart problems or some psychological thing.

I will say though I feel like it's the medication because it was almost instant that the impotence showed up when I raised the dose my genitals felt almost numb the doctor bumped it back down but still almost no erections and incredible difficulty getting any response. I'll admit the meds gave me hella brain fog making it also difficult to focus but even when I'm trying my hardest I can't get past about 50 percent.

Some people recommended seeing a urologist and I did but not even the cialis is working that well. It gets more blood in there but I think there are several issues going on here. The brain fog and difficult focus which I'm assuming is low dopamine then I feel like the cialis is having to work real hard almost as if the SSRI is blocking or reducing something down there. I saw it can reduce nitric oxide which is literally what cialis is suppose to help with.

Obviously I'm gonna try to switch medications but am worried. I feel like this stuff damaged me.

For the first time in my life I have incredible performance anxiety playing a huge role in addition to the actual physical problem. I have told my wife but it doesn't make it any easier I still feel very embarrassed as I have never had any issues there.

I'm regretting restarting the medication

Hey all,

I'm not sure what kind of ED I'm dealing with yet. But I suspect it is my SSRI medication because it's like the second I took it my dick went numb and I could barely get an erection if I could get one. I was on anti depressants for years when I was in my teens and early 20s but I'm in my 40s now. Long story short I had a panic attack one day and thought well let me take my depression med that I hadn't taken in years it was a large dose. It was like immediately with in two day I was having erection trouble. I quit taking the drug and because of the erection issue and 4 days later in withdraw I developed suicidal thoughts so bad I had to go to the doctor. I never have had suicidal thoughts so that was definitely connected to the medication.

When I went to the psychiatrist and explained my issue they said to go on a low dose SSRI until my brain stabilizes but lower dose then those two pills I took. But once I started taking that the issues with erections persisted even at a lower dose.

About twos weeks into the medication I went to my urologist explained the issue and he prescribed some cialis.

I have been taking 5mg as needed but I feel like it barely touched it. I can get about a medium soft erection if it does fully erect it doesn't feel right and I damn sure can't keep it. This has been causing terrifying issues with the wife. I have never been so embarrassed.

I can't seem to figure out why the cialis isn't helping that much. I'm about to try to discontinue the SSRI all together which I'm afraid is gonna wreck my mental health state. But it's literally the only thing I can pinpoint causing the erection issue.

It's like no matter how hard I try to think and focus the dick just doesn't go better then a medium soft hard on it's like my mind isn't connecting to it.

I know SSRIs can drop dopamine a bit and effect nitric oxide and are known to cause sexual issues but most guys just last longer in bed and have low drive not full blown impotence. The only info I could find was reduce the SSRI dose or get cialis or viagra.

I'm getting really frustrated and think I may even be developing some performance anxiety because of the failed attempts.

Anyways just wanted to see if anyone has had any medication related issues. I have always had a pretty normal sex life once or twice a week and it's the second I ingested those pills my dick has been different. This has gone on for over a month almost a month and half now

Hey all I'm about to make my final tapers. All of my tapering was easy except from 5mg to 2.5 which cause a ton of symptoms. I'm wondering if 2.5 to zero will be as hard or if the worst of it is over since I'm on a super small dose now. I can attempt to break it to 1.25 but the pill mostly crumbles at that small so it would be hard to tell what I'm getting and would feel like nothing since it's so tiny.

I also don't want to try to get my psych to right liquid cause she's clueless with tapering she said I could do 2.5 for a week and quit and I literally have had to stay on 2.5 for 3 weeks to get withdraw symptoms to subside.

I just think I'll hear some excuse for no liquid so I'm trying to power through on my own. Just can't make the decision of going straight to zero or trying to just take that small bit and not know exactly how much I'm getting for a couple weeks. It just seems so small like it wouldn't be doing anything anyway.

Thoughts from people who tapered small doses

Hey all I am pretty close to making my final drop from lexapro but I have had pretty horrendous side effects. I'm wondering if the worst of it is mostly over since I'm on such a small dose now. I'd like to just drop to zero cause the pills really only quarter well splitting them again for 1.25 is almost impossible. I also don't want to go try to get liquid if at all possible cause my psychiatrist is clueless with tapering.

Just trying to see if anyone had any major problems with 2.5 to zero or if it wasn't that bad.

Hey all,

I went to the dermatologist for a spot on my eye the other day. The dermatologist said it was a Xanthalesma basically a cholesterol deposit. Recommended getting blood work.

I am irritated I have had high cholesterol low hdl and high triglycerides for the last 10 years and the doctor always say just eat better and watch my diet. I specifically asked if I should be taking a statin several times and it use to be I was young and neither of my parents have had heart attacks. My dad though has been on a statin for the last 30 years where I haven't because they would say your young your risk is low etc.

I had one ct Angiogram about 10 years ago and they said everything was normal I had a CAC score of 1 but other then that everything was normal.

Now here it is 10 years later and I have developed the cholesterol deposit and neither of my parents have them.

I guess my question is have any of you had these with bad blood markers high ldl low hdl and tryglcerides but yet still having good overall heart health.

I made another appointment with a cardiologist but now I'm freaking my self out that this is something I should have been treating.

Also when I say high cholesterol usually it's between 200 and 250 no higher and hdl is 32 to 38.

Triglycerides I think last time were 250

Hey all,

I am trying to get myself of lexapro I have used it very short term only 4 weeks. But for what never reason I have severe sensitivity. I have made it down to 2.5mg but my insomnia, anxiety, and even some suicidal thoughts are coming back a bit.

I definately don't want to go back up because it was creating a lot of other problems. The psychiatrist said to stay on the 2.5 for a week then quit.

I guess to me since I am clearly getting withdrawal symptoms should I hang at this dose for maybe another week and see if symptoms subside a bit. I feel like if I pull the last 2.5 those symptoms are gonna increase.

Have no clue why my body is so sensitive. I was one of the people that didn't feel much better on anti depressant almost felt like I got worse but the brain fog and numbness helped with the intrusive thoughts.