u/DementedPimento

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My son (6) lost a tooth today and was going to go spend the night with My mother (55F) tonight. While we were all swimming she shouted across the pool in front of my 10 year old son, 6 year old son, and 7 year old niece “how much do you normally give the boys for the tooth fairy?”
Luckily my 6 year old son and 7 year old niece didn’t hear because of the splashing. But my oldest heard her clear as day since he was on a swing nearby. Right after he came up to me and told me that the tooth fairy isn’t real and followed it up with “if adults can lie to us about the tooth fairy, then that means they’re lying about the other things like that too. So that means Santa isn’t either, or the Easter bunny. “

I haven’t addressed this with her yet because obviously I couldn’t talk about it in risk of the other kids around hearing us. But I’m extremely upset over it because my oldest son lost a piece of his childhood innocence today. AITAH if I ask her to cover the cost of the tooth fairy to help make up for what happened?

My folks live in a 60’s house in an older neighborhood. Some time ago they decided to befriend (i.e. “feed”) the wildlife. Started with trying to feed birds. Which became trying to satisfy the squirrels so the birds get a chance. It then “If You Give A Mouse A Cookie”’d itself down to having red squirrels and chipmunks. Aww… cute… Generations later, they were causing visible gaps between the stair and the floor of the front porch. I could fit my flat hand into the holes in several places. I don’t know how long the tunneling was going on but when I first saw it, it was already a potentially HUGE problem.

I pointed it out and both of them said, “Yeah, we know. We’ve seen em go in and out.” I have very weird and fairly focused anxieties and “Patio Collapse Due to Chipmunk” doesn’t seem like a ridiculous headline to me. I asked if they’d get it fixed and I got nonchalant shrugs.
“Why?”

I brought up the upcoming fall/winter and water getting under the patio to the foundation and the damage that it could cause. The structural integrity of the patio is compromised. What if the holes become a trip hazard and one of you or both of you get really hurt? You’d never be able to cover that.

Shrugs all around.

The next year, after a couple days of nonstop rain, they returned home from wherever to find that the front porch had, indeed, collapsed in on itself. Fortunately there were no injuries - according to the door camera no one had been standing on it when the slab cracked like a shotgun blast. Cue the whole insurance mambo and inspection and rigamarole to try to get it repaired or replaced.

Cut to now, months later, and I’ve been asked to help pay for half of their deductible and the expenses insurance wouldn’t cover. They insisted on exact same as before and wouldn’t compromise on a cheaper option so insurance gave them money for the cheaper and the difference was out of pocket. To my understanding at least.

I have flat out refused.

They said I owe it to them since I didn’t warn them when I knew it could be a problem.

I said that I had warned them, they had laughed it off.

“You should have warned us more than once.”

I had. Until they told me to shut up about it.

It’s gotten to where they’re threatening small claims court. Family is divided. Some say I should know by now that it takes more than one mention to get anything done so it was my fault. Most are of the mind that I did everything but get it fixed for them and I owe nothing. I’m 99% sure that this issue would either be dismissed or go in my favor. I’m not worried about if the one percent has me pay out. I’m worried about their wellbeing. They can’t afford this if they lose.

I don’t want to go down without a fight - they’ve used my money to bail them out of financial woe more than a few times and I need to draw the line somewhere. I can’t keep saving them forever. Maybe the only way they’ll learn is to be in real difficulty. I could keep them out if this real trouble and try to stand my ground before something happens. I’m torn.

AITAH because I’m not just giving them the money this time?

Edit 1: ok, this is more attention than I expected. Thank you for pointing out what should be patently obvious for me. I replied to a few people about their disbelief about the situation. Manipulation, guilt, and anxiety for decades will alter every perception of every problem. I stress myself out about being stressed out over stupid stuff. Because “what if” is always there. I know I am in no way responsible legally. I don’t live there. I know they’d lose. Where my dilemma comes is that I can just stop this whole nonsense for now with a check. I’m not and I feel like I’m abandoning them. Hmm what else. Oh. Yes. “Cutesy writing.” I liked that one. I’m not writing a novel (sorry person who questioned my use of porch/patio descriptions) but I am also not boring.

Edit 2: hours later and I’m almost overwhelmed by the responses. I thank everyone, including the doubters and the person that said something about “AI proofing” my writing - I asked them what I do that makes this “AI proof,” as I write like this and have for decades as evidenced by several other web sites I use. I am working on getting my metaphorical shit together and I’m going to just let them do what they’ll do. Maybe they’ll give it up after they see court costs or do any research regarding the likelihood of winning.

I won’t be answering individual comments after this… there are so many and while I want to be a glib smart ass or acknowledge that I’m emotionally damaged, I just can’t handle the volume.

UPDATE: as a couple comments made me realize, this NOT actually what they’re making it out to be. This is a totally different hole they’ve dug that they are trying to hide behind the patio/porch thing. They’re using threats to get me to just pay without asking questions - probably because whatever trouble they’ve stirred up is on a “pay us or we’ll break your kneecaps” level. I don’t know. I really don’t. I also don’t care any more. This is ridiculous and I am not an AH but I must be an idiot.

Thanks all.

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So me (19F) and my bf (23M) have been dating since I was 17 and he was 21. Brief history about our relationship, when I told my friends that I was dating him, they were happy at first. I introduced them to him and vice versa, they seemed to get along. Then they soon realized that he is grooming me but I never thought about that because we were happy with each other and he seemed to love me a lot. I was told by them to break up with him and I refused (they are no longer my friends for another reason.) We have broken up before because he emotionally cheated on me, got caught and denied it. He apologized for denying it and we moved on.  

My parents, friends, etc around me tell me to break up with him bc they think he’s grooming me because of the age gap and they found out he spoils me and uses that as a way to bribe me for sex (he’s a virgin and they think he sees me as an opportunity to lose his virginity to) and also to trap me in the relationship with him. He recently got me an LV purse because I begged him for one and he said he’ll only get it for me if I promise that I’ll stay w him forever and I told him ofc I will. I didn’t mean it, I only wanted the LV bag. Like I’m so torn. I know that he loves me but part of me thinks they’re right that he may be grooming me. Another part of me wonders if that isn’t the case because he’s autistic and may not fully understand the value of money or how relationships work. I just feel so guilty that he is willing to get me anything I want. 

He also lies and blames it on his ADHD. There are countless times where he acts clueless on purpose. Sometimes I can’t tell if he’s genuinely that dumb or if he’s acting clueless on purpose. For example, I tell him that my favorite color is pink and he’ll say “I didn’t know that. I thought it was green!” Even though my entire aesthetic is literally all pink. It pisses me off how he acts dumb. It’s childish and it’s a huge turn off for me. He also has issues with grammar. He talks like a third grader and it’s embarrassing for me. Whenever we have a conversation about a certain topic, he tends to go off on something completely unrelated. I was telling him about how I wanted to boycott Sephora makeup items because they’re not eco friendly. Then he says “Buy cheaper items from Sephora next time” like he completely misses the point. I would sometimes tell him “use your brain” or “are you dumb” etc. I feel like I’m too harsh on him because he’s a little slow. Most of the time I feel guilt ridden because he’s genuinely so sweet and he spoils me and treats me better than anyone else has. 

I’m not an ableist person. I set standards for myself and I’m not wrong for doing so. I personally choose to be with someone who can think for themselves and is capable of making smart decisions. He is not smart at all. I feel like our intelligence levels are so different. Let me know your thoughts. 

Possibly clickbait title but I just went to Walmart for a money order and champagne (getting the keys to my new apt today so I had to get the rent in money order so I’ve been in suuuch a good mood until this) but before, I went to go do that I stopped by the bathroom.

I walked in, looked at the stalls to my right and they all looked occupied so I walked to the back right into the handicap. Then I heard a lady saying “handicap handicap” and I took 3 seconds to hear and then I walked out and asked “ oh do you need this” she said “yes”. I walked right out and went into another stall which I guess was open but I hadn’t realized at first when I walked in.

Started doing my business and the lady just starts going off “These entitled ass people walking into a handicap stall they’re not even handicapped. I’m 42 years old I should be young and beautiful but instead I’m handicapped and these people take my stall. I hope this eats away at your consciousness and you feel like shit. Perfect ass body walking into a handicapped stall and I JUST PISSED MYSELF. I’m 42 I should be living my life and I pissed myself cus I had to wait for the handicap stall. Now I have to take a third shower today and be so embarrassed cus I pissed myself” and the whole time I was quiet and tbh I didn’t rlly feel bad and I don’t think it was my fault she waited til the last second to go the bathroom. I swear me walking into the bathroom did not derail her for more than 7 seconds MAX.

Then I finished and went to go wash my hands. That’s when she started saying “You fucking bitch taking my damn stall “ i got mad at this point and I forgot was else she said but then I said loudly “don’t call me a fucking bitch” mind you she was in the stall still and I was washing my hands. Then she said “I’m gonna call my sister and she’s gonna beat your ass you fucking bitch you waited 5 seconds”That’s when I yelled “please do bitch!!!” and she literally just started screaming all the same things again as I walked out of the bathroom. I left and went to go buy my champagne and money order but I kept looking behind my back in case she was serious about her sister. Literally held the champagne like a weapon the whole time 😭

Now I do feel kinda bad but idk man I feel like I didn’t rlly do anything to be called a bitch like that especially cus I turned right around and gave her the stall. Literally took two steps into the stall, heard her and walked back out.
AITAH for the way I reacted and responded?
edit: forgot to say she was in one of those electronic carts so i think needed a wheelchair

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Me (33), my wife (33), and my 2.5 yr old daughter moved into our neighborhood about 4 months ago. My wife and I are both pretty introverted. We love our space and keep to ourselves.

In the first month while my daughter was out playing, our male neighbor (lives alone) who looks to be in his seventies came out and approached us and told us how much he’s enjoyed watching our daughter laugh and play outside. He then compliments us on how we’ve parented her (she’s very shy so she’s just watching him from behind us). We thank him and just make small talk, normal stuff. We didn’t think much about it.

As weeks pass we noticed that he loves to wait for us outside his home so that he can talk to us but mainly to see our daughter (these conversations last nearly 30 minutes each time he starts). This made us a bit uncomfortable and unsure what to do. We thought that maybe it would just pass. We also didn’t want to make things weird. We’ve experienced overly friendly neighbors but not too this extent.

Week after week we kept running into him while walking the dog or getting the mail, etc. We then learned that he’s been divorced for a while and has no kids. I started getting uncomfortable when he started giving our daughter gifts he made from pinecones, sticks, and other random materials. Some context, my daughter loves to find a good solid stick to poke things with. She would also pick up pinecones to bring home with her. While giving her these gifts he told us how he watches her which is why he gave her these things.

At the end of May he approached us once again to tell us the news that he was moving due to not being able to afford rent. In my mind this was a godsend. We thought wrong. Apparently to him this meant he should pick up the pace and approach us even more. He’d approach us right when one of us came back from work or after we picked up my daughter from daycare. This frustrated my wife to no end.

Speed up to this month. He’s still not done moving. My wife finally had it. She stopped being cordial and outwardly expressed her frustrations by being short and cold. Earlier this week he approached my wife to give our daughter another box random junk while my wife and my daughter were walking home. My wife coldly told him that she couldn’t accept the gift and went into our home. Today he taped a letter to our door.

This is word for word:

Dear Neighbors,
Have you ever heard the saying, "it takes a Village to raise a Child?" I thinkin this complex day and age it's even more true. I often complement the both of you on how well, how thoughtfully, gently and intelligently you're raising and teaching your amazing Child. It's very special to see that, and also rare. I bring this to your attention because I think it's important to recognize and complement true effort and results like your's. It's also important to bring up another point: one's social and ethnic background. You may not realize this, but there are some strong cultural similarities between Koreans and Germans....l see this, because my heritage and parents were German, and have had Korean friends in the past. What are those similarities? Both cultures tend to be very Stoic...focused on learning, achievement and discipline....and cautious, not quick to trust. I bring this up for a couple ot reasons: 1.Iknow know that the both of you are very private people...so I know surprise and irritate the both of you when I frequently invite myself over to socialize with you, without invitation! Yes, very forward and rude of me!.....but like good quality people like the two of you....and I just can't resist your daughter’s cuteness and full of Life energetic enthusiasm! So, this is all about trying to establish and build a Friendship, something which takes time, especially when one's culture does not easily promote friendship outside of one's family and culture. Sadly, I won't have as much time and opportunity to do my part to build a Friendship with you and your daughter, as I will be moving soon. This makes me so sad, as seeing your daughter fills me with so much joy and happiness...a real and simple joy for me, as my Life is mostly sadness, pain and suffering. I'm hoping that we can continue to see each other occasionally, despite the separation my move will create. Why? Because, if you think about it, and if you can accept and allow it, I would like to be a part of your daughter’s"Village," to add enrichment to Her Life...to add to and compliment your amazing Parenting skills. So I'm hoping you'll be more comfortable and accepting of me, by allowing me to visit with all of you in the future so that we might continue to build trust and Friendship?
Sincerely,
M
(I typed this letter, because my handwriting is so poor now, due to the painful arthritis in my shoulders.)

I sent this to my wife and she immediately wrote a letter back essentially saying that she appreciates everything he’s done for our daughter but we as parents do not know you and are not comfortable for the forceful nature of this relationship. We haven’t given him the letter yet but I wanted to see if we were overreacting.

Also, a month ago I realized he was racist. He simply said that the reason why black people are in the position they are in is because they as a people do not provide value to society….

TLDR: moved into a new home. Overbearing Old lonely childless man wants to be part of my daughter’s childhood by offering gifts to her and approaching us anytime he sees us. Makes us uncomfortable because we do not know anything about this man.

I turned 40 last week. I’ve been nervously anticipating this milestone birthday for a long time. I wanted to do something big to celebrate, but I decided to save money so I wouldn’t screw up our summer vacation budget. Last year, my wife didn’t get anything. No gift, no card. We had moved a few months prior and had a baby, so I chalked it up to craziness of life and moved on. This year I don’t expect anything crazy, but at least a card and a date night. But once again, nothing. She stopped at a dollar tree and bought be some of my favorite candy on her way home day of, but that’s it. No card. No gift. Just dollar store candy.

I let it go for a few days. I foolishly thought maybe there’s something coming. Maybe she ordered it late on Amazon. Maybe there’s a surprise. But nothing came.

She thinks she has ADHD (undiagnosed) and struggles with executive functioning. She says her two times are not yet or right now which makes planning anything hard. But how hard could it be to just write me a card? Just sit in the dollar tree parking lot and put pen to paper to tell me I matter to you and the kids. Something.

We got in an unrelated argument today. The hurt i buried came out and through tears i said “you know, you kinda ruined my 40th birthday. And that hurts.”

she didn’t take it well. She screamed about how she already beats herself up over her lack of focus and planning, that there’s nothing I can say to her that she doesn’t say to herself. she went into her room and sobbed for a good while. I took the kids to the park to give her some space. We havent talked since.

AITAH for telling her the truth about my birthday? AITAH for thinking she could have and should have done something more? Or do I just need to grow up?

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