u/Depressedemoweirdo

I feel like all I am is a minority. Almost like Im an alien from a different planet trying to fit in and pretend I belong here. Repulsed asexual, demiromantic among other smaller labels, agender, autistic and a handful of mental health issues. I feel like my life is on hardcore mode. Im legit the person who gets told to pick a struggle.

I know theres no real meaning or explanation as to why we are all on this planet but damn do I feel like I actually have no real reason to have been born in this place. So many ppl can relate to each other or have an easier time finding ppl that can relate unlike someone like me. I have a handful of very sweet friends and I’m so grateful for them however it does make me sad that they will never truly understand how I feel no matter how badly they want to. Loneliness is not only the lack of ppl for me but more so the lack of anyone that is in the same boat as me. I mean I had never even met an asexual naturally before I actually went out of my way to do so and even then we never seemed to click, and even when we did they disappeared after a while.

I wanna date so bad and while also being biromantic my chances should technically be higher since I genuinely don’t care about anyones gender or honestly looks but I still have no one I can call my partner. Ppl will get crushes on me and I will feel guilty and almost angry at the thought that, I could technically easily get a partner but that if i do, it wont last long like I want it to. Ive been meaning to actively start looking for ppl but I’m afraid that it wont work out and that ill waste my time and get heartbroken. But by far I’m most afraid that ill look for ppl and then find nobody and my last bit of hope will be gone. I hate that I want a partner so badly when it feels like I genuinely don’t deserve one with all the stuff I got going on.

I seem to be unloveable no matter how hard I try to compensate for being asexual. And yea I get that just bc ppl love each other it doesn’t mean it will work out and that, thats not a reflection of me as a person or my value but damn. The amount of times I’ve been told “ud make a perfect partner if u would be fine with doing the deed” is honestly insane. How can one not internalize this when it is seemingly the truth?

I just need to vent about this somewhere where ppl can somewhat relate and understand where I’m coming from bc Im honestly spiralling. Like keeping me awake bad. I am sure everyone has experienced this before however its even more frustrating when that feeling is basically nonexistent most of the time.

I always end up liking the worst ppl after years of feeling repulsed by the mere idea of romance. I get super excited to get to feel romantic attraction again after ages and then it’s just as quickly robbed from me. It’s such a rare occurrence that every time I lose it I genuinely believe I might never feel it again. I hate that it’s so dependent on someone else and on such low odds. Like the stars literally have to align. Most my relationships have been horrible bc for some reason my dumbass only likes ppl that are clearly bad for me and the problem in all of this is that I cant help it. I feel like Im my own biggest enemy and I’m honestly so so frustrated with myself. Like I have no one to blame but me.

What triggered this rant is a multitude of reasons but one of them is the fact that for some reason a lot of ppl seem to “like me” really quickly without actually knowing me. And I mean thats fine and normal but what frustrates me and makes me so sad is that all of them utter the same words to me. Almost like a broken record like a rehearsed line. They promise things and say things that are just in the heat of the moment. And every time it happens it makes me so sad and honestly angry bc I’ve heard those exact same words before from every single person that’s ever liked me and even the ppl I liked back.

I keep thinking that maybe I should just date someone thats good and hope I eventually catch feelings for them. But that feels like such a gamble. I had done this for a previous relationship and it was a terrible experience. It took me nearly a year of dating to fall in love. I hated that I felt like I was betraying them somehow bc my romantic feelings were so slow to trigger. It made me feel so guilty. And when I did finally fall in love they decided that they no longer loved me. What followed was immense heartbreak. At this point it feels like I’m the problem. I feel unlovable almost like when ppl get to know me deeper they lose complete interest in me. Ppl will preach how I deserve better and then turn around and become the same ppl they were judging.

Ive been considering looking for a serious relationship again bc i miss everything about one but I just don’t trust anyone. The more this happens the more afraid I get. Every time I experience the pain and time it takes to get over someone and/or the time wasted on top of the heartache the less I want to try. Im genuinely so lost, sad and honestly scared. I feel so isolated and lonely and thats heightened by the fact most ppl don’t get it bc they just don’t experience love the way I do. My asexuality is up there as another reason why this is even more difficult but I wont get into that here. Im just slowly losing the last piece of hope Ive been so desperately trying to hold on to. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I got the Vengeance skin with the voucher and I love it but the damage boost and flying sounds are so overwhelmingly loud compared to any other skin. I looked thru settings to see if I could turn it down somehow but Im either blind or there isn’t an option.

How did yall feel about his Danganronpa lets plays? I personally really hope Jay ends up playing the new Danganronpa game. I loved his lets plays of the other games. He did mention in a video not long ago he has some longer games he plans on playing. Either way even if he doesn’t play it with us I hope he enjoys the game.

Juno and Mercy main here my friends have burnt out of playing Emre for me since its all I ever wanna pocket. Sadly they aren’t into playing him as much as I want them to (bad taste). Whenever I solo queue usually theres an Emre on the other team and never really on mine. I lowkey get kinda jealous I need y’all to lock in and get into my games RIGHT NOW. I will pocket u, res u, fight for u and die for u while body blocking ur ult. If any of u need a Mercy pocket or a Juno speed ring I’m ur girl.

Hey hope everyones having an amazing day/night. I am in need of more friends to play games with on a regular basis honestly. Id like to build friendships that go beyond games but gaming buddies are always welcome.

I will say the games I play right now are few but I do wanna go out my comfort zone at some point and try new ones. I should probably mention I’m from Europe but idm ppl outside of Europe.

Right now I mostly play Overwatch and will easily agree to play it at any time of the day (its kind of an addiction). Im around plat in skill lvl I think (it doesn’t feel like it) and I main Juno and Mercy on the side. Been trying to improve but its hard by myself. Im fairly newish since I started the game back in february. Its my first hero shooter and shooter in general.

Besides Overwatch I also used to play Valorant very very very bad at it tho lol. I play some Minecraft and Roblox sometimes. I also have dbd but I didn’t see the appeal in it sadly. Single-player wise I love persona 5 royal and some sims like games like paralives since I love building. I also have payday2 however when I play it w friends I just exist as an accessory and just follow them around and mess up whatever they are doing by accident lmao.

Personality wise Id say I can be a lot. I yap a bunch and have no shame being myself. I am super competitive and I love to roast ppl with funny and unexpected insults. Im a very cheerful person most of the time. Cope is my hope. Id say I’m the least judgemental person out there. Im very encouraging and I care maybe way too much about the ppl close to me. Ill be ur own personal therapist and oversharing doesn’t exist in my household. If we are close and u don’t respond I will randomly DM u to ask if ur still alive just to make sure ur okay. Life’s too short to be ashamed to care about the ppl around u.

In games just like irl Im a clumsy mess who is half the time in her own little world. I will forget whats happening, ill get randomly lost in maps halfway into team fights and sometimes will have a really hard time comprehending anything thats happening. On the rare occasions when Im locked in I will poof out of existence for a few seconds. Im always willing to learn and improve however sometimes I do get a bit overwhelmed.

I love to VC however the first few times I need it to be while playing video games so it doesn’t get awkward. After that if we vibe we could watch YT together or whatever else we plan to do. My schedule is flexible and Im mostly always available. The only thing that maybe is a requirement is to be able to speak english somewhat fluently just so we can understand each other easier.

If that all sounds good to u and I’ve sold u with all my yapping leave a short introduction with name/age/pronouns and some things about urself. Or make it long thats even better.

Typo in the title whoops. Im looking for some chill ppl in their 20s to chat with. We can have some casual conversations and if we vibe we can potentially become friends. I like to yap would be nice if we could yap together. I love big personalities bc that means theres more to talk about. Gaming buddies always welcome.

Anyway now thats out the way heres some things about me:

~ Im really into fashion more specifically alternative, lolita and fairy like fashion. Which is where my love for collecting dolls comes from. Mostly monster high but sometimes different types too. Ive got probably near 400 dolls in my room. And no, they wont come alive and kill u. Unless u deserve it ofc.

~ I love video games more specifically multiplayers it helps me bond with ppl when there isn’t much to say and life is grim. However the games I play are limited since I’m bad at going out my comfort zone. Right now my addiction is overwatch. Tho it hasn’t been as fun lately.

~ I draw sometimes and read whenever I’m in the mood for it. I watch quite a bit of yt especially gaming videos or essays. Ur more likely to get me interested in a long yt essay than u are in a movie or series.

If u wanna know more about me than that ull just have to ask, or u could also stalk my profile. No judgement here I’m nosey too.

Hey guys so, I decided to solo queue a few rounds of QP before bed (ik big mistake) trying to get better at my high sens I switched to and generally just to have some fun. I got in the game with a tank that was blatantly cheating as I found out later. So I did my thing didn’t know they were cheating until someone pointed it out late into the game and then I proceeded to see it in their POTG. Usually ppl accuse others of cheating pretty often so u never know what to believe however this guy was actually cheating. Anyway I was just laughing and having fun most of the round bc my Genji was so funny. Wasnt really paying attention to my tank besides the healhbar. (tbf i get distracted easily and my attention span is bad but im working on it)

The enemy Hanzo immediately started saying I’m at fault bc I boosted said tank and healed them. I boosted them on first point bc they were the only one peaking the rest of the game I was boosting my Genji and support and 1v1ing the enemy Widow and just being silly in general. When they started complaining I was obviously like “I’m sorry I didn’t know and I don’t know this person.” Whats funny is until the game ended they were harassing and threatening me not the actual person cheating or legit anyone else on my team not even the other support that was mainly healing the tank. No words were said towards the actual guy cheating only me.

So I’ve been wondering if the sole reason is just bc I was playing Mercy. Ive gotten so much hate on her so I wouldn’t say I’d be exactly surprised. Has this ever happen to u guys? Do ppl just assume u are queued with cheaters?

YAGHQD - the replay code if anyone wants to watch it (honestly its worth it just for the Genji lol)

I don’t have many of them bc of the simple fact I cant view them in dressing room or even when they are available in shop. Like do I really have to spend 20 bucks just to maybe possibly end up not liking them?

If any of u guys have legit any atmospheres can u share them in the comments so maybe when they are in shop me and maybe other ppl can decide if we wanna buy them or not? Bc honestly Ive googled a bunch of them and nothing ever comes up.

Edit: Thank u to everyone that posted pictures I appreciate u guys.

This is driving me crazy right now but I went to an eye appointment today and the perfume from the doctor is still lingering on me. It feels like its stuck in my nose. I have a really low tolerance for smell especially perfumes they make me nauseous and sick to my stomach.

Ive thrown my clothes in the washer, washed my hands and my face and its still there. Im probably gonna end up showering to see if that gets rid of it. Does anyone else experience this and if so how do u deal with the way it makes u feel? Any ways to make it more bearable?

I am from EU but I really don’t mind playing on different servers. U also don’t have to specifically play on PC but it would be nice. I play support (Juno and Mercy). I have discord and I don’t mind voice calls as long as we get to know each other a bit before we call. But I am okay without calling aswell if u prefer. As long as ur between 18-30 feel free to dm me. I am also LGBTQ+ friendly so everyone is welcome.

Lately I’ve come to realise gender matters to a lot of ppl and it has no meaning to me. Ive thought in the past that maybe I am non-binary but didn’t think much into it. I am asexual (sex-repulsed specifically) and somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. I just view myself as a human being. I however am aware I am AFAB and have no issue with being biologically a woman when it comes down to things that need me to be defined that way.

I just wish ppl would see me as human and nothing more. I mostly go by she/they pronouns and will let ppl call me she/her. I rarely have ppl use they/them to refer to me. It doesn’t bother me much bc ik its easier for ppl to use pronouns based on my gender. I feel ppl not respecting me going by they/them would upset me more if thats all i went by so I’m settling for she/they. My question is from what I feel am I valid to identify with being agender?