u/Dramatic_Mix9067

Genuinely my negative back to back experience from adolescence has changed me so much to the point im becoming emotionless, like im becoming less empathetic and evil. I feel a deep anger and hatred inside for being passive when i couldve been meaner, than people paint me to be. Im learning to embrace people disliking me and owning the villain role. People will gaslight u for noticing their mistreatment of them. And just noticing weird power hungry social climbing of nts when they percieve u to be below them in the social hierarchies and the switch up when they believe u to be higher. Especially when ur put in competitive environments like work and education.

I saw this tiktok post of an nd girl that said if u get the chance be mean be meaner and think the next day of how you could be even more of a bitch. Dont bully ofc bus having boundaries is key. If u let someone temp check and be rude and u ignore it, it can set the precedent for how others will treat u Show others how much respect they should give u. By doing this it protects u from bullying, bullies pick targets they percieve to be weak. Have no mercy i believe its ok to be selfish to an extent, we all subconsciously are to an extent, thats why there is a bystander effect , we dont want to be subjected to scrutiny or abuse from those in power.

And those in power tend to narcissists and i think thats why alot of nds tend to but heads with them, well speaking for me. Some nds can be naive to narcissists abuse. The key is spotting them and avoiding them really. I also think being fake is a good tool and can protect u alot, sometimes in secondary school i thought that this popular girl is an evil bully why do ppl like her the truth is alot of them never really liked the popular bullies and these friendgroups dont like eachother but are rather playing a tactical game. It is safer to be an insider than an outsider. Thread carefully in majority neurotypical spaces like the work places by spotting these discrepancies.

Like i currently finished alevels and i cannot be arsed going out as much and stuff cus i just want to avoid seeing people my age or people ik from secondary school and neighbours whos kids hate me. #mosthated i just want to avoid my hometown like when i get out and im with my mates im fine, but idk i dont like seeing them in the bus and i want to learn to drive so i can avoid them but like i dont have a job and so how will i finance my car? Idk like i dint learn in yr 12 cus my mom told me to study instead of learning to drive. But i want to get the theory test done so i can learn the practical in my uni and do the test there so i have less anxiety. So i can avoid everyone. Like im unable to move forward and live my life unless i move out of homwtown im legit waiting to to get my uni place and then get out of here. Like i can only go out once a week without feeling fatigued in general. I wanted to do so many things this summer but cant cus i just hate getting the bus and seeing ppl in my area and ppl from my past. I feel like im most hated, genuinely everyone hated me in secondary school and would take the piss. Nobody cares as much now but i have seen two ppl who i dont like flex the fact they’re driving in my face. I feel wierdly looked down upon. I may have to learn it at uni atp its too late. But im making sure i go uni 4-5hr away so i can avoid these idiots.

Its not like im socially inept or anything but like i just like i learned how to be social and healthy and how to deal with ppl better and make friends or acquintances. Im just tired of this setting and i need a new update. Like ppl point me out in town and stuff like i ignore them but i feel like thwir trying to humble me cus of my past etc.

I basically get ubers all the time my mom lets me cus she knows how bad my anxiety is its not the experiwnce of being in public but rather the people and setting i need a refresh

Literally im a celeberaty get me out of here lol

Like i want it i get it or i attempt and im reminded of how much i hate it. Or the weird biases or hierarchies and rules. Then i want to isolate myself and then im reminded of fomo and how much i miss out. I look at ppl and friendship comes easy to them i miss out in relationships etc. When i try ppl seem to like me less, or say that im weird . If i dont speak im weird.

Should i throw away all my revision material and notes. I have so much and i barely used most of it.

All types of shaming on the table. Wishing all the worst on my enemy.
I will turn into ekane, hrh collection and cardi b
I have no filtre
Love being a hater

Sixthform is about to end . Last week i had double enconomics and cus of exams half my class wasnt in and another econs teacher class was cancelled so Mrs B class moved to mine , so i see this new boy , i walk in diff people miss(ms N) is like sit wherever, same boy i have a crush on quickly moved a bag from a chair but i sat next to this other guy im friends with. Fast forward end of break he walks in class late with his mate i look at him we make eye contact as he walks in, then class ends its lunch im walking to my friend i see him again he stares at me. Then thursday morning i go study at a uni library early i sit in booth this is a popular area most ppl from my school study here. 8 am ish i see him walking im watching him, he sists in the booth next to me(infront i cant see him tho its like we are opposite eachother) he got up again we both made eye contact he looked back at me as he walked, then he came back to his booth we made eye contact again, then his friends came they were studying, after a while he gets up and he standing in front of my booth waiting with his mates to go get coffee he just facing my booth waiting there then they go off. Then i leave to go class. Then this week Monday i come early to class to revise just for exams like ppl who do econ do that, hes sat there with his mates ypping then miss kicks us out to go 30mins early and be on time at the exam hall. Im walking behind him in the hallway hes further up as he goes down the stairs he looks at me and smirks, then fastforward im outside of the building for exams soaking up some sun, but hes inside my back is facing the building, then each one of his friends go and stand outside facing forward at the building and then he comes out standing near the wall and he keeps turning and looking at me then looks away. Leaversday is on friday so my only chances to see him is tmrw thursday and friday and the final econ exam paper. I feel like theres a spark somewhere but idk im interested in him maybe im delusional, is it worth taking the risk of following him on instagram. His accnt is private and im not a social media person i dont use instagram.
Plus we will be going uni September or gap years for some seperate paths. So should i bother at all

should i message my crush on teams and confess im selective mute in real life and avoidant im scared i lost him. Hes prob fed up of me i had so many opportunities where he was alone. But we kinda like eachother but im scared to talk