No longer prepared to be responsible for her care
My mother’s health has been declining over the past 4 or 5 years. She is 86 and has had numerous falls in the past 6 months and suffers from growing memory loss and confusion (no official diagnosis yet)
She is currently in a very nice care home following her most recent fall but wants to go back to her flat. She accepts that she will need additional care, she however doesn’t understand that one of the reason she has had falls is she was forgetting to eat and drink. She thinks having someone there in the morning to get her up and the evening to put her to bed will be enough. She thinks she can still walk to the town centre and church about 800m 0.5 miles away up and down a staircase.
I have 1 brother who lives about 90 mins drive away. I foolishly live about 10 mins away. Over the past 3 years I have taken her to most hospital and dr appointments, been the one to go in the middle of the night when she falls and do any shopping etc. I see her at least once a week and now more often. I do 90% of the admin for her life.
In the first 3 months of the year my brother by his own admission spoke to her on the phone a couple of times and saw her once. My brother was and is the golden child particularly by my father, who is thankfully long dead (he was both emotionally and physically abusive although he’d say it was just normal for the time).
My mother was more concerned about her career and most importantly her church her love for God was the most important thing in her life.
Unsurprisingly the church she has dedicated her life to have been almost completely absent now she is old, nobody comes to visit her (her flat is 3 mins form the church and the care home she is in 5 mins drive) including the minister. I hate the church.
She always said that when she got old she’d never be a burden but she is now. I understand she wants her independence and hates getting old but I never signed up for this and won’t do it any more. I feel very guilty for feeling like this and wish I could be more like others who seem to be able to just completely abandon their parents