u/Due-Intention-8743

I dated a guy for 4 months. We had a very strong connection, same interests, similar values, etc. We got on well pretty fast. Even though we never were boyfriend and girlfriend “formally”, we basically played or acted like we were.
After those 4 months he slowly started teasing that he couldn’t keep on going with the relationship because of his personal life. In his words, he didn’t want to drag me to his problems and wanted to keep me “safe”. It is true that he has a complex life, but it would never occur to me that he would let go of us just because of that. However, i know that he is scared of getting hurt again because of his past relationship and I believe that is a huge factor of why he didn’t want to commit. In spite of that, he’s still in contact with his ex.
When he broke up with me he made clear that he really cared about me and valued me as a person, and because of that he wanted to remain friends. What does that even mean? Would he eventually want to get back together?
In this point in time we are friends who eventually hang out, but it feels as if nothing changed. Sometimes we simply hang out and others we end up hooking up.
have you guys ever been in this situation? what do you think made him make that decision?

I was going through my phone gallery and i came across some screenshots from the first time we texted. I kinda didn’t want to keep on reading but i did anyway and this weird wave of nostalgia hit me. Am i supposed to delete all this? I feel like its erasing part of our story and I don’t want it to only be a memory. I feel like this is “proof” that the situation was real and not something that I created in my head. I have this weird feeling, like the person that i met initially is someone completely different from who he is now.

Also sometimes i am just going through my day and i get this sudden images in my head of us laughing, kissing or whatever. Sounds like the movies but it feels like that. I get nostalgic, happy and sad simultaneously.

sometimes i want to hire a priest to come exorcise my demons because you left something in me that i can’t keep on feeling

I would’ve never imagined i could get past 1 week of breakup without feeling like i wanted to die. But here I am, waaaay further than i thought i would ever be.

It has been hard, ngl. I used to cry myself to sleep, wake up in the middle of the night with my heart pounding out of my chest, and just hurting. I remember one day, I was sitting in some uni class an i thought “I am never gonna get through this, am I?” and i swear i wanted to cry sooooo bad.
Well, of course i haven’t gotten over it. I definitely got a long way to go, but I believe i am gaining perspective.

It hits me sometimes that this person didn’t choose me and i get sad. I recall all the memories together and i get nostalgic, but I know now that I can hold a special place in my heart for those while still understanding that the person I was dating wasn’t responsible or emotionally mature. It is crazy how I realize now that i went to hell and back for this person while they wouldn’t even cross a street for me. I was really submissive and i devoted myself to someone who wasn’t able to see my efforts. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t love them or appreciate them because they were caring at some point too. Or I could even say they still are.

Sometimes i think how my life would be now if we were still together, and I get emotional, but i also know deep down i would’ve hated that life because i wasn’t able to be honest and tell them that they were hurting me. I would have NEVER been able to breakup with him. I didn’t want to throw away the “love” that i was given. I know i would’ve settled for that kind of relationship just to be able to be with him.

I still see this person regularly and that’s how i know i am not over it. That’s when i wonder how they feel and if they miss me, i seriously have no clue what goes through their head. The thing is, when we come across each other we chat like nothing. I don’t understand how we get back to our rhythm without missing any steps. It is weird, i feel some romantic/sexual tension when we talk but that’s it.

Basically, i believe i am doing baby steps in this healing process. I am unsure of how this is gonna keep going in time but i wanna hope for the best.

To anyone going through a breakup, i am sorry. It feels like the shitiest thing in the whole world but you gotta believe in yourself. You are the only person who can get you out of that.