u/Economy_Chain5498

I’m F20. I like yaoi in every form and it always occupies my mind, it’s very comforting to me. If I’m in the mood to masterbait I need to think of women, which confuses me, my parents are homophobic and it wouldn’t be good if they knew. I keep to myself and I’m told I’m very independent, I feel that’s because all my sexual and romantic needs are self contained and I don’t really look for anything outside myself to feel whole. Is there anyone else who has a really non standard sexual orientation? If so how does it affect your life?

I’m currently studying accounting in college, but around 7 months ago I delusionaly wanted to be an athlete, so I worked out nearly everyday and ran 7.9km nearly everyday, I’ve been pretty consistent and I’m making steady progress, but I think joining the army would be my only option, since I don’t like sitting for long periods, I can tolerate it but it’s not the main thing I want to do. I still need to reach physical requirements to join the army in my country. Then I started reading a textbook about anatomy and physiology and suddenly I want to do something in medicine, I feel the problem solving is more interesting than in accounting, and I see it more in everyday life, I didn’t really know what accounting was before I learned it. There’s even more delusional things I’m doing and are happening but I’m embarrassed about them so I won’t say

I one time confronted them directly about it and they said something along the lines of “that’s just how my body works” They only eat a few flapjacks a day, but they seem to be acting and functioning normally, I don’t know how you can be like that with eating basically nothing in my eyes. I feel I want to know more about how this type of stuff works?

I don’t know what my feelings are, when I was younger and in school, I’d fake a lot of my feelings, I somehow made myself think my fake feelings were my genuine feelings. It was like that with every friend I had, almost all my interests and emotions were a fabrication.

sometimes I have moments that I doubt myself, that maybe I have to talk to people and make friends, that I have to continue trying.

It feels strange and alien to me, there’s this experience, that most people have and are affected by. I feel slightly strange that I’m unable to be like other people. I also have this strange inherent dislike/indifference of hetero people. Maybe I think about this too much but I do notice that there’s something off about me. There’s things I don’t understand and they’ll have to be left a mystery.