u/Economy_Chain5498

I feel I want to discuss/rant/ramble about this movie, because i think it’s relevant about people’s perception of friendship. The protagonist wrote that her ultimate goal was to find friends, then she just accepts being treated badly by people, because isn’t she doing a good thing getting out of her “comfort zone” and being more “brave”. Having friends is better than none, right?. I feel she places her whole worth on whether people like her or not, she wants their approval and be liked by them. This movie made me really uncomfortable which I think was the point, maybe it reminded me of me except I would never see myself thinking about being sexual with a man, since im aroace, im also a yaoi fangirl so, we’re kinda different in that sense. I just need a movie of a yaoi fangirl just minding her business while everyone is stressing over their relationships, and she’s just like tf.
I find it strange that people see relationships as the ultimate goal, and people in my life ask me about if I have found friends in college, when I say no I seem to be somewhat pitied or it’s expected that I should have friends when I really dont need friends or don’t purposefully look for friends since I’m a full time yaoi fangirl. I’m open to having friends but it can’t be forced.
Basically people don’t fit into moulds and there’s more to living that having friends. The basic advice would be to follow your heart but your heart told you to get friends no matter what the cost, so how do you trust yourself? That you’re not leading yourself down a destructive path?

I’m F20. I like yaoi in every form and it always occupies my mind, it’s very comforting to me. If I’m in the mood to masterbait I need to think of women, which confuses me, my parents are homophobic and it wouldn’t be good if they knew. I keep to myself and I’m told I’m very independent, I feel that’s because all my sexual and romantic needs are self contained and I don’t really look for anything outside myself to feel whole. Is there anyone else who has a really non standard sexual orientation? If so how does it affect your life?

I’m currently studying accounting in college, but around 7 months ago I delusionaly wanted to be an athlete, so I worked out nearly everyday and ran 7.9km nearly everyday, I’ve been pretty consistent and I’m making steady progress, but I think joining the army would be my only option, since I don’t like sitting for long periods, I can tolerate it but it’s not the main thing I want to do. I still need to reach physical requirements to join the army in my country. Then I started reading a textbook about anatomy and physiology and suddenly I want to do something in medicine, I feel the problem solving is more interesting than in accounting, and I see it more in everyday life, I didn’t really know what accounting was before I learned it. There’s even more delusional things I’m doing and are happening but I’m embarrassed about them so I won’t say

I one time confronted them directly about it and they said something along the lines of “that’s just how my body works” They only eat a few flapjacks a day, but they seem to be acting and functioning normally, I don’t know how you can be like that with eating basically nothing in my eyes. I feel I want to know more about how this type of stuff works?

I don’t know what my feelings are, when I was younger and in school, I’d fake a lot of my feelings, I somehow made myself think my fake feelings were my genuine feelings. It was like that with every friend I had, almost all my interests and emotions were a fabrication.

sometimes I have moments that I doubt myself, that maybe I have to talk to people and make friends, that I have to continue trying.

It feels strange and alien to me, there’s this experience, that most people have and are affected by. I feel slightly strange that I’m unable to be like other people. I also have this strange inherent dislike/indifference of hetero people. Maybe I think about this too much but I do notice that there’s something off about me. There’s things I don’t understand and they’ll have to be left a mystery.