u/Elegant_Dot2679

Comecei a fazer terapia pela TCC, e como o foco da terapia é mudar comportamento vejo que meu maior problema em questão de comportamento é a ansiedade e meu problema em impor limites e respeito

O que eu posso dizer para minha terapeuta para ela me ajudar nisso ?

Loss of a group of friends after a new girl joined

In 2023, I started college and my professor assigned a project that included these two guys.

I’ll call one of them Matthew (23) and the other John (38).

I became friends with both of them. Keep in mind that I’m used to having more male friends, so this wasn’t strange to me.

We quickly became very close and spent all our time together.

They were closer to each other, but since they were men, I didn’t think much of it. We didn’t text much because, since they were men, I avoid messaging so as not to give a bad impression.

Matthew was sometimes very strange. On one hand, he was always present, kept me company, and both of them always stayed with me until I was able to leave. On the other hand, he made many jokes about my clothes when we were in a group. At first, I didn’t mind, but over time it started to upset me.

I take classes in different groups sometimes, so they ended up doing a project with two other girls. I’ll call them Bruna (20) and Maddy (21). I wasn’t very close to them, mainly because they sat separately and I hadn’t done anything with them before.

Matthew even asked me out, but I didn’t respond because I didn’t like those advances. At some point, I asked him if he was bisexual. After some time, we talked and had a very emotional conversation where we held hands tightly and everything.

I saw John on December 24, 2023, and he called me over, hugged me, said he was excited for the next year, and so on. (John and Matthew always talked during class on WhatsApp; after a while, I suspected they were having an affair.)

I randomly ran into Matthew on the street during the summer, and he said he wanted to organize a get-together with all of us (the five of us). I talked to John about it, and everything seemed fine. For some reason, Matthew always wanted me to initiate conversations, which I only noticed later.

Then came the big conflict. The new semester started, and everything seemed fine between everyone. Matthew even invited me to go to church, and since it was a very strange invitation, I declined.

I missed a class, and the professor assigned a project that could only have five people. They added a new girl, and I was left without a group.

That same day, this new girl — I’ll call her Regina — was extremely unpleasant to me, making jokes and saying there was no room for anyone else in the project. She made a nasty joke about my height and completely ignored me, going straight to talk only to the other girls. Matthew noticed this and told me I was being excluded.

Time passed, and every time we were talking, she interrupted. She would call him, and he would go. She literally interrupted us in the middle of conversations.

She started indirectly insulting me when talking to him (“dude, you’re so fake,” “dude, you’re so humble”). I started to feel very bad, and she didn’t stop. She constantly said there were messages to send in the group (I wasn’t included), that they had plans for Wednesday (I wasn’t included), all while staring at me very, very angrily.

Things got ugly. An older man in the class noticed this and told them not to exclude me. John said that wouldn’t happen. He was actually quite nice and texted me, but I felt insecure.

She kept doing this. Eventually, the two girls stopped talking to me and only the guys talked to me, but then she started calling all of them to talk outside. Everyone would go, and I’d be left out.

That hurt me a lot. A lot.

Eventually, I distanced myself and became more withdrawn because it made me feel very unwell.

Then they invited me to go out to a snack bar. They insisted a lot, really a lot, so I went. Matthew paid the bill, and Regina continued mocking everything I said.

Eventually, Matthew started treating me worse and worse. We had a group project to do, and I had to look for them to work on it. Matthew and Regina mocked me for that. They created a group and didn’t give me time to send my part. Regina made a point of saying she forgot there were six people in the project — twice.

I can’t understand why they accepted and eventually participated in something so cruel when I always treated them so well.

They still watch me in class. She keeps giving me very hostile looks. They don’t talk to me, but they talk to everyone around me. Anyone who starts hanging out with them can’t talk to me. Individually, they still look at me and occasionally one of them talk to me here and there always when she's no around

I've already left the classroom I used to study in with them, cut off contact with everyone in that class, and only see them in the hallway.I need advice on what to do when I see them in the hallway, at lectures, and when leaving the university. I've already informed the administration; what other actions should I take to protect myself and maintain my dignity?

I want to do a ribbon-cutting ceremony with some people, but I don't have the money to pay someone right now. I'd like to know if I can do the ribbon-cutting myself? If so, where can I learn?

I found out that my bully actually studied with me in another classroom, during the same period that I was also with my former "friends," and she didn't intimidate me there; in fact, I didn't even know she existed and idk if she knew me at all

I discovered because I was randomly stalking a colleague and saw that we have a picture together (on opposite sides of the classroom) I also saw in a really old study group that she was also part of there and she tried to interact with people there but nobody gaf

So she entered other classroom and in like a month max she managed to turn everyone against me. She did like everyday until she got it done.

The thing is, the other classroom is big with a lot of old folks and most important of all I have protection there ( with I thought I have in the other classroom but I was wrong) my point is nobody bully alone, is impossible, they have to have support and the people who support them like what they do so they're as much of a problem as them

Point number two is: I don't think bullies can coexist in places without bullyng other people, I don't think they feel good they have to have this just position so they can feel peace my bully for example never came back to this classroom

Why? Cause nobody gaf at her there and people are more strong

Point number three: some people are gonna bully once they have the opportunity, they're no gonna bully if they feel they can get caught or if the people are gonna react someway or another

They're cowards, be safe and try to have a good support system ( Which is difficult) e value them

Don't wast your time trying to prove anything, you can discover the cure of the AIDS and this people are gonna say that is not a big deal cause it's a problem of them with you

People know, they just don't care for whatever reason. I spent two years trying to get validation from other people in the same classroom because, in a way, I wanted to prove that I was good enough that I could have friends that would love me and appreciate and turns out the ghost of them influenciate me to no get it and also be in the same environment of them doesn't make me any good and I still have to heal from that

My advice is: change classes,schools whatever and will feel better