u/Fickle-Aide9279

So guys, I am 29F from India. I went to Switzerland to pursue my masters degree when I was 21 in 2018. But we didn't have a lot of money and all the time I struggled a lot. I did several jobs just to survive. My mental health declined a lot, and so did my physical health. But I finished my masters degree, and found a PhD.

But unfortunately, I couldn't do a PhD for more than a year and 4 months because my supervisor decided I am not technically compatible for the position. This was in 2023. And in May 2023 I lost this job, and then started looking for funding, but didn't get funding as I tried until May 2024.

In May 2024, I started doing software work here and there looking for other jobs but couldn't find one. And thankfully I found a job in May 2024 as an intern and it went well, I got a job but unfortunately denied the permit. So I appealed my decision and it went for a year and lost and returned back to India.

Now my parents are telling me that I will never find a job in Europe and that I need to find a job locally and marry someone locally.

But I am so used to the culture there and I am used to dating people from there and I like it more. I like the freedom, peace, viewpoint in life generally. But I also failed in my recent relationship which ended badly. But I still don't want to settle for an Indian partner. Am I being brutal ? Is this viewpoint not okay ? Is that not ok to believe that I will work hard and go back and find a partner there ?

Please help me guys, my parents are worried that I am getting old, and that he gave me a chance to find an international partner and I failed so badly. He tells me I lost the chance and now the chance is over and I have to marry whoever he shows me. Is there something like that ? A chance in life, once I lose it, I can never get it ? He tells me that I ripened too fast, he sent me to study and I lost track of finding a partner when I was 21, which is right to an extent but I will not get any more chances ?

TL;DR parents think I need to settle but I don't want to. I failed at finding a job abroad after studying, and a relationship. Now they are telling me I should stay in India and marry whoever he tells me to, saying I lost a chance.

Should I stay in India, or go to Europe ?

So guys, I am 29F from India. I went to Switzerland to pursue my masters degree when I was 21 in 2018. But we didn't have a lot of money and all the time I struggled a lot. I did several jobs just to survive. My mental health declined a lot, and so did my physical health. But I finished my masters degree, and found a PhD.

But unfortunately, I couldn't do a PhD for more than a year and 4 months because my supervisor decided I am not technically compatible for the position. This was in 2023. And in May 2023 I lost this job, and then started looking for funding, but didn't get funding as I tried until May 2024.

In May 2024, I started doing software work here and there looking for other jobs but couldn't find one. And thankfully I found a job in May 2024 as an intern and it went well, I got a job but unfortunately denied the permit. So I appealed my decision and it went for a year and lost and returned back to India.

Now my parents are telling me that I will never find a job in Europe and that I need to find a job locally and marry someone locally.

But I am so used to the culture there and I am used to dating people from there and I like it more. I like the freedom, peace, viewpoint in life generally. But I also failed in my recent relationship which ended badly. But I still don't want to settle for an Indian partner. Am I being brutal ? Is this viewpoint not okay ? Is that not ok to believe that I will work hard and go back and find a partner there ?

Please help me guys, my parents are worried that I am getting old, and that he gave me a chance to find an international partner and I failed so badly. He tells me I lost the chance and now the chance is over and I have to marry whoever he shows me. Is there something like that ? A chance in life, once I lose it, I can never get it ? He tells me that I ripened too fast, he sent me to study and I lost track of finding a partner when I was 21, which is right to an extent but I will not get any more chances ?

So guys, I am 29F from India. I went to Switzerland to pursue my masters degree when I was 21 in 2018. But we didn't have a lot of money and all the time I struggled a lot. I did several jobs just to survive. My mental health declined a lot, and so did my physical health. But I finished my masters degree, and found a PhD.

But unfortunately, I couldn't do a PhD for more than a year and 4 months because my supervisor decided I am not technically compatible for the position. This was in 2023. And in May 2023 I lost this job, and then started looking for funding, but didn't get funding as I tried until May 2024.

In May 2024, I started doing software work here and there looking for other jobs but couldn't find one. And thankfully I found a job in May 2024 as an intern and it went well, I got a job but unfortunately denied the permit. So I appealed my decision and it went for a year and lost and returned back to India.

Now my parents are telling me that I will never find a job in Europe and that I need to find a job locally and marry someone locally.

But I am so used to the culture there and I am used to dating people from there and I like it more. I like the freedom, peace, viewpoint in life generally. But I also failed in my recent relationship which ended badly. But I still don't want to settle for an Indian partner. Am I being brutal ? Is this viewpoint not okay ? Is that not ok to believe that I will work hard and go back and find a partner there ?

Please help me guys, my parents are worried that I am getting old, and that he gave me a chance to find an international partner and I failed so badly. He tells me I lost the chance and now the chance is over and I have to marry whoever he shows me. Is there something like that ? A chance in life, once I lose it, I can never get it ? He tells me that I ripened too fast, he sent me to study and I lost track of finding a partner when I was 21, which is right to an extent but I will not get any more chances ?

Hi guys,

I hope you all had a good sleep.

I want to ask you for help regarding the time before sleep and what happens during the sleep.

So I used to have a partner for a few years, and so I used to sleep with him. But now that we broke up, I am finding it very hard to sleep alone. I am struggling with thoughts and just feeling hollow and not knowing what to think about. It is giving me extreme anxiety and I am getting night mares during sleep.

May I ask if you could please help me how sleep works ? And if there is no one to consciously remodel the thoughts, what is happening ? Is it possible for someone to exploit me when I am sleeping through thoughts ?

I feel so empty before going to sleep, how can I be less anxious before and during sleep ? Do I need an anchor ⚓ for my thoughts when I am sleeping ? If I don't have an anchor, what do I do ?

DISCLAIMER : UNTIL NOW IT'S NORMAL STUFF, IMMA EXPLAIN ABOUT MY OCD, SO IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT FOR THE ABOVE TEXT. I APPRECIATE YOUR OPINION.

so I have ocd, and I am worried that I will do such stuff in my sleep. I especially have sexual ocd and I am worried if I will exploit someone in my thoughts. I never had this issue before. My last thought before sleep was him and my first thought was him.

Please help me guys, otherwise if you could direct me to resources that will also help.

Thank you.

Hi guys,

I want to ask you for help regarding the time before sleep and what happens during the sleep.

So I used to have a partner for a few years, and so I used to sleep with him. But now that we broke up, I am finding it very hard to sleep alone. I am struggling with thoughts and just feeling hollow and not knowing what to think about. It is giving me extreme anxiety and I am getting night mares during sleep.

DISCLAIMER : UNTIL NOW IT'S NORMAL STUFF, IMMA EXPLAIN ABOUT MY OCD, SO IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT FOR THE ABOVE TEXT. I APPRECIATE YOUR OPINION.

so I have ocd, and I am worried that I will do such stuff in my sleep. I especially have sexual ocd and I am worried if I will exploit someone in my thoughts. I never had this issue before. My last thought before sleep was him and my first thought was him. May I ask if you could please help me how sleep works ? And if there is no one to consciously remodel the thoughts, what is happening ? Is it possible for someone to exploit me when I am sleeping through thoughts ?

I feel so empty before going to sleep, how can I be less anxious before and during sleep ? Do I need an anchor ⚓ for my thoughts when I am sleeping ? If I don't have an anchor, what do I do ?

Please help me guys, otherwise if you could direct me to resources that will also help.

Thank you.

Hi guys,

I hope you all had a good sleep.

I want to ask you for help regarding the time before sleep and what happens during the sleep.

So I used to have a partner for a few years, and so I used to sleep with him. But now that we broke up, I am finding it very hard to sleep alone. I am struggling with thoughts and just feeling hollow and not knowing what to think about. It is giving me extreme anxiety and I am getting night mares during sleep.

DISCLAIMER : UNTIL NOW IT'S NORMAL STUFF, IMMA EXPLAIN ABOUT MY OCD, SO IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT FOR THE ABOVE TEXT. I APPRECIATE YOUR OPINION.

so I have ocd, and I am worried that I will do such stuff in my sleep. I especially have sexual ocd and I am worried if I will exploit someone in my thoughts. I never had this issue before. My last thought before sleep was him and my first thought was him. May I ask if you could please help me how sleep works ? And if there is no one to consciously remodel the thoughts, what is happening ? Is it possible for someone to exploit me when I am sleeping through thoughts ?

I feel so empty before going to sleep, how can I be less anxious before and during sleep ? Do I need an anchor ⚓ for my thoughts when I am sleeping ? If I don't have an anchor, what do I do ?

Please help me guys, otherwise if you could direct me to resources that will also help.

Thank you.

So I am 29 F, when I was a child and in my adulthood until 21, I grew up being so shallow without deep interest in anything or learning anything truly. I used to pass exams by memorizing stuff and because I had excellent handwriting.

When I was 21 I got this incredible opportunity to travel abroad and live my life. There I learnt that I am so so shallow. I live like a Tarzan in this world. It is hard for me to communicate with anyone because I can't hold a conversation. And because of this I have lost and suffered a lot.

And now I would like to take initiative to get better, I want to be more interesting, I don't want to doubt myself when I want to have a conversation with someone, I basically don't want to feel that I am boring when I am talking to someone. I want to start somewhere simple and don't want to feel like I don't like it. Because I want to someday be able to read Carl Jung but now he feels overwhelming.

I want to read as much as I can, although reading feels like I am about to go to war. I have so much anxiety when it comes to reading. Because I was mocked and someone said " those are big words" for you. How do I get past this and start somewhere very small and get better ?

Also I have another question, what happens when you read ? Are there other thoughts going on in your head ? For readers, please take me into your brain. What happens when you read ? So you read, understand, process it ?

Let me take you to my reading process, I start a line, oh my god, I need to look for a job, am i wasting time ? Is this too simple ? What am I going to get from reading one book ? I am going to forget this name tomorrow anyways, so it wouldn't help me to hold a conversation. Continues, reading the second line, anxiety hits, I convince myself to keep going, and then remember, what matters is not much and that I made it, reads two pages, and whoa feels great. Now all this time, I was anxious, don't actually understand or remember anything.

I’m struggling to process a level of betrayal that feels like it’s out of a movie. I’ve been with this guy since March 2024. By June 2024, I had deleted all my dating apps and committed to him exclusively. He explicitly told me he wasn't talking to anyone else. We were building what I thought was a deep, honest connection. During this same time, a new girl moved in as my flatmate. Looking back, her behavior was incredibly bizarre, but I didn't see the full picture then. She would constantly "perform" compatibility with the guy I was seeing.

Mirroring: she told me she wanted to learn everything about football because he liked football. If he was into languages, she told me she is obsessed with learning them too.

Status Shaming: She would make passive-aggressive comments to me about how she had no debt, had more money than me, and had "superior self-control." She once saw me eating a bag of chips and made a point to tell me how she can "save and eat chocolates for a long time." At the time, I just thought she was odd or insecure. I had no idea her "job" was to prove she was a "better" match for him right under my nose.

The Truth: This past Sunday, he finally confessed. While he was telling me he was exclusive with me, he was actively pursuing her. They even went on a date on November 24. The only reason he "committed" more deeply to me in December 2024 is because she rejected him after the date went poorly. I wasn’t his choice; I was his safety net because his "Plan A" didn't want him. I am absolutely devastated. They both slowly infused themselves into my life and made me feel inferior while keeping me in the dark.

The Psychological Toll: This has completely broken my sense of reality. I’ve started questioning everything:

• Do I need a certain "status" just to be worthy of dating?
• Do people only communicate through "lessons" rather than honesty?

I was recently setting up a sound system at my parents' place, and I actually felt like I "didn't deserve it" because I didn't buy it myself. I’ve become afraid that if I use things I didn't "earn" through high status, people will try to "teach me a lesson" by hurting me again.

I feel like I’m losing my mind. Is this really how the world works? Are people really this calculated and cruel, or have I just been surrounded by the wrong ones?

So I have been with this guy since March 2024, and we used to talk a lot and I deleted all the dating apps since June 2024 and was only talking to him. He explicitly told me he wasn't talking to any other girls.

And during that time, a girl joined as a flatmate, she used to talk to me in a way that was weird. Like she used to tell me that she is interested in things that are the things that the guy I was talking to likes. For example, he used to like football, and she told me that she is interested in learning about football. And later, she told me that she is interested in learning languages which he was also interested in. She used to tell me she didn't have debt, and she has more money than me, and that she has self control (meaning she once saw me eating a whole bag of chips) and she told me that she can save and rat chocolates for a long time. Yeah, that's how low she is.

Her only job is to make me feel that she is more compatible with him than me. I had no idea. It was weird but I had no idea. After two years, on Sunday, he tells me that he used to talk to this girl at the same time he was talking to me. And they went on a date on November 24 and that didn't go well and he came back to me. We were together deeper since dec 2024 and now I only know that it's because she rejected him and that he couldn't find anyone else. I am devastated.

How low can people be ? Instead of just telling me that he isn't interested in me because we don't have things in common. These people slowly infused themselves in my life and made me feel bad.

Now I question everything, do I need a status to even date ? Otherwise people will implicitly teach me a lesson instead of telling me ? I have a sound system at my parents place, I was setting it up, and I feel I don't deserve it because I didn't buy it, and if I use it people will teach me a lesson implicitly ?

Is this true ? Please be honest, is this how the world works ?

So I have been with this guy since March 2024, and we used to talk a lot and I deleted all the dating apps since June 2024 and was only talking to him. He explicitly told me he wasn't talking to any other girls.

And during that time, a girl joined as a flatmate, she used to talk to me in a way that was weird. Like she used to tell me that she is interested in things that are the things that the guy I was talking to likes. For example, he used to like football, and she told me that she is interested in learning about football. And later, she told me that she is interested in learning languages which he was also interested in. She used to tell me she didn't have debt, and she has more money than me, and that she has self control (meaning she once saw me eating a whole bag of chips) and she told me that she can save and rat chocolates for a long time. Yeah, that's how low she is.

Her only job is to make me feel that she is more compatible with him than me. I had no idea. It was weird but I had no idea. After two years, on Sunday, he tells me that he used to talk to this girl at the same time he was talking to me. And they went on a date on November 24 and that didn't go well and he came back to me. We were together deeper since dec 2024 and now I only know that it's because she rejected him and that he couldn't find anyone else. I am devastated.

How low can people be ? Instead of just telling me that he isn't interested in me because we don't have things in common. These people slowly infused themselves in my life and made me feel bad.

Now I question everything, do I need a status to even date ? Otherwise people will implicitly teach me a lesson instead of telling me ? I have a sound system at my parents place, I was setting it up, and I feel I don't deserve it because I didn't buy it, and if I use it people will teach me a lesson implicitly ?

Is this true ? Please be honest, is this how the world works ?

I have been with this guy since March 2024, and we used to talk a lot and I deleted all the dating apps since June 2024 and was only talking to him. He explicitly told me he wasn't talking to any other girls.

And during that time, a girl joined as a flatmate, she used to talk to me in a way that was weird. Like she used to tell me that she is interested in things that are the things that the guy I was talking to likes. For example, he used to like football, and she told me that she is interested in learning about football. And later, she told me that she is interested in learning languages which he was also interested in. She used to tell me she didn't have debt, and she has more money than me, and that she has self control (meaning she once saw me eating a whole bag of chips) and she told me that she can save and eat chocolates for a long time. Yeah, that's how low she is.

Her only job is to make me feel that she is more compatible with him than me. I had no idea. It was weird but I had no idea. After two years, on Sunday, he tells me that he used to talk to this girl at the same time he was talking to me. And they went on a date on November 24 and that didn't go well and he came back to me. We were together deeper since dec 2024 and now I only know that it's because she rejected him and that he couldn't find anyone else. I am devastated.

How low can people be ? Instead of just telling me that he isn't interested in me because we don't have things in common. These people slowly infused themselves in my life and made me feel bad.

Now I question everything, do I need a status to even date ? Otherwise people will implicitly teach me a lesson instead of telling me ? I have a sound system at my parents place, I was setting it up, and I feel I don't deserve it because I didn't buy it, and if I use it people will teach me a lesson implicitly ?

Is this true ? Please be honest, is this how the world works ?