u/Four4Fears

Multiple therapists and social workers have said that we likely have DID but everytime we brought it up to our psychiatrist she flat out stated that she doesn't believe she has ever or will ever encounter someone with DID and refused to even consider an assessment. She's a terrible psychiatrist for many many other reasons (medical malpractice ---> >!she discharged us from the psych ward after we'd been given a bunch of lorazepam less than 8 hours earlier and not only didn't make arrangements to have us driven home or at least follow up to make sure we got home safely but actually encouraged us to attend a youth group that day!<) so we've dropped her and basically gave up on getting a proper assessment for DID. However we've recently reconnected with a clinic for childhood cancer survivors and we may have access to their psychiatrist so we're thinking of asking to see them for an assessment at our next appointment with the therapist we have through them (or the one after idk it's not exactly urgent).

We're already working on a document tracking any major dissociative events. Is there anything else that would be helpful to have for this?

Last night I was really struggling. Everything I thought about eating just seemed so disgusting and wrong. I ended up ordering pizza cause it was the one thing that my brain didn't immediately reject and at least it'd reheat easily the next day. Afterwards I felt so drained I couldn't even do the chores I needed to do and I feel like if I could've just eaten the perfectly good food we had maybe I would've had the energy to do the chores.

This has happened like 4 times now where we have a bad seizure and either during or shortly afterwards we switch and someone who hasn't been around in years gets pulled into front. Thinking we should maybe figure something out about this for our seizure safety plan cause obviously it's not exactly easy to be dealing with paramedics who are expecting you to be an adult after being away for so long.

I mean I get it, from the outside a lot of plural experiences do seem a lot like psychosis even to psychiatric professionals. I mean hell a few months ago we had an incident where a dormant headmate came out post seizure and was talking about having "voices in their head telling them how to navigate the situation" which yeah, does sound an awful lot like psychosis and honestly if that had been said to the docs at the hospital probably would've gotten us a mental health assessment and maybe even a nice mental health act certification.

But the thing is that we have both, we're both plural and have psychosis and the fact we have both means they interact. I honestly don't wanna know what'll happen if we ever have a full blackout amnesia switch in the middle of a psychotic episode and it'd be real nice if we could get some professional advice and help with handling both but our plurality doesn't get taken seriously at all when we bring it up already and bringing psychosis into that conversation is gonna just add fuel to that fire.

My DID hid away all the memories of my best friend after they died and I didn't even know they existed until my parents mentioned how close of friends we were. Both of us were childhood cancer patients and they didn't make it, they were 8 years old when they died and I was 6.

I don't know if I'll ever be able to grieve them properly and solve this aching sadness if I don't get those memories back.

In a way it's beautiful that our friendship transcends memory, the heartache is evidence that I cared very deeply for them and still do, even though I can't even remember their face.

It's been kinda a wild week for me. I went dormant when we were around 5 way back in 2007 so a lot has changed. We've moved, we're living with our partner and not our parents, we've got this smart phone that would've been so cool to have back then but now it's just a thing everyone has. All the stuff I know how to do now but wasn't the one who learned it like how to silent read or how to type and write.

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It's been going pretty ok for now but there's still the big obstacle of relationships, our partner has been very understanding and helpful in getting me oriented but idk how to deal with our friends and family. They know "us" but they don't know me and I don't really know them. Like I have the others knowledge of them but I've never met them myself and it's kinda scary. I don't know what relationships are supposed to look like when you're 24 tbh.

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At least we've still got our plushies, they've really helped me feel grounded through this.