u/Fuzzy_Copy_4821

My husband and I have been separated for 14 months due to hus excessive drinking. He says that he drank because of me for not acting like a wife (not cooking enough, not budgeting, not washing all the clothes in one day, never picking up a vacuum, taking our girls on trips without him, etc). Some are true, others are not, and the trips were simply to escape the drunkeness. During our time apart, I've diligently worked on the issues of concern and continue to do so. My only expectation of him was to seek help for the drinking with intention of quitting. He's refused to do either. He's only willing to drink less if we move back in together. In the mist of my self-improvement and when I followed up on his progress and/or ask for additional financial assistance for our girls, he accuses me of not trying to move forward and not wanting to work as a team. Anytime I attempt to express concerns in these areas, I'm immediately shut down with a random guilt-trip or he'll simply walk away as I'm talking to him. What more can I do if I cannot speak on what is bothering/ hurting me?

My husdand and I had some back and forth text this weekend as he initatiated the conversation with " It seems like our relationship is over. We don't seem to have a desire to talk to each other. It seems the status quo is as good as its going to get. I guess I need to get the last bit of my stuff out of the house and go from there."  I responded with, "Ok. I just sent you an email that I've been holding on to. Let me know when you plan to stop by to get the remainder of your belongings." I guess he was taken aback, because he then texted "Wow, there's truly nothing left. " My email was pretty lengthy as I explained the personal changes (that are beneficial to our marriage) I've made over the past 14 months apart.  I reiterated that he has been unwilling to stop drinking or even seek help (the reason why I left).  We've also been unable to reach an agreement on child support.  Because of this,  I've since reapplied for child support and decided to let go.  He texted me back with this: You don’t love me 100%, and the only conversations you seem to desire from me are about liquor and support. With that being said, I honestly don’t see where there is an “us” in this relationship. My question has always been the same: When are we going to start working together as a team? A relationship is supposed to be a partnership, where both people show up, put in effort, and work toward the same goals. But your actions have shown me that you don’t desire a partner; you seem more comfortable doing things on your own without me. Although, I'm not in you and the kids lives everyday I contribute to the household; I've saved on home insurance, told you how to save for energy, and car insurance. It doesn't seem to be appreciated, only what more can you do for us. It seems to me that, I'm the only needing to change and make an effort. 

I want to work as a team, but his definition seems double sided to me. What are your thoughts?

My husband asked for our girls actual monthly expenses after he disagreed with the Child Support Officer's estimate of $2200/mo. I calculated their proportionate share of household expenses plus their food and extracurriculars. The total was roughly $3755/mo. I put this information in a text last Sunday, but he never acknowledged it. He text about other things, but never made any mention of the amount I provided. Today, I followed up about the text, and advised me to consider the amount of money he enabled me to save after he shopped around for cheaper homeowners insurance (my girls and I are in the marital home). I explained that I appreciated him for finding low vist insurance, but that has no bearing on the current mortgage. He then asked if the $800/mo would be enough, I said no. Then he asked if $1000 would be enough, I said no again. He got quiet, and then accused me of wanting to continue to live separately. I tried to explain that while we're apart, I need financial assistance for the girls. And that he continues to drink, rececently phoned me while drunk and inebriated, and refuses individualtherapy. He said that I making it all his fault. He later texting me suggesting that we split the girks 50/50 "that way I reduce the burden and help out at the same time."

I have not responded. I do not want 50/50. He currently has 3 day weekends with the girks every other week, and he takes them to school on that Monday. My oldest daughter, complains of my husband getting her to school late or barely on time. I have other reservations concerning the safety of his home (full burglar bars with only one key to unlock- that is hard to locate plus his drunken nights).

What are your thoughts?

My husband asked for our girls actual monthly expenses after he disagreed with the Child Support Officer's estimate of $2200/mo. I calculated their proportionate share of household expenses plus their food and extracurriculars. The total was roughly $3755/mo. I put this information in a text last Sunday, but he never acknowledged it. He text about other things, but never made any mention of the amount I provided. Today, I followed up about the text, and advised me to consider the amount of money he enabled me to save after he shopped around for cheaper homeowners insurance (my girls and I are in the marital home). I explained that I appreciated him for finding low vist insurance, but that has no bearing on the current mortgage. He then asked if the $800/mo would be enough, I said no. Then he asked if $1000 would be enough, I said no again. He got quiet, and then accused me of wanting to continue to live separately. I tried to explain that while we're apart, I need financial assistance for the girls. And that he continues to drink, rececently phoned me while drunk and inebriated, and refuses individualtherapy. He said that I making it all his fault. He later texting me suggesting that we split the girks 50/50 "that way I reduce the burden and help out at the same time."

I have not responded. I do not want 50/50. He currently has 3 day weekends with the girks every other week, and he takes them to school on that Monday. My oldest daughter, complains of my husband getting her to school late or barely on time. I have other reservations concerning the safety of his home (full burglar bars with only one key to unlock- that is hard to locate plus his drunken nights).

What are your thoughts?

I left my husband and our marital home over a year ago due to his excessive drinking, insults, and belittling. My husband said that when I see things around his house that I like and decide to buy the same for me, that it is indicative of me not wanting to get back with him. Today, I reiterated that I need additional support for our girls. He lointed out that he deposited $800 into our joint account to assist with the girls.  He never alerted me as to what that deposit was for.  I explained that $800 is not enough.  He informed me that me asking for financial assistance instead of asking him to move back in indicates that I don't want to be with him. I cancelled a child support meeting, under the impression that he would make informal payments. I asked him to provide what was initially calculated by the Child Support Officer ($2200/month). He said that the girls don't need that much and to provide him with receipts and an exact figure of what it takes to take care of them. During our separation he has made steady payment of $426/month to cover his half of daycare and extra curricular activities. Now, I am asking that he assist with the girls portion of the daily household expenses per the TX OAG definition of child support and covered expenses. I'd rather have the TX OAG take care of payments as my husband has already put stipulations on what he's willing and not willing to pay for ie. occasional fast food and snacks for the girls. He also has frequent tendencies to ignore request, delay answers, and give the silent treatment I when things aren't in his favor.  Am I being greedy to ask for what was calculated by the officer, or should I accept the $800 he's willing to provide. I want things to work, but he is reluctant to seek help for the drinking.  I don't want to return to the same issue I ran from.  

I left my husband and our marital home over a year ago due to his excessive drinking, insults, and belittling. My husband said that when I see things around his house that I like and decide to buy the same for me, that it is indicative of me not wanting to get back with him. Today, I reiterated that I need additional support for our girls. He lointed out that he deposited $800 into our joint account to assist with the girls.  He never alerted me as to what that deposit was for.  I explained that $800 is not enough.  He informed me that me asking for financial assistance instead of asking him to move back in indicates that I don't want to be with him. I cancelled a child support meeting, under the impression that he would make informal payments. I asked him to provide what was initially calculated by the Child Support Officer ($2200/month). He said that the girls don't need that much and to provide him with receipts and an exact figure of what it takes to take care of them. During our separation he has made steady payment of $426/month to cover his half of daycare and extra curricular activities. Now, I am asking that he assist with the girls portion of the daily household expenses per the TX OAG definition of child support and covered expenses. I'd rather have the TX OAG take care of payments as my husband has already put stipulations on what he's willing and not willing to pay for ie. occasional fast food and snacks for the girls. He also has frequent tendencies to ignore request, delay answers, and give the silent treatment I when things aren't in his favor.  Am I being greedy to ask for what was calculated by the officer, or should I accept the $800 he's willing to provide. I want things to work, but he is reluctant to seek help for the drinking.  I don't want to return to the same issue I ran from.  

I really miss my husband after our 1 year split. I left due to his excessive drinking. He doesn't care to quit, only cutback. Overall he is a gentle spirit, great provider to myself and kids, and loyal. He decompresses after work or as a response to stress by drinking crown and coke while gaming watching TV. The amount of alcohol he consumes causes him to crwate safety concerns around the house and rehearse my past mistakes/short comings stemming back from 2011, 2013, and 2019. This involved me agreeing to visitation (for my son and his father) without my husband's approval. It also involved me texting my son's father to invite his other three children to my son's bday, and later texting him again to invite his father to my son's high school graduation. I also let my cousin stay with us for about four days when she arrived to our city unannounced. Another instance involved me driving our kids to Los Angeles to visit my grandmother on her death bed. I led my husband to believe my mom was accompanying us on the trip. Other shortcomings include not taking the initiative to cook (only assisting), not making the house a home (not fully decorating the house), and making decisions without consulting him (purchasing a school bus without permission) After I did these things, I've been living in my past mistakes as he belittles, insults, and occasionally curses at me. I began to tell him how badly his drunkeness was affecting me and the girls school attendance, but it fell on deaf ears as I was accused of believing my "shit don't stink".

In 2021, I began to prepare mentally for my exit. I began sleeping in the spare bedroom taking mini getaways with our daughters, and taking the girls to church while he sobered up from the night before. With this behavior, I was told I was not acting like a wife. 2023-2025 were very stressful to us both as I changed careers allowing me to work out of town. I was able to earn enough money to pay for me and our daughters' departure. I also withheld information regarding an inheritance. I finally left last Summer and I have been heavy hearted ever since to the point of grieving. He wants to compromise by reducing the drinking, but what does that look like for me. What can I do to when the drinking becomes overwhelming for me without threatening to leave?

I really miss my husband after our 1 year split. I left due to his excessive drinking. He doesn't care to quit, only cutback. Overall he is a gentle spirit, great provider to myself and kids, and loyal. He decompresses after work or as a response to stress by drinking crown and coke while gaming watching TV. The amount of alcohol he consumes causes him to crwate safety concerns around the house and rehearse my past mistakes/short comings stemming back from 2011, 2013, and 2019. This involved me agreeing to visitation (for my son and his father) without my husband's approval. It also involved me texting my son's father to invite his other three children to my son's bday, and later texting him again to invite his father to my son's high school graduation. I also let my cousin stay with us for about four days when she arrived to our city unannounced. Another instance involved me driving our kids to Los Angeles to visit my grandmother on her death bed. I led my husband to believe my mom was accompanying us on the trip. Other shortcomings include not taking the initiative to cook (only assisting), not making the house a home (not fully decorating the house), and making decisions without consulting him (purchasing a school bus without permission) After I did these things, I've been living in my past mistakes as he belittles, insults, and occasionally curses at me. I began to tell him how badly his drunkeness was affecting me and the girls school attendance, but it fell on deaf ears as I was accused of believing my "shit don't stink".

In 2021, I began to prepare mentally for my exit. I began sleeping in the spare bedroom taking mini getaways with our daughters, and taking the girls to church while he sobered up from the night before. With this behavior, I was told I was not acting like a wife. 2023-2025 were very stressful to us both as I changed careers allowing me to work out of town. I was able to earn enough money to pay for me and our daughters' departure. I also withheld information regarding an inheritance. I finally left last Summer and I have been heavy hearted ever since to the point of grieving. He wants to compromise by reducing the drinking, but what does that look like for me. What can I do to when the drinking becomes overwhelming for me without threatening to leave?

I really miss my husband after our 1 year split. I left due to his excessive drinking. He doesn't care to quit, only cutback. Overall he is a gentle spirit, great provider to myself and kids, and loyal. He decompresses after work or as a response to stress by drinking crown and coke while gaming watching TV. The amount of alcohol he consumes causes him to crwate safety concerns around the house and rehearse my past mistakes/short comings stemming back from 2011, 2013, and 2019. This involved me agreeing to visitation (for my son and his father) without my husband's approval. It also involved me texting my son's father to invite his other three children to my son's bday, and later texting him again to invite his father to my son's high school graduation. I also let my cousin stay with us for about four days when she arrived to our city unannounced. Another instance involved me driving our kids to Los Angeles to visit my grandmother on her death bed. I led my husband to believe my mom was accompanying us on the trip. Other shortcomings include not taking the initiative to cook (only assisting), not making the house a home (not fully decorating the house), and making decisions without consulting him (purchasing a school bus without permission) After I did these things, I've been living in my past mistakes as he belittles, insults, and occasionally curses at me. I began to tell him how badly his drunkeness was affecting me and the girls school attendance, but it fell on deaf ears as I was accused of believing my "shit don't stink".

In 2021, I began to prepare mentally for my exit. I began sleeping in the spare bedroom taking mini getaways with our daughters, and taking the girls to church while he sobered up from the night before. With this behavior, I was told I was not acting like a wife. 2023-2025 were very stressful to us both as I changed careers allowing me to work out of town. I was able to earn enough money to pay for me and our daughters' departure. I also withheld information regarding an inheritance. I finally left last Summer and I have been heavy hearted ever since to the point of grieving. He wants to compromise by reducing the drinking, but what does that look like for me. What can I do to when the drinking becomes overwhelming for me without threatening to leave.

I really miss my husband after our 1 year split. I left due to his excessive drinking. He doesn't care to quit, only cutback. Overall he is a gentle spirit, great provider to myself and kids, and loyal. He decompresses after work or as a response to stress by drinking crown and coke while gaming watching TV. The amount of alcohol he consumes causes him to crwate safety concerns around the house and rehearse my past mistakes/short comings stemming back from 2011, 2013, and 2019. This involved me agreeing to visitation (for my son and his father) without my husband's approval. It also involved me texting my son's father to invite his other three children to my son's bday, and later texting him again to invite his father to my son's high school graduation. I also let my cousin stay with us for about four days when she arrived to our city unannounced. Another instance involved me driving our kids to Los Angeles to visit my grandmother on her death bed. I led my husband to believe my mom was accompanying us on the trip. Other shortcomings include not taking the initiative to cook (only assisting), not making the house a home (not fully decorating the house), and making decisions without consulting him (purchasing a school bus without permission) After I did these things, I've been living in my past mistakes as he belittles, insults, and occasionally curses at me. I began to tell him how badly his drunkeness was affecting me and the girls school attendance, but it fell on deaf ears as I was accused of believing my "shit don't stink".

In 2021, I began to prepare mentally for my exit. I began sleeping in the spare bedroom taking mini getaways with our daughters, and taking the girls to church while he sobered up from the night before. With this behavior, I was told I was not acting like a wife. 2023-2025 were very stressful to us both as I changed careers allowing me to work out of town. I was able to earn enough money to pay for me and our daughters' departure. I also withheld information regarding an inheritance. I finally left last Summer and I have been heavy hearted ever since to the point of grieving. He wants to compromise by reducing the drinking, but what does that look like for me. What can I do to when the drinking becomes overwhelming for me without threatening to leave.

I really miss my husband after our 1 year split. I left due to his excessive drinking. He doesn't care to quit, only cutback. Overall he is a gentle spirit, great provider to myself and kids, and loyal. He decompresses after work or as a response to stress by drinking crown and coke while gaming watching TV. The amount of alcohol he consumes causes him to crwate safety concerns around the house and rehearse my past mistakes/short comings stemming back from 2011, 2013, and 2019. This involved me agreeing to visitation (for my son and his father) without my husband's approval. It also involved me texting my son's father to invite his other three children to my son's bday, and later texting him again to invite his father to my son's high school graduation. I also let my cousin stay with us for about four days when she arrived to our city unannounced. Another instance involved me driving our kids to Los Angeles to visit my grandmother on her death bed. I led my husband to believe my mom was accompanying us on the trip. Other shortcomings include not taking the initiative to cook (only assisting), not making the house a home (not fully decorating the house), and making decisions without consulting him (purchasing a school bus without permission) After I did these things, I've been living in my past mistakes as he belittles, insults, and occasionally curses at me. I began to tell him how badly his drunkeness was affecting me and the girls school attendance, but it fell on deaf ears as I was accused of believing my "shit don't stink".

In 2021, I began to prepare mentally for my exit. I began sleeping in the spare bedroom taking mini getaways with our daughters, and taking the girls to church while he sobered up from the night before. With this behavior, I was told I was not acting like a wife. 2023-2025 were very stressful to us both as I changed careers allowing me to work out of town. I was able to earn enough money to pay for me and our daughters' departure. I also withheld information regarding an inheritance. I finally left last Summer and I have been heavy hearted ever since to the point of grieving. He wants to compromise by reducing the drinking, but what does that look like for me. What can I do to when the drinking becomes overwhelming for me without threatening to leave.

I really miss my husband after our 1 year split. I left due to his excessive drinking. He doesn't care to quit, only cutback. Overall he is a gentle spirit, great provider to myself and kids, and loyal. He decompresses after work or as a response to stress by drinking crown and coke while gaming watching TV. The amount of alcohol he consumes causes him to crwate safety concerns around the house and rehearse my past mistakes/short comings stemming back from 2011, 2013, and 2019. This involved me agreeing to visitation (for my son and his father) without my husband's approval. It also involved me texting my son's father to invite his other three children to my son's bday, and later texting him again to invite his father to my son's high school graduation. I also let my cousin stay with us for about four days when she arrived to our city unannounced. Another instance involved me driving our kids to Los Angeles to visit my grandmother on her death bed. I led my husband to believe my mom was accompanying us on the trip. Other shortcomings include not taking the initiative to cook (only assisting), not making the house a home (not fully decorating the house), and making decisions without consulting him (purchasing a school bus without permission) After I did these things, I've been living in my past mistakes as he belittles, insults, and occasionally curses at me. I began to tell him how badly his drunkeness was affecting me and the girls school attendance, but it fell on deaf ears as I was accused of believing my "shit don't stink".

In 2021, I began to prepare mentally for my exit. I began sleeping in the spare bedroom taking mini getaways with our daughters, and taking the girls to church while he sobered up from the night before. With this behavior, I was told I was not acting like a wife. 2023-2025 were very stressful to us both as I changed careers allowing me to work out of town. I was able to earn enough money to pay for me and our daughters' departure. I also withheld information regarding an inheritance. I finally left last Summer and I have been heavy hearted ever since to the point of grieving. He wants to compromise by reducing the drinking, but what does that look like for me. What can I do to when the drinking becomes overwhelming for me without threatening to leave.