u/Global-Condition-858

I have noticed that my hair tends to ruin looks. I'll have a great outfit, good makeup, but then my hair just kinda... brings the whole look down, if you know what i mean.

I have long, thick, healthy hair, but never really learned how to style it. It is the type of hair where if a hairstylist curls it, it will hold that curl for days! But when I curl it and think I am doing everything the hairstylist was... it is straight again within an hour, lol. As such, I typically just brush it and then go about my day. But then in pictures, it just looks... idk. Flat and lifeless, if that makes sense? So, I'll have pictures that could be SO cute... if it weren't for my hair, lol.

I want it to look good. So what are your best tips to elevate your hair from blah to wow?

I'm planning on taking a full week or week and a half off of running, but I'm not sure what to do lifting-wise. I don't want to get injured by getting back in the gym too soon, but I'm not sure when it's okay to get back to your lifting routine.​

Last season, I went skiing with some friends and their friends. There was a guy there who we met up with for a couple of runs. Conversation was very minimal, but I made the mistake of giving him my instagram because he had taken videos of my friend and I skiing that I wanted.

He then proceeded to like and comment on so many of my posts. I didn't reply because I was already feeling a bit creeped out by him.

The next time we all went skiing, my friend told me that he had a huge crush on me and not to be surprised if he asked me out. He was WAY in my space on the lift. I ended up shoving my ski poles between our legs to force some space and avoided him as best as possible the rest of the day. My friend said she would tell him I wasn't interested and I was so relieved to be able to flee without dealing with him asking and having to reject him.

But then he ended up texting some of my other friends, asking for their help to "get me". They told me about it, and say he seems obsessed with me (how in the world can you be obsessed with someone you don't even know....), so i texted him just saying, I'm not interested, move on. And then I blocked him everywhere. I thought that would be the end of that.

But my friends told me he would still ask about me, make comments on stories they posted with me, ask if i was still single, etc. I ran a marathon the other weekend (3 full months after saying I'm not interested and blocking him and having zero contact with him since) and i guess he remembered me saying that I was going to do that from the 2 times we skiied. My friends were there cheering for me, and they said they noticed him show up right as I was going to be where they were - so he must have been tracking me. I was smiling at all the spectators so I accidentally smiled at him - but then when I saw it was him, my face fell and I looked away quickly.

Afterwards, some friends and I were hanging out in the finish line area. He finds us in the crowd. He goes to give everyone a hug, but when he tries to hug me, I back away, shaking my head no. I don't say a word to him and just tell my friends that I'm going to go find my brothers.

As my brothers and I are leaving, he ends up right in front of us on the sidewalk and then I catch him looking over at us from his motorcycle.

This situation is really freaking me out. I asked my friends to stop posting me on their stories so he couldn't see me on there and they said they would.

But looking forward to ski season, he is someone who skis almost every single day at that resort. I really love that resort... but with how much he is creeping me out, I feel like it might be better to get a pass somewhere else this upcoming season, because I know that's his main resort and sure, chances of running into people at ski resorts are low... but never zero.

Idk. I just know I am really unsettled and want to avoid him as best as possible.

I just finished a marathon, and I'm really pleased with how the whole experience went! But... lots of running = lots of carbs = puffy. Now that the marathon is over, I want to lean out a bit. Not necessarily lose weight, but moreso, body recomp. I miss having abs, seeing clear muscle definition in the mirror, and feeling strong, if that makes sense.

I'm thinking of pulling back on running for a bit - not giving it up, but just, doing less of it. And instead, doing 4 gym sessions a week. Plus, shifting my dietary focus from lots of carbs to lots of protein.

Has anyone had success with a body recomp after doing a marathon?

I ran my second marathon this weekend! Throughout training, people would ask about my first marathon time (mere seconds under 5 hours) and then hear my goal time and immediately tell me to be realistic and shoot for 4:45 or 4:30, maybe 4:15 as a stretch. I would always just roll my eyes because I know my capabilities.

Welllll... I got 3:48! And I DIDN'T hit the wall!!

The race was truly such a wonderful experience. Mentally, I was in the best place the whole time. The only issues I had were: this is the first race that I decided to try to use the water stations instead of wearing a vest. Boy, am I glad I brought a water bottle with me because I got water and Gatorade at every aid station, but I had the worst side stitch throughout most of the race, which only happens when I'm dehydrated. Next time, I'm just going to stick with my vest. And also, I was on my period and bled through my shorts, so I had to stop at a medical station along the way and ask if they had tampons so I could switch mine out (thankfully, they did!).

I kept waiting for the wall to hit me like it did in my first marathon. But mile 18 came and went... then 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, and then I was like, omg, I'm not hitting the wall, and I don't think I'm going to either! The only hard bit was when my legs started feeling heavy, but in training, I would do a hard leg day the day before a long run to help train for that final 10k of the marathon. And so when my legs felt heavy during the race, I was like, it's okay, I trained for this. And it was totally fine!

I also remember feeling just awful after my first marathon. But this one, I felt totally fine! Even today, sure, I'm sore, but I can go up and down stairs with relative ease (heavy emphasis on the relative lol), whereas after my first marathon, I had to turn sideways and clutch the railing and slowly go up and down, lol.

I'm just so pleased. I didn't know you could actually have a good experience with a marathon, I thought they would be all brutal, because my first one was brutal. But this one wasn't. It was a great experience!

But I am excited to take a little break from running now.

I had a friend and I knew we weren't close, but we were definitely friends. We would hangout, there was reciprocal effort, we would wish each other well on things that mattered to us.

But things just shifted after we were talking once and they asked how I've been. I was honest and was like, I've been pretty depressed lately, but I have a good therapist and am thinking about meds. They said they had had good experiences with going on medication themselves. That was the extent of the depression talk.

But after that... they stopped reaching out. When we would hangout with our friend group, they would avoid me. The last time I saw them in person was at a mutual friend's going away party, and all they said was, "hi, (name)", and I was like hi! And then sat on the same couch they were sitting on - and they put their back towards me and then didn't say anything else to me the entire night. They then stopped responding in our group chat to any suggestions for plans.

I stopped reaching out because if they were just going to say no, there was no point. But then, weirdly, they started liking everything I posted on social media, when previously, they would ignore my posts. My birthday rolled around, and I was like, whatever, I'll invite them and just see what happens.

They texted me and said that they couldn't come to my birthday because they had moved to a different state. I was really hurt by that because like... I knew things had been weird... but I guess I figured that if one of us moved, we'd still at least say goodbye.

What kills me is not knowing what I did. All I know is after I mentioned I had been depressed, things shifted. Before that, things had been fine. And I didn't trauma dump or vent or even ask for support. All I did was honestly say, yeah, I've been depressed recently, but I'm working on it. And then, they started giving me the cold shoulder.

My marathon is this week, and I'm really doubting my ability to hold target marathon pace. Throughout training, the amount of time spent at that pace increased. The longest was 11 miles at marathon pace within a 20 miler. I did it, but it felt pretty tough. Every time I did marathon pace work, I was like... how in the world am I supposed to hold this for 26.2 miles?!?!

Target marathon pace is 7:50min mile. But I am scared of hitting The Wall - I did in my first marathon, and it was awful, lol. I am thinking maybe it would be better to go out at 8:30, and then gradually pick it up as the race goes on? This is my second marathon and my first one with a target pace, so I am very nervous lol.

Last night, I had this dream that even during the dream, I was thinking how I needed to stop going along with things I didn't want to please others.

Because in this dream, this guy and I were hanging out one-on-one. It wasn't a date, we were just chilling. He mentioned how he wants to sleep together, and my dream self thought how I didn't really want to do that, I have learned it's better for me to hold off on intimacy because of how attached I get after. But I wanted to make him happy, so I said sure and was internally telling myself all these reasons why it was okay, like how it had been so long since I'd been intimate with anyone, so maybe even if this didn't result in a relationship, it could be okay just to experience that closeness again. But in my dream, I was sad at myself for not speaking up for what I actually wanted, and when I woke up, I was sad about it too.

I have this really bad tendency of just going along with what other people want to try to make them happy. And that dream made me realize that, you know what, I deserve to be happy too. I don't just need to go along with what other people want. And if people leave because of me not just going along with what they want, that's a good thing. You're not going to scare away the people that are meant for you by voicing your wants and needs.

I was in a long-term relationship, 7 years. It's been 3 years now, and I'm finally healed enough to where I think I'm actually ready to try to find someone.

But entering the dating world requires knowing your boundaries, the treatment you will and will not accept, and I've realized how I never want to be treated again. I'm not angry at my past self for tolerating it - she was just doing her best with a manipulative man. But I am angry at him for treating me this way and taking advantage of my kindness.

- being expected to go / move to wherever he wanted, regardless of if there was anything for me there. the guilt-tripping / being treated like i just needed to be convinced when i refused.

- his parents telling me what i can and can't do.... lol

- driving 1 hour to see him and 1 hour back home... multiple times a week. and then feeling bad asking him to make the drive to come see me every once in a while because he complained about how long it was so much. i put so many miles on my car for that man....

- him not planning anything

- going 50 / 50 on things like groceries when he ate 4x as much as i do

- him keeping major things from me and then acting like it was no big deal when i found out... like thousands in credit card debt, 6 figures worth of loans, etc....

- him straight up lying to me, like saying he was getting his license the next year and that he was working full-time... he was only working 7 hours a week

- being called a dog for wanting to go on a walk or go to the gym together

- him refusing to respect my boundaries. like when he would ignore me telling him no, and then after, when i asked why he kept going when i was saying no, he claimed "i thought you were just being playful, people can be playful with that", when i had never been playful like that and he knew i had trauma with that too

- also, him knowing the details of one of my traumas... but pushing for me to do something similar for him constantly because it was one of his kinks, and when i kept saying no and he knew why not, he would pout... and then keep pressing for it

- when i started bringing up how we should move in together, because it had been 7 years... he said i should move in with him and his parents, because he just didn't want the financial responsibility of moving out. when i had my own place, he was constantly at my place, and would only leave on the 6th day in a row because my apartment complex had a rule that anyone who stayed more that 6 days in a row had to contribute to rent - and he didn't want to contribute

- having my insecurites made fun of and then being treated like i was insensitive for getting hurt and upset by that because he claimed "it's just part of my culture" (it's not part of mine, so stop)

- giving 50 million chances, only to be disappointed every time lol

I am doing my 2nd marathon this week, and I'm kind of freaking out. My first marathon was, well... a collection of factors that made it really hard. I was undertrained, it was really hot and hilly (it got up to 90 and the course had 1000+ ft of elevation gain, hahaha), and I had been dumped by the guy I was seeing the week before, so I didn't really carbload bc no appetite, lol. I hit the wall HARD at mile 18, and ended up walking a lot.

For the second marathon this weekend, I have a lot more running experience and actually properly followed a plan. The weather looks lovely and it's a downhill course. I am carbloading. All signs point to a better race... but you just never know what will happen on race day. And the closer the race gets, the more I remember my first marathon and just internally cringe, lol.

So, I want to hear about how other people's second marathons compared to their first!

I have a friend, and she seems really lovely! We can talk about anything, there is reciprocal effort, it's great. But... I am a bit wary of her, because there is this one person she talks shit about... but then still hangs out with that person all the time. It makes me worried that even though she seems to really like me, that maybe she talks shit about me with other people too.

Not sure what to do in this situation.

There's this guy who is part of a hobby group I'm in. I never thought about him aside from just part of the group. On the app we all use to connect, it's common for people to like each other's posts, and I'll generally like all of everyone's because I like being supportive.

Well, he sent me a message on the app, saying he thought he saw me out on a walk and was sorry for not saying hi because he wasn't sure it was me. I was very nonchalant, just like, oh, even if you did, I wouldn't have heard you because I listen to music. He tried to extend it into a conversation and I responded a bit because I didn't want to be rude before just stopping. Then, a week later, he sent another message saying thank you for liking all his posts and asking if I would want to do our hobby together. I was like, no worries, I like all of everyone's, and that i was busy this week (not a lie). He then gives me his number for if I ever wanted to chat or hang out or whatever. I didn't text him, I just told him I was really more of a group hangout person, and he didn't reply after that.

But now, I am second-guessing that a bit. He has kids, so my assumption is that he's married, and to me, it wouldn't feel appropriate to hang out one-on-one. Or he could be a single dad, in which case, still not interested because I do not want kids at all. But then I'm like... what if he truly was just being platonic when he gave me his number and what if i was kind of harsh shutting it down? Idk. Guys are hard to read.

I just turned 30. Life hasn't gone the way I expected at all. Some things, I'm quite proud of (still being here, for one!!), while others... I just feel so behind my peers.

I guess whenever I thought 30, I pictured someone who has their life together. I am working on it, but where I currently am is a far cry from what I pictured.

So, what is something you do that helps when you feel like a failure?

I am turning 30 in a few days. Throughout my teens and 20s, I struggled with terrible depression, and for the longest time, didn't think i would live this long.

But now... I can actually see myself living, not just to 31, but throughout my 30s, to my 40s, and beyond.

There is no being behind in your life. There is only your life and what you chose to do with it.

I am genuinely so excited for 30. I am so excited I survived that depression. I am so excited to keep making friends and having new experiences and trying new things and learning more about myself and others and life and everything.

I thought 30 was old, but now that i basically am 30... I'm like, nah. 30 is so young. I don't know why I thought this was old for so long.

As the classic movie 13 Going On 30 says: "to being 30. I've decided it's going to be totally awesome."

Every workout I've done that includes marathon pace miles is just tough. Like, I can do it, but it's definitely not easy pace. My plan started with just a mile or two at marathon pace, and then as the long runs started getting LONG, it started including bigger chunks of marathon pace in them. The most I have done is 11 miles at marathon pace in a 20 mile run.

And every time I did those workouts, I was like... there is no way this is marathon pace. How can you hold this for an entire marathon without blowing up?

I started wondering if maybe my plan was too optimistic about my fitness level, but then the instagram algorithm started showing me videos of how often people get intimidated by marathon pace workouts. So, it's not just me....

But I guess, idk. The marathon is next week, so I'm kinda freaking out about everything. I have never gone for a target pace in a marathon before - my first marathon, my only goal was to finish. What does marathon pace actually feel like on the day? How did it compare to the workouts? Did it actually feel sustainable?

Because when you run, whether you are going far or fast, as soon as you start thinking, "this is so hard", "i can't do this", etc... It instantly gets so much harder.

But changing the talk to "this is supposed to feel hard, that means I'm doing it right" and "i can do this" and "won't i feel so proud of myself if I can do this?" helps... so much!!

And it is silly, because in my time running, I have come to realize how important the way you talk to yourself when you run is, but... it was only just this week when I was like, wait a minute... I bet if I change how I talk to myself just in life, that will make things easier too...

And so now, I have really been trying to put more effort into positive self-talk, not just while running, but in general. And it is the hardest habit to break, going from telling yourself you are stupid and whatnot to, actually, I can learn... but I am already noticing little improvements in mood and mindset.​

I turn 30 this week, and I'm honestly so excited? My 20s were... idk. I got through them, lol. The only thing is I have a little bit of that yearning to find a man, but reading all the posts on here about when and how people met their partners has been so lovely.

But I want to know just what the title says! What has been your favorite part about your 30s thus far?

I have friends, but they aren't really texters and everyone is busy with their own lives, so we only get to see each other once or twice a month (and before anyone says anything about "initiate more!", I am always the initiator lol). As such, I've realized that I keep opening social media a million times a day because I just really need connection. Sometimes, I cry because I am so lonely, lol.

Social media isn't the same as actually talking with and connecting with people. But it's the closest thing I have to being able to connect with people more often than once or twice a month. I realized that if I had more of a social life, I think it would be a lot easier to stop doomscrolling, because that need for connection would be more fulfilled.

So... what are some ways you found connection outside of your phone?

So, I have been told by numerous people that I have a flirty personality. Genuinely, I don't know what that means. I don't flirt with people. If anything, when I'm around guys I like, I get really quiet and awkward, lol. The guy I like probably thinks I hate him because I am open with everyone else but stilted and awkward around him and avoid his eye contact, lol.

I have had a few situations that I didn't understand initially, but when people told me the other person thought I was flirting, their reaction made sense. Like, I asked a girl I wanted to be friends with if she wanted to get coffee sometime, and she was like, "yeah, I'm not comfortable with that at all" and then actively avoided me from then on. And i was like... what did i do? And a mutual friend was like, she thought you were asking her out, but she's straight. I am also straight, lol, so I don't get how I came off that way.

Because I was trying to avoid weirdness, I kind of overcorrected for a while there. I was like, if people think I am flirting when I'm just being nice... I'll just be quiet and distant. No one can think I am flirting if I just don't talk. But that felt awful and not me because... it's not me.

I guess... idk. I want to get over this fear of people thinking I am flirting when I am not. I want to feel free to just be me again.