u/GuitarReasonable5196

Wearing make up and fixing my long messy ass hair just to look decent. It feels like I’ve run a marathon after that shit

I wish I could understand WHY i’m experiencing it. I just want to see it, to be able to hold it with my hands, and know what it takes to cure it. But no, it’s invisible, like a ghost in your head. Something you have no control of whatsoever.

I’ve been trying to find vegan salong to make my lash extensions but can’t find any that are vegan / cruelty free. The lashes are obviously vegan but I don’t know for sure if the glue is cruelty free and so on. Is it vegan to do the lashes anyway?

i don’t know whether i should do it. i’m not even scared in a real way, i’m not terrified. i’m just so lost and confused already and other countries feel like going through a worm hole. should i just stay at home. i’m so tired of this. what if i have a non stop panic attack for the whole week? what if it feels like reality bended because i crossed a border

and if so did it help?

It’s like thoughts from a fever dream

Over nine years with DPDR now(got it when i was 14), and it feels like it gets worse every year instead of better. I’m exhausted all the time. I can barely focus anymore, and even small things make me extremely anxious.

My family is traveling soon, and when I was younger I would’ve enjoyed something like that. Now it honestly feels terrifying. I know people will probably think I’m being dramatic, but I genuinely feel like I would scream or cry from the overwhelm and unfamiliarity.

The only thing that gives me some sense of comfort is being in my own room, sleeping in my own bed, with familiar surroundings and the same temperature every day. It’s like my brain uses those things to hold onto some sense of identity and safety. The thought of sleeping in a random bed in another country makes me feel deeply unsettled, almost like I’d completely lose myself and feel the way i felt when i started antidepressants the first time (side effects).

And what scares me most is that my brain has started treating the entire world as unsafe. It latches onto huge concepts like countries, space, stars, existence itself. Things that used to feel normal now feel disturbing and unreal.

It’s hard to explain, but it feels like some deep existential fear opened in my mind years ago and never closed again. Like I became too aware of reality in a way that my brain can’t handle. It makes me feel detached, horrified, and trapped inside my own thoughts.

I can’t imagine these thoughts ever going away because I’m so deep into this now.

I’ve tried so many things over the years. I still go to school, but socially I’ve mostly shut down. I stopped hoping I’d feel comfortable around people. I’m tired of pretending I’m okay when I constantly feel unsafe and disconnected.

I feel exhausted with life, but at the same time I’m terrified of death. It feels like there’s no escape from my own mind.

And the hardest part is that I know I wasn’t always like this. Before the DPDR started, I could actually enjoy things. I could feel connected to life. That’s why it hurts so much when people act like this is just my personality, autism, or anxiety. Those things may affect it, but I know something changed in me when the DPDR began.

I don’t even know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just want to know if anyone else has felt this level of existential fear and disconnection for years and still managed to recover, because right now it feels impossible.

I don’t want to unfollow these vegan accounts but how do you move on after seeing that? I feel like a psychopath that I watched it and just moving on with my life. Do people see these?? Do they literally eat meat after seeing that? I don’t understand why people are so apathetic. Or maybe I do.. I’m autistic, I care more. It sad that it’s not a normal thing.