u/Happy_Sad_8710

I just saw one of my favorite (modern) ​poets do this podcast I guess, and they were talking about ocd. And I guess he has it or something. But then he said, "It took me a while to figure out there's actually quite a bit of narcissism in ocd." and "ocd is just a self-centered idea." ​​​​​

I.... just am lost for words. It took me over THREE YEARS​ to fight and overcome my fear of being a narcissist. And when​ I watched that video I felt myself literally slipping back into that fear that I spent so long fighting. How can someone say that? How can someone say that ocd is self centered and a narcissistic? Oh this is making me so mad. ​​​​​

Hello everyone, sorry for this rant, but I really need some advice. So to start this off, I'm 19F. I have ocd, which in this context I basically have a very hard time distinguishing when I feel that God hears my prayers, is pleased with me, or if I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. Like for instance, a lot of my prayers are very ritualistic because I feel like I *have* to say them exactly right or it shows that I don't appreciate God or that he doesn't hear me or things like that. It's basically​​​​ scrupulosity if you've heard of that.

Anyway, ​​I have also been​​​ dealing with major medical issues this year. Bad stuff with my heart and lungs. The thing is,​ I have a test​​ on the 2nd that will diagnose me with one of basically three outcomes. Legitimately, one will mean​ I will die, one will mean I might die, and one has a cure, but it has open heart surgery as the cure. I have of course thought long and hard about these, and I will 100 times over go for the one with the cure, obviously. And I am trying to be honest here, and I know it sounds bad, but I would also like​ the one with the cure because almost all of my friends have left me, and nobody knows about all of these horrible things I'm going through, and it would make people care. It would also give me a break in my emotional hardships for a time being, and a break in school and everything. And you know, I would live.

So now with that said, to connect it with the first paragraph, I have been praying a lot as you can probably guess. But the thing is, I obviously want the third diagnosis, and I pray for that almost every time I pray. But people tell me all the time to not worry and have faith, and of course I want to do that, but that messes with my ocd because now I'm stuck in a place where I feel like I can't bring up my worries with god every day because that shows that I'm worrying and don't have faith in him. I'm terrified to pray about this now because I'm so worried that the more I pray about it, the more I talk about, the more I research about it, even the more I think about it, the less likely it is that God will grant me this diagnosis. I just want it so bad and I'm so scared of doing anything wrong in God's eyes because I'm worried ​he won't give me this diagnosis I so desperately want. I'm also scared he might think my wish is selfish because of what it would mean to me emotionally as well. Like I want to get more out of it than just a cure, and that is bad.

I guess I am so worried I'm not being a good enough person or Christian or whatever for God to give me this. I feel like this thing I'm praying for is too selfish for it to answered in the way I want it. I genuinely feel like I'm walking on egg shells all the time in my head. I think I just have to accept all the possibilities but it's hard with how badly I want that third option. I want it SO badly.

Now, of course I know that's not how that works, but I can't deal with that. I know I can't understand how God works or his timing, but I can't stop obsessing about this. I don't know what to do or if I should keep praying about it or if I should stop or what. This is stressing me out so bad.

Hello! So this is kind of a weird question but I just wanted to see what people had to say. I'm a sophomore in college. I have moved around pretty much my whole life. I have never lived in one place longer than about 3 years. ​​Just this last year, I have​​​​ lived in 5 different places between school and work. And when I lived at home, because of living situations for the last 3ish years of high school, I slept on the couch mainly, also with a couple air mattresses thrown in.​ I have never really felt at home anywhere. The last time I did, it ended really badly with my parents and so it felt like my one safe place got ripped away from​​​​​​​​ me.

All of this to say, basically my entire life I have been searching for a place where I feel at peace. And it's kinda funny cause I don't really know what home feels like, or is supposed to feel like. Like I have genuinely never really felt completely safe anywhere, and so when I watch movies or read books and they're like, "Go home," after a tragic event, I always think of how that's a terrible idea lol, but I forget most people love going​​​​​​​​ home haha.

So what does home feel like? ​​It's it truly a place of peace? Where you feel utter safety and happiness? ​​How do you get there? What can I do to create a home? (Also, I mean a physical place, nothing really about "people are your home" and that stuff. It's a nice sentiment, but I need a real home). ​​​​​

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So I have HFpEF. At the beginning of my diagnosis, I was really great at taking torsemide, but then after 8 or 9 months I got really sick and tired of it, and I kind of weaned off of it (only for a about a month, and I told my doctor afterwards and we got everything figured out). ​​​​During this time of inconsistently using it, I discovered a pattern that I thought was very interesting, and I was wondering if anybody knew why this happens. Just got clarification, I get really bad pitting edema and shortness of breath off of torsemide. ​​Sorry if this is confusing! ​

(This is specifically my experience. I don't know how it would differ between people). ​So basically, let's say I take torsemide for the last time after a few months. ​​​​​There is no swelling in my legs and I have no shortness of breath. It stays this way for about two weeks, maybe three at the most. Then one morning I wake up (or sometimes at night if I'm paying attention), and I have intense swelling in my legs. It's very immediate, like gone one day and there the next. And in the days following, the shortness of breath begins and is pretty severe. The edema and shortness of breath will stay that​​​​​ way until torsemide is restarted. However, when the torsemide is restarted(I only restarted for one day at a time, until my edema got bad again)​, the edema goes away immediately. It doesn't matter if I had edema for months or for a day, it goes away the night after restarting torsemide. But, even that one singular day of starting torsemide makes me swelling free for the next two weeks. ​​

Like I said, I know this is bad, but this was a while ago and I'm doing much better now. But ​​​why does this happen? Why am I swelling free for weeks after even a day of torsemide? ​​Why does the swelling go away immediately after taking one dose of torsemide? ​

This is heartbreaking for me to say, but I had to get it off my chest. I've heard people say it, but I always loved the family I was given, always found the bright side. But I am just having such a difficult time right now.

I'm 19F, working a summer job. Last year, my parents separated (now they're getting divorced), we moved across the world to America (we lived on a military base), and I started college in September. But that meant two new houses, neither of which had any of my things or a room for me. I don't have a home. I feel homesick for a place that genuinely doesn't exist. My parents hate each other.

So I'm in another state halfway across the country, and family friends from that military base live here. One of their daughters was my best friend from high school, and she invited me to stay with her and her family ​over the weekend in their guest room. And this weekend just made me feel so much worse because I can't help but see what I don't have. They love each other here. Like really love each other. They're happy. They play games together, laugh, tease. They have a house with their things and rooms for their kids. This guest room was the first actual bedroom I've slept in in about 2 years. ​​

We were driving today and I found myself staring at her parents and that thought just popped into my head. "I wish this was my family." And the worst part is, I genuinely wish that. ​I wish that I had a bedroom of my own. I wish that I could say goodnight to both my parents at once. I wish my parents loved us kids like how they used to, cause when you're parents get divorced, they can't look at you without seeing that other person, or without seeing everything they lost. And I know every family has its downsides. There are difficulties everywhere. But I have felt peace here for the first time in years. Genuine peace.

And I called my mom today, and she got mad at me for something, and I just had that thought again. I can't blame her, she has been so incredibly stressed and it's been hard on all of us, but sometimes I think she doesn't realize it's been hard on the kids too.​

All this to say, I love my family. I love them more than anything, but this is not what a family should be. My family that I had 2 years ago doesn't exist anymore.

I just feel so guilty because I know God's plan. I know that I was put in my family and I belong there, but what good is that when my family isn't really a family anymore? Why are families so important when they can be thrown away like that?

Hello all. I'm 19F, and I have heart failure(not really relevant, but something a doctor would need to know). I've been having a problem with my leg recently. ​About 2 weeks ago, I started having really bad pain in my thigh when I walk, and it's gotten progressively worse and hurts even with little movement. I think I'll need to go to a doctor soon, but I really don't want to. I know leg pain is one of the biggest things doctors say plus size people complain about (which I know isn't really that true, but there is some truth to it). I just have a feeling they won't take me seriously. I just know this is actually something wrong, and it's started way after I've been losing weight. Is there any way to make a doctor believe you? Especially with something like leg pain?

I don't know if this is allowed, but I have no idea where else to post this. So if this breaks the rules, I am sorry.

I have HFpEF. Lately, I have heard about the hantavirus, and the more I hear about it, the more afraid I get. I know it's rare-ish to get, but for people with respiratory or cardiac issues, it is REALLY bad. I am just really scared, and I don't know how to make myself worry less about this. Does anyone here know about the hantavirus and can give me some info about hf and the virus?

I know this is a lyric to a song but I have genuinely never seen a perfect explanation of how I feel before this. I have always had ocd that affects how I perceive myself, like for example my biggest obsession ever was worrying I was a narcissist. For about 2 years straight from ages 15 to 17 I rehearsed EVERYTHING I was going to say to make sure I was being kind and empathetic. I spent so many hours on subreddit like r/bpdlovedones and r/raisedbynarcissists, not because I was a victim or anything, because I wanted to read people's stories to make sure I never did what the people in their lives did. There was also many other years throughout my life that I was worried about being a horrible person. I still am to this day. I get scared reading people's stories now because I'm scared I'm going to see something that describes how I am, if that makes sense. I still overanalyze everything to make sure I am being a good person. ​

All of this to say, I spent most of​ my life overcorrecting myself. Of course we all need to look within and make sure we are being good people, but I was so busy making sure I was not just a good person, but specifically NOT a bad person, that I didn't spend anytime learning about who I was. Most of my youth was spent genuinely trying not to go insane, and now I have no idea who I am. I am genuinely terrified that I have never met me. I am much better now, but the consequences of my ocd have hit me hard.

Sometimes it feels like I'm trying to get home, but that home never existed in the first place. I keep searching for myself, but I will never find me because I was never there to begin with. ​

This is just a small deatil, but I'm rewatching the show and I just realized Alice said this and I find it kinda funny how right she was.

"I'm not joking, Betty. That family is pure evil. I'm wondering if the Blossoms didn't kill Jason themselves."

19F. I have HFpEF. I have been taking torsemide, potassium, and spironolactone for about 2 to 3 months. However, I just got a new job that has crazy hours, and I have not been taking my torsemide or potassium (I have kept up on spironolactone). I stopped the torsemide about 5 days ago because that's when my weird shift started. I haven't had any weird symptoms besides slight pitting edema in my legs. I just feel so overwhelmed right now and I don't know what to do. I'm a camp counselor so I literally can't stop and pee every 15 minutes, but I have long shifts and need to sleep so I just can't find a time to take torsemide. I'm changing shifts the day after tomorrow, so I will be able to take torsemide after work, but I'm just really stressed out that my heart is in trouble because I stopped taking the torsemide. ​​

Hello everyone. I recently got diagnosed with heart failure with preserved ejection fraction. I'm 19 and work as a camp counselor. But torsemide is literally making me go crazy. It is genuinely ruining my mental health because of the stress it gives me. Every day I have to figure out when to take it to least impact my life. Because every day is different, I change when I take it and some days I'm taking it at nighttime because it's the only time I can take it, and then it impacts my sleep. I definitely can't take it during my work shifts​​​​​​​, but by the time I'm done, it's already 6 or 7 pm and I have to go to sleep soon. I have no idea what to do. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much! ​​​

I'm 19F. Tomorrow I'm flying across the country to start a job and the anxiety just hit me. I'm terrified. I'm terrified to be away from my mom and dad, I'm terrified of the responsibility, I'm terrified of being alone for the first time ever. I seriously don't know what to do. I know I have to suck it up and deal with it, because sooner or later this was going to happen, sooner or later I was going to grow up, I just didn't see it creeping up on me until now. I'm very sad too. I am just really going to miss my mom and dad and my family and I'm going to be so far away. I can't run back home if things don't work out. I know that some days are going to be so hard and being alone during that is what makes me sad. I think it's also the realization that this is it, this is legitimately me becoming an adult, and isn't that hard to swallow? I don't even really know what I'm asking, maybe some advice to get through this easier? I just feel like my heart is breaking and I don't know how to feel better.

I used to love water. It used to be my absolute favorite drink and I drank it all the time. However, I've had some heart problems and now I have to take a bunch of medication everyday, and that has completely ruined water for me. Everytime I drink water I almost gag because it reminds me of the disgusting bitter and powdery pills, and I hate it. Does anyone have any advice on how to love water again without making this mental comparison?