u/I_am-Rich

My GF (25F) and I (25M) met on Reddit and had our first date in June last year. We're long distance, living in different cities in India. She has a stable salaried job. I trade stocks for income, so it's variable.

To make the distance work, I was traveling to her city for 7-14 days every month. Eventually we just started traveling together as our main way of meeting. In 11 months we've been to domestic destinations all over India - beaches, heritage cities, hill stations, theme parks, metro cities - plus one 13-night international trip to Malaysia and one 18-night international trip to Indonesia and another planned to Thailand from Tomorrow. Total nights spent together: 125 out of 335, which is about 38% of our entire relationship.

THE FINANCES

We kept an Excel sheet of all expenses, so these are documented, not estimates.

I paid ₹9.3L (~$11,150 USD) in flights, hotels, and trip expenses

I gifted or covered an additional ₹1.3L (~$1,560 USD)

Her total spend across the entire relationship: ₹2.33L (~$2,800 USD)

She identifies as a feminist. When my income got tight and I asked if we could go 50/50 on non-hotel expenses, she sent me Instagram reels mocking men who ask girlfriends to split costs. She asks for beauty/skincare gift cards to resolve fights. She tells her mother she travels "on her own expenses" and that we stay in separate rooms.

PHONE & PRIVACY

On our first date I gave her my phone password. She reads through it whenever she wants.

She has never shared hers. Earlier If I glance at her screen she snatches it away. If I say I'll remove her fingerprint from my phone, she threatens to break up. She regularly deletes chats and messages.

On onw rare occasion she briefly handed me her phone, I've opened the gallery and first thing that popped out was her ex's photos right at the top woth her. I expected mine but reality was something else. She blamed this on Samsung feature which brings old memories in gallery to revisit. She has fewer than 10 photos of me in 11 months. Her excuse: her current phone camera S24 FE isn't good enough as compared to mine Ultra. But She took endless photos with exes on older, cheaper Xiaomi phones.

SHE LIED ABOUT DELETING HER EXES' CONTENT

Early on she voluntarily showed me a video of her ex decorating a room romantically for her while they spoke intimately. I asked her to delete all intimate media of her exes after this as I was very hurt. I couldn't believe she would do this and that I would have never done this with her. She said she had deleted.

She hadn't. I found out her password after some 9 months and one night I aksed her I wanted to see your phone. She was kinda half-asleep and said it was okay, I looked. I found:

- Sex tapes with her ex

- Videos of them talking intimately

- Full backed-up chat logs of sexual conversations with exes

- Every message where her ex called her beautiful or said "I love you" - a personal validation archive

Her excuse for the sex tapes: she wanted to see how slim she used to look. When I brought up that she had lied, she didn't apologize. She screamed at me for reading them. I ended up being the one who apologized. I know it was my mistake to read them but I was very hurt when I found out the truth that she lied to me.

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION & BREAKUP THREATS

Her first response to any conflict is a breakup threat. I've lost count. The specific pattern: she picks a fight the day before a non-refundable trip. I panic, beg, apologize. She comes on the trip and acts like nothing happened.

The worst incident: we were at a luxury hotel. I tried to hug her at night and she pushed me away. I was hurt and went for a midnight walk, ended up watching a movie for two hours. When I came back she had packed her bags, booked a flight, and left the city. She blocked me everywhere. Her explanation was that I left her alone. I cried walking back into that empty room. Then I begged her to forgive me. For taking a walk.

She has called me a "potential rapist," "moron," and "bitch" during arguments whenever she gets angry. I have never once raised my voice at her or even attacked her. Whereas she had slapped me twice and kicked me in anger.

THE FWB SITUATION

During one of our international trips she mentioned her old FWB - someone she used to make out with for hours every week - had reached out wanting to meet. I told her I wasn't comfortable. The conversation dropped while we were traveling.

After we got back she casually mentioned she had already made plans with him like dates and location already set and was now just asking if I was "okay with it" as a formality. When I said no she called me insecure and controlling. I had to threaten to end things before she backed down, cried, apologized, and blocked him.

Four months later, two days before our next international trip, she brought it up again out of nowhere. She Called me a red flag. Said she put the scenario into an AI chatbot to prove I was controlling.

INTIMACY: HER PAST VS. WHAT I GET

Everything she tells me about her past relationships is the direct opposite of what she gives me now.

Kissing: She Had a FWB she made out with in parking lots for hours every week for months. With me she claims she has low libido, she won't kiss past 2 minutes. Not once she have ever initiated kissing or sex. I've to practically beg her for some intimacy.

Anal: She said she had already Explored her body with her ex. And now she won't even try anything with me as she Tells me she tried and it hurts, refuses entirely with me.

Raw sex: She used to have Regular raw sex with her ex. We did it 3 times. After a yeast infection on the third time I was permanently banned. Her ex had no such restriction.

Fingering: Did it once on our third date. She said that she got an overactive bladder because of that. I don't even know if I caused it. But I'm Banned ever since. Once in 11 months I've put my fingers inside her.

Oral (giving): Says she finds it degrading. On the rare occasion she does it, she brings it up for weeks like she made a huge sacrifice for me.

Oral (receiving): Expects this regularly. Says it's the only way she finishes and treats it as non-negotiable.

When I bring up how painful this gap is, she deflects by bringing up that I had 16 ONS on a solo trip abroad before we ever met. I was a virgin before that trip, have zero attachment to any of those people, and don't even remember them. She equates that to her keeping a full archive of men she spent years with and was completely open with sexually. It is not the same thing.

The pattern I keep seeing: she was enthusiastic and exploratory with men she was genuinely into. With me, everything comes with a ban, a restriction, or a guilt trip. I keep asking myself - is this actually low libido, or does it say something about where I stand with her?

WHERE I'M AT

She's excited and acting completely normal about the upcoming trip. I'm writing this post.

She says she has only truly loved me. I want to believe that. But looking at everything together - the money gap, the phone double standard, the lies about her ex's content, the intimacy gap, the verbal abuse, the breakup threats timed around non-refundable trips, a full archive of her exes but fewer than 10 photos of me, I can't make it add up.

I love her and that's why I keep giving chances. But I'm starting to feel like that love is the thing being used against me.

Has anyone been through something similar? I genuinely can't see this clearly from inside it anymore. And why is walking away from something that's hurting you so much harder than it should be?

TL;DR: 11 months LDR, She has full access to my phone, I have none to hers. She lied about deleting sex tapes of her exes. She was sexually open with past partners and gives me a fraction of that with constant restrictions. She threatens breakups before every non-refundable trip, has verbally abused me, and two days before our next trip reopened a months-old argument just to call me controlling. Looking for honest perspective from people outside the situation.

My GF (25F) and I (25M) met on Reddit and had our first date in June last year. We're long distance, living in different cities in India. She has a stable salaried job. I trade stocks for income, so it's variable.

To make the distance work, I was traveling to her city for 7-14 days every month. Eventually we just started traveling together as our main way of meeting. In 11 months we've been to domestic destinations all over India - beaches, heritage cities, hill stations, theme parks, metro cities - plus one 13-night international trip to Malaysia and one 18-night international trip to Indonesia and another planned to Thailand from Tomorrow. Total nights spent together: 125 out of 335, which is about 38% of our entire relationship.

THE FINANCES

We kept an Excel sheet of all expenses, so these are documented, not estimates.

I paid ₹9.3L (~$11,150 USD) in flights, hotels, and trip expenses

I gifted or covered an additional ₹1.3L (~$1,560 USD)

Her total spend across the entire relationship: ₹2.33L (~$2,800 USD)

She identifies as a feminist. When my income got tight and I asked if we could go 50/50 on non-hotel expenses, she sent me Instagram reels mocking men who ask girlfriends to split costs. She asks for beauty/skincare gift cards to resolve fights. She tells her mother she travels "on her own expenses" and that we stay in separate rooms.

PHONE & PRIVACY

On our first date I gave her my phone password. She reads through it whenever she wants.

She has never shared hers. Earlier If I glance at her screen she snatches it away. If I say I'll remove her fingerprint from my phone, she threatens to break up. She regularly deletes chats and messages.

On onw rare occasion she briefly handed me her phone, I've opened the gallery and first thing that popped out was her ex's photos right at the top woth her. I expected mine but reality was something else. She blamed this on Samsung feature which brings old memories in gallery to revisit. She has fewer than 10 photos of me in 11 months. Her excuse: her current phone camera S24 FE isn't good enough as compared to mine Ultra. But She took endless photos with exes on older, cheaper Xiaomi phones.

SHE LIED ABOUT DELETING HER EXES' CONTENT

Early on she voluntarily showed me a video of her ex decorating a room romantically for her while they spoke intimately. I asked her to delete all intimate media of her exes after this as I was very hurt. I couldn't believe she would do this and that I would have never done this with her. She said she had deleted.

She hadn't. I found out her password after some 9 months and one night I aksed her I wanted to see your phone. She was kinda half-asleep and said it was okay, I looked. I found:

- Sex tapes with her ex

- Videos of them talking intimately

- Full backed-up chat logs of sexual conversations with exes

- Every message where her ex called her beautiful or said "I love you" - a personal validation archive

Her excuse for the sex tapes: she wanted to see how slim she used to look. When I brought up that she had lied, she didn't apologize. She screamed at me for reading them. I ended up being the one who apologized. I know it was my mistake to read them but I was very hurt when I found out the truth that she lied to me.

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION & BREAKUP THREATS

Her first response to any conflict is a breakup threat. I've lost count. The specific pattern: she picks a fight the day before a non-refundable trip. I panic, beg, apologize. She comes on the trip and acts like nothing happened.

The worst incident: we were at a luxury hotel. I tried to hug her at night and she pushed me away. I was hurt and went for a midnight walk, ended up watching a movie for two hours. When I came back she had packed her bags, booked a flight, and left the city. She blocked me everywhere. Her explanation was that I left her alone. I cried walking back into that empty room. Then I begged her to forgive me. For taking a walk.

She has called me a "potential rapist," "moron," and "bitch" during arguments whenever she gets angry. I have never once raised my voice at her or even attacked her. Whereas she had slapped me twice and kicked me in anger.

THE FWB SITUATION

During one of our international trips she mentioned her old FWB - someone she used to make out with for hours every week - had reached out wanting to meet. I told her I wasn't comfortable. The conversation dropped while we were traveling.

After we got back she casually mentioned she had already made plans with him like dates and location already set and was now just asking if I was "okay with it" as a formality. When I said no she called me insecure and controlling. I had to threaten to end things before she backed down, cried, apologized, and blocked him.

Four months later, two days before our next international trip, she brought it up again out of nowhere. She Called me a red flag. Said she put the scenario into an AI chatbot to prove I was controlling.

INTIMACY: HER PAST VS. WHAT I GET

Everything she tells me about her past relationships is the direct opposite of what she gives me now.

Kissing: She Had a FWB she made out with in parking lots for hours every week for months. With me she claims she has low libido, she won't kiss past 2 minutes. Not once she have ever initiated kissing or sex. I've to practically beg her for some intimacy.

Anal: She said she had already Explored her body with her ex. And now she won't even try anything with me as she Tells me she tried and it hurts, refuses entirely with me.

Raw sex: She used to have Regular raw sex with her ex. We did it 3 times. After a yeast infection on the third time I was permanently banned. Her ex had no such restriction.

Fingering: Did it once on our third date. She said that she got an overactive bladder because of that. I don't even know if I caused it. But I'm Banned ever since. Once in 11 months I've put my fingers inside her.

Oral (giving): Says she finds it degrading. On the rare occasion she does it, she brings it up for weeks like she made a huge sacrifice for me.

Oral (receiving): Expects this regularly. Says it's the only way she finishes and treats it as non-negotiable.

When I bring up how painful this gap is, she deflects by bringing up that I had 16 ONS on a solo trip abroad before we ever met. I was a virgin before that trip, have zero attachment to any of those people, and don't even remember them. She equates that to her keeping a full archive of men she spent years with and was completely open with sexually. It is not the same thing.

The pattern I keep seeing: she was enthusiastic and exploratory with men she was genuinely into. With me, everything comes with a ban, a restriction, or a guilt trip. I keep asking myself - is this actually low libido, or does it say something about where I stand with her?

WHERE I'M AT

She's excited and acting completely normal about the upcoming trip. I'm writing this post.

She says she has only truly loved me. I want to believe that. But looking at everything together - the money gap, the phone double standard, the lies about her ex's content, the intimacy gap, the verbal abuse, the breakup threats timed around non-refundable trips, a full archive of her exes but fewer than 10 photos of me, I can't make it add up.

I love her and that's why I keep giving chances. But I'm starting to feel like that love is the thing being used against me.

Has anyone been through something similar? I genuinely can't see this clearly from inside it anymore. And why is walking away from something that's hurting you so much harder than it should be?

TL;DR: 11 months LDR, She has full access to my phone, I have none to hers. She lied about deleting sex tapes of her exes. She was sexually open with past partners and gives me a fraction of that with constant restrictions. She threatens breakups before every non-refundable trip, has verbally abused me, and two days before our next trip reopened a months-old argument just to call me controlling. Looking for honest perspective from people outside the situation.

My GF (25F) and I (25M) met on Reddit and had our first date in June last year. We're long distance, living in different cities in India. She has a stable salaried job. I trade stocks for income, so it's variable.

To make the distance work, I was traveling to her city for 7-14 days every month. Eventually we just started traveling together as our main way of meeting. In 11 months we've been to domestic destinations all over India - beaches, heritage cities, hill stations, theme parks, metro cities - plus one 13-night international trip to Malaysia and one 18-night international trip to Indonesia and another planned to Thailand from Tomorrow. Total nights spent together: 125 out of 335, which is about 38% of our entire relationship.

THE FINANCES

We kept an Excel sheet of all expenses, so these are documented, not estimates.

I paid ₹9.3L (~$11,150 USD) in flights, hotels, and trip expenses

I gifted or covered an additional ₹1.3L (~$1,560 USD)

Her total spend across the entire relationship: ₹2.33L (~$2,800 USD)

She identifies as a feminist. When my income got tight and I asked if we could go 50/50 on non-hotel expenses, she sent me Instagram reels mocking men who ask girlfriends to split costs. She asks for beauty/skincare gift cards to resolve fights. She tells her mother she travels "on her own expenses" and that we stay in separate rooms.

PHONE & PRIVACY

On our first date I gave her my phone password. She reads through it whenever she wants.

She has never shared hers. Earlier If I glance at her screen she snatches it away. If I say I'll remove her fingerprint from my phone, she threatens to break up. She regularly deletes chats and messages.

On onw rare occasion she briefly handed me her phone, I've opened the gallery and first thing that popped out was her ex's photos right at the top woth her. I expected mine but reality was something else. She blamed this on Samsung feature which brings old memories in gallery to revisit. She has fewer than 10 photos of me in 11 months. Her excuse: her current phone camera S24 FE isn't good enough as compared to mine Ultra. But She took endless photos with exes on older, cheaper Xiaomi phones.

SHE LIED ABOUT DELETING HER EXES' CONTENT

Early on she voluntarily showed me a video of her ex decorating a room romantically for her while they spoke intimately. I asked her to delete all intimate media of her exes after this as I was very hurt. I couldn't believe she would do this and that I would have never done this with her. She said she had deleted.

She hadn't. I found out her password after some 9 months and one night I aksed her I wanted to see your phone. She was kinda half-asleep and said it was okay, I looked. I found:

- Sex tapes with her ex

- Videos of them talking intimately

- Full backed-up chat logs of sexual conversations with exes

- Every message where her ex called her beautiful or said "I love you" - a personal validation archive

Her excuse for the sex tapes: she wanted to see how slim she used to look. When I brought up that she had lied, she didn't apologize. She screamed at me for reading them. I ended up being the one who apologized. I know it was my mistake to read them but I was very hurt when I found out the truth that she lied to me.

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION & BREAKUP THREATS

Her first response to any conflict is a breakup threat. I've lost count. The specific pattern: she picks a fight the day before a non-refundable trip. I panic, beg, apologize. She comes on the trip and acts like nothing happened.

The worst incident: we were at a luxury hotel. I tried to hug her at night and she pushed me away. I was hurt and went for a midnight walk, ended up watching a movie for two hours. When I came back she had packed her bags, booked a flight, and left the city. She blocked me everywhere. Her explanation was that I left her alone. I cried walking back into that empty room. Then I begged her to forgive me. For taking a walk.

She has called me a "potential rapist," "moron," and "bitch" during arguments whenever she gets angry. I have never once raised my voice at her or even attacked her. Whereas she had slapped me twice and kicked me in anger.

THE FWB SITUATION

During one of our international trips she mentioned her old FWB - someone she used to make out with for hours every week - had reached out wanting to meet. I told her I wasn't comfortable. The conversation dropped while we were traveling.

After we got back she casually mentioned she had already made plans with him like dates and location already set and was now just asking if I was "okay with it" as a formality. When I said no she called me insecure and controlling. I had to threaten to end things before she backed down, cried, apologized, and blocked him.

Four months later, two days before our next international trip, she brought it up again out of nowhere. She Called me a red flag. Said she put the scenario into an AI chatbot to prove I was controlling.

INTIMACY: HER PAST VS. WHAT I GET

Everything she tells me about her past relationships is the direct opposite of what she gives me now.

Kissing: She Had a FWB she made out with in parking lots for hours every week for months. With me she claims she has low libido, she won't kiss past 2 minutes. Not once she have ever initiated kissing or sex. I've to practically beg her for some intimacy.

Anal: She said she had already Explored her body with her ex. And now she won't even try anything with me as she Tells me she tried and it hurts, refuses entirely with me.

Raw sex: She used to have Regular raw sex with her ex. We did it 3 times. After a yeast infection on the third time I was permanently banned. Her ex had no such restriction.

Fingering: Did it once on our third date. She said that she got an overactive bladder because of that. I don't even know if I caused it. But I'm Banned ever since. Once in 11 months I've put my fingers inside her.

Oral (giving): Says she finds it degrading. On the rare occasion she does it, she brings it up for weeks like she made a huge sacrifice for me.

Oral (receiving): Expects this regularly. Says it's the only way she finishes and treats it as non-negotiable.

When I bring up how painful this gap is, she deflects by bringing up that I had 16 ONS on a solo trip abroad before we ever met. I was a virgin before that trip, have zero attachment to any of those people, and don't even remember them. She equates that to her keeping a full archive of men she spent years with and was completely open with sexually. It is not the same thing.

The pattern I keep seeing: she was enthusiastic and exploratory with men she was genuinely into. With me, everything comes with a ban, a restriction, or a guilt trip. I keep asking myself - is this actually low libido, or does it say something about where I stand with her?

WHERE I'M AT

She's excited and acting completely normal about the upcoming trip. I'm writing this post.

She says she has only truly loved me. I want to believe that. But looking at everything together - the money gap, the phone double standard, the lies about her ex's content, the intimacy gap, the verbal abuse, the breakup threats timed around non-refundable trips, a full archive of her exes but fewer than 10 photos of me, I can't make it add up.

I love her and that's why I keep giving chances. But I'm starting to feel like that love is the thing being used against me.

Has anyone been through something similar? I genuinely can't see this clearly from inside it anymore. And why is walking away from something that's hurting you so much harder than it should be?

TL;DR: 11 months LDR, She has full access to my phone, I have none to hers. She lied about deleting sex tapes of her exes. She was sexually open with past partners and gives me a fraction of that with constant restrictions. She threatens breakups before every non-refundable trip, has verbally abused me, and two days before our next trip reopened a months-old argument just to call me controlling. Looking for honest perspective from people outside the situation.

My GF (25F) and I (25M) met on Reddit and had our first date in June last year. We're long distance, living in different cities in India. She has a stable salaried job. I trade stocks for income, so it's variable.

To make the distance work, I was traveling to her city for 7-14 days every month. Eventually we just started traveling together as our main way of meeting. In 11 months we've been to domestic destinations all over India - beaches, heritage cities, hill stations, theme parks, metro cities - plus one 13-night international trip to Malaysia and one 18-night international trip to Indonesia and another planned to Thailand from Tomorrow. Total nights spent together: 125 out of 335, which is about 38% of our entire relationship.

THE FINANCES

We kept an Excel sheet of all expenses, so these are documented, not estimates.

I paid ₹9.3L (~$11,150 USD) in flights, hotels, and trip expenses

I gifted or covered an additional ₹1.3L (~$1,560 USD)

Her total spend across the entire relationship: ₹2.33L (~$2,800 USD)

She identifies as a feminist. When my income got tight and I asked if we could go 50/50 on non-hotel expenses, she sent me Instagram reels mocking men who ask girlfriends to split costs. She asks for beauty/skincare gift cards to resolve fights. She tells her mother she travels "on her own expenses" and that we stay in separate rooms.

PHONE & PRIVACY

On our first date I gave her my phone password. She reads through it whenever she wants.

She has never shared hers. Earlier If I glance at her screen she snatches it away. If I say I'll remove her fingerprint from my phone, she threatens to break up. She regularly deletes chats and messages.

On onw rare occasion she briefly handed me her phone, I've opened the gallery and first thing that popped out was her ex's photos right at the top woth her. I expected mine but reality was something else. She blamed this on Samsung feature which brings old memories in gallery to revisit. She has fewer than 10 photos of me in 11 months. Her excuse: her current phone camera S24 FE isn't good enough as compared to mine Ultra. But She took endless photos with exes on older, cheaper Xiaomi phones.

SHE LIED ABOUT DELETING HER EXES' CONTENT

Early on she voluntarily showed me a video of her ex decorating a room romantically for her while they spoke intimately. I asked her to delete all intimate media of her exes after this as I was very hurt. I couldn't believe she would do this and that I would have never done this with her. She said she had deleted.

She hadn't. I found out her password after some 9 months and one night I aksed her I wanted to see your phone. She was kinda half-asleep and said it was okay, I looked. I found:

- Sex tapes with her ex

- Videos of them talking intimately

- Full backed-up chat logs of sexual conversations with exes

- Every message where her ex called her beautiful or said "I love you" - a personal validation archive

Her excuse for the sex tapes: she wanted to see how slim she used to look. When I brought up that she had lied, she didn't apologize. She screamed at me for reading them. I ended up being the one who apologized. I know it was my mistake to read them but I was very hurt when I found out the truth that she lied to me.

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION & BREAKUP THREATS

Her first response to any conflict is a breakup threat. I've lost count. The specific pattern: she picks a fight the day before a non-refundable trip. I panic, beg, apologize. She comes on the trip and acts like nothing happened.

The worst incident: we were at a luxury hotel. I tried to hug her at night and she pushed me away. I was hurt and went for a midnight walk, ended up watching a movie for two hours. When I came back she had packed her bags, booked a flight, and left the city. She blocked me everywhere. Her explanation was that I left her alone. I cried walking back into that empty room. Then I begged her to forgive me. For taking a walk.

She has called me a "potential rapist," "moron," and "bitch" during arguments whenever she gets angry. I have never once raised my voice at her or even attacked her. Whereas she had slapped me twice and kicked me in anger.

THE FWB SITUATION

During one of our international trips she mentioned her old FWB - someone she used to make out with for hours every week - had reached out wanting to meet. I told her I wasn't comfortable. The conversation dropped while we were traveling.

After we got back she casually mentioned she had already made plans with him like dates and location already set and was now just asking if I was "okay with it" as a formality. When I said no she called me insecure and controlling. I had to threaten to end things before she backed down, cried, apologized, and blocked him.

Four months later, two days before our next international trip, she brought it up again out of nowhere. She Called me a red flag. Said she put the scenario into an AI chatbot to prove I was controlling.

INTIMACY: HER PAST VS. WHAT I GET

Everything she tells me about her past relationships is the direct opposite of what she gives me now.

Kissing: She Had a FWB she made out with in parking lots for hours every week for months. With me she claims she has low libido, she won't kiss past 2 minutes. Not once she have ever initiated kissing or sex. I've to practically beg her for some intimacy.

Anal: She said she had already Explored her body with her ex. And now she won't even try anything with me as she Tells me she tried and it hurts, refuses entirely with me.

Raw sex: She used to have Regular raw sex with her ex. We did it 3 times. After a yeast infection on the third time I was permanently banned. Her ex had no such restriction.

Fingering: Did it once on our third date. She said that she got an overactive bladder because of that. I don't even know if I caused it. But I'm Banned ever since. Once in 11 months I've put my fingers inside her.

Oral (giving): Says she finds it degrading. On the rare occasion she does it, she brings it up for weeks like she made a huge sacrifice for me.

Oral (receiving): Expects this regularly. Says it's the only way she finishes and treats it as non-negotiable.

When I bring up how painful this gap is, she deflects by bringing up that I had 16 ONS on a solo trip abroad before we ever met. I was a virgin before that trip, have zero attachment to any of those people, and don't even remember them. She equates that to her keeping a full archive of men she spent years with and was completely open with sexually. It is not the same thing.

The pattern I keep seeing: she was enthusiastic and exploratory with men she was genuinely into. With me, everything comes with a ban, a restriction, or a guilt trip. I keep asking myself - is this actually low libido, or does it say something about where I stand with her?

WHERE I'M AT

She's excited and acting completely normal about the upcoming trip. I'm writing this post.

She says she has only truly loved me. I want to believe that. But looking at everything together - the money gap, the phone double standard, the lies about her ex's content, the intimacy gap, the verbal abuse, the breakup threats timed around non-refundable trips, a full archive of her exes but fewer than 10 photos of me, I can't make it add up.

I love her and that's why I keep giving chances. But I'm starting to feel like that love is the thing being used against me.

Has anyone been through something similar? I genuinely can't see this clearly from inside it anymore. And why is walking away from something that's hurting you so much harder than it should be?

TL;DR: 11 months LDR, She has full access to my phone, I have none to hers. She lied about deleting sex tapes of her exes. She was sexually open with past partners and gives me a fraction of that with constant restrictions. She threatens breakups before every non-refundable trip, has verbally abused me, and two days before our next trip reopened a months-old argument just to call me controlling. Looking for honest perspective from people outside the situation.

My GF (25F) and I (25M) met on Reddit and had our first date in June last year. We're long distance, living in different cities in India. She has a stable salaried job. I trade stocks for income, so it's variable.

To make the distance work, I was traveling to her city for 7-14 days every month. Eventually we just started traveling together as our main way of meeting. In 11 months we've been to domestic destinations all over India - beaches, heritage cities, hill stations, theme parks, metro cities - plus one 13-night international trip to Malaysia and one 18-night international trip to Indonesia and another planned to Thailand from Tomorrow. Total nights spent together: 125 out of 335, which is about 38% of our entire relationship.

THE FINANCES

We kept an Excel sheet of all expenses, so these are documented, not estimates.

I paid ₹9.3L (~$11,150 USD) in flights, hotels, and trip expenses

I gifted or covered an additional ₹1.3L (~$1,560 USD)

Her total spend across the entire relationship: ₹2.33L (~$2,800 USD)

She identifies as a feminist. When my income got tight and I asked if we could go 50/50 on non-hotel expenses, she sent me Instagram reels mocking men who ask girlfriends to split costs. She asks for beauty/skincare gift cards to resolve fights. She tells her mother she travels "on her own expenses" and that we stay in separate rooms.

PHONE & PRIVACY

On our first date I gave her my phone password. She reads through it whenever she wants.

She has never shared hers. Earlier If I glance at her screen she snatches it away. If I say I'll remove her fingerprint from my phone, she threatens to break up. She regularly deletes chats and messages.

On onw rare occasion she briefly handed me her phone, I've opened the gallery and first thing that popped out was her ex's photos right at the top woth her. I expected mine but reality was something else. She blamed this on Samsung feature which brings old memories in gallery to revisit. She has fewer than 10 photos of me in 11 months. Her excuse: her current phone camera S24 FE isn't good enough as compared to mine Ultra. But She took endless photos with exes on older, cheaper Xiaomi phones.

SHE LIED ABOUT DELETING HER EXES' CONTENT

Early on she voluntarily showed me a video of her ex decorating a room romantically for her while they spoke intimately. I asked her to delete all intimate media of her exes after this as I was very hurt. I couldn't believe she would do this and that I would have never done this with her. She said she had deleted.

She hadn't. I found out her password after some 9 months and one night I aksed her I wanted to see your phone. She was kinda half-asleep and said it was okay, I looked. I found:

- Sex tapes with her ex

- Videos of them talking intimately

- Full backed-up chat logs of sexual conversations with exes

- Every message where her ex called her beautiful or said "I love you" - a personal validation archive

Her excuse for the sex tapes: she wanted to see how slim she used to look. When I brought up that she had lied, she didn't apologize. She screamed at me for reading them. I ended up being the one who apologized. I know it was my mistake to read them but I was very hurt when I found out the truth that she lied to me.

EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION & BREAKUP THREATS

Her first response to any conflict is a breakup threat. I've lost count. The specific pattern: she picks a fight the day before a non-refundable trip. I panic, beg, apologize. She comes on the trip and acts like nothing happened.

The worst incident: we were at a luxury hotel. I tried to hug her at night and she pushed me away. I was hurt and went for a midnight walk, ended up watching a movie for two hours. When I came back she had packed her bags, booked a flight, and left the city. She blocked me everywhere. Her explanation was that I left her alone. I cried walking back into that empty room. Then I begged her to forgive me. For taking a walk.

She has called me a "potential rapist," "moron," and "bitch" during arguments whenever she gets angry. I have never once raised my voice at her or even attacked her. Whereas she had slapped me twice and kicked me in anger.

THE FWB SITUATION

During one of our international trips she mentioned her old FWB - someone she used to make out with for hours every week - had reached out wanting to meet. I told her I wasn't comfortable. The conversation dropped while we were traveling.

After we got back she casually mentioned she had already made plans with him like dates and location already set and was now just asking if I was "okay with it" as a formality. When I said no she called me insecure and controlling. I had to threaten to end things before she backed down, cried, apologized, and blocked him.

Four months later, two days before our next international trip, she brought it up again out of nowhere. She Called me a red flag. Said she put the scenario into an AI chatbot to prove I was controlling.

INTIMACY: HER PAST VS. WHAT I GET

Everything she tells me about her past relationships is the direct opposite of what she gives me now.

Kissing: She Had a FWB she made out with in parking lots for hours every week for months. With me she claims she has low libido, she won't kiss past 2 minutes. Not once she have ever initiated kissing or sex. I've to practically beg her for some intimacy.

Anal: She said she had already Explored her body with her ex. And now she won't even try anything with me as she Tells me she tried and it hurts, refuses entirely with me.

Raw sex: She used to have Regular raw sex with her ex. We did it 3 times. After a yeast infection on the third time I was permanently banned. Her ex had no such restriction.

Fingering: Did it once on our third date. She said that she got an overactive bladder because of that. I don't even know if I caused it. But I'm Banned ever since. Once in 11 months I've put my fingers inside her.

Oral (giving): Says she finds it degrading. On the rare occasion she does it, she brings it up for weeks like she made a huge sacrifice for me.

Oral (receiving): Expects this regularly. Says it's the only way she finishes and treats it as non-negotiable.

When I bring up how painful this gap is, she deflects by bringing up that I had 16 ONS on a solo trip abroad before we ever met. I was a virgin before that trip, have zero attachment to any of those people, and don't even remember them. She equates that to her keeping a full archive of men she spent years with and was completely open with sexually. It is not the same thing.

The pattern I keep seeing: she was enthusiastic and exploratory with men she was genuinely into. With me, everything comes with a ban, a restriction, or a guilt trip. I keep asking myself - is this actually low libido, or does it say something about where I stand with her?

WHERE I'M AT

She's excited and acting completely normal about the upcoming trip. I'm writing this post.

She says she has only truly loved me. I want to believe that. But looking at everything together - the money gap, the phone double standard, the lies about her ex's content, the intimacy gap, the verbal abuse, the breakup threats timed around non-refundable trips, a full archive of her exes but fewer than 10 photos of me, I can't make it add up.

I love her and that's why I keep giving chances. But I'm starting to feel like that love is the thing being used against me.

Has anyone been through something similar? I genuinely can't see this clearly from inside it anymore. And why is walking away from something that's hurting you so much harder than it should be?

TL;DR: 11 months LDR, She has full access to my phone, I have none to hers. She lied about deleting sex tapes of her exes. She was sexually open with past partners and gives me a fraction of that with constant restrictions. She threatens breakups before every non-refundable trip, has verbally abused me, and two days before our next trip reopened a months-old argument just to call me controlling. Looking for honest perspective from people outside the situation.

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?

TL;DR: GF made secret plans to meet an old FWB 3 months ago. I set a boundary and threatened to leave, so she apologized and blocked him. Today, out of nowhere, she brought it up again just to call me insecure, controlling, and a "red flag" for not letting her go. We leave for a vacation in 2 days.

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?

TL;DR: GF made secret plans to meet an old FWB 3 months ago. I set a boundary and threatened to leave, so she apologized and blocked him. Today, out of nowhere, she brought it up again just to call me insecure, controlling, and a "red flag" for not letting her go. We leave for a vacation in 2 days.

My girlfriend (25F) and I (24M) have been together for about 10 months. Our relationship is somewhat long-distance, but we travel together frequently. We usually spend at least 14 days together every month on trips, and the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other is 60 days, which happened 2 months ago only.

​About 4-5 months ago, while we were on a trip to Indonesia, my girlfriend told me that her old FWB had contacted her. She claims they were just teenage friends who used to make out in parking lots for hours but never actually had sex. They originally bonded over a shared plan to settle in the USA (he ended up moving there, she didn't). She told me he wanted to meet up to "catch up." I immediately told her I was not okay with this and clearly communicated my boundary: meeting up with an old FWB doesn't sit right with me. The conversation died there as we were on a vacation.

​However, after that trip, she randomly told me that he still wanted to meet and that they had already planned the dates and location. After making these plans behind my back, she kept repeatedly asking me if I was "okay" with it. She basically just wanted me to say yes as a courtesy, even though she already knew my stance.

​When I told her no, I am definitely not fine with it and don't want her to go, she completely lashed out. She called me insecure and controlling, saying I can't tell her what to do. She insisted she just wanted to hear about his life in the USA and that she would "never let anything sexual happen." I stood my ground and told her that if she was going to disrespect a clear boundary and make plans behind my back, we were done.

​As soon as I threatened a breakup, she completely flipped. She started crying, apologizing profusely, and said that only our relationship mattered. She even claimed she read up on the situation online and realized how wrong she was. She promised to block him, did so, and we moved on.

​Fast forward to today (4 months later). We are supposed to leave for a trip to Thailand in literally two days. Out of absolutely nowhere, she brought the situation up again and started a fight. She claims the guy isn't even in the city anymore and went back to the US, but she argued that if she had gone to meet him and I said no, I would have been in the wrong.

​She went on to say about how I have no right to control her life, that I'm highly insecure, and that she can meet anyone she likes. She even put our scenario into an AI chatbot (Claude) and used its response to "prove" that I am a walking red flag and need to get over my insecurities.

​I asked her why they couldn't just catch up over a phone call or text, and why an in-person meet was so necessary. She just kept blabbering about how a meet-up was needed to properly catch up. I told her that she is willing to risk our entire relationship and cause me pain just for the chance to see him, which is insane to me.

​I don't understand why she is bringing this up right now when he supposedly isn't even in the country. Is she lying? Does she just want to win the argument?

​Am I being a dick here? I feel like there is a huge risk of old feelings or memories flashing back when meeting an ex-FWB, and setting a boundary around that is normal. What should I do?