u/Icy_Reflection9605

(tw for ed talk.)
16F (cis female). Around 5’6”-5’7”ish, my weight is around 100-101lbs most likely. I take no medication, just supplements but due to ADHD and recovering depression I’m quite inconsistent with them, haven’t taken them all at once in a while. Don’t smoke, don’t drink either save the occasional sip. Here’s the situation:
\- I’m recovering from two things: disordered eating and depression. I’ve bedrotted for ages barely moving out of my bed. I’ve tried eating more recently. (I never ate too much to begin with)
\- First and foremost I’ve been experiencing a lot of pain these past few days and it’s driving me nuts. Most prominent area is directly in my stomach (like the stomach sack part) in my left hand side rib area. It’s a stabbing pain that hasn’t fully gone away and I just want it to stop. Often times these days I’ve woke up with a really bad stomach ache. I get stomach cramping a lot. This is all within the past few days. Another place that’s hurting is my left calf. The outer side mainly. And it feels like I’m losing weight despite making an effort to eat more which is really concerning. My heart/rib around my heart is popping out more than ever and my heart has like… mini palpitations sometimes (I’m a hypochondriac so take this with a pinch of salt) only sometimes though this is a stretch lol but just in case. Pain in the lower part of my ribs. That really hurts, burns almost. Just a lot of pain for no reason. My whole body aches sometimes.
\- I’m on my period and it’s extremely light, and it’s really really dark. Almost purple. Mostly brown black. There’s still red blood but that’s mostly what I see. Maybe I don’t change my pad enough lol because when I changed it in a shorter amount of time it was red. But earlier on in my period it was purple brown, literally some of it I swear looked black and like… slushy like almost (this is very tmi sorry).
\- CONSTANT twitching. My eyes (I also have lots of floaters and random lights in my eye vision), and all around my body but Idk.
\- Due to me being a hypochondriac (I’m also autistic if that helps with anything) I constantly fear I’m dying ESPECIALLY at night. I’m scared to go to sleep in case I die in my sleep. Last night I was shaking and feeling so weak and light headed. When I was walking my calves felt like stilts. So thin and weak. They weren’t this weak even when I was at the height of my disordered eating. I was so scared. I took my iron since I might be (slightly) anemic. I ended up going to sleep. But I feel very groggy and crappy a lot of the time when I wake up. I feel crappy all around these days.
\- Trouble digesting. Feeling like I’m gonna throw up a lot of the time.
Idk these are the main things. So frustrating and scary. Idk what to do lol. Thanks for reading this is the gist of it

This is really embarrassing since if you look at my post history there’s like a bajillion posts just like this one 💀 But the thing is the situation hasn’t improved and I have no clue how it can improve.
16F. Autistic, dyspraxia, suspected ADHD and OCD. I feel SO crazily angry about my current situation.
To put it simply: I can’t function properly.
I want to and hell to an extent I know how to.
But I can’t.
I can’t be bothered to get up and brush my teeth sometimes. I do the bare minimum on a good day. I go ages without showering and stay in my room all day. This has gone on for ages and it’s ingrained in me now that life has to be left like this unless everything is perfect and it’s the perfect timing and perfect situation to start taking of myself because of my OCD. I have dreams of being a performer (singer or actress specifically) but I’ve shot myself in the foot so much because I’ve barely done anything to achieve that dream. I’m making more strides now but everything else in my life is not moving at all due to my effed up mind. I literally can’t escape and it makes me so so angry. I get so painfully envious of other people too. I have lots of other problems but just… arghhhhh. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’d like advice for the first things I can do. Because no matter how hard I try it feels impossible. Even if I try to do nice things for myself that stupid voice in my head comes in and tells me my life story is embarrassing and it should’ve been cleaner and I’ve made too many mistakes to have redemption or a good life and I always go off on these tangents in my mind to explain everything about my life and situation to myself and try and make it so dramatic and such a big deal to the point where it’s ALL the time and I can’t have a moment of rest even if I’ve heard it a million times before and I just want it to SHUT UP and let me live. I HATE myself too so there’s that. :(

This is really embarrassing since if you look at my post history there’s like a bajillion posts just like this one 💀 But the thing is the situation hasn’t improved and I have no clue how it can improve.
16F. Autistic, dyspraxia, suspected ADHD and OCD. I feel SO crazily angry about my current situation.
To put it simply: I can’t function properly.
I want to and hell to an extent I know how to.
But I can’t.
I can’t be bothered to get up and brush my teeth sometimes. I do the bare minimum on a good day. I go ages without showering and stay in my room all day. This has gone on for ages and it’s ingrained in me now that life has to be left like this unless everything is perfect and it’s the perfect timing and perfect situation to start taking of myself because of my OCD. I have dreams of being a performer (singer or actress specifically) but I’ve shot myself in the foot so much because I’ve barely done anything to achieve that dream. I’m making more strides now but everything else in my life is not moving at all due to my effed up mind. I literally can’t escape and it makes me so so angry. I get so painfully envious of other people too. I have lots of other problems but just… arghhhhh. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’d like advice for the first things I can do. Because no matter how hard I try it feels impossible. Even if I try to do nice things for myself that stupid voice in my head comes in and tells me my life story is embarrassing and it should’ve been cleaner and I’ve made too many mistakes to have redemption or a good life and I always go off on these tangents in my mind to explain everything about my life and situation to myself and try and make it so dramatic and such a big deal to the point where it’s ALL the time and I can’t have a moment of rest even if I’ve heard it a million times before and I just want it to SHUT UP and let me live. I HATE myself too so there’s that. :(

This is really embarrassing since if you look at my post history there’s like a bajillion posts just like this one 💀 But the thing is the situation hasn’t improved and I have no clue how it can improve.
16F. Autistic, dyspraxia, suspected ADHD and OCD. I feel SO crazily angry about my current situation.
To put it simply: I can’t function properly.
I want to and hell to an extent I know how to.
But I can’t.
I can’t be bothered to get up and brush my teeth sometimes. I do the bare minimum on a good day. I go ages without showering and stay in my room all day. This has gone on for ages and it’s ingrained in me now that life has to be left like this unless everything is perfect and it’s the perfect timing and perfect situation to start taking of myself because of my OCD. I have dreams of being a performer (singer or actress specifically) but I’ve shot myself in the foot so much because I’ve barely done anything to achieve that dream. I’m making more strides now but everything else in my life is not moving at all due to my effed up mind. I literally can’t escape and it makes me so so angry. I get so painfully envious of other people too. I have lots of other problems but just… arghhhhh. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’d like advice for the first things I can do. Because no matter how hard I try it feels impossible. Even if I try to do nice things for myself that stupid voice in my head comes in and tells me my life story is embarrassing and it should’ve been cleaner and I’ve made too many mistakes to have redemption or a good life and I always go off on these tangents in my mind to explain everything about my life and situation to myself and try and make it so dramatic and such a big deal to the point where it’s ALL the time and I can’t have a moment of rest even if I’ve heard it a million times before and I just want it to SHUT UP and let me live. I HATE myself too so there’s that. :(

Basically the title. I’m basically new to GL and would like recommendations! Open to Thai GL and other media too. Something HAE (am I asking for spoilers lol), fluffy, intriguing, a nice watch that shows the falling in love experience. It can be from any country and be a show or movie (or anything else like a book or manga! anything) Thanks :D

so I was in tkmaxx earlier (I’m in england) and i heard this song. sounded very generic bubblegumish pop, sung by a female singer. the lyrics were something like: “me and my girlfriend(s)/just want to hold her/just want to pull up (to her place maybe)”. just wondering if anyone can help me find it 😭

Already posted this elsewhere lots lmfao but decided to post it here instead.
Trigger warning for ED discussion and slight sh discussion.
So to give you the rundown:
\\- 16F (turning 17 soon)
\\- have been in some kind of rut for the past fourish years. i’m currently in the worst rut i’ve ever had.
\\- a big thing is i’m too scared to be happy. i’ve developed this kind of victim mindset where i feel as if every time i reach actual happiness, something horrible and detrimental happens.
\\- one of if not the biggest problem in my life is i am extremely envious of a certain public figure to put it simply. i won’t disclose who but they have everything i’ve ever wanted abd keep getting more and more. and everything feels so specific and poorly timed it sucks. i think about this 24/7 and use my phone to look at more stuff about it and it’s ruining me. i can’t stop thinking about it and stuff like it (i have other people i’m envious of too but not nearly to this level this specific person has ofc) constantly and how much it burns. i hate it. but can’t stop.
\\- this has been the worst year of my life. lots of shit has happened but two major points: my emetophobia got worse (but i’m working on it and making HUGE strides hopefully… still basically there though) and TW I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible but I think I’ve developed an ED. This is fueled by insecurity (I’m so insecure and the envy makes it 102938384848484948 times worse) and the pit in my stomach that keeps me from eating when depressed as main pointers. That and being a picky eater + a little bit of emetophobia.
\\- I’m autistic, dyspraxic, have anxiety and undiagnosed adhd, depression and ocd. I’m more high functioning if it’s okay for me to use that label, but I still struggle.
\\- I fear I’ve become a horrible person as a result of my bitterness. I’m aware I’ve become veryyy very bitter and while I try to be nice to the people I love and have been trying more as of recent, I still deffo have my moments and I hateee it.
\\- I stay in my room all day, barely get up to walk. Take like 100 steps a day. Barely brush my teeth (I’ve got the dentist soon too yikes lmfao), barely use the bathroom, I have dreams. I want to be a performer. Always have. But I fear I can’t and I’m almost certain I’m a failure in life. Never dated, never had any romantic stuff which hurts a lot, still have my V card, never gotten properly drunk, dropped out of school in year 8 (which is 12/13 btw) and fell into a pit, yes I have some performance qualifications but they’re very minor for what I believe I should be achieving. Haven’t even gone out alone properly. I feel like a failure, I don’t even feel like a girl you know? :( I fear I’ve failed and living life and fail it’s too late. I have health problems and image issues and my room is a mess and I don’t. Know. What to do. I’ve made lots of posts like this and got great advice but it’s impossible to take it. It’s infuriating. I don’t know how to get myself to fucking live. It’s so frustrating.
\\- edit: I said slight sh discussion, it’s about how I sometimes take my anger out by hurting myself. I’ve never cut, but I do some other stuff that is more minor in comparison and Idek if it’s considered sh but still.
I’m very embarrassed of myself and my life and I just want to live and be happy before it’s too late.

If anyone can help me out and give me some advice or tell me where I could start that’d be great. Thanks for reading btw. :)

Already posted this elsewhere but decided to post it here instead.
Trigger warning for ED discussion and slight sh discussion.
So to give you the rundown:
\- 16F (turning 17 soon)
\- have been in some kind of rut for the past fourish years. i’m currently in the worst rut i’ve ever had.
\- a big thing is i’m too scared to be happy. i’ve developed this kind of victim mindset where i feel as if every time i reach actual happiness, something horrible and detrimental happens.
\- one of if not the biggest problem in my life is i am extremely envious of a certain public figure to put it simply. i won’t disclose who but they have everything i’ve ever wanted abd keep getting more and more. and everything feels so specific and poorly timed it sucks. i think about this 24/7 and use my phone to look at more stuff about it and it’s ruining me. i can’t stop thinking about it and stuff like it (i have other people i’m envious of too but not nearly to this level this specific person has ofc) constantly and how much it burns. i hate it. but can’t stop.
\- this has been the worst year of my life. lots of shit has happened but two major points: my emetophobia got worse (but i’m working on it and making HUGE strides hopefully… still basically there though) and TW I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible but I think I’ve developed an ED. This is fueled by insecurity (I’m so insecure and the envy makes it 102938384848484948 times worse) and the pit in my stomach that keeps me from eating when depressed as main pointers. That and being a picky eater + a little bit of emetophobia.
\- I’m autistic, dyspraxic, have anxiety and undiagnosed adhd, depression and ocd. I’m more high functioning if it’s okay for me to use that label, but I still struggle.
\- I fear I’ve become a horrible person as a result of my bitterness. I’m aware I’ve become veryyy very bitter and while I try to be nice to the people I love and have been trying more as of recent, I still deffo have my moments and I hateee it.
\- I stay in my room all day, barely get up to walk. Take like 100 steps a day. Barely brush my teeth (I’ve got the dentist soon too yikes lmfao), barely use the bathroom, I have dreams. I want to be a performer. Always have. But I fear I can’t and I’m almost certain I’m a failure in life. Never dated, never had any romantic stuff which hurts a lot, still have my V card, never gotten properly drunk, dropped out of school in year 8 (which is 12/13 btw) and fell into a pit, yes I have some performance qualifications but they’re very minor for what I believe I should be achieving. Haven’t even gone out alone properly. I feel like a failure, I don’t even feel like a girl you know? :( I fear I’ve failed and living life and fail it’s too late. I have health problems and image issues and my room is a mess and I don’t. Know. What to do. I’ve made lots of posts like this and got great advice but it’s impossible to take it. It’s infuriating. I don’t know how to get myself to fucking live. It’s so frustrating.
\- edit: I said slight sh discussion, it’s about how I sometimes take my anger out by hurting myself. I’ve never cut, but I do some other stuff that is more minor in comparison and Idek if it’s considered sh but still.
I’m very embarrassed of myself and my life and I just want to live and be happy before it’s too late.

If anyone can help me out and give me some advice or tell me where I could start that’d be great. Thanks for reading btw. :)

Trigger warning for ED discussion and slight sh discussion.
So to give you the rundown:
- 16F (turning 17 soon)
- have been in some kind of rut for the past fourish years. i’m currently in the worst rut i’ve ever had.
- a big thing is i’m too scared to be happy. i’ve developed this kind of victim mindset where i feel as if every time i reach actual happiness, something horrible and detrimental happens.
- one of if not the biggest problem in my life is i am extremely envious of a certain public figure to put it simply. i won’t disclose who but they have everything i’ve ever wanted abd keep getting more and more. and everything feels so specific and poorly timed it sucks. i think about this 24/7 and use my phone to look at more stuff about it and it’s ruining me. i can’t stop thinking about it and stuff like it (i have other people i’m envious of too but not nearly to this level this specific person has ofc) constantly and how much it burns. i hate it. but can’t stop.
- this has been the worst year of my life. lots of shit has happened but two major points: my emetophobia got worse (but i’m working on it and making HUGE strides hopefully… still basically there though) and TW I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible but I think I’ve developed an ED. This is fueled by insecurity (I’m so insecure and the envy makes it 102938384848484948 times worse) and the pit in my stomach that keeps me from eating when depressed as main pointers. That and being a picky eater + a little bit of emetophobia.
- I’m autistic, dyspraxic, have anxiety and undiagnosed adhd, depression and ocd. I’m more high functioning if it’s okay for me to use that label, but I still struggle.
- I fear I’ve become a horrible person as a result of my bitterness. I’m aware I’ve become veryyy very bitter and while I try to be nice to the people I love and have been trying more as of recent, I still deffo have my moments and I hateee it.
- I stay in my room all day, barely get up to walk. Take like 100 steps a day. Barely brush my teeth (I’ve got the dentist soon too yikes lmfao), barely use the bathroom, I have dreams. I want to be a performer. Always have. But I fear I can’t and I’m almost certain I’m a failure in life. Never dated, never had any romantic stuff which hurts a lot, still have my V card, never gotten properly drunk, dropped out of school in year 8 (which is 12/13 btw) and fell into a pit, yes I have some performance qualifications but they’re very minor for what I believe I should be achieving. Haven’t even gone out alone properly. I feel like a failure, I don’t even feel like a girl you know? :( I fear I’ve failed and living life and fail it’s too late. I have health problems and image issues and my room is a mess and I don’t. Know. What to do. I’ve made lots of posts like this and got great advice but it’s impossible to take it. It’s infuriating. I don’t know how to get myself to fucking live. It’s so frustrating.
- edit: I said slight sh discussion, it’s about how I sometimes take my anger out by hurting myself. I’ve never cut, but I do some other stuff that is more minor in comparison and Idek if it’s considered sh but still.
I’m very embarrassed of myself and my life and I just want to live and be happy before it’s too late.

If anyone can help me out and give me some advice or tell me where I could start that’d be great. Thanks for reading btw. :)

so to cut it short i’ve developed emetophobia that has gotten quite bad over the span of the past few months. i’ve always been emetophobic when it comes to me vomiting since i was young. i think this was triggered by a bad experience where it happened when i was really really sick as a 7 year old and puked my guts out out of nowhere and the first thing i remember saying afterward was “that was so scary” because it was. it’s so funny because when i got careick a short time after that from looking down in the care (no puke, just really nausea) and i said i think i’m gonna be sick i wasn’t scared 💀 then in late january early february (literally last day of january going into the first day of february) last year, after almost a decade of not puking with only ine close call in between (i really only puke these days if i’m really really sick or drink luing down. i used to puke a waterfall for some reason when i drank lying down as a young child) i felt it and i was hysterical. half moaning half screaming so bad my parents could hear, it went on throughout the night and i did everything i could at the time to stop it from happening. eventually, it happened and the buildup was horrific and honestly the part i fear the most, but the actual thing was short and it was fine. it didn’t even burn probably because. i chugged water and ginger tea beforehand lol. that was the only time i puked, i think i had the flu really really badly (one of the most sick i’ve ever been) and i felt horrific for the next few days, literally bedridden but no more stomach stuff except for a tiny bit of queasyness after i managed to eat a bit (i was actually okay with that because i knew puking wasn’t that bad from what i experienced). i got it and puked a while after i went to visit my grandparents and i get sick a lot when i do that, and then like three/four days after i went to a large scale concert. so that was that, then i developed strong nausea whenever i got anxious literally i’m gonna throw up nausea that my body learnt and it made it clear i was not in fact over the fear 💀that says a lot for me because knock on wood i’m not a pukey person (haven’t ever gotten food poisoning or a stomach bug in my adolescence knock on wood) but yeah that sucked. then everything calmed down for a few months and i forgot all about it. then the end of the year came and i became obsessed with dates and checking them and checking if the food is okay in fear of food poisoning. my parents eventually picked up on it. it got wayyyy worse early this year. i’ve now lost count of the amount of times i thought i had given myself food poisoning and not trusted the food i ate only to be fine. sometimes even drinks too lol. tmi but i also get a little scared if my stool is a little bit looser than usual lmfao. if my stomach has any kind of sensation i get so paranoid when i used to be fine with it. and now i’m constantly paranoid i’ll catch something off of people. it’s just consumed my life recently and i CAN’T stop thinking about it and wished i wouldn’t and just wished i’d be… idk okay with it you know? and be fine. i must ask how common it actually is? lmfao my ocd runs riot in this. wish i could go back to how i was and enjoy my favourite foods and go places again without a care. yesterday i went to an amazing concert which was one of my favourite artists of all time. beforehand i went to an asian food restaurant, and got a chicken katsu sando and an avacado onigiri. they have a five star hygiene rating (i have to look up hygiene ratings now lmfao) and everything is prepared fresh i’m guessing but that didn’t stop me from being paranoid af over both items. i ate a tiny bit of the avocado and it tasted woody in my mouth but i still swallowed it because i was in public. also got paranoid over the sandwich and eventually the anxiety from that and the day made me feel full and lose my appetite lol. but none of it (including the fear i’d get sick, because i got sick after attending a concert at this same venue but then i reminded myself i went to a concert after that at the same venue in the blazing hot summer last year and was fine plus it’s summer and that was still most likely winter times plus i once ate raw salmon sushi (my fave kind actually i love it and hope i can eat it happily again) at a restaurant and thought it was weird and got a bit paranoid but i wasn’t as bad as i am now and i wonder “what if this time is different hahurrr” but yeah i’ve done sooo much in my life all kinds under so many conditions and have been fine…) ruined my night and i had an amazinggg time. so yeah. i want to get over this SO badly. i want to live my life again not being emetophobic or a germaphobe. if anyone has any advice that’d be great. i keep looking at people and going “how do you live when vomit exists lmfao”. the main part my fear stems from is the feeling and sensation of vomiting as an autistic person ngl. everything’s just been heightened and i eat less because in my mind EVERYTHING has gone bad somehow. 💀💀💀
put this in rant because idk where else to put it.
hopefully i will make it out of this unscathed. :)
apologies for any spelling mistakes i’m a fast typer lol