u/Immediate-Main183

I think I’m done now. I’ve been unemployed for 11 months after a layoff. I have a Master’s degree, 6 years of experience (some at Director level), and have applied for hundreds and hundreds of roles. I just had a lengthy interview process that has left me feeling defeated and disrespected.

I began interviewing for a Director-level job at a large nonprofit in March, about $95k salary. There was a screening with an external HR consultant followed by an interview with two members of the team. Then an entire month later I had another interview with four members of the team (where I was asked the same questions, almost verbatim, as round two). Then, two weeks later, I had to complete a writing exercise. Finally, I had an in-person interview with the organization’s CEO at the end of May (which they made it seem was reserved for final candidates). They asked for my references mid-June.

This organization has showed me serious disarray throughout the hiring process, but I’m desperate so was willing to ignore it. In May, their HR person mistakenly sent me an email with the private details of an employee’s disability leave. Weeks would go by between correspondence, my emails going completely ignored. Their HR person would sometimes give a self-imposed deadline (“we’ll update you on Tuesday”), only for that time to come and go with no communication from them. The details of the role varied widely from person to person and interview to interview. During my final round with the CEO, he revealed to me that this was “exclusively a traveling position”, despite the JD saying “occasional” and no one having previously mentioned the extent of the travel to me.

Still, I needed a job. After my final round, two weeks went by before they asked for my references. Annoying, but okay. They asked me for my references’ personal and professional emails, personal and professional phone numbers and availability, just to send them each a Google form rather than calling. Again, weeks came and went with no communication from them. I personally have never been asked for my references and not been extended an offer. I understand hiring decisions can change up until an offer is accepted, but I found this entire process to be excessive and completely disrespectful of my time in such a high stakes job market.

Yesterday, three weeks after they asked for my references, I got an email that they chose to proceed with another candidate. I was (mistakenly) under the impression that I was the final candidate. I’ve asked for feedback just to make sure there wasn’t an issue with my references, but I think this is just a sign of the job market we’re in. Don’t assume you have a job until you’re in that office on the first day. I’ve been simultaneously working in and searching for part-time/gig work but am thinking maybe it’s time to stop looking for career jobs. I give up.

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice on a tense situation with a neighbor, ideally from people who have navigated similar situations.

I live in the parlor level of a three-story brownstone. I have lived here for four years and my upstairs neighbor, J, has lived there for about 8 years. When I moved in, my downstairs neighbors and the landlord warned me to not interact with J because of his “mood swings” and general temperament. The tenants before me allegedly moved out due to conflicts with J (the cops were called once because the father who lived with his family in my unit got into a physical altercation with J).

For the first several years I lived here, I could see the clear external signs of mental illness from J but it was never directed towards me. He slams doors constantly and bangs so loudly on the floor that the vibrations shake my cupboards open regularly and have knocked my paintings off of the wall. He has had screaming matches with guests and yells on the phone often. I never mentioned this to him because in the grand scheme of things, I knew it wouldn’t be worth turning the dial up on his crazy.

In the last year or so, things have escalated. The banging is now near constant and it makes it extremely difficult to relax in my own apartment because of the severity and suddenness of the noise. I can’t take meetings from home. This sounds facetious (average upstairs neighbor behavior) but he has confirmed to my landlord that he is quite literally building furniture and taking it apart up there regularly. I can hear the sounds of him dragging furniture across the floor a few times a week. He’s an “artist” and brings wood and tools upstairs often. All of this is to say that he harbors an extremely manic energy, which he is now directing toward me.

A few months ago we had our first full length conversation on the stoop where he offered me a beer and seemed to be pretty mellowed out. I believe mentally ill people have a right to just exist in their own spaces and so I tried to have a normal convo with him, treat him like a regular person, and learned a lot about his mental state. He even told me about how he’s sorry that he flips his mood and loses sight of what’s real. Since then, he’s lost that lucidity and there have been several times where he has screamed at me in our shared doorway and stood very physically close to me, yelling in my face. He’s screamed at my guests. He accuses me of changing his locks and going through his mail. He slams his door as hard as possible every time he enters the home and it knocks my coat hanger off of the wall. He told the landlord he is watching when I come and go on a camera that he has pointed on our stoop. The landlord has told me that if the noise becomes excessive I should call the cops, but I know enough to know that would do literally nothing and only escalate the situation. She does not want to be involved.

Does anyone have advice on how to cope with this, and/or how to deescalate the situation? I am open to trying to resolve this with him but when he is manic and screaming at me he literally cannot see reason and has this look in his eyes that terrifies me. When he confronts me I get scared he’s going to physically hurt me. I’m a single woman living alone. Sorry for the long rant, just looking for pragmatic tips (don’t tell me to call the cops unless you’ve done so in this situation and it remedied the issue, please).

Edit: Thanks everyone. I’ll continue documenting and am speaking to my landlord about eviction, and if she does not seriously pursue it immediately I’ll explore other avenues (police, mental health responders, moving out).