Ig im a human too
Ever since i was a kid i always had a wish. I always wanted to marry and have family w someone who's first and only love is me. And the same from my side. Exclusive from both sides. I wanted someone pure. Who had no ex. Maybe like old school or fairy tale style.
In school, alot of girls had crush on me. There first loves was me. But I didn't fall for anyone. I was like that one famous guy that every girls loves in school.
But ill talk abt this one girl. We both were classmates and saw each other grown up. She had crush on me only. But I didn't responded back. Years passed.
But once i fall for her. I got into relationship w her. My first relationship. My first love. I chose her. No one had any crush on her. But she was everything for me.
She liked attention. She liked boys company. There were alot of rumors that she had alot of exs.
While in relationship, i asked her abt all of that. She denied everything. She only accepted being in a relationship w only one guy. I knew that guy.
I asked her why she gone w him if she loved me only. And then she replied- "i was feeling very lonely".
She didn't loved anyone. She didn't loved even that man. She loved me only (those were her words). I trusted her.
She was all into me. We always wanted to get marry and have a family. But due to some extreme reasons she broke up. But at the end she said "ill wait for u till u get a job" cuz back then we were going to get into clg. After that we didn't even saw each other.
Now I got a job after graduating. I was thinking to call her. I was thinking to get settled w her.
I still have the same wish that was back then when I was a kid. Maybe that's all my nature is. That's all me. I dont think so it will ever change. Maybe its eternal.
Back then when I was w her, my mental health started getting bad. I experienced things that I never imagined of. Slowly I got into depression. I used to attacks. I used to have suicidal thoughts. I got into extreme conditions.
The reason was that my childhood wish. The one I mentioned before.
I dont wanna face those hella creepy things all again.
If i marry her then back of my heart ill still knew that she had an ex.
But if i marry anyone else then atleast I wont know any past of that person and i wont even try to know abt. I can live peacefully.
**What should I do?**
**How can I get to know that I was the only love of her? Is there anyway to find out? Cuz if that will be the case then i can marry her peacefully.**