I'm gonna keep it short, no one wants a novel.

I'm 34, he's 40, married for 10 years. We've been going through a very hard time in our marriage in the last year, teetering on the edge of true separation more than once in just the last 6 months alone.

The primary problem is his anger issues and jealousy (my job, my family, my friends/social life, and that I've gotten into amazing shape and had a glow-up over the last 2 years). His disrespectful and smothering behavior led to me pulling away and making him feel even less secure and unwanted.

After many fights and even more deep conversations, we know that we love each other and want to make it work. And in truth, splitting up would do more harm to everyone and just further complicate our lives.

He's doing well and keeping his promises, but we're in this weird Mexican standoff where we both have our guard up against each other, afraid one of us is going to get hurt again. And we're both so stressed out, overwhelmed, and busy that we have no idea where to start picking up the pieces and getting our bond back to where it was.

Ideally, yeah, we'd love to go to a therapist (and my husband would love to see an individual therapist as well to work on the source of his anger), but my husband recently became unemployed and the job market is trash, so he's waiting tables for the time being, and I'm working 2 jobs just to make ends meet.

On top of that, we have two children; an ambitious teenager with a jam-packed schedule, and an elementary-aged special needs child whose therapy already costs us $170 per session (yes, with insurance), never mind the cost of his other medical needs.

The time and resources are just not f**king available for us to go to a couple's therapist right now, we're pouring from bone-dry empty cups as it is.

He & I are both on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications but the current circumstances are almost entirely nullifying their use lmao 

TLDR: Everything feels very hopeless right now and that we're stuck in limbo and no real direction on how to get out of it.
I'm afraid of getting hurt again and feeling stupid for giving him another chance after I already had one foot out the door. He's afraid to slight me in any way because it might start the fight that makes me walk away permanently.

I'm gonna keep it short, no one wants a novel.

I'm 34, he's 40, married for 10 years. We've been going through a very hard time in our marriage in the last year, teetering on the edge of true separation more than once in just the last 6 months alone.

The primary problem is his anger issues and jealousy (my job, my family, my friends/social life, and that I've gotten into amazing shape and had a glow-up over the last 2 years). His disrespectful and smothering behavior led to me pulling away and making him feel even less secure and unwanted.

After many fights and even more deep conversations, we know that we love each other and want to make it work. And in truth, splitting up would do more harm to everyone and just further complicate our lives.

He's doing well and keeping his promises, but we're in this weird Mexican standoff where we both have our guard up against each other, afraid one of us is going to get hurt again. And we're both so stressed out, overwhelmed, and busy that we have no idea where to start picking up the pieces and getting our bond back to where it was.

Ideally, yeah, we'd love to go to a therapist (and my husband would love to see an individual therapist as well to work on the source of his anger), but my husband recently became unemployed and the job market is trash, so he's waiting tables for the time being, and I'm working 2 jobs just to make ends meet.

On top of that, we have two children; an ambitious teenager with a jam-packed schedule, and an elementary-aged special needs child whose therapy already costs us $170 per session (yes, with insurance), never mind the cost of his other medical needs.

The time and resources are just not f**king available for us to go to a couple's therapist right now, we're pouring from bone-dry empty cups as it is.

He & I are both on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications but the current circumstances are almost entirely nullifying their use lmao 

TLDR: Everything feels very hopeless right now and that we're stuck in limbo and no real direction on how to get out of it.
I'm afraid of getting hurt again and feeling stupid for giving him another chance after I already had one foot out the door. He's afraid to slight me in any way because it might start the fight that makes me walk away permanently.

I recently had to get a side hustle (bc the economy) and I just got hired working at a farm/farmer's market and start next week.

Unfortunately, they'll require me to cover all my tattoos so I'll need a long sleeved, crew neck undershirt.

Extra unfortunately, I'll be outdoors quite a bit and it's the peak of MD summer so it's humid and horrible, so any of my thermal undershirts are a no-go lest I die of heat stroke. 😅

Can anyone suggest a shirt/brand that will suit these needs?

Thank you in advance!

(See my previous post for context: https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/gqEkvV2sC5)

Our 7yo son was present for that, btw. He heard and saw everything. And of course, this incident was by far the worst, but not the first.

My STBXH took our son to his mom's house most of Friday and all of Saturday. He came back this morning to pick up our son to go back over his parents' house for Father's Day... to which our son declined, said he missed me, and missed being home. I was not present for this conversation, but when his dad left, I did ask my son if he was sure; he was, so I didn't push.

Minutes later, I hop in the shower and when I got out, my son came upstairs, upset, and explained to me that his dad came back because he had forgotten something. His dad asked - again - if he really wanted to stay home on Father's Day.

When his answer didn't change, my son said his dad started crying and left the house in a hurry, so son started crying too and feels incredibly guilty.

I explained that he has no reason to feel guilty, that he not responsible for the emotions/reactions of adults. I assured him it IS okay if he wanted to stay home, even if it might have hurt his dad's feelings.

He had spent almost 2 whole days with his dad leading up to today, it's not the date itself that matters, it's the time spent. I let him know I'm not seeing my dad today either, that I saw him yesterday, and my dad is totally okay with that.

After this conversation, STBX texted me "Thanks for ruining Father's Day."

I'm not going to respond, and I know this is not my fault. But this definitely helps cement my decision to separate due to the fact he is taking no accountability for the role he played in this entire situation.

Officially called it quits last night after he put holes in the walls, busted open our bedroom door, and threw my phone. I'd been feeling done for a while now because I was sick of being treated as a verbal punching bag. Tired of being so afraid to come home I'd have anxiety as it got closer to the end if the work day. Tired of being constantly criticized, the eggshell-walking, the big black rain cloud that seemed to engulf the house on a near constant basis. He doesn't even take any fault/responsibility, and yet I'm so sad I'm by myself.

​

​

During the day I was fine. Chipper, even. I was so relieved that he was gone. But as soon as the sun went down, I was just hit with a wall of lonely sadness.

Officially called it quits last night after he put holes in the walls, busted open our bedroom door, and threw my phone. I'd been feeling done for a while now because I was sick of being treated as a verbal punching bag. Tired of being so afraid to come home I'd have anxiety as it got closer to the end if the work day. Tired of being constantly criticized, the eggshell-walking, the big black rain cloud that seemed to engulf the house on a near constant basis. He doesn't even take any fault/responsibility, and yet I'm so sad I'm by myself.

During the day I was fine. Chipper, even. I was so relieved that he was gone. But as soon as the sun went down, I was just hit with a wall of lonely sadness.

Officially called it quits last night after he put holes in the walls, busted open our bedroom door, and threw my phone. I'd been feeling done for a while now because I was sick of being treated as a verbal punching bag. Tired of being so afraid to come home I'd have anxiety as it got closer to the end if the work day. Tired of being constantly criticized, the eggshell-walking, the big black rain cloud that seemed to engulf the house on a near constant basis. He doesn't even take any fault/responsibility, and yet I'm so sad I'm by myself.

​

During the day I was fine. Chipper, even. I was so relieved that he was gone. But as soon as the sun went down, I was just hit with a wall of lonely sadness.