u/Lonely_Tea_9722

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I have had anxiety since I was 15 and now I am 20, I am under medication but that doesn't help much, everybody asks me reason but there is nothing at all, I have never hid anything from my parents, I sometimes get existential crisis , I don't understand the point of life, I am unable to study and that fills me from guilt, why am I unable to study and what should I do so that I could study for hours, who should I pray what remedy to do, I am very sick of myself, when will this all end and I would feel normal, next year parents are getting me coaching for UPSC, they are supportive and great parents and I fear what if them also I am unable to study, I can't waste their money😞😞

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I have had anxiety since I was 15 and now I am 20, I am under medication but that doesn't help much, everybody asks me reason but there is nothing at all, I have never hid anything from my parents, I sometimes get existential crisis , I don't understand the point of life, I am unable to study and that fills me from guilt, why am I unable to study and what should I do so that I could study for hours, who should I pray what remedy to do, I am very sick of myself, when will this all end and I would feel normal, next year parents are getting me coaching for UPSC, they are supportive and great parents and I fear what if them also I am unable to study, I can't waste their money😞😞

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Somebody plz help me🙏🏻🙏🏻

So I am 20, have had anxiety since 15 for unknown reasons, now I am under medication, these are the medicines I am taking...( Photo attached) , for the past week i have been careless about medicines, like forgetting to take them, I thought my anxiety would have resolved by now but it came back a bit!!

Reasons for which I worry:-

1. I am unable to concentrate on my studies and my father is going to take loans for my upsc coaching, he works very hard and has expectations for me, if it continues how am I supposed to study?? I don't want to waste his hard earned money!!

2. I feel guilty that they have a mentally ill child like me, nobody in my family ever visited a psychiatrist but because of me they had to, my brother is not a good son, and if I am gone who will take care of them??

3. I had body issues, since July 2025, I worry a bit about it, I'm a bit embarrassed to go out, regarding my face shape...

4. I feel empty, anxious and I haven't felt normal for years ... I fear this is gonna be like this for my whole life, how will I live like this?? It's painful 😖😣

5. I worry about people's opinions, bit of an attention seeker I believe, prone to perfection, I want to change that, tell my self it's fine to be imperfect, it's fine to be flawed....

6. I don't go to the market, or my village I fear people will say that I have grown ugly or stuff, I've only had this feeling for a year..

7. I was a big time devotee, I have cried and worshipped lord Shiva for years , to take this mental illness away, and asking how many years , I have to endure this, yesterday I broke down in front of him, I just don't believe in him anymore...

8. I see my parents, my cousins my family all mentally well except me, I have everything , supportive parents, books , laptop, enough money, intelligence, I am not disabled in any form, then why am I the one unhappy..

Plz someone help me , I wanna live , wanna feel normal and happy 🙏🏻🙏🏻😩, I am desperate I want somebody to tell me something, that can treat me...

Somebody plz help me🙏🏻🙏🏻

So I am 20, have had anxiety since 15 for unknown reasons, now I am under medication, these are the medicines I am taking...( Photo attached) , for the past week i have been careless about medicines, like forgetting to take them, I thought my anxiety would have resolved by now but it came back a bit!!

Reasons for which I worry:-

1. I am unable to concentrate on my studies and my father is going to take loans for my upsc coaching, he works very hard and has expectations for me, if it continues how am I supposed to study?? I don't want to waste his hard earned money!!

2. I feel guilty that they have a mentally ill child like me, nobody in my family ever visited a psychiatrist but because of me they had to, my brother is not a good son, and if I am gone who will take care of them??

3. I had body issues, since July 2025, I worry a bit about it, I'm a bit embarrassed to go out, regarding my face shape...

4. I feel empty, anxious and I haven't felt normal for years ... I fear this is gonna be like this for my whole life, how will I live like this?? It's painful 😖😣

5. I worry about people's opinions, bit of an attention seeker I believe, prone to perfection, I want to change that, tell my self it's fine to be imperfect, it's fine to be flawed....

6. I don't go to the market, or my village I fear people will say that I have grown ugly or stuff, I've only had this feeling for a year..

7. I was a big time devotee, I have cried and worshipped lord Shiva for years , to take this mental illness away, and asking how many years , I have to endure this, yesterday I broke down in front of him, I just don't believe in him anymore...

8. I see my parents, my cousins my family all mentally well except me, I have everything , supportive parents, books , laptop, enough money, intelligence, I am not disabled in any form, then why am I the one unhappy..

Plz someone help me , I wanna live , wanna feel normal and happy 🙏🏻🙏🏻😩, I am desperate I want somebody to tell me something, that can treat me...

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Bholenath has always been with me, since I was 5 I have been feeling wierd ancientness and just weird feeling like something is hidden from me, or something is yet to reveal, I am now 20,I asked my mother for a rudraksh but she refused saying I don't have enough discipline for it , and she was right but I said to bholenath that he somehow send it to me., I found a panchmukhi rudraksh in my grandfather's bag he got it in village from some relative but bholenath sent it, and then I had severe anxiety since 5 years. And bdd since 1 year it has improved a lot, but during my 10th and 12 th a lot of disparities happened with me , teachers favoured other students and my mental condition was not good , and without any tuition I scored 93.6% in 10th mp board and 96.4% in 12 th cbse,he supported me and I did 20 days om namah shivaay mantra sadhna and in my pot i saw a 5 leaf belpatra, I have never seen it before in my live, and I asked him that if he accepts my sadhna, he give me another 5 leaf belpatra and it's still in my pot, I thought of it as coincidence, but right now I am very lethargic and can't study I am preparing for UPSC , I want to ask if he didn't wanted me to be am IAS them why did he gave me a sharp brain and false hope to my parents, what will I tell him when I get to him that I wasted my father's hard earned money and crushed their expectations

Bholenath has always been with me, since I was 5 I have been feeling wierd ancientness and just weird feeling like something is hidden from me, or something is yet to reveal, I am now 20,I asked my mother for a rudraksh but she refused saying I don't have enough discipline for it , and she was right but I said to bholenath that he somehow send it to me., I found a panchmukhi rudraksh in my grandfather's bag he got it in village from some relative but bholenath sent it, and then I had severe anxiety since 5 years. And bdd since 1 year it has improved a lot, but during my 10th and 12 th a lot of disparities happened with me , teachers favoured other students and my mental condition was not good , and without any tuition I scored 93.6% in 10th mp board and 96.4% in 12 th cbse,he supported me and I did 20 days om namah shivaay mantra sadhna and in my pot i saw a 5 leaf belpatra, I have never seen it before in my live, and I asked him that if he accepts my sadhna, he give me another 5 leaf belpatra and it's still in my pot, I thought of it as coincidence, but right now I am very lethargic and can't study I am preparing for UPSC , I want to ask if he didn't wanted me to be am IAS them why did he gave me a sharp brain and false hope to my parents, what will I tell him when I get to him that I wasted my father's hard earned money and crushed their expectations

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I am a beginner, so here's all my doubts regarding UPSC exams, plz guide me.....

1. I am preparing for prelims next year but I don't want to waste this year.

So,

\- for current events of national and international importance:- is hindu+ indian express+ PIB sufficient..I don't understand what to study and what to skip, can anyone tell me the type of questions asked from current affairs??

2. For India and world geography:- I am currently preparing form 11 and 12 ncert, physical indian geo.

Is there any weightage on what questions are asked often in geo.

3. For history it's my optional, so currently I am preparing ancient history, is my book list enough

Ancient history:- NCERT+ RS Sharma+ Upinder

Medieval history:- NCERT+ Satish Chandra

Modern history:- NCERT+ spectrum

World history: I don't know,

Art & culture:- Nitin singhania

4. Economic:- my basics are really weak, cause it wasn't my subject in 11 or 12, so maybe NCERT of 11 and 12 plus suggest something!!!

5. What type of questions are asked from general science????

6. For politics:- Lashmikant+ NCERT+ what else??

7. For general studies 4 :- what type of questions are asked in this section??

UPSC is not only about studying everything but about studying everything that is relevant...can you tell me topics of most weightage in each subjects!! I will be grateful