u/Long_Tonight3380

I’m hoping people take the time to read this post.

For context: I (26M) recently got out a 2 year relationship, she broke up with me 3 months ago. She was just about everything you could ask for in a girl. She was kind, smart, pretty, empathetic, loving, caring, she loved me organically and authentically. She always wanted to be by my side and was proud to stand next to me. To be honest, she had nothing wrong with her, she was the full package. She was never anything but good to me.

However, I did not treat her the same. What has become apparent to me now after a lot of reflection (I’ve started therapy, i’ve learned about attachment styles, I’ve listened to podcasts, etc…) is that I definitely showed a lot of avoidant tendencies. I never truly felt relaxed unless I was by myself and doing things independently. I usually felt I had my guard up around her and would shut down like a baby if she said anything I didn’t like. I was stressed, and I don’t know why. Additionally, I was very judgmental in the relationship about her and others. I said some pretty terrible things, some of the things I said I don’t even believe, I don’t know why I said them. To a degree, I just don’t feel I was ever fully “myself” when around her. I’m sure the stress/pressure to the commitment of potential marriage played a role in why I acted certain ways. For the record, I never abused her (physically or emotionally). I acted differently around her than anyone else in my life. Everyone else sees the fun/joyful side of me, she only ever got to see the serious/tense side of me. The odd thing is, even in the moment, I knew I was not acting myself around her but I always just thought i’ll wake up better tomorrow, fixed. I hurt the person I loved the most.

Yes, I know, I’m a POS. I’m currently living with an indescribable amount of pain, sadness, regret, and emptiness. I wish she knew how sorry and remorseful I am. She absolutely deserved better than the way I treated her. I wish I could go back in time. I genuinely want to change, as I never want to treat another girl the same way I treated her. It’s been 3 months and she still shows up in my dreams. She is the last thing I think about before I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I hate myself for it.

Now for my question to you all (and would seriously like to hear and will read every single reply): How do you move on/heal from a breakup when YOU were the problem? Reddit if full of people who hate their ex, full of people who put accountability on their ex, but what about someone like myself who is the reason for the failure in the relationship? I’m the one who messed up, I’m the one who fell short, I’m the one who treated the other so poorly, I’m the one who hurt the other, I was the problem…

I’m hoping people take the time to reach this post.

For context: I (26M) recently got out a 2 year relationship, she broke up with me 3 months ago. She was just about everything you could ask for in a girl. She was kind, smart, pretty, empathetic, loving, caring, she loved me organically and authentically. She always wanted to be by my side and was proud to stand next to me. To be honest, she had nothing wrong with her, she was the full package. She was never anything but good to me.

However, I did not treat her the same. What has become apparent to me now after a lot of reflection (I’ve started therapy, i’ve learned about attachment styles, I’ve listened to podcasts, etc…) is that I definitely showed a lot of avoidant tendencies. I never truly felt relaxed unless I was by myself and doing things independently. I usually felt I had my guard up around her and would shut down like a baby if she said anything I didn’t like. I was stressed, and I don’t know why. Additionally, I was very judgmental in the relationship about her and others. I said some pretty terrible things, some of the things I said I don’t even believe, I don’t know why I said them. To a degree, I just don’t feel I was ever fully “myself” when around her. I’m sure the stress/pressure to the commitment of potential marriage played a role in why I acted certain ways. For the record, I never abused her (physically or emotionally). I acted differently around her than anyone else in my life. Everyone else sees the fun/joyful side of me, she only ever got to see the serious/tense side of me. The odd thing is, even in the moment, I knew I was not acting myself around her but I always just thought i’ll wake up better tomorrow, fixed. I hurt the person I loved the most.

Yes, I know, I’m a POS. I’m currently living with an indescribable amount of pain, sadness, regret, and emptiness. I wish she knew how sorry and remorseful I am. She absolutely deserved better than the way I treated her. I wish I could go back in time. I genuinely want to change, as I never want to treat another girl the same way I treated her. It’s been 3 months and she still shows up in my dreams. She is the last thing I think about before I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I hate myself for it.

Now for my question to you all (and would seriously like to hear and will read every single reply): How do you move on/heal from a breakup when YOU were the problem? Reddit if full of people who hate their ex, full of people who put accountability on their ex, but what about someone like myself who is the reason for the failure in the relationship? I’m the one who messed up, I’m the one who fell short, I’m the one who treated the other so poorly, I’m the one who hurt the other, I was the problem…

I’m hoping people take the time to reach this post.

For context: I (26M) recently got out a 2 year relationship, she broke up with me 3 months ago. She was just about everything you could ask for in a girl. She was kind, smart, pretty, empathetic, loving, caring, she loved me organically and authentically. She always wanted to be by my side and was proud to stand next to me. To be honest, she had nothing wrong with her, she was the full package. She was never anything but good to me.

However, I did not treat her the same. What has become apparent to me now after a lot of reflection (I’ve started therapy, i’ve learned about attachment styles, I’ve listened to podcasts, etc…) is that I definitely showed a lot of avoidant tendencies. I never truly felt relaxed unless I was by myself and doing things independently. I usually felt I had my guard up around her and would shut down like a baby if she said anything I didn’t like. I was stressed, and I don’t know why. Additionally, I was very judgmental in the relationship about her and others. I said some pretty terrible things, some of the things I said I don’t even believe, I don’t know why I said them. To a degree, I just don’t feel I was ever fully “myself” when around her. I’m sure the stress/pressure to the commitment of potential marriage played a role in why I acted certain ways. For the record, I never abused her (physically or emotionally). I acted differently around her than anyone else in my life. Everyone else sees the fun/joyful side of me, she only ever got to see the serious/tense side of me. The odd thing is, even in the moment, I knew I was not acting myself around her but I always just thought i’ll wake up better tomorrow, fixed. I hurt the person I loved the most.

Yes, I know, I’m a POS. I’m currently living with an indescribable amount of pain, sadness, regret, and emptiness. I wish she knew how sorry and remorseful I am. She absolutely deserved better than the way I treated her. I wish I could go back in time. I genuinely want to change, as I never want to treat another girl the same way I treated her. It’s been 3 months and she still shows up in my dreams. She is the last thing I think about before I go to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I made the biggest mistake of my life and I hate myself for it.

Now for my question to you all (and would seriously like to hear and will read every single reply): How do you move on/heal from a breakup when YOU were the problem? Reddit if full of people who hate their ex, full of people who put accountability on their ex, but what about someone like myself who is the reason for the failure in the relationship? I’m the one who messed up, I’m the one who fell short, I’m the one who treated the other so poorly, I’m the one who hurt the other, I was the problem…

My girlfriend and I of almost 2 years broke up 45 days ago. I (26M) was dumped due to our “differences”.

I know it sounds dramatic but the past 45 days have brought the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, and unfortunately it only seems to be getting worse. She is all I think about every second of every day. She is the last thing I think about before going to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I’ve been having dreams/nightmares about her, sometimes multiple per night, and I wake up with extreme fear/anxiety. I have an intense longing for her, and I have no outlet. I have a deep sadness and regret that I’ve never felt before, it feels like a part of me has died. I go to work with a fake mask that shows I’m doing well, but inside I’m dying. I don’t feel like I will hurt myself, but I do find that life is getting harder to live and it’s scary the direction I’m heading. Ive lost 25 pounds since the breakup. I’ve cried more in the past 45 days than I have in the past 10 years combined. For those wondering, yes, I just started therapy for the first time in my life.

In addition to all this pain, as mentioned above, I’m also feeling a deep sense of regret. This girl was one of a kind, I’ve never met someone with a heart like hers. She was the sweetest, most compassionate person who loved me with her whole heart, organically and authentically. Somehow I found a way to fuck it up. She broke up with me due to our “differences”… but there was more to it than that. I said many things over the course of our relationship that hurt her, things I don’t even want to repeat. I would say things that were hurtful to her and others, like a very judgmental way. I know it caused her to have doubts, and maybe I could subconsciously sense that, but I was too stubborn to realize what I was saying was wrong, admit fault, and apologize for what I would say. Furthermore, I had a bad tendency to shut down if conflict arose, if didn’t get my way, if I perceived something about her that made me hesitant to pursue her, etc… kind of like an immature child. In those moments, she would absolutely sense something was wrong with me, she would question me, but I wouldn’t communicate to her. This caused her to spiral and think its her fault, and she would end up getting hurt by something she perceived she did wrong. In our relationship I was so blind by my avoidance/dismissive behavior, but now I can see it clear as day. She was right about so many things, I’m just now realizing. I hate and wonder why it took for the relationship to end for me to change. Why could I have not done this sooner? Stupid stupid stupid.

That’s what’s causing the most pain to me, that I hurt the sweetest pure heart of a girl I loved so so much. Also the fact that she’s gone, out of my life. I hate myself so much for what I’ve done. It’s hard to have sympathy for myself when I’m the one who caused it all. She deserves so much better than the way I treated her.

I am currently a single 26(M) making $88,500 (~$92,000 with bonus) at a secure job, raises come annually. I’m still living with my parents saving money, but am currently looking to buy a home. For the home and area I want, I’d be looking at the ~$380k range.

My monthly net take home pay (after retirement contributions) is $5,100.

I plan on putting down $115,000 on the home. I’ll be looking at a 30 year mortgage at a 6.5% interest rate. My calculations put total mortgage, including taxes and insurance, around $2,300.

After the purchase I will have ~$20,000 leftover between savings and an emergency fund.

For additional context, I have no debt and have ~$155,000 in retirement savings between Roth IRA, 401k, and HSA.

Would I be able to afford a home around ~$380k? I know it would be much financially wiser to just buy a $275k home on a 15 year mortgage, but I want to get a house and area I’m happy about. One where I would feel comfortable living in for many years. I’ve worked very hard my early years to save for retirement so I can afford to “live a little” as I grow older.

I saw a post about TSCO a couple weeks ago and have been keeping it on my radar. Whats up with the significant drop off? I have not been able to find an explanation.