u/LuvClassic5625

TL:DR: Called out for not participating in sexual jokes. Reported it to HR. Director who made sex joke and called me out for not participating, gave negative feedback to my boss. My boss says a pip is coming. Intense, micromanagement from boss. What else should I do other than find a new job?

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Looking for some advice. I've been at an large, international company for 7 months supporting an all male team.

There have been 3 instances where I have been singled out in a group of male coworkers because I didn't laugh or participate in a sexual joke that was told. (They verbally called me out.)

In one instance, the sex joke was told by a director, in front of my male coworker and a male client. After he said it, he turned to me the only woman in the room and said, "you're probably going to report this to HR." After that meeting, he gave negative feedback about my performance at the meeting to my boss (unfounded feedback). 2 weeks later, my boss "gave me heads up" that she's putting me on a pip.

I found out that same director has been intentionally excluding me from meetings and has sent me the wrong invite on purpose. (The real meeting is earlier in the day. The fake meeting is an old invite he keeps sending.) When I ask him on it by email, he doesn't respond and then my boss blames me. This has been going on for months. (I found out from a coworker about the real meeting and he confirmed I wasn't on the invite list.)

I believe the director and my boss are working together to build a case to fire me.

Essentially, my entire role is to support the director's team. But he won't include me in events and is blocking me from doing my job.

In addition, my boss is sending me 15 emails+ a day about emails (not including texts and teams messages). Emails about emails. This is a hostile workplace. I know they are trying to fire me and I am actively interviewing. I need the paycheck in the meantime. I am documenting everything.

My boss is only 3 months into the role and because of how bad management has been before her, she's been struggling to make progress. So to show she's "doing something" and to justify her time to her boss, she spends all her time attacking me. (I get bizarre, immature emails from her... Etc.) This is not a rational manager or person. Absolutely chaotic behavior and communication.

I filed a written complaint about the instances of the sexual jokes to HR. Is there anything else I should do (other than try to get a new job. I'm trying :( ?) Should I report what my boss is doing, or it just navigate it the best I can. I know things will not get better. Just looking for ideas in the meantime. Thank you.

Edit: I need to add that the team that made the sexual comments is the team I am supposed to directly support. Going to client meetings and supporting this team is my role so them making these sexual jokes (and then laughing at me after they make them), makes it really hard to do my job. (There are other things they are doing to make it hard for me to do my job, but this is the only illegal one.)

Three months ago my coworker made a sexual joke in front of myself and 3 others. One of those other people then said to me, "this is what you'll have to put up with here."

Two months ago, a VP repeatedly yelled at me on a call and snapped his fingers at me like a dog.

A month ago, a director and my coworker told sexual jokes in front of me and a client. Those colleagues then turned to me and laughed and said I would report them to HR. And then said their prior conversations with the client were "much worse" in terms of the sexual nature of the jokes.

In that same meeting, my coworker and director threw me under the bus repeatedly (7+ times in a two hour meeting) pointing to me and calling my name, and telling them I would answer the questions and that "xyz is op's fault." (What they were saying was inaccurate.)

This behavior happened again in a different client meeting.

Following the meetings, and my active support during the meeting (adding to the presentation, addressing client questions) the director and my coworker told my boss that I shouldn't have participated in the conversation and shouldnt thank the customer for their business.

I have not reported any of these things. Now the director, VP and my manager have been blaming me for the company's poor performance.

For the last 4 weeks my manager has had me tracking my work. All feedback was good. Then this week I was put on a PIP. My boss suggested I quit. I declined.

Is it too late to report the yelling and inappropriate behavior? Should I even do that?

I'm at the final round of interviews for 2 jobs and am waiting to hear back. Trying to get out as soon as I can.

I booked a photo shoot for my new restaurant and paid 50% in advance for a 3 hour photo shoot. We had a written contact and agreed upon pricing and cost of travel beforehand. Travel was factored into the total price.

I found the photographer on an online review.

I've never done a photo shoot before or worked with a photographer. I needed help finding models and the photographer brought their friends to model. I gave everyone free food, drinks from the bar and paid the 2 models under $100 each. The friends did a lot of hanging out, but the photographer still got content although they seemed distracted.

During the shoot, I paid the remaining balance via an online site and tipped 30%.

Then I realize after the shoot I tipped the equivalent of an additional small photo gallery. I then asked the photographer if we could apply that amount towards additional photos because I didn't realize I was tipping that much. I apologized.

They were open to the idea. Two weeks later I'm trying to book them for another project and asked if they can apply the tip as a credit. Now they are forgetting everything I said before and said they thought it was a tip and that it covered their travel.

Before the shoot, they confirmed travel was roped into the entire price of everything.

The reason I'm posting here is I read that tipping photographers for business shoots isn't really a thing. Is this true?

When I read that, that's why I asked the photographer about applying the tip as a credit. Because 1) they had a new payment system and didn't know it accepted tips and 2) I learned that tips aren't standard

Do you ask for tips as part of your business? Im just trying to understand what is common/regular practice. Thank you so much.

I've been in marketing for 15 years, mostly supporting tech sales teams. I'm in a really bizarre situation and am looking for some advice.

Six months ago I took a role at a large German company in marketing, supporting the sales team and educating customers on marketing services.

Here's where it gets complicated. The region I'm in has been losing millions and honestly it comes down to product issues, not sales execution (but the team certainly hasn't helped things). But when the VP came after the sales team about performance, they turned around and blamed me. I'm one person. No direct reports, no management title, no control over product or pricing, no team and this is a new role at the company. But the VP bought it and doubled down on me (probably because he used to be VP of sales).

My manager is three months into his role and has been hostile toward me ever since the pressure started coming down from above (because she reports to this VP). The company is doing layoffs and the whole environment is politically charged right now.

So here's my question: how do I handle this?

Part of my job is joining the sales team on customer visits. I was invited to two visits and told upfront they would be confrontational, basically the sales team going after clients about low numbers. I was also told there wasn't much for me to contribute but my boss wanted me there anyway.

Both meetings were a mess. The lead sales rep kept deflecting the client's legitimate product complaints by making jokes and literally pointing at me, trying to make me the scapegoat in front of the customer. (I think the guy just panics and tries to make a joke ) This happened 7+ times in a 2 hour meeting. The regional sales director just went along with it and only one stepped in when I was thrown under the bus. The client was so frustrated that their leadership called out how unprofessional our team was right there in the room.

So I stepped in. I thanked the client for their business, acknowledged what they were saying, asked some clarifying questions and got the meeting back on track.

After one of the meetings the sales director casually told the group he had manipulated the system to get the client more money back. I don't even know exactly what that means but it didn't sit right with me.

Then in the second visit things got even more bizarre. Again, the director and sales lead threw me under the bus (more like deflection) for legimately product issues that I have no control or expertise in.

After the meeting the sales director, the sales lead, the client and I are all in the room and they start making jokes about condoms. The sales director actually told his own employee that his dad should have worn one. Then they laughed and said I was probably going to call HR, basically admitting they knew they were out of line and not caring at all.

When I got back from the trip my manager sent me a nasty email criticizing my performance. He said I should have done a formal marketing presentation, even though I had specifically asked the sales lead beforehand and we agreed it wasn't the right format for that meeting. He also told me I shouldn't have thanked the client for their business because that's the sales team's job. Even though the meeting was falling apart and someone had to do something.

These people are cartoon characters.

My manager is documenting everything and every professional response I give him, he twists it or comes back at me with something hostile. I'm actively interviewing and trying to get out as fast as I can.

But in the meantime, do I reach out to the sales director and the sales guys to acknowledge their so called feedback? Or do I just ignore it and keep my head down until I land something new?

HR isn't an option. I just got to get out, but do I defend myself in the meantime?

Question: How do I pray through this? I'm already looking for a new job.

* I'm not a parent and my time at the chapel doesn't detract from my vocation or duties at home.

---

I need some advice. I've been a practicing Catholic for 11 years and have been actively involved in my previous parish and adoration chapel.

I moved and a brand new 24/7 adoration chapel opened in my city two months ago. They are desperate for adorers to cover all the shifts so I wanted to help out. So I signed up for 4 days a week (1 hour each of those days).

As soon as I signed up for weekly commitments at the chapel, all hell broke loose in my life. This all happened after I signed up to now:

-Tire spring snapped on my 2022 minivan and as soon as I got the vehicle out of the shop, had a tire issue.

-Got a big metal shard in my tire and had to replace it

-Permit I was getting help with, fell apart and people turned on me and no longer want to help me

-Job went really bad and turned abusive (got yelled at...)

-The apprenticeship I moved to a different state for ended after I found out the mentor was a sham and a scammer (taking advantage of people)

-My parent had a second stroke

- Everyday has been horrible at work due to my dysfunctional manager

- My husband's new job took a turn for the worst

- My job had layoffs

- My music teacher became verbally abusive and I had to end the relationship

- I'm having trouble sleeping and eating, mostly due to the stress of the dysfunctional job.

....

Essentially, in the last two months, I've had 5 really abusive or highly dysfunctional work-related relationships that have manifested or ended.

We only give glory to God and I'm not complaining. It's just been a lot of crazy stuff that has happened in a short time and I don't know if I need to be praying differently. I don't think anyone is praying for protection for the adorers at the new chapel. The founding priest of the chapel is on sabbatical, but I did contact the chapel staff to learn more.

What do I do? Just wait it out? Do I pray differently? I told God he's got to fix this or I'm going to have to quit the chapel. This is too much.

(I am interviewing for new jobs).

Has anyone gone through this before?

Thanks for listening!

Edited: For clarity.

I really need help. My new boss is trying to get rid of me. She's been with the company two months (I've been with the company 7 months) and has been coming down hard on everyone. To make matters worse, her boss yelled at me (with her on the call) two weeks ago, and my father had a stroke and then I got sick.

My first day back at work she's all on me by email. You should have done xyz. But she won't respond to my emails or questions. And when she does, she blames me. I've been in the industry for over 15 years, this person is unhinged. I think part of it is the company is doing layoffs.

What the heck do I do? She's trying to build a case to fire me. She's so freaking mean. And I'm still dealing with my father and his health issues. Please help.

In ER now. :/

My father (71M) had a carotid artery dissection in January 2026 that caused a stroke. He made a full recovery and was seen by both primary care and neurology. They held off on aspirin but started him on a blood thinner and a cholesterol medication (his cholesterol was only slightly elevated before treatment). His carotids were re-imaged twice over several months and showed no change.

The neurologist noted his blood pressure was consistently high (stage 2 hypertension range) and suggested a sleep study and blood pressure medication, but no orders or referrals were actually placed. Instead, we were told to monitor his blood pressure at home and follow up with primary care. No vascular surgery referral was ever made, either at the stroke center after the first event or by the neurologist afterward.

Today, my father had a TIA and was admitted to the hospital. He is in the ICU now. His blood pressure has been consistently 177+/100+, and he's being monitored overnight. Wildfire smoke was heavy in our area in the days before, and he'd been spending a lot of time outdoors despite our concerns, combined with uncontrolled blood pressure, we suspect this contributed.

They said they'll release him tomorrow if his blood pressure is under 180.

This time, the hospital brought in a vascular surgeon, who immediately asked two things: why isn't he on aspirin, and why was he never referred to vascular surgery? The neurologist from earlier in the year is no longer with the hospital.

History:
F​ormer heavy smoker (quit 13 years ago), occasional alcohol, stage 4 tonsil cancer survivor (had head/neck radiation), no diabetes, not overweight, occasional CBD use, drinks small amounts of energy drinks (Monster Rehab/Red Bull) a few times a week, decades of poor sleep (only a few hours a night).

Vascular findings: carotid dissection (site of original stroke); right vertebral artery completely occluded C1–C7; carotids 45% and 24% stenosed.

Current meds: blood thinner, cholesterol medication. No aspirin, no blood pressure medication.

The question: What do we do now? We don't want to be discharged again without a clear plan. Specifically, we're trying to make sure he leaves with:

1. A blood pressure medication actually prescribed (not just "monitor at home")
2. An order for a sleep apnea study
3. A confirmed vascular surgery referral/follow-up
4. Clarity on the aspirin question raised by the vascular surgeon

My mother is an RN at this same hospital and we're still finding it hard to get things to actually happen instead of just being suggested. Any advice on how to navigate this, what to ask for explicitly before discharge, who to loop in, how to make sure orders don't fall through again, would be really appreciated.

Edit: vice president. He didn't change my job, but just lied on the call saying I've never done the job they hired me to do, which he says is sales. That I'm responsible for sales.

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Hi there. I need some help. Ive worked for an large international company for 7 months and have had no manager or much training. I've been left to figure things out and I've done a good job thanks to my team.

The president of my division managed myself and 20 others after he fired our managers. After the president became our "manager" he never managed and his unpredictable nature caused 10 people to quit in 3 months. Oh yeah, he also was the supervisor to 3 directors who were stealing money for 6 years.

Because this president "managed" me for 7 months he is doing my performance review. I've never talked to this guy before. I have a new manager that just started a month ago.

He tells me I must fly across the country for an in person review so he can determine if I'm a good fit for the company. They aren't doing that with anyone else. (And I was just in that office 1 month ago.) I ask for a video call.

On the call, he yells at me, snaps at me like a dog (with his fingers, literally) and tells me that I'm not doing my job. On the call, he changes the entire job to be a sales job. He says sales are down and everyone is pointing fingers and they are blaming me. He says many other disparaging things.

That's not my job and never has been. Everything he said was a lie.

Now they are trying to put me on a performance plan. And want me to meet bi weekly with the manager. He put poor performance in my review as well. This is someone who has never been involved at all.

I was told to go to HR. Is that the right path? Or do I summarize the call in an email and attach a presentation with my work and successes (which I gave them before the call) and my original job description and cc HR?

How do I handle this?

(I'm of course looking for a new job. Just trying to figure out how to navigate these bullies.)

Summary-----

President snapped fingers and yelled at me on a call.

My manager backed him up.

I'm not on a pip, but they want me to do weekly meetings with new manager.

They accused me of untrue things and put this vaguely in my performance report.

How do I navigate this until I can get a different job?

HR isn't an option. This place is too dysfunctional.

I have no "rank," (not a vp or manager), but I do have 15+ years of experience. This is not an entry level role.

I didn't record the call. :(

Long form_------_-------

I've worked remote for an international company for 8 months. I've had no direct manager that entire time due to the serious personnel issues and restructuring. I've had no training and no support. I am not a manager, but due to the restructuring, the president oversaw myself and 20 others. When I started in the midst of the restructure and under the person's leadership, 10 quit in the course of 3 months. All from the same department I'm in.

No one has checked in with me, asked how I was doing or if I needed support. I had a coworker train me for a few months, but then he left. I've had to figure this job out on my own really and with help from three remote coworkers.

I have a new direct manager now. He has been in the role 1 month and has been coming after everyone in the company trying to "fix everything" but says that he is making no friends and says everyone hates him. He reports to the president.

For some reason, he has put a heat seeking missile on me. I've met with him multiple times, we do calls. He's never brought up concerns.

Sales are down significantly for the company and my role is to work with sales. I don't do sales. I support them and customers. But there's nothing in my role about leads, sales, anything.

The president emails me saying that everyone is complaining about me and my work and that they need to evaluate me.

The reality is everyone and their mother have been complaining about the president's department because there is no one to do the work. This is the issue

When I ask for who these people and customers are that have been complaining so I can help, they won't answer my questions.

They wanted me to come in person (8 hour flight to WA) for a one hour meeting for an evaluation tied to reviews. I have a very bad gut feeling about going in person. I feel like they will corner me and yell at me. That's the sense I had. (I had talked to coworkers in that office prior who said it's like dodging shrapnel being there.)

I push for a video call. I prepare a presentation summarizing my work, accomplishments, all that I've done because that's what they asked to see. I send it to them before the call.

On the call the president says that he knows nothing about me at all, nor my experience and that there's nothing in my presentation that can make him think positively of me. (This is a person who was responsible for managing me for the last 7 months but did absolutely nothing.)

He describes a job description that is completely different from the one that I was hired for. He describes a sales job. (Says I am responsible for sales, that sales are down and it's my fault, everyone is pointing fingers and their pointing them at me) among other things. My job is not sales, it's a completely different field.

I was very diplomatic, didn't argue and said the role he's describing is very different than how I was trained...

Then he starts snapping his fingers and yelling, "HEY HEY HEY, THIS IS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO.

"HEY HEY HEY.."

I said, "are you snapping at me?"

Then he says, "THIS IS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO. EITHER YOU'RE GOING TO DO THE JOB OR YOU'RE NOT." Over and over again. I say that I'm not arguing, but am trying to understand what he's looking for. What the expectations are. He wouldn't have a conversation.

He says I never contacted my manager for support, I have no travel on my calendar...all these things that are not true.

Then my new manager, who has been at the company for 1 month says, "yeah, you said you were at capacity but there's nothing on your calendar." But I never said that. I have meetings everyday and I respond to all his emails quickly.

Everything they said was untrue.

At the end of the convo, the president wants to see the presentation because "he read it already" (yeah, sure, in the 5 min before the call when I sent it.) but "he's just curious."

There were other disparaging things said to me. Get this one "sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt. Next time you're going through a hard time tell HR." And then he blabs about the people he lost. And I say, "yeah, thanks she was murdered." And he says "let's keep it positive, OP."

To make matters worse, they put in my performance review that my performance has been mixed because of complaints. That's what's in there.

HR isn't an option.

This is a toxic, dysfunctional place.

I didn't record the call.

I'm okay, but am not sure how to navigate this situation until I can find another job. This situation happened last week.

They want me to do weekly calls with my new manager.

Do I contact HR to try and have the presentation with my work and successes added to the online review portal?

I know I should have hung up, but in the moment I thought he was snapping at a pet. They weren't on video.

My intention is to leave, but how do I play their games until I can get out? I'm remote and there is so much disorganization, they don't know what's going on.

They put in the review I'm working on stuff I shouldn't be and that's no true. I'm following my job description. They just want a scapegoat.

I think what's happening is the new manager is a new manager and doesn't know how to do their job period. And the president doesn't want to train him.

The good news is I didn't let them phase me at all, "the dude probably thought I was going to cry" and I had a polished response for everything. Must importantly, I trusted my gut and didn't go to the office in person or this would have been very very difficult.

Thank you for any advice you can offer!

TL:DR

President snapped fingers and yelled at me on a call.

My manager backed him up.

I'm not on a pip, but they want me to do weekly meetings with new manager.

They accused me of untrue things and put this vaguely in my performance report.

How do I navigate this until I can get a different job?

HR isn't an option. This place is too dysfunctional.

I have no "rank," (not a vp or manager), but I do have 15+ years of experience. This is not an entry level role.

I didn't record the call. :(

----

I've worked remote for an international company for 8 months. I've had no direct manager that entire time due to the serious personnel issues and restructuring. I've had no training and no support. I am not a manager, but due to the restructuring, the president oversaw myself and 20 others. When I started in the midst of the restructure and under the person's leadership, 10 quit in the course of 3 months. All from the same department I'm in.

No one has checked in with me, asked how I was doing or if I needed support. I had a coworker train me for a few months, but then he left. I've had to figure this job out on my own really and with help from three remote coworkers.

I have a new direct manager now. He has been in the role 1 month and has been coming after everyone in the company trying to "fix everything" but says that he is making no friends and says everyone hates him. He reports to the president.

For some reason, he has put a heat seeking missile on me. I've met with him multiple times, we do calls. He's never brought up concerns.

Sales are down significantly for the company and my role is to work with sales. I don't do sales. I support them and customers. But there's nothing in my role about leads, sales, anything.

The president emails me saying that everyone is complaining about me and my work and that they need to evaluate me.

The reality is everyone and their mother have been complaining about the president's department because there is no one to do the work. This is the issue

When I ask for who these people and customers are that have been complaining so I can help, they won't answer my questions.

They wanted me to come in person (8 hour flight to WA) for a one hour meeting for an evaluation tied to reviews. I have a very bad gut feeling about going in person. I feel like they will corner me and yell at me. That's the sense I had. (I had talked to coworkers in that office prior who said it's like dodging shrapnel being there.)

I push for a video call. I prepare a presentation summarizing my work, accomplishments, all that I've done because that's what they asked to see. I send it to them before the call.

On the call the president says that he knows nothing about me at all, nor my experience and that there's nothing in my presentation that can make him think positively of me. (This is a person who was responsible for managing me for the last 7 months but did absolutely nothing.)

He describes a job description that is completely different from the one that I was hired for. He describes a sales job. (Says I am responsible for sales, that sales are down and it's my fault, everyone is pointing fingers and their pointing them at me) among other things. My job is not sales, it's a completely different field.

I was very diplomatic, didn't argue and said the role he's describing is very different than how I was trained...

Then he starts snapping his fingers and yelling, "HEY HEY HEY, THIS IS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO.

"HEY HEY HEY.."

I said, "are you snapping at me?"

Then he says, "THIS IS HOW THIS IS GOING TO GO. EITHER YOU'RE GOING TO DO THE JOB OR YOU'RE NOT." Over and over again. I say that I'm not arguing, but am trying to understand what he's looking for. What the expectations are. He wouldn't have a conversation.

He says I never contacted my manager for support, I have no travel on my calendar...all these things that are not true.

Then my new manager, who has been at the company for 1 month says, "yeah, you said you were at capacity but there's nothing on your calendar." But I never said that. I have meetings everyday and I respond to all his emails quickly.

Everything they said was untrue.

At the end of the convo, the president wants to see the presentation because "he read it already" (yeah, sure, in the 5 min before the call when I sent it.) but "he's just curious."

There were other disparaging things said to me. Get this one "sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt. Next time you're going through a hard time tell HR." And then he blabs about the people he lost. And I say, "yeah, thanks she was murdered." And he says "let's keep it positive, OP."

To make matters worse, they put in my performance review that my performance has been mixed because of complaints. That's what's in there.

HR isn't an option.

This is a toxic, dysfunctional place.

I didn't record the call.

I'm okay, but am not sure how to navigate this situation until I can find another job. This situation happened last week.

They want me to do weekly calls with my new manager.

Do I contact HR to try and have the presentation with my work and successes added to the online review portal?

I know I should have hung up, but in the moment I thought he was snapping at a pet. They weren't on video.

My intention is to leave, but how do I play their games until I can get out? I'm remote and there is so much disorganization, they don't know what's going on.

They put in the review I'm working on stuff I shouldn't be and that's no true. I'm following my job description. They just want a scapegoat.

I think what's happening is the new manager is a new manager and doesn't know how to do their job period. And the president doesn't want to train him.

The good news is I didn't let them phase me at all, "the dude probably thought I was going to cry" and I had a polished response for everything. Must importantly, I trusted my gut and didn't go to the office in person or this would have been very very difficult.

Thank you for any advice you can offer!

TL;DR:

I'm currently an apprentice. Please don't delete.

- Do I keep saving money and do so until I have an emergency fund ($10k) and can pay for the trade school outright ($12k) before I quit my job?

- Are unsafe machines (table saw, band saw with no safety guards and no air handling for wood dust, metal sanding...) and no insurance enough walk away from this apprenticeship?

- Do I quit my job, depend on my partner's income, do the $12k program and just see how the apprenticeship goes since I've already invested so much time and money into this endeavor?

---+

I relocated across the country (US) for a unique trade job (artisan woodworking) apprenticeship. I had been talking with the business owners (brothers) for 6 years to figure out if this was something I wanted to do and I went and visit their shop.

The owners told me I could earn money doing the work, but need to go to a 6 month trade school program in order to apprentice. So I learned about the school and prepared to move.

I called the school, talked to professionals there, met with and visited other shops and businesses in this field as well. I built things from scratch to get a feel for if I'd like the work. I did all the prep I could. Talked to the other apprentices. 6 years of prep, planning and discernment.

This was the only business that was taking on an apprentice.

I moved from Seattle, WA, to West Virginia for the apprenticeship with my partner. I have no family or friends here. It was very expensive ($12k) and I took a low paying hourly job in Maine (80% pay cut from what I was making). I have been working at the mentor's shop for the last year when I can, aside from my full time job. Here's the situation I'm in.

Pay ---+

- There is no hourly pay for the apprenticeship. You're only paid if you do work on a project. Which the rate breaks down to about $18-25/hour before taxes. You don't get paid regularly and the work and pay is dependent on the owner and what work comes in.

- The shop is very busy and work is consistent, but there are 3 other people handling projects.

The business ---+

- The owners are in their early 80s and travel to their summer home in Ireland multiple times a year. So this disrupts things in terms of pay and learning.

- The business is a speciality, artisan trade that my mentors run out of their house. It's an ancient shop with machines with no safety guards (1980s table saw, 1940s band saw...), peeling floors and wallpaper, dirt everywhere, full tools, extremely hot in summer and extremely cold in winter.... A couple of people were hurt already. Minor injuries. No air exchange or handling for wood dust, metal sanding and filing....

- The shop does $500k in sales annually, split among the full time professionals (the 3 former apprentices).

- They have had 3 apprentices so far, both were in their early 20s when they started. 6 years later, they are all full time professionals, but get all their work from the shop. Each one scraped by to make the apprenticeship happen. Very difficult.

- The apprentices used and use large machines from other businesses to do their work. They don't use these ancient machines much, if ever.

- The business provides no insurance of any kind, so I'm on my own if I'm injured or worse. I'm essentially a contractor.

Education I need to progress ----+

- I still need to take the 6 month trade school program and need $12k to do it and it's full time during the day. I have found similar programs, but they are either too far from me (and at the same price). All programs I have found are during the day, 8 am-5 pm.

- Now after 1 year of working essentially odd jobs for the mentor (made $2k for the year at the shop), they want me to do the school before they teaches me anymore. There are specific skills he wants me to learn.

My income ---+

- I have multiple streams of income to try keep me afloat while I do the apprenticeship, but I'm not making enough. I'm also still recovering from the move across the country. I dont have $12k for the school either.

- There is no financial aid for the trade program.

- I have an large loan I'm paying off already ($24k) so I don't want to take on more debt. But if I have to, I will.

- I work full time at a job 8-5 and make really good money at the moment. My partner also works and we could live off their income alone, but it would be tight.

The issue ---+

- I'm struggling because I originally thought I would quit my job, do the trade program and then apprentice full time, but I don't know if that makes sense anymore. The work and pay at the be studio is so inconsistent (in terms of how much you make. There is a lot of work that comes in.) The owners also travel throughout the year...

- The other apprentices work in other states so I don't get to see them and they don't have time to train me. They are actually a bit annoyed I'm even there because they are concerned about their income and having to split it with another person.

- My mentors tell me that once I do the trade program, I could apprentice for 1 year and then could be equipped to do my own thing. But I think they are underestimating. The other apprentices have been with the shop for 6+ years and are employees.

- I'm bummed because I've been talking with the mentors for 6 years, moved all the way here and they are like "we can't train you until you so the school." Fine, but now they are fully training a new apprentice ((who is retired and has the time) who lives locally. And now I get no work and no calls to do anything at the shop.

- The owners do ask me to do admin remotely (answer calls periodically and schedule a few supply deliveries), but I'm not paid for that work.

- I work full time, sell online (trading cards), and have a small business. I'm really trying to save and earn as much as I can. Most importantly, have consistent income when I apprentice.

--+--

I'm concerned about getting hurt and taking care of myself financially. I knew I was taking a risk with this move and everything. I'm committed... And at the same time, concerned by the lack of insurance, inconsistent pay, old equipment...

How do I make this work? I dont know what I don't know, because this field is new to me. The blatant lack of safety protocols worries me. Mainly the machines. How the heck do I do this? Any advice is much appreciated!

Edit: I've gotten a comment asking why even post a question like this.

1. I lost a family member to depression and I want to treat others who are struggling with the disease with kindness and care. And at the same time, take care of my own mental health and not get taken advantage of.
2. I'm not a professional musician. This isn't my area of expertise so I'm just looking for an opinion from professionals in this field.
3. Lessons are a big expense for me. $75 for 45 min weekly. So there is a financial stress and now a mental and emotional one due to what the teacher is sharing with me and how they treat me.
4. I've only been with this teacher for 1.5 months so I've been trying to get a read on if it's time to move on or give it longer.

A big thank you to everyone who commented. I very much appreciate all your advice and you sharing your experience.

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I'm a student (late-50s's) who has been studying with a new music teacher on Skype for 1.5 months. Things started out fine and then a month in, my teacher's life imploded. Their wife left them, they started a divorce, one of their loved ones died and then the teacher told me he has attempted to end his life multiple times in the last month. He is currently working with a therapist, is under mental health watch and is getting care. They also talk about how they are drinking quite a bit. But they have a support system and people watching them.

They share this with me in lessons. The mental health story was shared after I mentioned I was having a hard time because my aunt had passed from something similar. And then my teacher started sharing their recent mental health struggles. I think these open conversations about mental health are important. We did reschedule the lesson.

My teacher has an incredible career. They have produced many music albums and has a large teaching studio of children and adults.

The mental health struggles and talking about it during lessons is one thing, but I've been struggling with my teacher's attitude the last month. Recently they were rude, snippy and were borderline yelling at me, "I already specifically told you..." When we were working through a new piece of music. The whole lesson was very uncomfortable.

Each lesson they share a lengthy, sad, update on their life. I never ask for the updates.

They are irritable and always seem impatient and annoyed with me. They "bark" commands at me sometimes and made a comment about "music dyslexia." He was implying that because I mixed something up in a measure, I had music dyslexia. What the heck?

We haven't been working together that long.

I have had many teachers over the years (I've been playing my instrument for 10 years) and I've had my share of teachers that weren't a great fit, but this has been a unique experience. They treat me like an idiot and an inconvenience. But I spend a lot of money on these lessons!

How do you kindly end lessons with someone who is not doing well mentally? I mean they are still scheduling concerts, keeping a performing schedule, judging and more, so there is some level of functionality.

Thank you for any advice. 🙏

Hi! I'm an adult student (late-40s's) been studying with a new music teacher on Skype for the last few months. Things started out fine and then a month in, my teacher's life imploded. Their wife left them, they started a divorce, one of their loved ones died and then the teacher told me they have attempted to end their life multiple times in the last month. They are currently working with a therapist, are under watch and are getting care. They also talk about how they are drinking quite a bit.

They share this with me in lessons. The mental health story was shared after I mentioned I was having a hard time because my aunt had passed from something similar. And then my teacher started sharing their recent mental health struggles.

My teacher has an incredible career. They have produced many music albums and has a large teaching studio of children and adults.

The mental health struggles and then talking about it during lessons is one thing, but it's my teacher's attitude the last month. The recently they were rude, snippy and were borderline yelling at me, "I already specifically told you..." When we were working through a new piece of music. The whole lesson was very uncomfortable.

They are irritable and always seem impatient and annoyed with me. We haven't been working together that long.

I have had many teachers over the years (I've been playing my instrument for 10 years) and I've had my share of teachers that weren't a great fit, but this has been a unique experience.

How do you kindly end lessons with someone who is not doing well mentally? I mean they are still scheduling concerts, keeping a performing schedule, judging and more, so there is some level of functionality.

Thank you for any advice. 🙏

Been dealing with a dysfunctional workplace for 8 months. I'm remote and so are two of my coworkers. Of the 21 people who were in my department when I started, only 5 are left. 6 got fired for stealing money on a corporate card and everyone else quit.

I've had very little training and no direction. There's been no budget either.

The man who was training me was supposed to become my boss, but he quit. The team that works closely with mine has been complaining about my department for months, but there's nothing we could do. We have had no people and no money.

Now I have a new manager. He asked what I thought about flying across the country for a one hour in person meeting. I told him I had pto scheduled. He approved my PTO.

A week later I get a call from my department head that they've had complaints about me not supporting the team I mentioned earlier. Oh yeah, and it's review season and they need me to come to the office across the country for a one hour meeting to discuss my performance. It's also for the same day my boss wanted me to come in originally.

My coworkers think I've been sabotaged by the previous trainer who left me with nothing when he quit. I have no idea.

All I know is this all feels gross and the management has been terrible.

My dad thinks I should come up with a big presentation with ideas and etc to wow those at the review meeting. But they told me on the call they want to know what I've been working on and etc and during the meeting will determine if I'm a good fit for the company.

Wtf do I do? It's the poor management that is the issue. They have been getting pressure from corporate and that's why they are looking into everything. But I don't know how to handle this. Any ideas is much appreciated.

The meeting is in a month.

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This has been the weirdest place I've ever worked and I've been in some bad places.

- Showed up for my first day to a completely empty 2000 sq ft office. Absolutely no one. I was in the right place. I was hired to work in an empty office and no one told me.

- 5 people were fired for stealing company money with a credit card before I started. My boss was one of them. As a result, when I started I had no supervisor.

- In months, our 21 person team (everyone else is in a different state) dwindled to 3 because everyone quit.

- There are bills that our department never correctly processed and are 3 years old.

- Company is against remote work, but I'm not driving 3 hours round-trip to be in an empty office. (I was told by multiple people I could work remote.)

This is a very large national company with tens of thousands of employees. The company is in good standing, the department is the one that is a mess.

Got a new supervisor and things went from no work to him micromanaging and wanting us to do all the work yesterday. I went from no emails a day to an email an hour from this manager. (Yes we have a team chat, but everyone uses email for "visibility.")

And then there's the requests for me to fly across the country for a one hour in person meeting.

My brain is spinning and I'm concerned they'll make me work in the completely empty office.

This manager is blunt, direct, borderline rude and have this manager vs employee attitude.

I don't want to do this anymore. I've only been at this job for 8 months and was hoping to stay until the end of the year or early next so I could go back to school.

Does this all sound a bit wild or is there something wrong with me? Im really struggling to function.