u/MK71-EC82-MGM89-AK98

I'm a 5'7" man, and being short is starting to seriously affect how I see myself and the people around me.

I want to make something clear: I understand dating preferences. Women don't owe me attraction, dates, sex, relationships, or anything else. Someone can decide she doesn't want to date me because of my height, and while that might hurt, she's entitled to that preference.

What I'm struggling with goes beyond dating.

I know 5'7" isn't extraordinarily short statistically, but where I live it doesn't feel remotely close to average. I regularly encounter men and women taller than me, and even kids barely into their teens who are already around my height or taller.

I've become extremely aware of height everywhere. I especially notice taller women who are with men even taller than themselves. When I see a 5'9", 5'10", or 6' woman with a taller guy, my mind immediately thinks, "Of course he's taller. Someone my height probably wouldn't have had a chance."

I know that's an assumption. I can't look at a couple and know that woman's preferences. She might have happily dated a 5'7" guy. Height might have had nothing to do with why they're together.

But emotionally, I'm finding that increasingly difficult to believe.

What bothers me even more is hearing women say they want tall partners because they want tall children or don't want short children. That feels very different to me from simply finding tall men attractive.

I've actually developed the belief that there's an unofficial, eugenics-like mindset among some people toward short men: that short male height is an undesirable inherited characteristic they don't want passed on.

I know how serious the word eugenics is. I'm not talking about government policy, an organized campaign, or anything remotely comparable in severity to historical forced eugenics. I'm talking about the underlying mindset of deliberately wanting to avoid a physical characteristic in future children.

And a tall woman having children with a shorter man doesn't guarantee short children anyway. Height is influenced by genetics from both parents and other factors.

What concerns me most is that I'm starting to feel like this extends beyond dating. Sometimes I feel like short men are viewed as lesser in general: less masculine, less capable, less desirable, or like our bodies represent something people actively don't want.

I genuinely believe height matters to most women when choosing male partners and probably matters more than people admit. Just telling me "height doesn't matter" doesn't help because right now I don't believe it.

But I also recognize that my beliefs are affecting how I interpret everything around me. I can't actually know someone's motivations from seeing a couple walking down the street.

I'd especially appreciate hearing honestly from women, particularly taller women. If you prefer taller men, is it purely attraction? Does masculinity or feeling protected factor into it? Have you ever considered the height of future children? Would you consider dating a 5'7" man if you were significantly taller? And does a man's height affect how you perceive him outside of dating?

I'm not looking for people to apologize for their preferences or tell me what they think I want to hear.

I'm trying to understand women's perspectives while also figuring out how to stop my height from having this much control over how I see myself and everyone around me.

I’m curious to hear from liberal parents whose children grew up to identify as conservative or Republican. How has that affected your relationship as they’ve gotten older?

Something that bothers me is when parents whose main experience with autism is raising a Level 3/profoundly autistic child say things like, “I would give anything for my child to be Level 1 or Level 2.”

I completely understand the feeling behind that. Level 3 autism can involve extremely significant and lifelong support needs, and I’m absolutely not saying that Level 1, 2, and 3 are equally disabling.

What bothers me is when Level 1 or Level 2 gets treated like the “basically normal” version of autism, or when the challenges faced by those autistic people and their families get dismissed because someone else has it harder.

I’m 26 and was diagnosed with Asperger’s. I still live at home and rely on my dad and sister for a lot. They’re still teaching me important life and independence skills. Some of that is because I didn't receive the proper support I needed from my mother growing up, but autism still affects what I can do independently as an adult.

Even someone with comparatively lower support needs can still need a lot of support. It might just be a different kind of support. Someone might speak fluently and appear fairly independent while still having major difficulties with executive functioning, employment, finances, relationships, sensory issues, communication, or independent living.

Autism also isn't a perfectly neat ladder where every Level 3 person struggles more in every single area than every Level 2 person, and every Level 2 person struggles more in every area than every Level 1 person. People's abilities and support needs can be uneven.

Parents and families across all levels can face real challenges. Those challenges aren't necessarily the same or equally severe, but they still matter. A parent helping an adult autistic child manage finances, employment, appointments, daily routines, or independent living isn't dealing with “nothing” just because another parent has a child who requires 24/7 care.

Autism shouldn't be a competition over whose family has it worst.

That's why when I hear, “I wish my Level 3 child were Level 1,” part of me thinks: why make another level of a disability the thing you're wishing for? Why not simply wish that your child didn't have the disabling difficulties they're dealing with?

Parents of profoundly autistic people deserve to talk openly about their challenges. I just don't think acknowledging those challenges requires minimizing autistic people with lower or different support needs, or the families who support them.

For parents of Level 3/profoundly autistic people, I’m genuinely interested in hearing your perspective. When you say you wish your child were Level 1 or Level 2, what do you actually mean by that? Is it mainly wishing they could have greater independence, communication, or quality of life? Has raising someone with very high support needs affected how you view the challenges of autistic people with lower or different support needs?

I’m asking because I want to understand that perspective, not because I think Level 3 families have it easy. I just want the challenges across the entire spectrum to be taken seriously.

Lower support needs don't mean no support needs. Different support needs don't mean insignificant support needs.

Disclosure: I used AI to help me organize and word this post because I have difficulty putting longer thoughts like this into writing clearly by myself. The opinions, experiences, and points are mine. AI just helped me communicate them more clearly.

I'm struggling with something and I genuinely want help figuring out how to deal with it in a healthier way.

I understand why women can be cautious around men they don't know. I know women experience harassment, stalking, assault, and other horrible things, and I'm not saying women should ignore their instincts or put themselves in situations where they feel unsafe.

But knowing all of that doesn't stop it from hurting.

I'm a man, so when I'm an unknown person around a woman, I sometimes feel like I'm automatically considered a potential threat until I've somehow demonstrated otherwise. People tell me, “If you're not one of those men, then you shouldn't feel guilty or take it personally.”

The problem is that emotionally, I do.

It makes me feel embarrassed and sometimes even ashamed of being male. I know I haven't personally done anything to these women, but it can still feel like I'm carrying the reputation created by horrible men I've never met.

I'm also autistic, and I already struggle a lot with social situations, loneliness, and figuring out how other people perceive me. So constantly hearing discussions about women needing to be cautious around unknown men gets stuck in my head. I start wondering whether women I encounter are afraid of me or evaluating whether I'm safe before they can simply see me as another person.

I'm not angry at individual women for protecting themselves. I don't want women to stop taking reasonable safety precautions just to protect my feelings.

I just don't know how to stop internalizing it.

I don't want to hate being a man. I don't want to feel personally responsible for things other men have done. And I don't want this resentment to grow into bitterness toward women either.

I’m 26M and I’ve never dated before. I’m a little shorter guy(5'6"/5'7") , and I’ve realized that I tend to be more attracted to women who are around my height or taller than me.

To be clear, this isn’t a fetish or anything sexual specifically about height. It’s just a physical preference, the same way someone might generally be more attracted to certain hair colors, body types, or other physical traits. I also wouldn’t automatically reject someone just because she was shorter.

I know it’s admittedly shallow, especially since I’m aware that a lot of women prefer men taller than themselves (Yes I know its not blown out of the water the way the internet makes it to be however still a real thing!) . I’m curious whether I’m making dating unnecessarily harder for myself by having basically the opposite preference.

For taller women, would a guy being noticeably shorter than you be a dealbreaker? And are there women who actually prefer shorter men, or is it usually more that height simply doesn’t matter to them?

I was class of 2018, but I spent the class of 2016’s last two years at the same school and was really close with a lot of them. Some of the students from that class were actually the first and only people at the school who made me feel welcomed and became friends with.

They didn’t even start to realize I was a freshman until near the end of my first year. I never lied about my age or grade, they just never asked.

I’ve been invited to their class reunion even though I wasn’t actually part of their graduating class. Has anything like this happened to anyone else? Should I still go?

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I’m 26 and autistic. I didn’t graduate high school, and lately I feel like I’m probably not capable of getting my GED either. I keep hearing that the GED is harder than high school would have been, and I fucking hate knowing I’ll never get the chance to go back and do high school differently to actually challenge myself academically, do better, and maybe graduate with honors. I know I can still accomplish things as an adult, but I hate that I can’t redo that part of my life.

I’m also still living with my dad and sister. It’s not because of money. I just apparently don’t have enough independent-living skills yet, and that makes me feel even further behind everyone else.

I’ve also never dated or had a relationship. At this point I can barely fucking handle seeing couples sometimes. I know they haven’t done anything wrong and I don’t resent them personally. It just hurts seeing other people have something I desperately wish I had and wondering why something that seems so normal for everyone else feels so unreachable for me.

And on top of all that, I fucking hate being 5'6"–5'7". Please don’t tell me “that’s not short” or that height doesn’t matter. I see literal kids who are barely teenagers who are already my height or taller, and it genuinely gets to me. I hate feeling physically small, and comparisons make an insecurity I already have even worse.

I look at people my age who graduated, went to college, built careers, became independent, dated, got married, etc., and then look at myself and feel like I completely fucked up somewhere. I know comparing myself to everyone else probably makes this worse, but right now I genuinely feel like a complete fucking loser.

I’m 26 and autistic. I didn’t graduate high school, and lately I feel like I’m probably not capable of getting my GED either. I keep hearing that the GED is harder than high school would have been, and I fucking hate knowing I’ll never get the chance to go back and do high school differently to actually challenge myself academically, do better, and maybe graduate with honors. I know I can still accomplish things as an adult, but I hate that I can’t redo that part of my life.

I’m also still living with my dad and sister. It’s not because of money. I just apparently don’t have enough independent-living skills yet, and that makes me feel even further behind everyone else.

I’ve also never dated or had a relationship. At this point I can barely fucking handle seeing couples sometimes. I know they haven’t done anything wrong and I don’t resent them personally. It just hurts seeing other people have something I desperately wish I had and wondering why something that seems so normal for everyone else feels so unreachable for me.

And on top of all that, I fucking hate being 5'6"–5'7". Please don’t tell me “that’s not short” or that height doesn’t matter. I see literal kids who are barely teenagers who are already my height or taller, and it genuinely gets to me. I hate feeling physically small, and comparisons make an insecurity I already have even worse.

I look at people my age who graduated, went to college, built careers, became independent, dated, got married, etc., and then look at myself and feel like I completely fucked up somewhere. I know comparing myself to everyone else probably makes this worse, but right now I genuinely feel like a complete fucking loser.

I notice in hotels the leadership have first and last name while employees just first name. Curious on why? typically in other industries everyone just have their first names or everyone has their full names not different between employees and leaders.

I’m a guy and I’ve always wondered about the etiquette here. If a woman is waiting for or getting into an elevator alone, would you prefer an unfamiliar man wait for the next one, especially at night? Or is it completely normal to get on and just give her space?

I’m trying to understand what actually makes women feel comfortable without overthinking normal everyday interactions.

I’d love to hear from guys who make significantly less than their girlfriends and espeically women who date guys who make less.

I’m honestly a little scared about this. Realistically, I’ll probably always make significantly less. I work hard and would contribute however I can, and I’m not embarrassed about making less. I just worry that the income difference could be a dealbreaker or that she might think I’m looking for a sugar mama, which I’m absolutely not.

Can a relationship with a large, permanent income difference work well? I get this isnt a herd mentality and everybody is different.

I’m a short autistic guy, and sometimes I feel like height affects how people perceive you more than we admit. I sometimes worry that being short makes me seem younger or less adult.

I especially notice it around tall adults and espeically kids and teens who are already taller than me. No resentment at all. It just makes me very aware of my own height.

I’m also more attracted to women around my height or taller than shorter women, so taller women definitely aren’t the problem. I’m more curious how they perceive me.

For taller people, does a shorter man’s height ever subconsciously affect how you view his age, maturity, masculinity, or how seriously you take him?

Genuinely curious, not here to criticize tall people!

I am autistic male I have been told by people I trust that my behavior is fine and a good person. But i 100% believe I get less respect from pretty much every taller guy and child/teen , women regardless of height due to my height.

Im around 5'6- 5'7. I really only find women around my height (slightest bit shorter maybe) or taller attractive I have yet to see a noticeably shorter woman i find attractive weather in culture or in real life. Curious if any guys around the same height feel that way?

Im NOT trying to figure out my own prescriptionm I’m just curious what types of prescriptions people who find glasses helpful for headaches or migraines tend to have. Are you farsighted, nearsighted, astigmatic, or some combination? And do you notice the glasses actually reduce your headaches?

I know Cylinder is for astigmatism but curious on what rhe difference is when the CYL is written + or -?

Curious to hear women's perspectives on this. We often hear about men engaging in creepy or sexually inappropriate behavior, but do you think there are more women who behave this way than people generally realize?

I'm also wondering whether some of these situations receive less attention because men are often expected to welcome sexual attention or feel social pressure to go along with it, even if they're uncomfortable. In some cases, behavior that would feel creepy or predatory if directed at one guy may actually be welcomed by another guy and become consensual. Do you think that affects how often these experiences are recognized or reported?

Just to be clear, I'm not trying to suggest that women do this more than men or to downplay the very real problem of creepy or predatory men. I think it's a serious issue, and stories about that kind of behavior have actually made me very cautious when interacting with women because I'd never want to make someone feel uncomfortable or come across as creepy. I'm simply curious whether inappropriate behavior by women is more common than people realize because men's experiences may be discussed, reported less often, or just become consensual.

Interested in hearing your honest thoughts and experiences.