u/Maleficent-Cat-220

To be comfortable, happy and numb,

Or to be raw and to strive.

So spare me a thought

Because I would that I could make money

By jot

But alas,

I cannot. :(

To my daughter, May you always be bold Except when it's bedtime please Don't forget that I'm old.

Fire and gold.

Thou you are small Spirited so grand Guide you I might If you'll take my hand

So give me a goal! Not water to pour. I would not extinguish But have you soar. Daughter I'm sorry

Just give me this try I would have you know me To have been by your side.

Together we'll build We'll break the mold I know that we will Because you're fire and gold.

Something about it just does it for me. How hard it must be trying to get those kids ready for school by yourself, and dealing with your ex that doesn't want to do shit. How you've managed to reach these kids to behave and act proper while trying to manage a whole household's functions by yourself. I want to hear about the sucky job and what you've got to deal with there. I want to know how you still look so pretty and put together with all that going on.

I want to hear about the triumphs you've had keeping afloat despite it all. I want to hear about the crappy men you've tried dating who told you they didn't want anything to do with your children, how you've been told time and time again that your value is somehow less now. Talk to me about it. Because that sounds like that sucks.

But you know what sucky times bring? They bring strength. And maybe that's why I'm here now, writing this. Because it's that strength that does it for me. That ability to pull through a hell of a situation and come out on top. That's what I think is cool. That some loser couldn't handle it and bailed, but you didn't. They're there, they're happy, they're looked after, because of who you are. Because of who you became.

I'm about to make everyone mad, writing this. But I don't care. Fuck 'em. I just want you to know I appreciate you.

I'm 37 and this is the youngest I've ever felt that I can remember.

I want to do things like go to my job, make money and pay my bills, be a good dad to my daughter, and pay my taxes.

Other than that all this adult shit is for the bids. I don't want to have to worry about fucking politics. I want to go to the park and make friends. I want to go home and try making things. I want to read books that make me feel. I want to dance around and sing songs. I want to fall in love with a girl and get my heart broken.

I want to be a good friend and be someone that people are happy to see. I want to be someone that makes other people smile. I want to be the guy that reaches out and makes sure his friends are okay. I don't want to be one of these people that cloister themselves because they're just too unmotivated to go out and do. That's now how I want to spend the rest of my 30s. That's not how I went to spend the rest of my life.

I don't want to feel like I'm too old to experience life. I don't want to make the excuse that I've already seen and experienced enough. I don't want to act like all my best times are behind me in high school and in my twenties. My twenties kind of sucked to be honest. Early thirties not much better to be honest. I won't ever be a prisoner to someone who doesn't care again, I'll tell you that much.

Idc, what order this is actually supposed to be in. I'm not depressed, I don't have anxiety, I'm not addicted to anything, I'm not out of shape or lazy. I've been through some really tough times and I've made it through. All that's done is made me stronger. I can take a bit of pain. I can take a bit of disappointment. I can take some heartache. I don't have to guard myself against these things because I have been through and survived them all. What's a little more for the sake of being alive?

I don't care. If I'm sad I'll be sad. I won't shut it off as a way to guard myself. Without the bitter where is the sweet? I have no need to wall myself off for the sake of defense. Some things just hurt sometimes, and that's okay. Idc because I'm not dead yet. Not physically and not emotionally. I'm going to live the wheels off the fucking life.

​

So I just want to say this is in reference to the wife who I am in the process of divorcing. And as inflammatory as the title is I just want to add some nuance to it. Like, this was a while back and I didn't say it in a particularly nice way. I don't know how it came up. I think maybe we were talking about people who couldn't handle it if their spouses left and my comment was that I would never do that if you left.

She uh... got upset. Like... I can imagine a bit upset about it because I really didn't say it in a very nice way. I mean it was true but I could have said it better. But she was mad at me for like a half hour because of it. I mean, if she had said that to me I would have been like, "Dope! I wouldn't want you to!" But she got like... offended by this.... I don't know. My money is on ESJ actually but I just wanted to see what y'all thought.

Tl;Dr Woman I'm divorcing got made at me a while back for saying I would never unalive myself if she left.

I cannot stand the way she talks to him. Every third thing she says is a criticism of him. Every time I see him he looks so defeated. I hate it. Spouses should build each other up. Not whatever the fuck this is.

So my plan here is to befriend this guy to the best of my ability, and I mean really get in there close. If there's anything I'm good at it's making friends so I don't think it's going to be that much of an issue. Plus I already reached out to him for something and to be frank he really seems like he could use a friend. Like I said he does just always seem so defeated.

Next I'm gonna gas this dude up, like hardcore. I'm gonna tell him what a great job he's doing of everything, because from what I can see he genuinely is. It really looks like he's trying to take care of her despite her being so mean to him.

Then I'm gonna start encouraging him to stand up to her. I'm not gonna press to hard about it, because that would be the same kind of shit he gets at home, but I'm going to my best to encourage it. See if I can get him to build up against the way she talks to him.

I'm gonna make this whole thing a project of mine. I don't care for evil women. You could say I have something of a resentment. But I see an opportunity to make a difference here and I'm going to take it.

You know what? I have heard every single one of your guys takes on this and I think many of you are right in that I reach too far. Perhaps the best that I can and should do is just try to be his friend and offer moral support wherever I can.

If you ghost someone and days later they send you a text saying hey, sorry it didn't work out but it was cool to talk to you and I hope things go well for you, would you appreciate that or na?

I felt so terrible!!! My gosh!

For the record I probably should have known better. I've been going to this church for years! I've known Jeff for years and he's a super great guy! One of the best, really.

Well, I have been working on making myself being more outgoing lately and that means introducing myself to anyone I don't know. That part's been going super great! I've been making a ton of friends like this and have been overall getting a ton more enjoyment out of life. I would definitely recommend.

However, I guess that's given me more opportunity for some faux pas...

I was up at the church looking for a different activity and I walk inside the gym where it looks like they're having a party. I guess I looked confused because a lady there asked me if I was looking for the activity and she put me in the right direction.

Well, I could have just left it off there but that's not what I'm doing right now! Lol. So of course I walked up to her and was like hi, I'm (me). I don't know if we've met. She's like oh yeah, I'm Mrs. (Friends last name.) And I she just looked significantly older than my friend so I was like, Oh you must be Jeff's mom and her smile just vanished and she was like No, I'm his wife...

Oh my gosh... I am so sorry!

Then I went to the activity and there was Jeff sitting there... And I'm like, oh my gosh do I apologize to him????

Bro I don't know if she told him or not. This was yesterday.

After Jeff took off though I explained to the rest of the guys what just happened and they seemed to think it would be cool.

I just... I don't know! I'm trying something new okay! There's going to be mistakes. Lol.

Edit: I spoke to Jeff. It's fine. I probably over blew this whole thing. Still, lesson learned.

I kind of hit it off with a girl in the comments yesterday and I was gonna DM her today but she went through and deleted all her replies and now I can't find her. Oops. Shoulda said something last night I guess.

My stuffs paid off, yo.

Don't worry about it

Do you look forward to seeing her? Do you enjoy talking to her? Is she someone you would be interested in persuing a relationship with? Then ask her out, mate.

In all reality you'll never be able to judge someone's intentions based on a smile or a look. These things could easily be misinterpreted anyway. You could drive yourself insane wondering if some thing she did means she's into you or not. A lot of people do, but I'm telling you that you don't have to.

What is most key in life? Communication, right? Clear and direct communication. Is anything going to be communicated by you wondering if she means something a certain way or not? Absolutely not, man! The shortest distance between any two points is a straight line so just ask her if she would fancy a date.

I mean what if she says no, though? Well, now you know! The suspense is no longer killing you! Can you handle the rejection? You're a grown up. I believe in you.

What if she says yes but you can never find a date that works for her? What if she says yes but after texting for a while you don't hear from her? What if she says pretty much anything other than yes? Well, that's a no. Can you handle the rejection? You're a grown up. I believe in you.

And do you know where you stand now? Fantastic! No more wondering, right? Ever on and forward!

If you ever listen to my favorite podcast Behind the Bastards you'll remember Robert talks about a thing in nature where if two animals are in a stand off over a piece of food it's typically the one that acts first that ends up winning the prize. (I hope this analogy may be forgiven.) It's no secret that fortune favors the bold! So do it! Be bold! The only thing you stand to lose is your own fear.

Here you are again in my life when I thought I had banished you for good after the last time. I thought certainly there's no way you'll worm your way back into my existence after all I had done to shut you up, and yet here you are!  Manifesting yourself with my untidy kitchen and unmowed lawn.  My dishevelled bathroom and and unstocked fridge.  

I truly did believe that I had beaten you for good.  All those steps I took and promises I made.  It looked as though I had you on the ropes for sure!  The great strides I made! I could have sworn you were gone to trouble me no more but again you walk into my home like the troublesome guest you are.  

But it's not that I've given myself whole heart and sole to you again.  You haven't taken my 5am wake ups to go work out.  You haven't helped me descend back into eating junk food all the time.  Maybe I do eat a bit too much fruit now but that's okay.  I'll let you have that one.  Oh ya, and I still make my bed every morning and practice Spanish for an hour and a half every day, so chew on that. 

One day, oh entropy, you'll have no part of me.  Today is not that day but you won't win.  You look at the things that I have, the things that I do, and you lust for them.  But I watch you grow smaller and smaller as time marches on. 

I'm skinny so that's not the problem. I've been training on them for about maybe a month and a half to two months and the top two and just below that the one to the left is looking a bit more defined and I can kind of see the one to the right of that? I just don't know if I'm training like a wuss or not.

Three times a week I do 3 sets of 25 side bends with 40 lbs, 3 sets of 30 weighted crunches with 40 lbs, and 3 sets of 11 hanging crunches. I was using an ab roller but it really didn't feel like it was doing anything.

Anyway, please advise.

Licenced chemical dependency counselor.

I made it a semester in 8 years or so back. I'm not sure if that will still count or not but I don't care. I'm so very bored at my job.

Tbf I do make good money and I can't really complain about my living situation. I've got a house, a car, can take care of my daughter and pay my ex child support. We're doing a 50/50 split so it's not much.

Sounds fairly idyllic except for the fact I am absolutely wasted on this career. I inspect tubing for oil wells and omg who tf cares? I make car go vroom, that's it. I could be out there actually improving people's lives.

A bit about me is that I'm an extrovert. Like the worst kind. If I want to I'll make friends in any situation I'm in. I'll have all the ladies laughing in line at the grocery store just because I think it's fun. I've got a group chat of all the other parents I've made friends with at the park. I can walk up to you out of the blue and start a conversation and have it not be weird. It's a weird gift I have and ya I'm bragging a little bit.

I've been told I have an ego and ya that's true but I think I can actually put that to good use. See I've been through it myself. I was a homeless drunk before 2014. I was low - bottom, actually destroyed my life, drank myself into oblivion at every chance I could get kind of drunk. I went through it like the worst of us go through it and I survived. I made it out and I live life that tons of people would be envious of and all I want in return is to help people be able to do the same.

So what if instead of helping oil companies pump more CO2 into the atmosphere I instead help people overcome addiction? I'm addicted to life. I'm addicted to connection. And I'm just arrogant enough that I know I can convince other people to choose those addictions as well.

Next week when my daughter goes back to her mom's I'm going to sell my gaming computer so I can get a good laptop, then I'm going to get myself enrolled back into school. Because fuck this. I'm not wasting my life doing this crap when I know I can be doing so much more.

Thank you and God bless.

I hope this doesn't cause any problems in the proceedings. Before this point we agree we were going to do things amicably so I hope that is still on the table. If not my mom has agreed to lend me the money necessary for a divorce. I really hope it doesn't come to that. I would really much much much rather just us sign the papers and be done.

Anyway, how do I make this not boring? So, I... do not want to be married to this woman anymore. I am beyond sick of her childish behavior at the drop of a hat and also her berating me at any given opportunity. I am so beyond sick of being blamed for another person's mood and behavior. Who even does that? We are all adults here. I'm in charge of my behavior, that means that you should be in charge of your behavior. Correct?

My house is infinitely cleaner since she left. I am a grown adult who is perfectly capable of cleaning up after himself. I do not see as to why I should be responsible for cleaning up after two adults. That math just doesn't math in my opinion. Also the amount of laundry I have to fold has basically been cut into a third because she went through a lot more clothes then I did and if I didn't fold them then they wound up in the kitchen table for days.

Thanks but no thanks. I'm good.

She said to me earlier that since I wouldn't put up with this stuff then I would never be able to put up with any woman. I somehow doubt that but if that is the case then it's going to be just me and my sweetheart Palmala forever. I do not care.

I really hope for the sake of our daughter that this doesn't get nasty at any point in this. I do not intend to at any point do that. I am someone with an outstanding ability to remain calm, partially because I've had to these last 11 years.

Are you still reading this? Goodness you're a masochist.

I am not someone who's going to go around wailing about how I wasted all this time. There's no such thing as wasted effort. I'm very proud of the effort I've put into this thing. I did my part in convinced. I know that's more than a lot can say. I'm proud of the man I am. I'm proud I never slapped her around or cheated on her. I'm proud I'm keeping my head up now. I'm proud of all the friends I've been and all the help I've been to the people in my life. I don't feel like I've wasted a second. Call it character development.

Have you ever heard the song Cry by Benson Boone? That does a pretty good job summing this whole thing up as well.

Thank you r/vent for letting me get this off my chest!

Today while we were passing the sacrament I was having really bad anxiety and was feeling kind of guilty about some things. I was even contemplating whether I should even take the sacrament or not.

I just... Sat there thinking about it and eventually the spirit whispered to me that it's okay. I'll get it this week. I went ahead and took it and I just sat there meditating in God's love.

I knew a moment later I had to get up there and share about it. My heart was literally beating out of my chest. My friend Trent who is the first counselor wasn't even finished doing his opening testimony but I knew I had to get up there before my courage failed me.

I walked up there and sat down and listened to Trent finish speaking because my friend Trent is a genuinely amazing speaker.

When I got up the first thing I did was tell everyone how much I loved listening to him speak. He really ain't wonderful. He's a school teacher and no wonder. He's actually amazing.

Then I talked about my feeling while receiving the sacrament. That I sat there and meditated on God's love and for a moment I could just feel it....

I told everyone how were all just humans and we don't even have the capacity to understand how infinite Gods love is, and feeling it just for a fraction of a minute and... It was something else entirely.... Impossible to describe almost.

I got down and sat next to my friend the missionaries that were by me on the pew and they both told me how beautiful what I said was.

A few people came up to me afterward and said how touched they were by what I said.

I got home and I didn't even know what to do with myself for a bit. I kept asking myself what even just happened?

I guess I just need to calm down... It was just... really something...