u/Many_County_851

I (20F) met my boyfriend (26M) in June, shortly after ending a toxic relationship. My ex barely showed affection, didn’t reassure me, didn’t care about my feelings, and never talked about the future. I got used to feeling ignored and emotionally starved.

My new boyfriend is the complete opposite. He’s loving, expressive, affectionate, and tells me how much he cares every day. He’s changed my life in a lot of good ways, and I’m genuinely happy with him. I’m grateful for the love he shows me because I’ve never had this before. But everything has moved really fast. We became a couple quickly, and now he’s talking about moving to a new state together and living together. He asks “are we good?” multiple times a day, wants deep emotional conversations every day, and has a very high sex drive. I’m not used to this level of intensity.

Sometimes I get overwhelmed because I’m carrying my feelings and his feelings at the same time. I told him I needed space because I was shut down, and even after I said that, he kept trying to call me. Today I told him I needed space, and it turned into an hour of him asking why, if I’m upset, if I’m having second thoughts, etc. I shut down because there were too many things going through my head at once. I love him and I’m grateful for him, but I also want normal days that aren’t so emotionally heavy. I’m not used to someone loving me this loudly, and sometimes it’s just a lot for me to process.

Is it normal to feel overwhelmed even in a good relationship? How do I slow the pace down without hurting him?

TL;DR: I love my boyfriend and he makes me happy, but the relationship is moving very fast and the daily emotional intensity overwhelms me. I’m not used to this level of affection because my last relationship was toxic, and I’m struggling with the pace.

I’m 21 and recently moved from Washington to Utah. One of the reasons I left home is because my house was very controlling. I had an online boyfriend I had to hide from my family, and I wanted privacy, independence, and a new start. When I finally got a job interview in Utah, I packed up everything and drove here with my mom. I really thought this was going to be the beginning of my new life.

But I didn’t get the job. My parents flew home the next day, and now I’m staying with my aunt while trying to find work and an apartment. I’ve been applying nonstop it’s been almost 2 weeks and they have been the longest 2 weeks of my life, but I’m overwhelmed and honestly depressed. I barely eat, and when I do, I end up throwing up from stress. I’ve also been on my period for almost three weeks, which is making everything worse. I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want to worry my aunt. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time, and I’m in therapy right now because of it. I’ve had traumatic experiences in my childhood that still affect me and make it hard for me to do things other people my age seem to handle easily.

On top of all that, the boyfriend I moved hoping to have privacy with turned out to not be a good guy. I broke up with him yesterday, and it just made everything hit harder. I feel like I moved too fast, and now I’m stuck in a place where I don’t feel stable or supported.

I miss home. I want to go back to Washington where my family is and look for a job there, but I don’t think my parents will let me come back yet. I feel trapped between two bad options and I don’t know what to do. I just want to feel normal again and not like I ruined my life by moving too quickly.

TL;DR: Left a controlling home for a fresh start in Utah, didn’t get the job I moved for, broke up with my boyfriend, and now I’m depressed, overwhelmed, and want to go back home but feel stuck.

I’m 21 and recently moved from Washington to Utah. One of the reasons I left home is because my house was very controlling. I had an online boyfriend I had to hide from my family, and I wanted privacy, independence, and a new start. When I finally got a job interview in Utah, I packed up everything and drove here with my mom. I really thought this was going to be the beginning of my new life.

But I didn’t get the job. My parents flew home the next day, and now I’m staying with my aunt while trying to find work and an apartment. I’ve been applying nonstop it’s been almost 2 weeks and they have been the longest 2 weeks of my life, but I’m overwhelmed and honestly depressed. I barely eat, and when I do, I end up throwing up from stress. I’ve also been on my period for almost three weeks, which is making everything worse. I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want to worry my aunt. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time, and I’m in therapy right now because of it. I’ve had traumatic experiences in my childhood that still affect me and make it hard for me to do things other people my age seem to handle easily.

On top of all that, the boyfriend I moved hoping to have privacy with turned out to not be a good guy. I broke up with him yesterday, and it just made everything hit harder. I feel like I moved too fast, and now I’m stuck in a place where I don’t feel stable or supported.

I miss home. I want to go back to Washington where my family is and look for a job there, but I don’t think my parents will let me come back yet. I feel trapped between two bad options and I don’t know what to do. I just want to feel normal again and not like I ruined my life by moving too quickly.

TL;DR: Left a controlling home for a fresh start in Utah, didn’t get the job I moved for, broke up with my boyfriend, and now I’m depressed, overwhelmed, and want to go back home but feel stuck.

I’m 21 and recently moved from Washington to Utah. One of the reasons I left home is because my house was very controlling. I had an online boyfriend I had to hide from my family, and I wanted privacy, independence, and a new start. When I finally got a job interview in Utah, I packed up everything and drove here with my mom. I really thought this was going to be the beginning of my new life.

But I didn’t get the job. My parents flew home the next day, and now I’m staying with my aunt while trying to find work and an apartment. I’ve been applying nonstop it’s been almost 2 weeks and they have been the longest 2 weeks of my life, but I’m overwhelmed and honestly depressed. I barely eat, and when I do, I end up throwing up from stress. I’ve also been on my period for almost three weeks, which is making everything worse. I haven’t told anyone because I don’t want to worry my aunt. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for a long time, and I’m in therapy right now because of it. I’ve had traumatic experiences in my childhood that still affect me and make it hard for me to do things other people my age seem to handle easily.

On top of all that, the boyfriend I moved hoping to have privacy with turned out to not be a good guy. I broke up with him yesterday, and it just made everything hit harder. I feel like I moved too fast, and now I’m stuck in a place where I don’t feel stable or supported.

I miss home. I want to go back to Washington where my family is and look for a job there, but I don’t think my parents will let me come back yet. I feel trapped between two bad options and I don’t know what to do. I just want to feel normal again and not like I ruined my life by moving too quickly.

TL;DR: Left a controlling home for a fresh start in Utah, didn’t get the job I moved for, broke up with my boyfriend, and now I’m depressed, overwhelmed, and want to go back home but feel stuck.

I just ended things with my boyfriend after a really painful call, and I’m struggling to understand what happened. I don’t have anyone to talk to right now, so I’m posting here for support or perspective.

Backstory: This wasn’t a one-time fight. For a while now, I’ve been trying to talk to him about how hurt I felt because he spends almost all his time gaming with another girl and barely any time with me. I brought this up multiple times, calmly, and nothing changed. If anything, things got worse. And it wasn’t just her. He constantly wanted to spend time with other girls, give them attention, add them, play with them every night, and be available to them. But he expected me not to do the same with guys. If I even talked to a guy, he’d get upset. Meanwhile, he crossed boundaries with girls more than once I would consider some of it microcheating. Every time I tried to explain how this made me feel, he said I was “complaining,” “making things up,” or “creating issues.” He insisted everything was fine and that I was the problem for bringing it up.

What triggered tonight’s breakup: We were playing together, and out of nowhere he left the party because the girl invited him. No warning, no explanation he just left. When I asked why, he said it was because I was “being annoying,” that he felt “tense,” and that he “wanted to get away,” so he left to go be with her. That’s what started everything tonight.

Tonight: When we got on a call, he immediately turned everything around on me. He told me that I was the one in the wrong, that I was being greedy, selfish, annoying, and immature for even trying to explain my feelings. He said I was creating issues that didn’t exist and that he had been giving the “bare maximum” while I was ungrateful. At one point he even told me that I “need to get cheated on” so I’ll appreciate him someday. He said he left to go be with Valet because I was “being annoying” and making him feel tense, and that I pushed him away. He insisted he had always made me his top priority and that I had no reason to complain. Then he said he was fine ending this chapter, that we weren’t compatible, and that one day I’d come back and realize how good he was.

At one point I said he wasn’t giving enough, and he said, “Wow, okay, that’s my answer. Now I can say I’m done.” It felt like he was punishing me for expressing my feelings. I’m honestly shocked by the things he said. I feel like I’m losing my mind because he made me feel like everything was my fault, even though I’ve been trying to communicate for weeks.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this was emotional manipulation. I just feel really hurt and confused. Any perspective or support would mean a lot.

TLDR: I kept trying to talk to my boyfriend about him giving other girls attention and crossing boundaries, but he always blamed me. Tonight he left our game to go play with another girl, then told me everything was my fault, called me selfish and annoying, and said I “need to get cheated on.” I ended things but I’m hurt and confused.

I (21F) just ended things with my boyfriend (23M) after a really painful call, and I’m struggling to understand what happened. I don’t have anyone to talk to right now, so I’m posting here for support or perspective.

Backstory:
This wasn’t a one‑time fight. For a while now, I’ve been trying to talk to him about how hurt I felt because he spends almost all his time gaming with another girl and barely any time with me. I brought this up multiple times, calmly, and nothing changed. If anything, things got worse.

It wasn’t just her, either. He constantly wanted to spend time with other girls, give them attention, friend them, and play with them every night. But he expected me not to do the same with guys. If I even talked to a guy, he’d get upset. Meanwhile, he crossed boundaries with girls more than once I would consider some of it microcheating.

Every time I tried to explain how this made me feel, he said I was “complaining,” “making things up,” or “creating issues.” He insisted everything was fine and that I was the problem for bringing it up.

What triggered tonight’s breakup:
We were playing together, and out of nowhere he left the party because the girl invited him. No warning, no explanation he just left. When I asked why, he said it was because I was “being annoying,” that he felt “tense,” and that he “wanted to get away,” so he left to go be with her. That’s what started everything tonight.

Tonight:
We got on a call and I tried again to explain how I felt. I didn’t yell or attack him I just told him I felt ignored and hurt. His reaction shocked me. When we got on the call, he immediately turned everything around on me. He told me that I was the one in the wrong, that I was being greedy, selfish, annoying, and immature for even trying to explain my feelings. He said I was creating issues that didn’t exist and that he had been giving the “bare maximum” while I was ungrateful. At one point he even told me that I “need to get cheated on” so I’ll appreciate him someday. He said he left to go be with the girl because I was “being annoying” and making him feel tense, and that I pushed him away. He insisted he had always made me his top priority and that I had no reason to complain. Then he said he was fine ending this chapter, that we weren’t compatible, and that one day I’d come back and realize how good he was.

At one point I said he wasn’t giving enough, and he said, “Wow, okay, that’s my answer. Now I can say I’m done.” It felt like he was punishing me for expressing my feelings.

I’m honestly shocked by the things he said. I feel like I’m losing my mind because he made me feel like everything was my fault, even though I’ve been trying to communicate for weeks.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this was emotional manipulation. I just feel really hurt and confused. Any perspective or support would mean a lot.

I (21F) just ended things with my boyfriend (23M) after a really painful call, and I’m struggling to understand what happened. I don’t have anyone to talk to right now, so I’m posting here for support or perspective.

Backstory:
This wasn’t a one‑time fight. For a while now, I’ve been trying to talk to him about how hurt I felt because he spends almost all his time gaming with another girl and barely any time with me. I brought this up multiple times, calmly, and nothing changed. If anything, things got worse.

It wasn’t just her, either. He constantly wanted to spend time with other girls, give them attention, friend them, and play with them every night. But he expected me not to do the same with guys. If I even talked to a guy, he’d get upset. Meanwhile, he crossed boundaries with girls more than once I would consider some of it microcheating.

Every time I tried to explain how this made me feel, he said I was “complaining,” “making things up,” or “creating issues.” He insisted everything was fine and that I was the problem for bringing it up.

What triggered tonight’s breakup:
We were playing together, and out of nowhere he left the party because the girl invited him. No warning, no explanation he just left. When I asked why, he said it was because I was “being annoying,” that he felt “tense,” and that he “wanted to get away,” so he left to go be with her. That’s what started everything tonight.

Tonight:
We got on a call and I tried again to explain how I felt. I didn’t yell or attack him I just told him I felt ignored and hurt. His reaction shocked me. When we got on the call, he immediately turned everything around on me. He told me that I was the one in the wrong, that I was being greedy, selfish, annoying, and immature for even trying to explain my feelings. He said I was creating issues that didn’t exist and that he had been giving the “bare maximum” while I was ungrateful. At one point he even told me that I “need to get cheated on” so I’ll appreciate him someday. He said he left to go be with the girl because I was “being annoying” and making him feel tense, and that I pushed him away. He insisted he had always made me his top priority and that I had no reason to complain. Then he said he was fine ending this chapter, that we weren’t compatible, and that one day I’d come back and realize how good he was.

At one point I said he wasn’t giving enough, and he said, “Wow, okay, that’s my answer. Now I can say I’m done.” It felt like he was punishing me for expressing my feelings.

I’m honestly shocked by the things he said. I feel like I’m losing my mind because he made me feel like everything was my fault, even though I’ve been trying to communicate for weeks.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or if this was emotional manipulation. I just feel really hurt and confused. Any perspective or support would mean a lot.

I’m in a long‑distance relationship and lately I’ve been feeling really hurt and pushed aside. My boyfriend and I used to spend more intentional time together, but now almost all of his energy goes into gaming with his friends — especially one girl he plays with every night. He gives her his best energy, patience, and attention, and when it’s just me and him, he’s tired, short, or distracted.

I’ve tried to talk to him about how this makes me feel, but when I express my needs, he calls me “selfish,” “a child,” “whining,” or “complaining.” It shuts me down and makes me feel like my feelings don’t matter. I’m not trying to control who he talks to — I just want to feel like a priority in my own relationship.

I finally sent him a long, calm message explaining how I feel and what I need: more intentional quality time, boundaries with other girls (like not doing 1‑on‑1 gaming sessions every night), and respectful communication. I told him I want us to come up with boundaries together so we can both feel secure.

But I’m scared he’s going to say his “boundary” is just continuing to do whatever he wants — adding whoever, playing with whoever, whenever — even if it hurts me. I’m willing to follow the same boundaries I’m asking for. I just want a relationship where we both choose each other and make each other feel important.

I guess I’m asking:
Are my boundaries reasonable?
Is it normal to want to feel like a priority?
And what do I do if his “boundaries” completely contradict mine? Any advice or outside perspective would help a lot.

TL;DR: I’m in a long‑distance relationship and my boyfriend prioritizes gaming and another girl over spending intentional time with me. When I express my needs, he calls me selfish or childish. I want boundaries, respect, and to feel like a priority, but I’m scared his “boundaries” will just be doing whatever he wants. I need advice on whether my boundaries are reasonable and what to do if we want completely different things.

UPDATE: So he finally responded to my message and this is what he said: He said he respects me telling him everything, and that he’ll try to change what’s related to me and our relationship. But then he said the other stuff I just need to understand and respect what he likes to do or who he likes to do it with. And then he said he’ll try to make me feel like I have a real relationship that matters. I’m not gonna lie, the way he worded it kinda threw me off.
It feels like he’s only willing to change the bare minimum, and I’m not asking him to stop liking things — I just want respect and effort.

I’m in a long‑distance relationship and lately I’ve been feeling really hurt and pushed aside. My boyfriend and I used to spend more intentional time together, but now almost all of his energy goes into gaming with his friends — especially one girl he plays with every night. He gives her his best energy, patience, and attention, and when it’s just me and him, he’s tired, short, or distracted.

I’ve tried to talk to him about how this makes me feel, but when I express my needs, he calls me “selfish,” “a child,” “whining,” or “complaining.” It shuts me down and makes me feel like my feelings don’t matter. I’m not trying to control who he talks to — I just want to feel like a priority in my own relationship.

I finally sent him a long, calm message explaining how I feel and what I need: more intentional quality time, boundaries with other girls (like not doing 1‑on‑1 gaming sessions every night), and respectful communication. I told him I want us to come up with boundaries together so we can both feel secure.

But I’m scared he’s going to say his “boundary” is just continuing to do whatever he wants — adding whoever, playing with whoever, whenever — even if it hurts me. I’m willing to follow the same boundaries I’m asking for. I just want a relationship where we both choose each other and make each other feel important.

I guess I’m asking:
Are my boundaries reasonable?
Is it normal to want to feel like a priority?
And what do I do if his “boundaries” completely contradict mine? Any advice or outside perspective would help a lot.

TL;DR: I’m in a long‑distance relationship and my boyfriend prioritizes gaming and another girl over spending intentional time with me. When I express my needs, he calls me selfish or childish. I want boundaries, respect, and to feel like a priority, but I’m scared his “boundaries” will just be doing whatever he wants. I need advice on whether my boundaries are reasonable and what to do if we want completely different things.

UPDATE: So he finally responded to my message and this is what he said: He said he respects me telling him everything, and that he’ll try to change what’s related to me and our relationship. But then he said the other stuff I just need to understand and respect what he likes to do or who he likes to do it with. And then he said he’ll try to make me feel like I have a real relationship that matters. I’m not gonna lie, the way he worded it kinda threw me off.
It feels like he’s only willing to change the bare minimum, and I’m not asking him to stop liking things — I just want respect and effort.

I’m in a long‑distance relationship and lately I’ve been feeling really hurt and pushed aside. My boyfriend and I used to spend more intentional time together, but now almost all of his energy goes into gaming with his friends — especially one girl he plays with every night. He gives her his best energy, patience, and attention, and when it’s just me and him, he’s tired, short, or distracted.

I’ve tried to talk to him about how this makes me feel, but when I express my needs, he calls me “selfish,” “a child,” “whining,” or “complaining.” It shuts me down and makes me feel like my feelings don’t matter. I’m not trying to control who he talks to — I just want to feel like a priority in my own relationship.

I finally sent him a long, calm message explaining how I feel and what I need: more intentional quality time, boundaries with other girls (like not doing 1‑on‑1 gaming sessions every night), and respectful communication. I told him I want us to come up with boundaries together so we can both feel secure.

But I’m scared he’s going to say his “boundary” is just continuing to do whatever he wants — adding whoever, playing with whoever, whenever — even if it hurts me. I’m willing to follow the same boundaries I’m asking for. I just want a relationship where we both choose each other and make each other feel important.

I guess I’m asking:
Are my boundaries reasonable?
Is it normal to want to feel like a priority?
And what do I do if his “boundaries” completely contradict mine? Any advice or outside perspective would help a lot.

TL;DR: I’m in a long‑distance relationship and my boyfriend prioritizes gaming and another girl over spending intentional time with me. When I express my needs, he calls me selfish or childish. I want boundaries, respect, and to feel like a priority, but I’m scared his “boundaries” will just be doing whatever he wants. I need advice on whether my boundaries are reasonable and what to do if we want completely different things.