u/MediocreImpact4386

So on the first day of my exam, i couldn't find my exam room even tho i looked for the room number first & then went to search it. Still can't find. Had to roam the entire campus, yet can't find. Had to go down again & check the room number only to find out i saw the wrong one. Then i finally found out. Then after exam ends i can't get out because i couldn't notice the entrance gate for girls 😭😭??

I was like here such a crowd of boys i won't go out. Then comes the second day of exam & i can't find my room again 😭😭?? Where did my room go? I roamed the entire hallway & searched out every room, only to overlook my room & pass away. Then a staff told me "go to the second floor", he confused me more, because i couldn't find my room on second floor too. I went back again to the third floor, only to enter the wrong room & to attempt a failed try to find out my seat. Two of my classmate present in that room were laughing at me. I hate those both 😬. One of them then told me "go to the next room beside", another one was still giggling & i was totally confused. Why next room? I already checked that room. Then i went to that room to tell the exam invigilator that this wasn't my room, the next one was. Then suddenly one of my classmate present there waved & said this was your room 😭😭??

The exam invigilator told me "you can't even remember your room, how would you give exam?" At that point i didn't know whether to laugh at myself or to die out of embarrassment. What kind of insanity is this?? 😭

So, i used to always hate periods ever since i got it. But it was all about nagging about intolerable cramps & nasty messy bleeding. Since a year or two i guess, ever since i hit my 20's my cycles have become much more shitty & psychotic mess than it was. It's more than cramps & bleeding now. I literally act like a crazy hormone wrecked bitch some 2/3 days before periods start till the 1st day of it & no it's not about only mood swings. I can't even describe the embarrassing bitch i become. Tomorrow I've a big exam & i literally spent the whole day acting like a bitch 😭. Now I've got to stay up the whole night to study 😬.

There's this method named "Thought Challenging" or "Cognitive Distortions Challenging". This technique works by recording thoughts, identifying patterns & then providing evidence for & against the recorded thought. The last step is reconsidering the recorded thought in light of the gathered evidences & coming up with a more balanced new thought.

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My question is, what if there's actually no evidence against the recorded thought? In that case, how would one perform this exercise to gain benefit?

So I've a very important exam coming up in a week only 🙂.

For most of the last 3 months i was very much stressed about the exam, talking, panicking & thinking about it 24/7. But since this month as the exam was approaching closer, I've gotten totally numb. I don't know why. But I'm now smiling, chilling out, wasting days & time with no guilt. Other students i mean my batchmates are going crazy & losing shit for the exam even tho they are well prepared. Meanwhile i know very well that I'm not prepared at all, yet I'm feeling absolutely no pressure, no stress, no anxiety. Feels like no exam is ever approaching me & even if it's approaching, it doesn't matter. Consciously it still matters to me very much but I'm not feeling it at all. Why?

So there's this sweet old lady in my neighborhood, who has often greeted me, i always greeted her back too. But once she called me granddaughter & asked me how I'm as we frequently saw each other, i replied I'm good & had to force a smile somehow. (I wanted to smile but smiling at strangers is hard for me). But i couldn't ask her back how she was. I regretted it very much & thought if i meet her once again, i will definitely be the first one to ask her. Today i finally met her again after months but yet again couldn't ask anything 😑. I even went back to ask her, only to not reach to her, i just returned 😑. Now I'm again mad at myself why didn't i ask her, i got the opportunity. But i just don't know why. I overthink too much in a moment instead of being present & then the moment just slips away & i start regretting. I often get freezed too, i could break the freezing today as i stopped & went back but yet couldn't approach her.

I just can't stay consistent with anything. I don't even take my meds consistently. The solutions i hear to stay consistent is to keep a track, journaling, planning, ticking off the calendar. But hell, i can't even stay consistent with tracking alone. I think i will just waste my entire life away at this point. I've seen a YouTube video of an ADHD influencer where he said that we will never be able to stay 100% consistent all the time, we have to accept that & keep finding out new ways to stay consistent when we're not being. But the problem is once i get inconsistent or break off with something, i get insanely demotivated, hopeless & numb. As a result i just stop initiating with that task anymore.

So like 4/5 months ago i last browsed on my twitter account. Ever since i wasn't active all these months so i got logged out. I clearly remember i did not deactivate my account. But now i can't log back in anyhow. It's saying there's no account by that name. I had like more than 1.6K followers, WTF.

So like 4/5 months ago i last browsed on my twitter account. Ever since i wasn't active all these months so i got logged out. I clearly remember i did not deactivate my account. But now i can't log back in anyhow. It's saying there's no account by that name. I had like more than 1.6K followers, WTF. I never faced any suspension or ban issue ever on that account.

I'm an INFP + I've ADHD & Depression . So maintaining routine or spending a day according to a to do list/ schedule is extremely hard for me. But as I've ADHD, not having a structure totally vandalizes my entire day, making me feel worthless & unproductive. I see all these people on social media just living their lives according to routines like it's nothing, like they're simply going with their lives structurally & i just hate how random my life is. I do nothing as planned even if i plan tons of stuffs i just can't go through them as planned. Sometimes i feel like even if i didn't have challenging mental health conditions, probably i still wouldn't have maintained a routine. Because i think part of me actually hates routines & structures as i don't like the idea of discipline & getting chained into a system for everyday. I like flexibility & being random & spontaneous. At the same time i fantasize of having a structured life as my life is basically a wrecked shitshow because of the lack of any discipline.

So, I'm not a good student at all. Maybe i would say that I'm not even a "student" at all. But i guess i could realize 1/2 things about what really makes a person a highly long term successful student. I guess i came to this realization due to my own lackings to be an ideal student. I've very bad ADHD & I've next to no executive function skills. I only rely on motivation & boost to survive. All throughout my life i was always like this. If there was no motivation or boost then external pressure was the thing that saved my ass at times. I can look back in my childhood & see how i was brighter than some of my classmates & those same classmates are highly successful now meanwhile I'm literally studying with my juniors.

What truly makes a person an ideal good student is dedication, discipline & consistency. That's it. If you are skilled in those you are guaranteed for long term academic success. Being fueled by motivation never brings anyone long term success or even success at times neither being a nerd does. I would say nerds are more prone to failure, once they burn out, everything is destined to collapse. Only balance can truly bring you consistent success. No extreme is ever good. Being brighter won't guarantee you long term success as well if you're not skilled in those 3 i mentioned. But being a highly gifted prodigy might. As being truly gifted can compensate your lack of executive function skills.

I just realized that due to my next to zero executive function skills, i can never be a good student. I was never built to be a student but rather a learner. There's a huge difference between being a student & being a learner. Learning requires passion & interest. Studying requires discipline & consistency. So learning & studying are never the same.

TL, DR : It's all about being skilled at Executive Function.

So I've recently got very obsessed with tudors & obviously Anne was the one who made me obsessed in this like most of the people. I acknowledge she was very mysterious, witty, knowledgeable, educated & charismatic. But i don't think she was wise, her being highly educated doesn't make her wise. When i first got to know her story i felt very much for her & thought this was solely because of her not being able to produce an heir. As i got more into her story, i think she did make a lots of unwise choice & was kind of delusional to not be cautious enough that whatever Catherine of aragon & Mary had to go through would not be repeated with her & Elizabeth. She poking or going into conflicts with Henry & Cromwell was not at all wise for a 16th century queen consort who doesn't even have a royal background to save her. She acted like she had more power than she actually had. So i think it was not all due to not having son, her behaviors & actions led to her fate too. Also i think it was too delusional for her to think that Henry would forever be infatuated with her seeing what happened to henry's long favourite people like Thomas Wolsey.

When i initially got into her seeing social media reels about her, it seemed to me she was wise but as i got to know more about Henry's six wives, i came to think Catherine of Aragon was actually the most wise of Henry's six wives. As she was composed, calm & collected. She defended herself the best she could, never sold herself no matter how much they all pressured her. On the other hand Anne had a bad temper & was impulsive with whatever she said. That can't be an image of a wise person. It's very normal to perceive Anne as extremely wise because of her charisma & overlook Catherine of Aragon as she wasn't much charismatic & introverted.

As for the rivalries between these two women, i think both are justified to hate each other, as well as Mary's hate for Anne & Anne's hate for Mary if they had any. I won't choose a side.

Whenever someone dies a tragic death, they all post photos & videos of the victims dead body to show off their fake sympathy to gain some attention. If they were so sympathetic about the victim, they wouldn't have the ability to post violent photos to gain attention. Like what is so wrong with these people? A victim nor their family has any respect from the people of this country only fake sympathy.

A religious person & an atheist person seem very contradicted to each other in their beliefs, values & views. But i think their inner mindset is the same, the mindset that operates them. Both have a fear of uncertainty deep inside. Thus both look for stability. Being sure of the religion or being sure about nothingness gives them the stability of mind removing the fear of uncertainty. Uncertainty is a very uncomfortable feeling to deal with. That's why being sure in a certain way gives us relief from uncertainty, making us feel certain & stable.

I've been experiencing weird things since many months. I'm experiencing thoughts about my future & past (mostly about my future). The thoughts don't feel like mine. I mean I'm an overthinker & I've OCD, i tend to overthink a lot, ruminate a lot, i experience intrusive thoughts a lot. But the thoughts I've been experiencing don't feel like any of that. They come outta nowhere & feel like I'm getting these thoughts from somewhere else. Whenever the thoughts come, i feel something very distinct too, they are very brief & short. The thoughts don't change, they have been the same. I can't argue with the thoughts as they just come & go. Later on i ruminate about what was that? Sometimes i felt lightheaded when the thoughts came. Am i overthinking? Or is it something from spirit guides?

I don't know if this is the right place to post it or not but i really dunno where to post it. I'm extremely socially awkward. I can never start conversation even if i want, i can only speak when it's mandatory. I can't speak loudly. If someone approaches me, i can't answer back or mostly i would only nod or give the smallest answer possible. If someone disrespects me i can't speak back even if i want to, if someone makes fun of me i can't speak back even if I'm thinking inside what i should so. I also could never say "No" to people but recently i got a bit better at saying "No" cause I'm kinda fed off all people.

Another most weird thing is i just get freezed in social situations. So one day an elderly man fell his key from his hand & was having problem picking it up back, venting down. I was wondering i should help, but i actually don't move to do anything, i kept thinking inside "help! you should help!" But I'm freezed & i don't do anything. Eventually the old man himself picked it up. Another day an elderly women casually asked me how i was, she even referred to me as "granddaughter ", she was very sweet, so i had to somehow force a smile out of me & i answered, I'm fine. But as i was trying to hard to give the smile, i just couldn't ask back how she was. As i walked away, i kept thinking it, "why you didn't ask her how she's, you should have, what she would think " But no action on my thoughts, i kept walking away. Whenever someone smiles at me, i can't smile back, even one day a baby kept smiling looking at me maybe because of my mask i dunno why, but i couldn't even pull the mask off & give her a smile back. She kept looking at me & smiling & I'm clueless on how to respond. I also can't make eye contact to general newly/ less known people. I hate guests coming at home because i have to attend them & approach them, i can't. Then they criticize me as "Antisocial or awkward ". My mum has tons of complaints for me when guests come.

Today i felt like writing this vent as i saw a tiny kitty on the side of a road but it was sitting on a dangerous position where cars can hit it as it's so small. As I'm extremely awkward with animals too i couldn't stop thinking about to help it, it might get crushed but i didn't move or help. After coming home i can't stop thinking about what if it gets hit by a car? Goddamn if i care so much why couldn't i just help it. What's soo fucking wrong with me......

I mean, it's not even about getting distracted or procrastinating. I do get distracted & procrastinate a lot, but even without those when I'm actually focused i study with a pace of a tortoise. Like even if I'm well focused for 10 mins, i would only get done the amount of 2 mins. I mean 2 mins task takes 10 mins even if i didn't actually get sidetracked or daydreamed. What's wrong with me? I feel like I'm intellectually disabled as well, otherwise why does it take forever?

Weirdly enough such is not the case if the deadline is the next day or in some hours. In this case i can study with a speed of a cheetah.