u/Mindless_Echidna_166

I’ve noticed over the past few years that after eating breakfast sometimes, I will have a lot of mucus at the base of my throat. It causes me to have to clear my throat and gag and even spit sometimes so I can be comfortable again.

And last night I had something happen for the second time. I woke up in the middle of the night and it felt like I was drowning (sort of) in my own mucus at the base of my throat. I did eat a very late dinner about an hour and a half before I fell asleep.

It felt like I couldn’t breathe properly. I had to cough and gag and spit up until I could finally get back into bed and fall back asleep. It was terrible. The first time it happened was months ago and it wasn’t as bad, but it still sucked.

Now, the clearing of the throat thing during the day usually in the morning, occurs every now and then. It’s not every single day and I’ve noticed it more when I eat a bigger breakfast. But I never have heartburn or anything like that and so I think I have one of the lesser known variations of acid reflux. Laryngopharyngeal reflux.

Has anyone else faced the same issue? What did you do to fix it? Should I start taking an antacid? I definitely don’t wanna wake up again and feel like that. It really made my sleep horrible having that happen.

I’ve noticed over the past few years that after eating breakfast sometimes, I will have a lot of mucus at the base of my throat. It causes me to have to clear my throat and gag and even spit sometimes so I can be comfortable again.

And last night I had something happen for the second time. I woke up in the middle of the night and it felt like I was drowning (sort of) in my own mucus at the base of my throat. I did eat a very late dinner about an hour and a half before I fell asleep.

It felt like I couldn’t breathe properly. I had to cough and gag and spit up until I could finally get back into bed and fall back asleep. It was terrible. The first time it happened was months ago and it wasn’t as bad, but it still sucked.

Now, the clearing of the throat thing during the day usually in the morning, occurs every now and then. It’s not every single day and I’ve noticed it more when I eat a bigger breakfast. But I never have heartburn or anything like that and so I think I have one of the lesser known variations of acid reflux. Laryngopharyngeal reflux.

Has anyone else faced the same issue? What did you do to fix it? Should I start taking an antacid? I definitely don’t wanna wake up again and feel like that. It really made my sleep horrible having that happen.

I wish I could text you. I wish I could call you but it’s too late now. It’d be inappropriate now that things have changed. I can’t cause trouble for you, I won’t. But I really really miss you.

Despite lots of mistakes made between both of us, despite me getting annoyed or upset about things you’d do, I still love you. So much. I don’t know how to let go.

It’s been about 9 months since we spoke. Yet the pain stays with me. I’m not breaking down or anything. I’m just sad. I want you to be happy. I don’t want to just be a continual burden and cause of pain for you. Definitely not. But I really wish we could talk and no bad consequences come from it. I miss you so much.

A part of me wishes I’d not feel bad at all but that will never be true. I have a huge heart that’s affected easily by things and this is a huge thing for me. You satisfied a deep desire in my soul.

You were there for me when no one else was. When no one cared enough to look for the smallest change in my behavior, you did. You’d comfort me when I was sad. You’d hold my hand when I was anxious. You’d care about the littlest and biggest things. I don’t know what made you do that. But I appreciated it more than you knew. More than words can even say.

I hope that you’re actually doing okay these days. I hope that your relationship with God is still growing! That’s the most important. I hope you know the importance of it. I tried my best to show you.

Your birthday is coming up soon and I’m debating messaging you. I don’t want to cause any distress or disturbance but I want to at least say that to you. I don’t want you to think I’ve forgotten it. I haven’t.

I could never forget you. You were the best friend I ever had. You really were. I wish things could’ve worked out. I really do. Maybe it had to be this way, I don’t know. But it sure does hurt. If by chance you happen to see this, this isn’t to make you feel bad or manipulated. I just want to let my thoughts out. I can’t talk to anyone about them.

In my heart, I feel like I’ve given up in this area of life. I don’t have much desire for it anymore because it’s taken so much out of me.

And all I have received in return is utter loneliness.

I’ve tried my best for people and it never worked out. I had so many friendships fail miserably, and it breaks my heart, but the pain is not as sharp as what it used to be, but it still sucks.

These days when I meet new people, I don’t really care about trying to be their friend, or for them trying to be my friend. I just feel like I don’t care anymore. If someone doesn’t want me in their life, they don’t want me in their life… so be it.

I wouldn’t say necessarily my heart has grown cold and I’m mean now or anything like that, I just… I just don’t even know.

I know what all the cliché advice is. “If you want to have a friend, you’ve got to be a friend. You should never give up. You should not feel this way. You should keep trying.”

But I honestly, genuinely, do not see the point because all I’ve received for every ounce of trying for this to work, is complete failure, and so I don’t see the point anymore.

A part of me wishes that I would feel more motivated to try again, but I just cannot make myself do it. I just can’t. I don’t hate people. I just hate what’s happened to me.

So when people ask, “Do you have any plans with friends this summer?” (I’m on summer break right now from college) my inner thoughts go, “No, I don’t have any friends. What are you talking about?”

But I do thank the Lord that I have a family to do stuff with I do wish, though, that I had some friends.

All of this is just to ask has anyone faced a similar situation and come out on the other side of it? Is anyone in the same boat as me? Does anyone feel the same way as I do? For those who have experienced this and decided to open their heart again, what made you do it? How did you do it? How did you come up with the strength to be able to do that?

For years now I feel like I’ve just lost my spark. I hate how I feel. I just want to be okay. I want to be feeling good and have happy days. But it’s just so hard. I have no friends.

I can’t talk to my family about this stuff because they don’t understand. Even if they tried to it still wouldn’t help much because they’d go back to making my problems small and making me feel like a dramatic teenager when I’m not a teen anymore. I love my family. I really do. But I wish they’d be more emotionally supportive. It’s something they really REALLY struggle with. At least with the kind of emotional supportive actions I’m looking for.

I just wish I still had a best friend. It made me feel so much better to have someone to talk to about everything. But things happened, circumstances have changed and we don’t talk anymore. There’s nothing I can do about it.

I want to hope and believe that God has someone out there for me. And at times I feel like even He tells me so. But it’s so freaking hard for me to believe it. Because every day I end it feeling down and tired. I have no one to text. People I’ve met in college are fake or simply just don’t care, or already have friends.

Plus I don’t even have the energy to try to make a friend again with the possibility of it ending. It absolutely crushed me time after time with the friend I had if the possibility of losing him. Tore me to pieces, it did.

When I make friends, I want to be CLOSE. I’ve always felt that way even before I realized this about myself. And there’s no one that I can be that way with anymore. It’s so ironic because I’m trying to protect my heart but am I just putting walls up instead of armor around my heart. I don’t know, man.

My parents say to have a friend you need to be a friend. I’ve tried. And I can’t do it anymore. I just want someone to show up and give a crap. But I guess saying that just makes me selfish and I don’t want to be selfish. I’m just hurting so much and I want the pain to stop.

I have to hide it from my parents and people around me because if I let anything out it’ll go bad. I don’t like crying in front of anyone except the person I was friends with. I felt perfectly okay crying in front of him, heck he even dried my tears. Something others have never done. Maybe when I was a baby. And maybe that’s too weird to do for someone. I don’t know. I don’t know.

I just hate this way I feel. I hate it.

Has anyone gone through a big part of your life feeling this way but came out on the other side of it? What changed? Did you do something different or did something new just happen?

Too Long, Didn’t Read: Overall, please pray that this mission trip will go well, that there will be people accepting Jesus in their hearts and that the Lord will give me the strength to get through this while also helping people in the ways that I can. And ask Him to help me look on others’ pain and help them rather than center my thoughts on my own pains and discomfort. I don’t want to be selfish and have the wrong heart about things. I genuinely don’t want that.

I’ve been told by our group leader that chiggers are a real problem and that I will need to treat all of my clothes to permethrin.

After talking about it with AI, I’m gonna need to make sure to get hiking boots, have a light rain jacket packed, and all kinds of other little things.

I’ve also been told by the group leader that the villages that we are going to be in may not have a toilet. I’m not sure if that means we’re just gonna have to relieve ourself out in the woods/jungle or if it’s just gonna be like an outhouse situation, I don’t even know. I’m very nervous and I’m weary just thinking about it. I’m sure that the Lord will do great things, but I just… I feel very heavy and uneasy about all of this.

I mean, menstrual cycles are never an easy thing to deal with anyway and now I’m in a completely new environment doing something that I’ve never done before having to deal with it.

I’m very grateful for this opportunity and for the funds to be able to go, but I’m feeling sick thinking about everything that I’m gonna have to deal with. I am glad that that it’s all for a good purpose and it’s not going to be wasted effort or anything like that. I’m just feeling emotional right now and I really wish I could just get a hug and be told that everything is gonna be okay, that I’m gonna be fine, that I’m not going to get sick, that I’m not gonna be in pain, that everything will be peaceful, or at least that the Lord will get me through it no matter what it is. And I know He will. He always does. I’m just feeling a lot at the moment.

Thankfully, my parents and brother will be going with me. Having them there will be good, but I’ve never been able to deeply connect with them in terms of myself. We share the same values and way of living and everything like that, but I can’t talk to them about things that bother me because my problems will be made small and not a big deal in their eyes and I don’t like talking with them about how I feel because they make me feel bad for feeling bad. I know without a doubt that they love me and I love them. I really do. But I wish I could really talk to them.

And, honestly, I really don’t wanna feel bad but I don’t have any friends and so I can’t really talk to anyone about this. I’ve been praying about this, but I’d still like to have a friend. God didn’t say that we’re meant to live this life alone. I’m not posting this looking for someone to be my online friend or anything like that. I just would like some encouragement or maybe advice from someone who’s been in a similar situation.

I wish I felt ready for this and strong, but I definitely don’t. I just feel worried and weighed down, disappointed in myself. I don’t have a good view of myself and I’m sure God does not think the things about me that I think about myself. I really want some advice for my situation, even if you haven’t been in this specific circumstance.

Next week, my family, and I will be going on a mission trip to Peru to spread The Gospel to those who have not heard it at all, or simply don’t understand it. My dad who is a pastor went to Peru back in December last year for the first time. That was his first mission trip and it went awesome! About 100 people gave their lives to Jesus. So, this time my mom, brother, and I are going with him. There will be a few more people in our group as well. People that are involved in this world missions organization. I’m nervous about what to expect, but knowing that my dad has already went through it before helps ease my nerves a little, but not all the way.

What are some things that I should be praying about? I want to be able to help people. I’m not an extrovert at all, and I don’t particularly like getting up in front of people, at least a large group of people, and speaking. I’m not sure if I’ll be asked to do that or just to pray for people and talk to people one on one. I’m not exactly sure how it’s all gonna go down. I do not know Spanish, but thankfully, we will have a translator there with us. So, I think my interactions will be limited since we only have one translator, but maybe I can get a good app on my phone to use?

I want people to be able to look at me and see the Lord in me. I want them to just feel the Holy Spirit over me and come into contact with Him. Not to uplift myself but be a vessel for the Lord to work through. I’m really hoping that not only will we help the Peruvians, but we as a family will also grow closer together and closer to God most of all. I’m just worried about all the little details because that’s how my mind works.

This is all uncharted territory for me so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Next week, my family, and I will be going on a mission trip to Peru to spread The Gospel to those who have not heard it at all, or simply don’t understand it. My dad who is a pastor went to Peru back in December last year for the first time. That was his first mission trip and it went awesome! About 100 people gave their lives to Jesus. So, this time my mom, brother, and I are going with him. There will be a few more people in our group as well. People that are involved in this world missions organization. I’m nervous about what to expect, but knowing that my dad has already went through it before helps ease my nerves a little, but not all the way.

What are some things that I should be praying about? I want to be able to help people. I’m not an extrovert at all, and I don’t particularly like getting up in front of people, at least a large group of people, and speaking. I’m not sure if I’ll be asked to do that or just to pray for people and talk to people one on one. I’m not exactly sure how it’s all gonna go down. I do not know Spanish, but thankfully, we will have a translator there with us. So, I think my interactions will be limited since we only have one translator, but maybe I can get a good app on my phone to use?

I want people to be able to look at me and see the Lord in me. I want them to just feel the Holy Spirit over me and come into contact with Him. Not to uplift myself but be a vessel for the Lord to work through. I’m really hoping that not only will we help the Peruvians, but we as a family will also grow closer together and closer to God most of all. I’m just worried about all the little details because that’s how my mind works.

This is all uncharted territory for me so any advice would be greatly appreciated.

This Sunday I will be going to the beach with my family and some family friends.

I’m looking forward to it and I’m really glad that I have the chance to go, but I’m really worried that I’m not gonna have a good time. I’m really worried that I’m just gonna feel sad and alone and just not feeling good.

I usually feel good on vacations, but in recent years, things have changed in my life in ways that I didn’t expect (in ways that I strived hard to prevent) I don’t have any friends and I can’t ever connect with my family on a deep level and so that leaves me feeling sad.

Basically, I just wanna have a great time and I wanna feel the best that I can because recently, I haven’t been feeling that great. I’m just upset about the state of my life and I just feel like I’m always gonna be alone.

I’m worried that I’m gonna be sad when I get back home after the trip. I know I’m overthinking and I know that I’m stressing, but this is who I am and this is what I do. I can never live life without these thoughts. I can try to live in the moment, but I really feel like I could actually do that only when I was a kid and I didn’t even know what life was truly like. I never knew what to expect. I was always learning something new about things and now that I’m 22 I have pretty clear expectations about how things go. Basically, I’m not oblivious, is what I’m trying to say.

I don’t want to be sad. I want to have a good time. I want to make the most of it. Keeping my skin protected and myself hydrated. I just really want to have a good time.

Are there any tips or advice you can give me? I’ll be going to Pensacola Beach.

This Sunday I will be going to the beach with my family and some family friends.

I’m looking forward to it and I’m really glad that I have the chance to go, but I’m really worried that I’m not gonna have a good time. I’m really worried that I’m just gonna feel sad and alone and just not feeling good.

I usually feel good on vacations, but in recent years, things have changed in my life in ways that I didn’t expect (in ways that I strived hard to prevent) I don’t have any friends and I can’t ever connect with my family on a deep level and so that leaves me feeling sad.

Basically, I just wanna have a great time and I wanna feel the best that I can because recently, I haven’t been feeling that great. I’m just upset about the state of my life and I just feel like I’m always gonna be alone.

I’m worried that I’m gonna be sad when I get back home after the trip. I know I’m overthinking and I know that I’m stressing, but this is who I am and this is what I do. I can never live life without these thoughts. I can try to live in the moment, but I really feel like I could actually do that only when I was a kid and I didn’t even know what life was truly like. I never knew what to expect. I was always learning something new about things and now that I’m 22 I have pretty clear expectations about how things go. Basically, I’m not oblivious, is what I’m trying to say.

I don’t want to be sad. I want to have a good time. I want to make the most of it. Keeping my skin protected and myself hydrated. I just really want to have a good time.

Are there any tips or advice you can give me? I’ll be going to Pensacola Beach.