u/MissAmericanDream86

I’m in a sort of reflective mood these days, and I keep thinking of the way I let people from my past treat me…When I met someone new, I would be like a child, kind and curious and trusting. I would offer help, I would forgive them lying or being late or asking me to do stuff for them. I would give people my full trust by default.

But when I was down or needed help, nobody was there for me. They would ‘forget’ to invite me to their parties, they would stay friends with my abusive exes etc etc. I’ve lost several friends and boyfriends this way. One day I just got tired of people treating me like dirt. It made no sense being kind and forgiving in the world where everyone is so self-centred.

Can anyone relate? Is it my Pisces sun (and Cancer moon) speaking or just people-pleasing/naivety?

I’m a girl in my late 20s who has a more or less stable job in academia and is working on her PhD.

I’ve sort of always wanted to work in the field I’m in, but now that I’m here, I feel…weird? Like I’m that boring corporate adult who I dreaded becoming as a child. I look at these cool girls on Instagram who play in bands, make art and paintings, have these email jobs where they can wear what they want and work from cafes and stuff, and I feel some sort of jealousy. I wonder if I’m actually boring and basic in comparison…not there is anything wrong with being basic, but I sort of feel like I’ve let my younger down somehow?

I was a creative child/teenager, I played bass, wrote stuff, acted in amateur plays etc etc…Now all I do is stay at home or go out for coffee/food/clubbing. I’m always either depressed, tired or saving money. How do I get out of this rut? I feel like I’m not living my life fully.

P.S. I’m already in therapy and on meds for my depression…do I just get off social media?

That’s why he started pulling away when I was having personal troubles and did not have enough energy to give. That’s what made him move on so quickly and replace me in 5 days. It was never about me, he never cared one bit about me, my personality, my feelings and emotions.

Post-breakup clarity hits you like nothing else. I do feel bad for him, but I also feel bad for myself and I’m disgusted by him posting pics from another woman’s bedroom so soon after. The whole experience has just left such a bad taste in my mouth, ugh.

I have had issues with trusting people since I was 8 and a school friend betrayed me. I had my first panic attack back then, and for almost 20 (I’m 27 now) years my life has been a never-ending string of trying to trust people only to be betrayed again.

I broke up with my boyfriend 1,5 months ago - he chose to end things instead of trying to mend our relationships despite initially promising to do. He started seeing someone new 5 days later.

I really hoped I’d cope better. The first couple of weeks were tolerable, but for about a month I’ve been dealing with the worst, most excruciating pain in my life. I’m not just heartbroken, I am reminded of all of my past hurts and betrayals and absolutely shattered.

I cry myself to sleep and wake up crying. No distraction ever works; no hobbies, no friends, no therapy, not even a trip to another town. I feel the worst I’ve felt in my life, pretty much the same I did when a close relative died unexpectedly some years ago. It’s the same kind of loss, grief, hopelessness and confusion. I keep having thoughts I should not be having. I am at an absolute loss, I don’t know what to do or where to turn despite being on meds and in therapy. My only option is to pick myself up but I don’t know how to do that or where to find the energy. Any words of wisdom for me?

TLDR; I am 27 and completely shattered after a recent breakup, which completely triggered 20 years of deep trust issues and past betrayals. I am trapped in severe grief, crying daily, and having very dark thoughts. No distractions, meds or therapy are helping, and I have absolutely no energy left to pick myself up.

My ex and I dated for seven months. We were both having our mental health issues (mostly due to work issues) during the last couple of months and paid little attention to our relationship. I was the first to suggest breaking up, he eventually agreed. It’s been two weeks and I miss him lots.

He was my best friend and my favorite person. I feel like I’ve made a mistake by suggesting to breaking things off. I’m in a better mental state now and I’m ready to try and rebuild our relationship if he wants to. There are no hard feelings, but I’m not sure if he is still interested in me romantically.

How do I know when to reach out and if it’s worth reaching out at all? We’ve been no contact for two weeks, it’s not enough time, isn’t it?

My ex (27M) and I (27F) dated for seven months. We were both having our mental health issues (mostly due to work issues) during the last couple of months and paid little attention to our relationship. I was the first to suggest breaking up, he eventually agreed.

It’s been two weeks and I miss him lots. He was my best friend and my favorite person. I feel like I’ve made a mistake by suggesting to breaking things off. I’m in a better mental state now and I’m ready to try and rebuild our relationship if he wants to. There are no hard feelings, but I’m not sure if he is still interested in me romantically.

How do I know when to reach out and if it’s worth reaching out at all? We’ve been no contact for two weeks, it’s not enough time, isn’t it?

We have known each other for almost a year. Tomorrow would have been our 7 month anniversary. Today he told me we had nothing in common and he did not even enjoy spending time with me.

Our relationship was very up-and-down from the start. We had a BIG falling out in the early days before going official and stopped talking, but I eventually decided to turn a blind eye, forgive him and give him another chance. How utterly stupid of me. I’m now crying over something that could have been over and done with 9 months ago.

Last couple of months were the worst. He was depressed and so passive about everything to do with me or our relationship. No dates, no sex, no sweet words. I had to do all the legwork and plan our dates, take him out, pay for us both, initiate intimacy, etc etc. It started to seem like we were just pals rather than a couple, and not even the best of pals at that. He was so meh about everything. I would ask him if he was unhappy in our relationship or needed any sort of help for his depression, and he would always say he was okay.

Eventually we started having more bad days than good ones. He left his job, choosing to live off random gigs, and would just stay at home bed rotting or playing video games with his friends on the days he did not have band practice. For our six month ‘anniversary’, he showed up late for a date I’d had suggested and organized beforehand. I’d asked him to get me flowers many times, and he finally did. It was dried flowers. Dead, just like our relationship already was at that time.

After another horrible, emotionless evening spent together I confronted him and asked him if we should break up. He got upset and shut down, saying a breakup would be too early and that he wanted to work on our relationship. Today we met for what I thought was just a casual date. We met, he bought himself a coffee, sat me down and said he agreed that we should break up. I asked why he would only say it now and he said he kinda lacked courage before. He then waited, probably expecting me to say that it’s okay. I did not. He bummed a cigarette off me and tried staying with me for a bit, but I told him to leave me alone and go home. After that, I bought myself this banana milk matcha and cried and cried before my girl friends arrived to try and distract me.

Dinner was matcha and a big cheesy pizza. I hаte him so much for being a coward, but I might hаte myself even more for choosing to put up with his behaviour. I should have left after the first time. I feel like I’m an absolute fool who doesn’t deserve to be loved and cherished and cared for. I have been to therapy, I have been to church, I have had relationships before. I should have known better. I feel so dumb and naive. I feel like such a failure.

If you’ve read it this far, thank you so much. You are a rock star. I know I will get over this
situation, but now it hurts like a mf. I don’t know why I hurt so much given that the relationship was kinda shitty and I’m still not sure I even loved him. He says he wants to be friends. How do I navigate this? I’m just so lost.