u/Neither_Tradition563

I’m trying to understand whether this was a situationship/anxious-avoidant dynamic or if I just completely misunderstood everything.

I have a friend who likely is an avoidant not sure and when we met she was in midst of relationship to breakup phase with her third ex and with no friends

We were very emotionally close for a long time:

• I talked daily for hours, sometimes 9hrs on VC,
• She always says I am a good person and made her feel better after her ex left. I am an important person will never leave me nor I leave her.
• she used to interlock hands with me privately and in theaters,
• slept on me while travelling like a couple,
• emotionally depended on me a lot,
• shared everything,
• people around us at one point (even her sister/friends) thought we were a thing.

At the same time, we also used “brother/sister” language sometimes casually that is what I thought cause we just have a 1 month age gap and I used to make a joke on her .

Over time I got emotionally attached. Especially because the relationship became very emotionally intimate and couple-like without any clear boundaries. I eventually confessed feelings and she rejected me saying she always saw me as a brother.

What confused me was that after all the emotional/physical closeness, she still expected me to see it purely as a sibling dynamic.

Things got worse when:

• she became close/chummy again with her first ex,
• shared room space with him,
• Friends came back along with ex and she started hanging out with friends more independently,
• and when I got hurt/confused, she started seeing me as possessive/anxious.

I tried explaining that my feelings didn’t come out of nowhere and that the intimacy/constant closeness contributed to my attachment and anxiety. But she responded saying she’s “not a discussion girl,” not a people pleaser, doesn't understand what I am trying to say, and that I was overthinking things and she has ex and I was a shit person to let my feelings out as it messes with hr mind and she is correct and sees me as brother only.

Now she’s emotionally distant and acts like I created the whole problem. I do accept I became overly attached/anxious and probably pushed too hard for clarity and reassurance toward the end. I also realize I should’ve drawn boundaries earlier instead of staying in a blurred dynamic. I am fucked totally from inside due to this anxious attachment and now I am literally chasing her while she is ignoring me.

But I genuinely want outside opinions:
Was this an emotionally blurred situationship where both people contributed to the confusion, or did I completely misread a normal friendship?

I think i am messed up and don't know what to do.

I had this friend who became super close in a year. We used to talk hours each day and night and bit of physical touch which (which she later labeled as brother touch) i felt a connection and then her ex entered and i felt she was drifting apart and anxiety raised within me and i couldn't bare it and one fine day i confessed my feelings without clearly defining what exactly those feelings are. Is it love or attachement? Cause from the start i know she was not the right person i just got kinda attached to her due to daily calls and she saying i am importantperson in her life and introducing me to her parents and friends like a imp person in her life.

We went into no contact aftet my confession and i couldn't bear it and went back to her within 3 weeks explaining things clearly how anxious i was in the relationship and that anxious attachment caused this rift and begged to get back and be friends and now she is ignoring and i feel like shit i keep calling her begging her even though i feel disrespected. I keep waiting for texts.

Did something like this ever happend with anyone ? How did you navigate in this situation?

I have a best friend and few months back due to the way she acted, physical closeness and long calls for hours daily i got attached and have feelings for her and i tried to kill these feelings cause she started roaming out with her ex and crush and friends who she severed relationship a year back and then started acting cold and says people might thing differently if seen together so i know she doesn't feel the same way and she was seeing me as choice cause i said i don't want to be with thise guys and u act different and she is ready to exclude me saying they are core of group so i can't remove then so I am not gonna mingle you with any of my friends and due to this i got more frustrated random outbursts and when ever i take space she keeps telling me let me know if this is how it is or are u letting me go.

I didn’t see an option and I Confessed my feelings to her and she straight out rejected saying ur my brother and when i asked regarding the physical closeness she said it was because she think of me as brother and thats how she act with brother and she felt uncomfortable but she is the one initiated this closeness first. Then she cried saying i ruined it and i dumped my feelings on her asking what next ? . She also said i should have never said it out loud if it was her she would have done that. She was like u proved my friends point of getting close to you will awaken feelings for her in me and what shoukd i do i told everyone ur my brother. Then when i said i was suffocating for the past few months and ur were not letting me take space this was the only way and i don't want to do fake friendship with you and my heart was breaking. She was like u don't know what it feels when heart breaks don't even compare ur heart break with her breakup and she deleted all our conversations in all the apps. At the end i apologised and she was like are u letting go now of our relationship? We are very close ? I said its upto you now and said i will step back and not make her any more uncomfortable and she agreed that both of us should take space but I am important to her so i can still msg and call and she asked to not ignore her text and calls.

What should I do now ? Its going to be a month of no contact and i am hella confused to core and feel pain like i am the wrong one here and I can't ignore the disrespect but also she is my best friend who i can't put aside so should i reavh out ? but i feel like somewhere she might not even care by the way she talked and if i reach out and she acts differently like i am the problem i'll crumble again like I am the issue here.