u/Neither_Tradition563

They said they don't expect anything from me I am not the person after everything and my expectations are a burden and to be frank I don't expect much just consistency and clarity is all I asked. I have never asked for this attachment they pulled me in after I constantly avoided them knowing this will happen at the end now they want me to slow down and not expect anything cause they found something else out there.

The feeling that I need to lower my expectations and agree with the person I like and gradually let go of her is something I am not able to digest. If I stay I will loose myself and If i move I will loose the person. I don't know anymore what is wrong, what is right.

They said they don't expect anything from me I am not the person after everything and my expectations are a burden and to be frank I don't expect much just consistency and clarity is all I asked. I have never asked for this attachment they pulled me in after I constantly avoided them knowing this will happen at the end now they want me to slow down and not expect anything cause they found something else out there.

The feeling that I need to lower my expectations and agree with the person I like and gradually let go of her is something I am not able to digest. If I stay I will loose myself and If i move I will loose the person. I don't know anymore what is wrong, what is right.

I’m stuck in a cycle of feeling replaceable by people I care about. How do I get out of this?

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I'm exhausted and honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I've always had very few friendships. I don't have a big group of friends; I basically have one group, and even within that I tend to get very attached to a few people. When someone becomes important to me, they become a really important part of my life. I don't seem to know how to have casual friendships easily.

I have always had this fear that people will eventually choose someone else over me. I see people around me having their own groups, multiple close friends, different circles, etc., while for me the few people I have become my first priority. So when their priorities change, I don't just feel disappointed. I feel like I'm being replaced.

About a year ago, I met a girl who became a very close friend. We bonded when she was going through a difficult period in her life. I was there for her a lot, and the friendship became very important to me.

As she started healing and changing, she naturally started reconnecting with some of the friends she had previously complained about and spending more time with them again. I started feeling like I was slowly being pushed to the side.

At one point I brought it up and she told me, “You are separate and they are separate. I deal with you both in different ways. I don't want to mix you guys.”

I understand logically that people can have different friendships and different groups. But emotionally, that really hurt me. I think what I heard was, “You aren't as important as you thought you were.”

Since then, something in me has changed.

All the insecurities I had kept buried inside me for years suddenly came back to the surface because of this situation. Things I didn't even realize were such big issues for me became impossible to ignore.

We still talk every day. From the outside, you could probably look at our friendship and say everything is fine.

But internally I'm constantly questioning it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm only needed when she's bored, lonely, or doesn't have anyone else to talk to. I don't know if that's actually true, but that's how it feels to me sometimes.

She has her own life. She goes out, has other friends, does her own thing, and seems able to live normally without constantly thinking about the friendship.

Meanwhile, I think about it way too much.

She actually left me once. I chased after her because for me this friendship meant something huge. I couldn't just accept losing her and move on. I think that's where I really started realizing how differently we may experience friendship.

For me, friendship/relationships are extremely important. For her, I sometimes feel like it's just one part of her life.

And I don't know how to reconcile those two things.

The worst part is that I feel like I'm constantly lowering myself to keep people.

If I speak about how I feel, I'm scared I'll push them away.

If I don't speak about it, I feel like I'm abandoning myself.

So I keep trying to find the perfect balance, and I'm completely burned out.

I've already lost a lot of myself trying to protect these relationships. Probably 50% of me at this point feels like it's just focused on whether people are staying or leaving.

I've tried telling her some of this, but she doesn't really ask me about it afterwards. My other friends don't really ask either. So I end up carrying all of it myself.

And I know the obvious advice is going to be “leave, have some self-respect, move on.”

But honestly, it isn't that simple for me.

I live in a small town. My friends live somewhere else. I don't have many opportunities to meet people here. Last time something like this happened, I literally left Bengaluru and went straight back home because I couldn't handle it. Since then I've become scared of moving again.

People say “get hobbies” or “read books, watch movies, listen to music,” but none of that feels enjoyable to me right now. I don't want to distract myself. I want to understand why I'm like this and how people actually get out of this pattern.

I'm at the point where part of me wants to just leave everyone and be alone because at least then nobody can choose someone else over me.

But another part of me is terrified of being alone.

That's the contradiction I'm stuck in.

My brain keeps telling me:

“If this person leaves, that's it. Who am I going to find after them? What if there isn't anyone else?”

And because I believe that, I tolerate things and situations that I probably wouldn't tolerate if I genuinely believed I could be okay on my own.

I don't want to become someone who doesn't care about people. I actually want deep friendships. I want to be able to love people and have them matter to me without constantly being terrified that they're going to replace me.

Has anyone here experienced something similar?

Especially people who had very few friendships and became extremely attached to the people they did have.

How did you get yourself back?

How did you learn to care about someone without making their presence the thing that determines whether you're okay?

I don't necessarily want advice telling me to immediately cut her off. I want to understand how to stop losing myself while still being capable of having relationships.

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing from people who have actually been through this and gotten to the other side.

I’m stuck in a cycle of feeling replaceable by people I care about. How do I get out of this?

I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but I'm exhausted and honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I've always had very few friendships. I don't have a big group of friends; I basically have one group, and even within that I tend to get very attached to a few people. When someone becomes important to me, they become a really important part of my life. I don't seem to know how to have casual friendships easily.

I have always had this fear that people will eventually choose someone else over me. I see people around me having their own groups, multiple close friends, different circles, etc., while for me the few people I have become my first priority. So when their priorities change, I don't just feel disappointed. I feel like I'm being replaced.

About a year ago, I met a girl who became a very close friend. We bonded when she was going through a difficult period in her life. I was there for her a lot, and the friendship became very important to me.

As she started healing and changing, she naturally started reconnecting with some of the friends she had previously complained about and spending more time with them again. I started feeling like I was slowly being pushed to the side.

At one point I brought it up and she told me, “You are separate and they are separate. I deal with you both in different ways. I don't want to mix you guys.”

I understand logically that people can have different friendships and different groups. But emotionally, that really hurt me. I think what I heard was, “You aren't as important as you thought you were.”

Since then, something in me has changed.

All the insecurities I had kept buried inside me for years suddenly came back to the surface because of this situation. Things I didn't even realize were such big issues for me became impossible to ignore.

We still talk every day. From the outside, you could probably look at our friendship and say everything is fine.

But internally I'm constantly questioning it.

Sometimes I feel like I'm only needed when she's bored, lonely, or doesn't have anyone else to talk to. I don't know if that's actually true, but that's how it feels to me sometimes.

She has her own life. She goes out, has other friends, does her own thing, and seems able to live normally without constantly thinking about the friendship.

Meanwhile, I think about it way too much.

She actually left me once. I chased after her because for me this friendship meant something huge. I couldn't just accept losing her and move on. I think that's where I really started realizing how differently we may experience friendship.

For me, friendship/relationships are extremely important. For her, I sometimes feel like it's just one part of her life.

And I don't know how to reconcile those two things.

The worst part is that I feel like I'm constantly lowering myself to keep people.

If I speak about how I feel, I'm scared I'll push them away.

If I don't speak about it, I feel like I'm abandoning myself.

So I keep trying to find the perfect balance, and I'm completely burned out.

I've already lost a lot of myself trying to protect these relationships. Probably 50% of me at this point feels like it's just focused on whether people are staying or leaving.

I've tried telling her some of this, but she doesn't really ask me about it afterwards. My other friends don't really ask either. So I end up carrying all of it myself.

And I know the obvious advice is going to be “leave, have some self-respect, move on.”

But honestly, it isn't that simple for me.

I live in a small town. My friends live somewhere else. I don't have many opportunities to meet people here. Last time something like this happened, I literally left Bengaluru and went straight back home because I couldn't handle it. Since then I've become scared of moving again.

People say “get hobbies” or “read books, watch movies, listen to music,” but none of that feels enjoyable to me right now. I don't want to distract myself. I want to understand why I'm like this and how people actually get out of this pattern.

I'm at the point where part of me wants to just leave everyone and be alone because at least then nobody can choose someone else over me.

But another part of me is terrified of being alone.

That's the contradiction I'm stuck in.

My brain keeps telling me:

“If this person leaves, that's it. Who am I going to find after them? What if there isn't anyone else?”

And because I believe that, I tolerate things and situations that I probably wouldn't tolerate if I genuinely believed I could be okay on my own.

I don't want to become someone who doesn't care about people. I actually want deep friendships. I want to be able to love people and have them matter to me without constantly being terrified that they're going to replace me.

Has anyone here experienced something similar?

Especially people who had very few friendships and became extremely attached to the people they did have.

How did you get yourself back?

How did you learn to care about someone without making their presence the thing that determines whether you're okay?

I don't necessarily want advice telling me to immediately cut her off. I want to understand how to stop losing myself while still being capable of having relationships.

I'd genuinely appreciate hearing from people who have actually been through this and gotten to the other side.

Its been 2 months since i confessed and she rejected saying i am ber brother after everday and night talks for hrs for last 1 year . I knew from the start of our friendship one day she will leave me for others and i was just a temporary person holding things till her people comeback. Even after all that i thought friendahip is more important and i went back after 24 days of NC and she was like still i was the issue.

I explained her how her hanging out with her ex and crush and other friends and her hot and cold behavior made me more anxious and that lead to confession without clarity. she straight away blamed me but i still took all the blame on myself begged her but she was like i filled my void and i am not intrested in discussing.

I was like do i have that small of a value in ur life that u can fill it in 24 days but still i tried each and everyday but she said she need time to comeback to normal mindset and then i felt it was tactic to break free from me.

Then suddenly after a week she messaged saying she is near my house to surprise me but i was away and got confused what is gng on then again 1 week of silence and then i reached out she was back chatting like ntg happend and then next day she contacted herself and then suddenly back to square one. i reached out and then she again started replying late and like she is not intrested at all.

I am not understanding anymore ? I feel like the version of her that i knew already left and i don't know what should i do ? I feel like shit ? i don't know what she is expecting from me or is she just playing

Its been 2 months since i confessed and she rejected saying i am ber brother after everday and night talks for hrs for last 1 year . I knew from the start of our friendship one day she will leave me for others and i was just a temporary person holding things till her people comeback. Even after all that i thought friendahip is more important and i went back after 24 days of NC and she was like still i was the issue.

I explained her how her hanging out with her ex and crush and other friends and her hot and cold behavior made me more anxious and that lead to confession without clarity. she straight away blamed me but i still took all the blame on myself begged her but she was like i filled my void and i am not intrested in discussing.

I was like do i have that small of a value in ur life that u can fill it in 24 days but still i tried each and everyday but she said she need time to comeback to normal mindset and then i felt it was tactic to break free from me.

Then suddenly after a week she messaged saying she is near my house to surprise me but i was away and got confused what is gng on then again 1 week of silence and then i reached out she was back chatting like ntg happend and then next day she contacted herself and then suddenly back to square one. i reached out and then she again started replying late and like she is not intrested at all.

I am not understanding anymore ? I feel like the version of her that i knew already left and i don't know what should i do ? I feel like shit ? i don't know what she is expecting from me or is she just playing

I’m trying to understand whether this was a situationship/anxious-avoidant dynamic or if I just completely misunderstood everything.

I have a friend who likely is an avoidant not sure and when we met she was in midst of relationship to breakup phase with her third ex and with no friends

We were very emotionally close for a long time:

• I talked daily for hours, sometimes 9hrs on VC,
• She always says I am a good person and made her feel better after her ex left. I am an important person will never leave me nor I leave her.
• she used to interlock hands with me privately and in theaters,
• slept on me while travelling like a couple,
• emotionally depended on me a lot,
• shared everything,
• people around us at one point (even her sister/friends) thought we were a thing.

At the same time, we also used “brother/sister” language sometimes casually that is what I thought cause we just have a 1 month age gap and I used to make a joke on her .

Over time I got emotionally attached. Especially because the relationship became very emotionally intimate and couple-like without any clear boundaries. I eventually confessed feelings and she rejected me saying she always saw me as a brother.

What confused me was that after all the emotional/physical closeness, she still expected me to see it purely as a sibling dynamic.

Things got worse when:

• she became close/chummy again with her first ex,
• shared room space with him,
• Friends came back along with ex and she started hanging out with friends more independently,
• and when I got hurt/confused, she started seeing me as possessive/anxious.

I tried explaining that my feelings didn’t come out of nowhere and that the intimacy/constant closeness contributed to my attachment and anxiety. But she responded saying she’s “not a discussion girl,” not a people pleaser, doesn't understand what I am trying to say, and that I was overthinking things and she has ex and I was a shit person to let my feelings out as it messes with hr mind and she is correct and sees me as brother only.

Now she’s emotionally distant and acts like I created the whole problem. I do accept I became overly attached/anxious and probably pushed too hard for clarity and reassurance toward the end. I also realize I should’ve drawn boundaries earlier instead of staying in a blurred dynamic. I am fucked totally from inside due to this anxious attachment and now I am literally chasing her while she is ignoring me.

But I genuinely want outside opinions:
Was this an emotionally blurred situationship where both people contributed to the confusion, or did I completely misread a normal friendship?

I think i am messed up and don't know what to do.

I had this friend who became super close in a year. We used to talk hours each day and night and bit of physical touch which (which she later labeled as brother touch) i felt a connection and then her ex entered and i felt she was drifting apart and anxiety raised within me and i couldn't bare it and one fine day i confessed my feelings without clearly defining what exactly those feelings are. Is it love or attachement? Cause from the start i know she was not the right person i just got kinda attached to her due to daily calls and she saying i am importantperson in her life and introducing me to her parents and friends like a imp person in her life.

We went into no contact aftet my confession and i couldn't bear it and went back to her within 3 weeks explaining things clearly how anxious i was in the relationship and that anxious attachment caused this rift and begged to get back and be friends and now she is ignoring and i feel like shit i keep calling her begging her even though i feel disrespected. I keep waiting for texts.

Did something like this ever happend with anyone ? How did you navigate in this situation?

I have a best friend and few months back due to the way she acted, physical closeness and long calls for hours daily i got attached and have feelings for her and i tried to kill these feelings cause she started roaming out with her ex and crush and friends who she severed relationship a year back and then started acting cold and says people might thing differently if seen together so i know she doesn't feel the same way and she was seeing me as choice cause i said i don't want to be with thise guys and u act different and she is ready to exclude me saying they are core of group so i can't remove then so I am not gonna mingle you with any of my friends and due to this i got more frustrated random outbursts and when ever i take space she keeps telling me let me know if this is how it is or are u letting me go.

I didn’t see an option and I Confessed my feelings to her and she straight out rejected saying ur my brother and when i asked regarding the physical closeness she said it was because she think of me as brother and thats how she act with brother and she felt uncomfortable but she is the one initiated this closeness first. Then she cried saying i ruined it and i dumped my feelings on her asking what next ? . She also said i should have never said it out loud if it was her she would have done that. She was like u proved my friends point of getting close to you will awaken feelings for her in me and what shoukd i do i told everyone ur my brother. Then when i said i was suffocating for the past few months and ur were not letting me take space this was the only way and i don't want to do fake friendship with you and my heart was breaking. She was like u don't know what it feels when heart breaks don't even compare ur heart break with her breakup and she deleted all our conversations in all the apps. At the end i apologised and she was like are u letting go now of our relationship? We are very close ? I said its upto you now and said i will step back and not make her any more uncomfortable and she agreed that both of us should take space but I am important to her so i can still msg and call and she asked to not ignore her text and calls.

What should I do now ? Its going to be a month of no contact and i am hella confused to core and feel pain like i am the wrong one here and I can't ignore the disrespect but also she is my best friend who i can't put aside so should i reavh out ? but i feel like somewhere she might not even care by the way she talked and if i reach out and she acts differently like i am the problem i'll crumble again like I am the issue here.