u/No-Ad-3635

no? just me .
meh ...
worth it

Halifax Herald , Sept 2nd 1939

My friend “A“ (27F) and I (28F/NB), met freshman year of college, and I considered her one of my best friends throughout, and we’ve kept in touch since then. At her birthday party last year I told her I would like her as one of my bridesmaids when I get married to my longterm partner, and she was overjoyed, started tearing up, all the like. I’m now engaged, and going through the motions of starting to plan my bachelorette party, bridal party, and wedding.

I’ve started planning my bachelorette party, and reaching out to people I’d like to join in. As described in the texts I included, she probably won’t be coming. I’m not incredibly surprised, but the way she phrased it, and looking back through our friendship, I’m wondering if things have been more one-sided than I’ve realized. And maybe if I made a mistake asking her to be my bridesmaid. And if it would even be possible to take back asking her to be in the bridal party while avoiding conflict. And if maybe I’m just taking it personally and bummed.

Now, for context I know I’m planning a wild bachelorette party. I’ve been going to EDC Las Vegas (a biggggg edm festival), for years, and decided I’d like to do it there in May 2027. I’ve worked through logistics over the many times we’ve gone, ultimately it’ll be very doable. A has gone to festivals before, multi-day ones as well, but they aren’t totally into the rave culture. I don’t blame them for not coming, because it is expensive, but it just feels like they’re prioritizing other people/things, and I’m realizing that maybe they have been throughout our entire friendship. I’ll list the reasons here below (while trying to be as transparent as possibl)

1. She’s known for years (~5) that I go to festivals, and we’ve tried to plan one together for a long time, but it’s never worked out. I’ve invited her to many. She’s have gone to big festivals and concerts multiple times with other friends. - I do note that this might be bad timing or money (she lives in my hometown, where I visit a lot, I live further away)

2. She’s never visited me, or significantly gone out of her way to spend time with me. I’ve driven 4+ hrs to attend multiple of her birthday parties, just to see her. I’ve invited her to visit many times, but she always avoided it. I’ve lived in my current city for 5 years, and she’s never come to visit. - I do note that long road trips aren’t for everyone, but there are trains and public transportation between our cities.

3. In college, we would hang out the two of us, but she would always be hanging with her other friend groups MUCH more often, and blew me off for their plans pretty frequently. We’ve had a very meaningful relationship, but it always felt like it was on the backburner to other things.

4. She’s going to other bachelorette parties, and stuff instead. And giving a pretty definitive “no” to mine, even though it’s pretty far out (planned for May 2027).

Since college, we’ve never reached the same level of closeness, even with regular calls to catch up and the times I’ve visited her solely, and while I’m back in my hometown. A and I have had a great friendship, she sent me flowers when I got into grad school, we would get each other homemade (and not) bday/Christmas gifts, and have really clicked. But I’m just feeling like maybe I’ve been put aside, and maybe have been for awhile. Her declining the bachelorette party, while talking about being at other events and a bachelorette party, kinda topped the cake for me.

Am I Overreacting about her declining the party, and all of the history of our friendship? Would it be bad if I recinded the Bridesmaid invitation I informally gave her? How would I even do that, and is all this cause to do it? I’m just feeling a little dumb right now. I don’t want to cause problems though, and would like to know opinions if I’m just overreacting about everything. I’m really not sure if I’m reading it all badly, because I’m hurt about the declining part, or whatever. (She is absolutely allowed to decline it though, I understand it’s a crazy ask, it just brought all the other stuff back up, and I’m wondering if there’s a pattern).

just wanted to share how we came to have our pyrenees . Unsual and sad situation that turned out awesome .

my husband and I have a Bernese mountain dog and would take him on lots of walks in the wilderness .

we would happen to run into a former coworker of mine who had a pyrenees. He told us she hated almost every dog except our berner. we would let them run off leash when we would run into them .
this evolved into them coming by our house so the dogs could run and play . The pyr refused to go inside as she was an outdoor dog , instead she would poke her head in the patio doors and look around .

Then i got pregnant . The Pyr would sniff my belly like it was getting a health report for my baby .

after the baby was born , the dog play dates turned into the pyr coming over to sniff my baby intensely and guard us .

This is when we went on trip to visit family and got a call from a neighbor saying she found a white dog tied to our deck , with a note that said "take her or euthanize her "

luckily our neighbor took her until we could get home. and because it's such a small town , we knew that her owner had been going through some severe mental illness issues . it also came out that he tried to commit suicide 3 times while with the pyr.

one time he threw them off a cliff but landed on the rocks instead of the ocean and it took them 6 hours to get back up the mountain .

another time he "fell" off his roof and just missed where his dog was tied . she had his blood all over her.

finally , something happened while they were on a walk. basically he ended up with a broken hip at the side of the road and the pyrenees was cowering in bush . so take from that what you will.

anyhow , we get back and share custody with my neighbor, the pyr could go between our houses as she pleased. it took a while to get her to use the doors willingly . we had to drag her in for months .

then she decided , my job is protect the baby, and stopped going back to my neighbors .

her name is maya , or martha may as my kiddo started calling her . Martha and our bernese mountain dog guillaume are boy friend and girl friend . He's unruly and martha may hates when he doesn't follow rules and will set him straight . now he's more worried she will scold him than us doing it .

she helps take care of our live stock and helps me till my garden. she is always watching over the baby and now has no qualms about kicking us off our own couch so she can have extra leg room .

pic posted is her right now . complete with left over slime from yesterdays baby activities

she defiently chose us !

It paired so well and was fun to makes
I called it vegan honey because that's what the recipe i used called it...the foragers came for me to correct that it's just wildflower syrup lol

Syrup Receipe here :
-150-200 dandelions and pluck the yellow petals, leaving no green parts .
- As many violet petals you can gather
-3/4 lemon , sliced
- 2 1/2 cups of raw sugar
- 4 cups water
-vanilla bean

-handful of each flower to dry out

-bring petals, lemon , vanilla and water to a hard boil for 30min .

-cool and strain through a cheese cloth

- return liquid to boil and let simmer for 1hour

-place in bottle and cool

-finely chop the dried petals and roll them into your honey (or thick syrup )

note: i added 5 basil leaves in the initial boil to add a stronger "herbal flavor"

Boiled down dandelion and violet petals with lemon juice, sugar, water . cheese clothed it then cold infused some petals we dried .

i ended up throwing some basil leaves in it for the last bit of the boil , to give it an more herbal flavor .

super fun thing to do with kids