u/No-Word-4864

I have lived rurally for 30+ years and only ever kept a .22, used specifically to dispatch injured farm animals or wildlife. No target shooting, hunting, or gun recreation of any kind. No interest in guns whatsoever, actually. None of the men in my family ever kept or used guns either. We are just not gun people. And now I am feeling very, very foolish.

Sunday morning, 7 am, the chihuahuas I keep for personal protection 😏 and usually ignore, because they bark at everything- alerted me to something outside a large picture window. Perplexed but not alarmed, I went outside in my robe and bare feet without so much as a butter knife in hand, 🤦‍♀️ and was shocked to find myself face to face with an actual, honest to god peeping tom. Binoculars and everything.

I immediately recognized that this was a special needs individual who was nearly as shocked as I was in the situation. He ran, jumped the fence, and then just stood in the field about 25 yards away, looking lost. Police were on their way. My maternal instincts kicked in, and I found myself actually trying to soothe this kid (17 years old) by telling him he was fine, not to be scared, help was on the way.

Then he mooned me.

It all got much stranger, but eventually he was collected by his parents, who were mortified. Those poor people. My heart broke for them. But, over the course of the day, I learned that I had put myself in an insane amount of danger. There is little traffic out here. Screams would not have been heard. The kid was much bigger than me. And, turns out, he is violent. And, one could assume, hormonal. And apparently, hard to manage as he gets bigger.
I am very, very lucky. If things had gone badly for me, I might not have been found for hours. I do not know if this boy is a predator. But I risked my life by assuming he was not. He absolutely could’ve been.
I realize now it is absolutely ridiculous not to have a gun out here, living alone in the sticks.

I have no idea what to look for. Whatever gun I buy will probably literally never be used. I need inexpensive, small, super simple. Basically just to wave at someone.

Where do I start?

Lamictal alone has done the trick for a while now, but due to situations, my (f58 bp2) stability is faltering. I am losing ground fast. Symptoms worse every day. Anxiety, outbursts, rumination, depression, crying daily. I have no actual psychiatrist currently but did for 7 years. My medical doctor will prescribe what I ask for. I think Zoloft has helped in the past. Opinions please.

I see a ton of stuff from adult children who have gone no contact with parents and other family. I may be looking in the wrong subs (and wow! do they get mad if you say anything about the parents’ side of estrangement! 🥺)
but I would like to hear from parents who have chosen no contact with their full-fledged adult children.

I am in a rural area surrounded by sweet corn, blueberries, farm stands, and orchards. My teenager would never indulge in the bounty. Doesn’t like this, doesn’t like that, hates shucking corn, hates picking tomatoes, etc. I mean, the kid hates grilled cheese sandwiches, for god’s sake.
(No he is not autistic. He just hates everything. )
🙄
A month ago he was sent to live with his dad after an incident where my safety was at stake. It’s been hard, I’ve posted about it, y’all have been kind.
So I wanted to share this small good thing that happened. Ystdy I made myself a lovely dinner of sautéed snap peas, a sweet onion, rice, and cherries for desert. No meat or potatoes anywhere! And today I will get some sweet corn (how is it sweet corn season already?!) and I will shuck it myself, with no bitching or complaining at all. Then I will eat it all while making happy little mmmm sounds. 🌽
My ex and the angry teen will probably have a frozen pizza.
Much as I love my son, and regret our current circumstances……that corn is going to be soooo good!

I posted the other day about putting away the Instant Pot, and the sadness I felt over realizing I won’t be cooking for a family anymore. (But I must say, IP is the BEST for making yogurt and rice. Easy instructions in the booklet. So I will still be using it for that). The following weekend, I had our big bulky couch taken away, replacing it with a vintage rocker & my recliner. (There is no family left, no couch needed.) Today my big fancy antique dining room table will be replaced with a small
one with just 2 chairs. Because why do I need to look at empty chairs
while I’m eating there alone? Why trigger sadness for myself?
I’ve put away most of the other cooking supplies and dishes too. Each week I try to do something to change this space into just mine. I was reluctant at first, “just in case” my teen came back from his dad’s. But now I know that he can never live with me again due to his behavior choices. My therapist is helping me accept that reality. (Therapy for the win!) It helps to take these small steps toward making the house cozy for just myself. Little steps away from chaos and sorrow. Maybe this winter I will even paint the walls! I have wonderful dogs but deliberately very few friends. I am anti-social and have no desire to engage with anyone, anywhere. The solitude is real now & I’m going to love it. Maybe in the fall I will plant a rose garden! Sometimes I convince myself there are still things to look forward too .

I make canna butter every month for a cancer survivor. The nylon mesh bags I use for straining have taken on the smell of butyric acid. It is God awful! (Trivia Time: Sea Shepherd activists used to spray or somehow throw the stuff onto whali ng ships- I guess to drive the crew insane. Sorry, I don’t know how to post a link but easily confirmed by search). Anyway, I’m about ready to throw all my bags away unless I can figure out how to get rid of the smell. Nothing has worked so far, even when I ran them through the dishwasher. Is it hopeless?

My family was fragile in ways I didn’t realize, and a few months ago it just ruptured. My husband already lived in his own place (for many years, it was amicable & we were still a family), and a month ago my teen son was (against his will) sent to live with his dad, due to a gaming addiction that had gotten completely out of control. (The very next day they signed up for fiber optic service, so the addiction is now even worse.)

I don’t foresee my 17 yr. old coming home. My days of cooking big nutritious meals for the three of us are over. Mostly I’ve been eating Grape Nuts for dinner. I think they probably have hamburgers 4 nights a week over there, or Stouffers maybe. We were farm family with freezers full of meat and vegetables. Once I get them all condensed into one, I’ll be unplugging the others. Because one person doesn’t need 4 freezers of food, do I.

And today I put the Instant Pot away. It has lived on the counter for years, used multiple times a week. But now it hasn’t been used for a month. Seeing it every day made me sad, so it’s now in storage. Closing that cabinet door felt like closing the door on life as I knew it. I am a very sad mama today.

I’m only 58 and was just fine & sturdy until this past March, when I fell and absolutely wasted my ankle. Shattered it. The months since have involved pain from toes to glutes. I don’t take a single step without caution. I suspect I will never take another pain free step the rest of my life. And the fear of falling again is first and foremost on my mind. I live alone with little dogs underfoot. I’ve become a shuffler instead of taking normal steps.
It’s especially stressful in the shower, so I just ordered a pair of grab bars. The suction cup kind. It’s going to be a head trip, seeing those in my bathroom. But hopefully will give me some peace of mind. But now I feel officially geriatric.
When did you first feel old?

I’m sure this has been asked already but Search is not showing anything.
I’m a longtime buyer of Tide Free & Clear liquid. Absolutely cannot bear laundry scents. Looking to reduce waste and price. Mostly washing farm clothes and puppy pads. What about FOCA?
Also- trying to get away from liquid so as not to be paying for 90% water & shipping.

I have been on Lamictal alone for a few years. Was doing really well. Psych always pointed out that even meds that work well do not stop all bipolar symptoms or episodes, that I was certain to experience symptoms again at some point, likely triggered by stress.

So, yeah. That happened. A severe ankle fracture with surgery and complications threw me into a hypomanic fury that lasted for weeks. Now despair has taken over, depression and dread and hopelessness.

Is a med change necessary with every episode? Or do we just wait it out. I know Lamictal works for me in general. The idea of starting medication roulette again adds to my current misery.

I have a constant nagging fear that I will be subject to a review and found to no longer qualify for SSI. Diagnosed with Bipolar 2 in 2017, SSI started shortly thereafter. I have been consistently under medical care since. Medication and therapy. The most recent (and only) letter from SS was a self report questionnaire. I indicated that my condition is the same, not better, not worse. Nothing came of it. I try not to obsess, but losing SS would be incredibly difficult since I use it to pay for therapy. At 58, with an unwavering record of continual medical care for my condition, do I need to keep worrying about being cut off? I am currently in the midst of a bad episode, documented by my physician. I need reassurance, if possible.

(I should mention, 2 years ago my psychiatrist abruptly closed his practice and disappeared, after 5+ years of being his patient
. There are literally no other psychiatrists in my county, so primary care doc agreed to continue my prescriptions. Will this be a problem? Do I still need to have an actual psychiatrist in the mix now?)

I am in the place of being too depressed to take care of basic needs right now. Living alone. Weight is dropping. I need suggestions for meal replacement drinks or protein supplements. Thank you.

My small family (f57, m65, m17) has fractured recently for a number of reasons, not the least of which has been going on for about 8 years.
My teen son is completely addicted to video games. Before you start shouting “your fault, mom!” 🙄 please hear me when I say, I tried everything over a number of years and was basically thwarted by his father, who just cannot cope with the idea of having your kid pissed off at you.
I have tried time limits. I have tried allowing generous game time as long as there were also extracurricular activities. I have tried requirements, like if he watched 2 hours of documentaries of his choosing, he could have 2 hours of gaming. If he walked in the woods for an hour, he could game for an hour. Read for an hour, game for an hour. You get the picture.
My efforts led to nothing but resentment and becoming the least favorite parent. Let me emphasize, I had to set all the limits and requirements, while his father sympathized with our teen. Finally, I gave up. He is an honor student without effort or studying. His resistance became bigger and louder as he got older. I thought, what more can I ask of this kid if he is drug-free and generally a good kid? I grew weary of the resistance and resentment. I grew weary of sabotage by his father. I 95% gave up.
When I broke my ankle in early spring, it all crashed down. My son resented the fact that his gaming hours were disrupted due to my (temporary) need of help. He became angry, and then verbally abusive. Some of his actions were direct threats to my safety: “I have a sword, and if you come up here (impossible, broken ankle) I will defend my property!” His father refused to take him in because there is no Internet where he lives, and he didn’t want our son to not be able to game. It destroyed my relationship with him, that he let me be abused so his son wouldn’t be mad. We are married, living apart, but were connected and friendly in our own way. It was a pretty normal family in most respects, until my broken ankle. (I have one other post about this, if you’d like details, but in the scheme of things & how people are suffering, my problems are inconsequential and I am completely aware of it).

Ultimately, due to his increasingly abusive behavior, I shut down our modem. You can just imagine the fury that caused. I watched him suffer any addict would, and was so dismayed it had come to this. Then yesterday at 3:00, he was in a rage about no modem, and told me to “shut the fuck up”. When I called his dad and informed him of this, I said if he didn’t come get him post haste, I would file a police report about the sword incident & deliver son’s belongings to his house with an officer of the peace.

By 4:00, my son no longer lived here. I predict that our estrangement will last months or more.

Tell me, former gaming addicts, how and why did you get it under control? What made you want a life outside of the game? How did your parents help or worsen the addiction? Is there any hope? I know there are full grown adults with jobs and families who are actively addicted. I am so sad and hopeless right now.

F 57, M 65, M 17

Married 20 years, 2 independent adult sons, and a teenager ( a really good kid overall, not spoiled, honor student etc., but prone to outbursts) at home.
Bipolar but stable for years.
Shattered my ankle two months ago and immediately learned how much I was taken for granted by my husband and son. They were mad about the disruption to their routine. Mad about having to cook. Fed me soup and cheese & crackers for days until I lost my shit and smashed a plate. No treats, no Starbucks, no candy bar, no Culver’s for 2 weeks after my injury, until a family friend shamed them by bringing over a couple cases of Vernors for me.
Husband yelled at me for “causing” complications with my injury. Sulked about having to care for the dogs. Teenager went ballistic when I tried to explain how to cook salmon. In fact, multiple freakouts and abusive episodes over having to make food for me. At one point, 2 weeks after my injury, I asked my husband (who lives separately, for reasons) to please take the teenager til the end of the school year. (Weeks). I told him I was being abused. He ignored me. I begged again a few days later. I was ignored again. A couple days ago I pleaded, for the third time, and was ignored.

So I have quit my family, and it’s permanent. I will never forgive this level of mistreatment and my therapist backs me up 100%. Shopping and cooking? Done with it. Pot roast, gingerbread, homemade chicken soup and cherry pie? Pans went into the garbage. Laundry piled 3 feet high? Good luck with that. I have the laying hens listed for sale as I type this. Fresh eggs are all over now. Conversation? Over. Fake hugs after being screamed at? Please! I have told them that when the dogs are gone, I’m gone. They are walking around with baffled looks on their faces. Wifeing and mothering is done. Anyone else? Edit- this would not post in the Relationships sub, not sure why. Since this issue relates to an older woman who is indeed aging, I thought to post it here.