u/No_Picture_3528

im 20 and back when i was high masking, being social usually felt uncomfortable and i didn’t really get much enjoyment from it. i was able to “make conversation” but u guys all know what its like to be masked and u really dont get to let most of yourself out. i was pretty empty inside and based my life entirely around how i thought others perceived me without much identity or morals even though i was able to have friends and be functional.

Description of the issues i’ve had with unmasking:

so about a year and a half ago, after researching a lot and kinda discovering i had autism even tho i didn’t want to believe it, i became super self conscious of everything i’d been doing automatically before and couldn’t keep it up. the expressions, the tones, the phrases, the “masculine sitting positions😭”, the pretending to care about so much bullshit, and the adapting and mirroring whoever i was around. so i decided to try and stop masking. i didnt really used to talk about myself and mainly asked questions, so i decided to try and start talking about myself more which was a huge fear because id never really done it and who would care. and i tried to actually enjoy conversations. i thought unmasking would help me connect with others better and be authentic or something magical but now i just feel like a social unaware baby and all uncomfortable and get tired after everything and don’t enjoy being social. my social awareness has definitely improved, but my social skills are worse now. i rarely even want to say anything and simply talking feels annoying. because remember how i said i wanted to start talking about myself? well most of that is just depressing complaining about myself and my life and my pain so thats off the table. so all i can really talk about is music and other interests i have but that feels so boring with how depressed i feel. and i just feel like everyone hates being around me. but i want friends! its so counterintuitive like maybe its just because im so socially anxious and scared to fuck up?? idk. but pls tell me it gets better. i want to be able to genuinely enjoy social interaction and i really hope the solution isn’t just to start masking again because that would kill me. is the solution just to keep being myself and keep embarrassing myself trying until somehow myself will mold into something that is able to connect with other selves? or will i just learn how to connect with other people in a slightly weird way that gives me no satisfaction and feels like they’re gonna stop liking me at any second??🫤

pls give me any advice i know people on here have been through this. id really love it im feeling kinda hopeless lol.

also unrelated but i only recently realized i have sensory issues. i thought i didnt but now im realizing how bad it is like i hear everything and idk how to tell if im overstimulated or how to even improve these issues. can they improve? someone pls tell me it gets better 🙏 or any advice? i feel like im running on 1% battery until i die and then i sleep for a day just to recharge back to 2%.

it’s so exciting he’s a great dude and i feel like me and him would really connect on a personal level .

i just imagine the deep conversations we would have while listening to some mink in front of the fireplace .

he’d be sipping scotch and i’d have my whisky .

These breathing and sleep issues are horrible. I know I'm a smart person, but I feel like my brain isn't even on half the time. I genuinely don't feel like doing anything, because even when I'm doing things I'm interested in it feels hard to pay attention and focus on them. So you can imagine how hard its been doing thermodynamics and calculus problems all day. The school stress genuinely makes me feel like crawling into a hole and escaping reality.

And it takes sooo fucking long to schedule an appointment. The soonest sleep study isn't until September, and then I'll probably be forced to use CPAP or something which hopefully will work but obviously isn't a permanent solution for a 20 year old. And it sucks because I already know the causes (narrow palate with big tongue, recessed mandible, deviated septum) and know I'll probably need jaw surgery and maybe even palate expansion. And that whole process will probably take at least a year. I've been down this rabbit hole since December 2025, and my breathing has only gotten worse after I stupidly got my wisdom teeth removed. I'm starting to wonder if I should just take a break from engineering school to work and save up, and then return to school once I have these issues fixed. Has anyone else been in a similar situation who can offer advice?

if im watching tv or a movie or playing video games with a group of people i find it harder to think about what im doing in the game and pay attention and do well because im like subconsciously monitoring other people and myself. or if someone shows me a funny reel on their phone i cant even focus on it because im waiting for the right time to laugh or react. is this relatable chat?

I'm an engineering student, but most of my interests are arts and history based. I like making music and learning about art and history and weird esoteric religion stuff because I like understanding the world from a cultural perspective. None of my family members are engineers, and my parents are kinda hippy and work at health food stores. But I chose engineering because I wanted a job that pays well, and I was always the best in my class (at a very small school) at math without trying so I thought it would be doable. I basically just saw that engineers made a lot while jobs related to my interests were pretty much hopeless, and I figured "working a job is gonna suck no matter what, might as well get paid."

But its genuinely so depressing. Don't recommend. I'm already not very social, and engineering usually burns any energy that would be spent socializing on studying, leaving me completely drained.

Anyways, what do you guys do? I feel like most of us would just wanna be unemployed creatives or something if we had a choice lol.

Some background about me: most of my interests are arts and history based. I like making music and learning about art and religion and weird historic stuff because I like understanding the world from a cultural perspective. None of my family members are engineers, and my parents are kinda hippy and work at health food stores. But I chose engineering because I wanted a job that pays well, and I was always the best in my class (at a very small school) at math without trying so I thought it would be doable. I basically just saw that engineers made a lot while jobs related to my interests were pretty much hopeless, and I figured "working a job is gonna suck no matter what, might as well get paid."

Definitely should've given it more thought and realized what I was actually signing up for. Dealt with the depression and really felt like giving up but kept going and just finished my second year. Now I want to become interested and learn about stuff related to engineering so I can make the most of this major. Because most of my friends are business and I have no engineering family, the only things I know about the topic are what I've learned in my classes. Seems like everyone in my classes has been learning about this stuff since they were in middle school from youtube or whatever, while I've barely ever even thought about it. So could you guys tell me some things I need to know, topics to look into, places to look, etc? Like I don't know what I need to know, but I know there are things I should probably know.

EDIT: If I think somethings cool and interesting I can get really into it, but part of the problem is that engineering feels boring. So I guess I'm also asking for any way to make it seem cool or interesting to trick myself into really liking it lol.

im staying here over the summer and ive been so bored. i usually do clubs during the year but during summer it seems like theres nothing to do. and i already have a job lol

After I exercise I yawn a LOT, like every minute or two. Not normal yawns either, its like a huge yawn where I'm opening my jaw is wide as it can go to get as much air as possible. It lasts like the entire day after lifting. And I'm wondering if this is another symptom. I have a pretty high and narrow palate so my tongue doesn't fit, plus my lower jaw is pretty recessed and I have a deviated septum. Also got wisdom teeth removed last year (for absolutely no reason, they were grown in fine and healthy but my dentists just told me to) and I'm still mad because I think it made my breathing worse. I feel like I'm never getting enough air even if I mouth breath, and during sleep I think I grind my teeth to compensate. I usually have on average around 3 wakeups a night that I'll remember, so nothing too crazy. But idk anyone else have this symptom?

i started being introspective about a year ago when i got really depressed and ive kept it up. i feel like now i often learn something about myself or figure out a perspective of why i do something or why i act the way i do, and then it feels as if i usually just forget it after or realize it doesn't really matter. like ill realize one new things but it and almost everything else sort of falls into a category in my brain that gets filed away within a minute and i might not ever see it again? does that make sense? its also weird knowing so much about myself now because it all feels like stuff i sort of have to push down and hide so it wont influence my relationships or something. idk. its also even harder to be social now when all i think about is introspective emotional stuff, and everything either feels super deep to me or i couldn't care less. hope this makes sense. so its like great i know more about myself now! but that doesn't fix any of my problems. idk im prob just still getting used to it ive only really been doing it for a year but ive probably thought more in that one year than i did in the rest of my life combined. but it all feels kinda pointless and i feel like i forget it. thats the most frustrating part. that i just forget it. like today for example, i had some thoughts that felt genuinely smart or gave an insight into something about me in the moment but it doesn't change anything and my life still sucks and i couldn't even tell you what those moments were about. or maybe im just too lazy to think back and remember i don't even know. i sometimes feel like the human part of me is closed off from normal everyday me and im trying to reach it every day but im stuck in some weird void. and then ill watch a tv show or something and see people interacting normally and feel like theres no way i could ever be that witty or smart or even process wtf they're talking about. and im not dumb!! but ig i also kind of am and im finally realizing it through introspection. maybe its just that im realizing i have a lot more flaws than i once thought, as does my life, and the world, and that reality is a lot darker when u really think about it. im hoping this is just a phase im going through and ill come out the other end stronger, more confident, and happier. and it sometimes feels like im just gaining self awareness in the body of someone who would be happier if they weren't aware. if anyone read this far, ill assume you probably relate to at least some of these things. i wish i had something nice or inspiring to say but i can't think of anything that feels genuine but at least we're in this together.

not in a bad way necessarily, could be eccentric, different from the norm, neurodivergent, etc. my parents could be described as weird both in a personality way and in their opinions. my intuitive feeling is that most of u guys could probably relate, but it would be cool to hear if anyone had a super typical upbringing.

pls don’t give me advice on how to not be depressed like get therapy or something. also this is not a humble brag. im 20m, and when i jerk off once a day i have basically no more horniness and no real motivation for irl sex. but if i don’t jerk off for a couple days then ill want to hook up with girls to cure the horniness and i end up with a girl or two off tinder who become fwb for when im horny. so my question is will these hookups be beneficial in any way or should i just jerk off once a day. my logic for it being beneficial is that maybe hooking up with girls irl will help get me out of my shell and socialize and help improve my depression by getting me to at least do something. like i enjoy them when im horny enough for them but after i jerk off i feel like i have no reason for them. is this bad? any advice? i know this is a weird issue to have because most guys love sex. but for me it feels sort of pointless.

Tonight i went through my old texts from high school. Its strange how the people i was texting were clearly my friends, but in the moment i never really saw it that way. Instead of being myself, i was always just trying to say the right thing. I felt anxious and on edge around everyone, even my parents (i remember trying to act the way i thought a son would act around them. didn't even realize what i was doing at the time smh). And these conversations were genuinely interesting! i was funny and entertaining! For a second it made me jealous of that guy i used to be. But then i remember that in a way, he never existed. I was living completely through the eyes of others. I rarely thought about how i felt inside and what i wanted to do, and instead just desperately tried to perform life the way i thought it should be done without making mistakes. I didn't even trust myself. so now that im unmasked (i have been for about a year), im less cool and social, and im probably less entertaining. But the ability to truly feel like a human being and connect with other human beings has made it all worth it one hundred times over. My internal experience is infinitely better, and i feel like even though i have mental health issues, i can actually connect with people now. The feeling of truly being alive feels so freeing, and it makes it all worth it.

watching the haunted house episode and pierce just said this line which is funny because its a rewording of the end of s3 when chang was gonna blow up the records and he says "fire can't go through doors its not ghosts." theres prob already like a million posts about this but im still gonna post this anyways because i can.

im a shy college student who's had social anxiety for at least 6 years, and last night my friends were over. and i was too scared to go downstairs and hang out with them. i was pacing around my room with my heartbeat pounding in my chest. i felt so lonely that i decided to finally try and do something about my social anxiety. brainstormed for a bit until i found a way i could stop caring so much about what people think of me! i could just go down to hangout with my friends like a normal person! just kidding, i thought of something better. id start wearing weird outfits to the gym around my college. im not a regular gym goer btw, i already rarely go because of how many people are there. so today i put on a baggy green shirt with a big tiger on it, matching green shoes with invisible socks, huge white and black basketball shorts, and a white and red adidas zip up that i left unzipped to let the tiger out. i took the bus to my school, walked 10 minutes across campus to the gym, and did a full workout. my mind was racing with thoughts the entire time, but i also felt strangely confident. it made me feel like i was actually doing something for once and the novelty felt kind of exciting like i was on some kind of adventure. im usually self conscious about the way i look in public so knowing i already look weird gave me a strange sense of relief. idk prob lots of psychological reasons for it. i was terrified of seeing someone i knew, but thankfully the only familiar person i saw was someone from my dorm last year who looked at me and then went back to talking to his friends. i saw one fashion mf at the bus stop looking me up and down but he was prob just jealous. and i noticed a few looks and two guys in the gym who might've been laughing at me but nothing crazy. most people didn't really seem to care. my main reason for doing this was just to show myself that nobody is really judging me as much as my anxiety makes me feel. and now that im home and writing this, i feel pretty relaxed. idk at this point im willing to do anything to help my social anxiety (except talk to people obv). thanks for reading this and ask me any questions u have, idk if i explained this super great so lmk about that too.

i just started rewatching and i love this show so much, but as a college student i can't help but feel sad that i don't have a friend group like that. i wish people were social like in community, i feel like the characters are all pretty outgoing compared to the majority of people nowadays (myself included). and i wish i had friends that made me feel the way this show makes me feel. the way the characters really know each other and have such strong bonds is so rare. it sucks because at first community was really making me feel happier because id look forward to watching it, but now it just feels like a reminder of something i don't have. i know some of u guys will relate, but i'd love if an older human being could give me some hope that things will get better.