u/No_Wave8746

i guess im trying to get a feel for where i should be atm. for context, i just graduated HS (17, early grad) and im planning to start online school in the fall if they get me in enrolled in the fall. my mom has always had high standards for me, so i dont know if this is one of those times or if im actually falling behind.

I have a job where i work about 20 hours a week, but until im in school, that’s all i have until the fall starts, but my mom keeps pushing me to get a second job. this all climaxed when she was trying to give me driving lesson, we got into an argument bc i was struggling and got overwhelmed, and she insisted i either go to trade school or get another job so i can ‘tell everyone to fuck off like i want to.‘ i really dont know if she was just upset or if im actually behind. i really dont wanna be behind

i guess im trying to get a feel for where i should be atm. for context, i just graduated HS (17, early grad) and im planning to start online school in the fall if they get me in enrolled in the fall. my mom has always had high standards for me, so i dont know if this is one of those times or if im actually falling behind.

I have a job where i work about 20 hours a week, but until im in school, that’s all i have until the fall starts, but my mom keeps pushing me to get a second job. this all climaxed when she was trying to give me driving lesson, we got into an argument bc i was struggling and got overwhelmed, and she insisted i either go to trade school or get another job so i can ‘tell everyone to fuck off like i want to.‘ i really dont know if she was just upset or if im actually behind. i really dont wanna be behind.

hello!! sorry to bug all the real adults, but i’m just out of highschool (17, early grad) and wanted advice on my career path. For a long time, ive kept coming back to medicine. I’m endlessly fascinated by drugs . I’m endlessly fascinated with the human body, and I’m objectively smart to a degree that has been described as unsettling to some. I currently work at a small business and have been doing menial work for around a year, but a month or two ago, a customer asked if i was going to do interior design, and it’s been on my mind ever since. My boss says i have an eye for color.

Currently, I’m taking on a sort of apprentice role at the shop instead of the organization and menial work i used to do. I really do enjoy finding frames and mats that go well with whatever I’m framing. I haven’t worked with much else yet, but I have a knack for learning things. The customers seem to like a lot of my suggestions. However, I’m…really not great at talking. At all. I know i can learn just like ive learned everything else, but right now, customers make me sooo nervous. I dont like to work in front of them.

I’m really torn. I know I’ve got a gift for absorbing knowledge. I got a 1260 my first time trying the sat despite having to teach myself a majority of the math (beforehand, i’d only taken the entry level geometry and algebra course bc i acc enrolled in pre-algebra twice), and i excel in science. (apart from physics lol. could never wrap my brain around that..) i want to help people so bad. The field i want to go into (neuroscience, prions, etc) is really niche, and i know its most likely not feasible for me to do a career solely related to that subject, esp considering i left hs with around a 3.6 (mayybeeee a little over?) and no stunning extracurriculars to get into an ivy league , but i’m more fasciated with that than anything ive ever read about.

I truly love both things a lot, but i dont know how im supposed to move forward. I love the arts so much. I love science so much. I wish i could do both, but I know even thinking about that is stupid. I really hope this doesnt make me sound like some overconfident, egotistical kid who thinks theyre better than anyone at everything.

i guess i’m asking for advice?

my mom has a tendency to blame other people for almost everything and guilt trip me a lot so I’m not sure if this is that or she was in the right.

we were in nyc yesterday and she ended up being the one to wrangle the dogs for the majority of the time despite my attempts to do it myself, and she claims she was always the one stuck with the dogs + navigating even though there were multiple times where my father had been the one to lead us and direct her.

when we split up so he could go grab something from a deli in the opposite direction , I asked if she thought he was handling nyc well to which she disagreed despite me thinking he actually dealt with all the frustration pretty well for his standards, and i asked if she was handling it ok

she kinda blew up and started ranting about how we never should have gone if we didnt want the ‘reality’ of the experience, how shes stuck being the ‘fucking gps’ despite not knowing much about nyc (shes been once or twice recently and he hasn’t been there in over 30 years)

i tried to placate her and reassure her that everything was gonna be ok, that she could get through it, she was doing good until i went into a store. i apologized that she had to hold the dogs while i was inside and id try to make it as quick as i could. after i got out i kind of blew up on her bc i was just over having to console a grown ass woman.

she asked why i was pissed off, and i yelled at her for being so negative and dragging down the mood because i was doing everything in my power to placate her, but i can’t keep doing it bc she just wont listen, im sick of having to mediate, how she has to understand that her mood is going to affect the people around her. her only response was that she was only upset for the past 5 minutes so it shouldn’t have upset me.

her excuse was again the dogs, and that it felt like my father and i were excluding her because she ‘wasnt even informed on why i wanted to go to this store’ despite me saying multiple times throughout the day that its to get merch for a fandom i like. but whenever i try to tell her anything about my interests, she basically tells me to shut up bc it makes her head hurt, so i didnt see any point in trying. she said she shouldnt have come, i agreed, and then she spent the next 5 minutes begging me to stop being mad. i feel awful.

i don’t really know how to best articulate this, but i was kind of a problem child, so maybe her reaction was warranted at some point, but i have very vivid memories of some traumatic situations she put me in as a child that led to me being diag with PTSD , and whenever i bring that up, she’ll just say that

•i’m not diagnosed (i am) i’m remembering wrong, and ‘she’s sorry that I feel that way, but she doesn’t remember that‘,or she’ll just downplay the severity of what happened like ‘you choked me out’ turns into ‘no i just grabbed your neck cause i was mad you weren’t* choking,’ and of course, all the ‘I had it so much worse my mom would blablabla!!’

and she’s gets mad whenever I open up to people about my childhood because it ‘makes her look like a crazy person.’ She also says ‘well im glad you arent having kids cause ill be the last person you ever have to yell at’ when i reminded her that the dishes wont be clean if she just tosses them in the washer.

in addition to that, she always talks about how im her only purpose in life and the only thing she has because my parents separated and her entire life goal was to be a mother to prove that she’s better than the rest of her family. She gave up being a lawyer for it, so i feel like i can’t really tell her how bad of a parent she really is.

on top of that, she’s utterly convinced that id been stealing her weed for half a year and still accuses me of it whenever she misplaces her stuff because she ‘couldn’t possibly be going through it this fast’ despite the fact that she smokes while she works, while she drives, goes to her room several times a day to smoke, etc, and nothing i can do will change her mind. she also accused me of lying about how long id been smoking personally when i had a panic attack over losing my watch despite knowing i have an exercise addiction directly fueled by said watch.

she just accuses me of lying a lot. last summer when she threatened to kill me, she said she knew i was lying about all the abuse because i start freaking out and screaming at her not to touch me after i managed to get out from under her (i had taken her phone to try and call the police which led to her holding me down trying to get it back.)

does anyone else find themselves irrationally upset by the sound of puking after developing b/p behaviors? I’ve never had an issue with myself throwing up, but when my mother does it, I will literally run out of the house and sob bc it is SO upsetting.

so every few years i end up coming back around to the conclusion that i just. genuinely despise men but i keep making myself go for them and like i’ll feel all hot in the face and get that weird pit in my stomach but it doesnt necessarily feel good. It feels like. wrong on an almost moral level like killing a puppy or something. i thought maybe i just didnt like relationships but i never have this problem with any girl i’ve dated.

still for some reason, I kinda just. keep doing it. maybe it’s partially for my own entertainment and validation because i like feeling wanted but i always feel so disgusted with myself and with men no matter how much i try to like it. Last month I went on a date with a boy who was interested in me and all i could think of the whole time was how awful he was. I try so hard but I’ve never had a relationship with a boy last more than a week. One guy told me he loved me and i was so. i dont know if scared is the right word but i freaked out and broke up with him on the spot evn though i can keep long term relationships with other girls

i don’t really know how to best articulate this, but i was kind of a problem child, so maybe her reaction was warranted at some point, but i have very vivid memories of some traumatic situations she put me in as a child that led to me being diag with PTSD , and whenever i bring that up, she’ll just say that

•i’m not diagnosed (i am) i’m remembering wrong, and ‘she’s sorry that I feel that way, but she doesn’t remember that‘,or she’ll just downplay the severity of what happened like ‘you choked me out’ turns into ‘no i just grabbed your neck cause i was mad you weren’t* choking,’ and of course, all the ‘I had it so much worse my mom would blablabla!!’

and she’s gets mad whenever I open up to people about my childhood because it ‘makes her look like a crazy person.’ She also says ‘well im glad you arent having kids cause ill be the last person you ever have to yell at’ when i reminded her that the dishes wont be clean if she just tosses them in the washer.

in addition to that, she always talks about how im her only purpose in life and the only thing she has because my parents separated and her entire life goal was to be a mother to prove that she’s better than the rest of her family. She gave up being a lawyer for it, so i feel like i can’t really tell her how bad of a parent she really is.

(*minor spelling error srry)