u/Numerous-Ad-5058

I have a daughter who lives and works in Italy; she just got there last month and Italian bureaucracy being what it is, she has travel limitations while waiting for her full "permesso". But aside from that I need to be able to travel there if an issue arises and I just noticed my passport is under 6 months from expiry. I'd like to renew my passport as quickly as possible.

I considered an online renewal but the processing time seems long which, to me, makes no sense. I'm submitting everything digitally and yet it's longer than in person?

Last time I renewed was by mail as it was just post major pandemic times so I wasn't traveling. I think I got it in about five weeks back then; demand was pretty high.

I may just go to the passport office in person. So are the lines and wait time long at the Joseph Shepard office in North York? I care for an elderly parent at home so I can't be out for too many hours without making arrangements for her.

I suspect this is not unique to my elderly 87 year old mother.

My mother has lived through WW2 (she was born at the start of it), post-war scarcity, losses of close people in her life (including her mother at a young age), a severe accident that left her scarred physically and emotionally, immigration to a new country, a long LONG list of illnesses and most recently the loss of my father to whom she was married over 60 years.

And despite overcoming so many challenges, her outlook in life is mostly: negative. And it's not recent; she's always been a catastrophizer, seeing disaster around every corner. And that level of anxiety has not been easy to live with. But now, with her having much more time on her hands and being more alone and isolated, her negativity is off the charts.

We are in Canada. She's been reading social media and watching cable news which we all know at this point is a not good blend and with recent trade tensions and the POTUS posting and saying really provocative things about Canada, she has convinced herself that it's inevitable. That there will be war and we will be taken over by the US.

And she said this to me, very casually this morning, just as she was drinking a cup of coffee and having a croissant. "You'll see; there's no way to win. The poor never win against the rich."

And I looked at her and said, rather dramatically perhaps, that I guess I should just end it now then because according to her there's no hope, we are doomed.

Her response was that this isn't about any single person. It's just inevitable. That's the way it goes.

I was shocked.

Why? What is the point of holding such a pessimistic outlook on life?

I read that there are some people who just thrive on negativity; it's a dopamine thing. I am the absolute opposite side of the spectrum; I hold out hope for the longest time and maybe I'm naive but I'm a student of history and I have faith in humanity. We are just so diametrically opposed and I get that I'm not going to change an 87 year old woman's mind but gosh it makes caregiving very hard.

I don't know exactly if I have anything to ask but we'll see where this post goes.

I am 62; I turned 62 earlier this week. And it's been a heck of a week.

First, last Saturday my eldest daughter (soon to be 35) left for Europe to spend a year there for work purposes. I miss her very much but I am used to her living away. But she has a lot of questions as she adjusts and she'll send me messages very early in the morning. I'm loathe to remind her of time zones because I want to be there for her when she needs me. But she's sending me questions at 5am my time.

Also, this week, we had a brutal "once in a century storm" where I live in Toronto. (Why are these century storms happening multiple times a year now?) It caused a lot of damage which had me cleaning debris from fallen trees out of the yard for days. I've also been helping an elderly neighbour with cleanup. This was exhausting.

The cleanup led to me getting COVERED with bug bites. I am so itchy it is becoming unbearable. I'm trying not to scratch.

On top of everything, I was cooking a meal on Thursday night and I got splashed with very hot liquid from the pot. It left an ugly burn on the back of my hand. Thankfully I applied some aloe vera before it could blister and it's just discoloured. But it's ugly and it's uncomfortable.

Oh! And I had a major argument with my ex-husband which would be too long and complicated to describe (way too much history) and it's left me pissed off. I'm much better off when I don't have to deal with him.

Sometimes life is just too much. My body is telling me I need to rest and relax. I'm sleepy and I'm itchy and my stomach is bothering me. Ugh. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Edited to add: How could I forget? It was also the third anniversary of my father's death. It was by far the hardest day of my life.

One of my biggest issues leading to gaining a lot of weight over the past few years is emotional eating.

When I am stressed, upset, sad, and generally feeling unhappy, I eat. I reach for food. And today was one of those days.

I tracked everything and I ate two days of points in one day. Needless to say, I'll be foregoing "weeklies" for the next few days.

I'm sure we all have days like this; how do you all bounce back when you feel so badly about messing up but also to ensure those extra calories don't stick?

When Princess Diana died, I was shocked. She was such a force in the world. And the way she died was just so tragic and unfair. To finally be at a point in her life where she could feel free to exist outside her royal duties and a messy public divorce, only to be struck down in a ridiculous situation.

I remember hearing the news, watching it on television and all the confusion about whether she had died and what exactly happened. I remember going to work in the morning and one of my colleagues was devastated. She wasn't the only one; Princess Diana was an icon to so many women especially. I remember the relentless coverage on the news and the very touching funeral with the now iconic image of her young sons marching behind her coffin.

She would have been 65 if she had lived. And I imagine her sons' lives would have been very different.

I saw a thread on another sub asking people when did they stop getting hit on by the opposite sex.

(Firstly, let's be inclusive here because there's plenty of people getting hit on by all genders but I digress....)

And it got me thinking about the time I was hit on earlier this summer.

I have been pretty isolated for a while. I worked from home during the pandemic until I retired. I was unhappily married and then separated from my husband. And I've been caring for elderly parents for three years, first my late father and now my mother. So to say I don't go out much is an understatement. I don't go out at all.

And I got a little depressed at one point and started eating and drinking my feelings and gained a ton of weight. This year I've lost close to 50 pounds and I'm feeling more like myself again.

So I was getting some work done to my mother's house and we hired a man who has done some casual jobs in the neighbourhood. He barely speaks any English but me being a person who has dealt with many people of many cultures I did my best to communicate and understand him. He also was doing the job on his own so there were brief interactions of me helping him out and bringing him refreshments as he worked.

And I was friendly and so was he. At one point he asked where my husband was (lol) and I told him I don't have one anymore. So he finishes the job and he sends me a text asking me if I'd like to go out to dinner with him; he'll buy me some kebabs.

Now. I'm going to be honest here. I thought this was a mistake and he texted the wrong person so I just ignored it. The next day, he sends me the text again saying that he'd like to take me to dinner.

I told him no thank you and blocked him.

First I was shocked anyone would be asking me out; I'm 62, I'm nothing special to look at. But secondly, I thought to myself, I'm not ready to be with any guys at the moment but if I was, I'd be looking for something a little more upscale than a few kebabs....

LOL.

Anyone got any stories of being hit on?

Today I officially turn 62. I was asked by someone yesterday if they should come over today and take me out to celebrate.

Honestly? My birthday wish is to be left alone and allowed to nap, sleep and not have to deal with anything today.

The likelihood of that happening is close to zero until bedtime tonight. Even after that is not guaranteed.

I am primary caregiver to my 87 year old elderly mother. She talks at me and asks me to do things for her ALL DAY. I'd love to watch a movie. Will I be allowed to watch it uninterrupted? Hm. Probably not. I shall attempt.

I'm in Toronto and my family heritage is Italian and I care for an elderly mother who enjoys broccoli rabe or rapini. Problem is the only rapini I can ever find in stores is from Andy Boy in California.

Rapini is a very hardy produce and can grow even in the ground in Canada; my late father would grow it in his backyard. And yet I can't find Canadian grown rapini in any stores in Toronto. Does anyone know of a brand I can get locally that isn't from the US?

Note: yeah I could probably grow some but that doesn't help in winter.

I accepted a job offer in Italy. My full application was accepted and approved in Italy. My employer provided my nulla osta in first week of August, I sent in my complete application to the Toronto Italian consulate and ever since it has been: nothing. No information, no status. My job starts in a week and I can't even get them to answer an email. My employer has even been emailing. What next? Do I go in person? It's so stressful.

This is just a vent post.

I turn 62 on Monday. I get up, go wash my face and there's a lovely pink zit on my chin; head and all.

What the heck.

I had mild teenage acne, mostly just forehead stuff. I had adult acne in my late 20s triggered when I was pregnant with my first child. Took a few years but it cleared up. And then I got the odd pimple usually around my menstrual cycle.

But I'm 62. No cycle for the last eight years. What the heck. Grey roots and pimples. What a pair.

I live with my elderly 87 year old mother as her primary caregiver. Last night she comes to my room wakes me up because she’s getting messages and message requests on Messenger from businesses and people she claims not to follow.

She insisted I fix it then and there despite my attempts to tell her to ignore them. I did a full privacy check and turned as many permissions off as I could but I know it will happen again.

It’s Facebook. No matter how often I’ve told her nothing is ever for free, they gotta make money somehow, it doesn’t sink in.

I unfollowed a ton of pages. I asked her to go through her feed with me. She thought the word Follow next to a post was the name of a page. I told her to not hit follow unless she wants to consistently see the same types of posts. I showed her how to distinguish an Ad from a regular posts. She never realized that every third thing on her feed is an Ad. I told her to be aware that when she clicks on an ad that that business may reach out to her with a message. She was so angry that Facebook was allowing her data to be used to this way. I had to explain that this is a key channel for businesses to generate sales. She got super upset and vowed to delete her account tomorrow.

Essentially, the whole thing turned into a paranoid rant that now all these businesses are reading all of her private chats with other people, and they can get her banking information somehow. I could not convince her otherwise, but I told her to think about it overnight before she makes decisions like shutting it all down because frankly this platform is her only connection to a number of friends and relatives.

I’ve been seeing a marked increase in her level of agitation and confusion and suspicion recently. People around me dismiss it as her just being old and grumpy. But I think this level of agitation is a sign of cognitive decline. Especially since this always happens at nighttime or early morning.

In the past few months I've had to actively be there with support and advice for both my adult children in their 30's in ways I never anticipated.

First, at the beginning of the summer, my adult son who is almost 31, moved out of an apartment that he sort of liked but a building and location he didn't like looking to save money on rent. He changed his usual criteria and ended up in a basement apartment of a large Edwardian era house that has been turned into multiple units. On the surface it looked like a great deal: less rent, an extra bedroom, nice decor, beautiful quiet neighbourhood and a short walk to work. But as with all moves it came with its growing pains. He needed to install a window AC unit, he had an incident with ants, he needed to get a dehumidifier etc etc.

And he basically freaked out. I was getting call after call from him (which is not normal for him) worried that he'd made a huge mistake, upset that he'd spent money to move and now he wasn't saving as much as he thought he would, his anxiety triggered some chronic health issues he has and at one point I found myself bringing him bedding because he got behind on his laundry and his dryer wasn't working and he was sleeping in sleeping bag. We spent some time together having a long discussion and I feel like he's turned a corner now and feels better where he is at. But my goodness that was something.

And then my adult daughter started in with her issues. She is soon to be 35. She was working on the other side of the country for three years, felt there were no opportunities for her to grow in that role and the town she was in was too small, too isolated and she felt too out of place. So she applied and got a job in Europe. Its a one year contract so far, the pay is not great (it's Europe, pay structures are different), but the role is in a large city which she very much likes and it's a way to have a bit of an adventure.

But this past couple of weeks has been so hard for her. The paperwork (work visa) is delayed which is frustrating. She can't leave without it. Her job starts in two weeks. She's had to move her departure flight. Then she caught a horrible cold/flu and has been miserable; it's knocked her off her feet. She started menstruating this week and is experiencing the worst cramps/pain. She has some sort of immune issue which triggers random hives and she's been taking ibuprofen, decongestants and now antihistamines. She's lying around blowing her nose and wearing a heating pad while all the packing she should be doing is piling up.

Last night she had a complete and utter emotional breakdown. She was sobbing, unsure if she was doing the right thing going to Europe for a job, afraid she'll be lonely, thinking she should be making more money and is not living up to her potential and education. It was a half hour of literal shaking and sobbing. The best I could do was tell her it's ok to feel nervous, that she's had a rough couple of weeks and that if anything changes and she doesn't like what she's signed up for that I would always be there for her. We went over all the moves she's made in the past few years and how they were hard but she persevered. And I hope I was able to comfort her through that.

The irony is that I myself am an anxious person full of self-doubt. And it makes me wonder if I passed that on to them unwittingly. Parenting adults is HARD.

A few weeks ago it became painfully apparent that I needed to seek some professional help. I am 62, I live a very complicated and stressful life, I'm dealing with trauma, anxiety, perfectionism, people-pleasing, high levels of impacts due to a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from a parent and more.

So I looked into the cost and what I could get covered and began sessions with a psychologist; yesterday was my third session.

And the pattern I am seeing is that on those days I have a session, the rest of my day is just a write-off. The level of self-reflection and processing of what we discussed and, probably due to my specific state of mind, sheer and utter guilt and of being a complete loser/failure.

I spent most of yesterday thinking to myself: "Why did I let that happen?" or "Why can't I enforce a single boundary?" or "Why am I so afraid of speaking up?" and I could go on and on and on. Because my thoughts immediately run to why I can't be better. Right now.

Intellectually I know it's going to take time. And that I'm just starting and I don't have the tools to be better. But emotionally, I spend the day beating myself up and wanting to hide myself in my bed exhausted.

About three weeks ago I posted how my mother and I had been arguing for days and that she had become quite unreasonable.

Many of you urged me to get her tested for a UTI. Well it was impossible to get her to even consider she might have a UTI. She insisted that there was no burning, no urgent need to urinate and so it was impossible.

She said this despite telling me that she now needed to wear incontinence pads because she had leakage when she couldn't make it to the toilet on time. Whatever, I can't force a person to do what they don't want.

Anyway yesterday she woke up feeling very unwell, experiencing strange symptoms and she asked that we go to the ER. The doctor had her do bloodwork and a urine test as well as ECG, X-rays and CT due to her symptoms.

Well, wouldn't you know it. She had elevated leukocytes in her urine and her blood indicated elevated monocytes (white blood cells). The doctor is having her urine cultured but in the meantime he gave her a general UTI antibiotic to get some immediate relief.

My mother still INSISTS that the UTI could not be causing what she was feeling but through all those tests the only thing not in line was the urine and the white blood cell counts. And she's having issues acknowledging that her body is not the same as it was and that a UTI is not going to feel the same anymore.

Anyway, it looks like this may be at the root of what's been going on.