Book recommendations for people who had violent childhoods?
TLDR at bottom
I'm 30
Ive read;
Complex PTSD by Pete Walker
Adult children of emotionally immature parents
Adult children of alcoholics
Was it even abuse by Emma Byham
The body keeps the score
Psychopath free(was almost word for word my first real relationship) -jackson mckenzie
Whole again-jackson Mckenzie
Why does he do that-lundy bancroft
Backstory:
I did a stint of intense outpatient therapy in early adulthood. More therapy for 5 years. Ended up in physically abusive relationship. No more I said. Went to a shelter. Learned more. Its been 3 years since its ended
Will be volunteering as a court advocate/on call for hospital visits for the local domestic violence center.
Bio mom was felony levels of violent to me and only me out of 4 siblings. She neglected the others.
She tried killing me through pills when I was young. Would choke, beat, scream, throw me outside in the winter. Telling me things such as she needs me to kill myself, worthless, etc.
I was parentified and the scapegoat. Ended up caring for the household. Father was emotionally neglectful, he provided. He did his best for what its worth. His childhood was record levels of violence and he never hurt us, just sat on a computer. Paid for the things he could. I know his neglect had left wounds. He wasnt aware of the violence to me as he was gone for work, and getting home he would sit on the computer, when he was aware, he immediately divorced my bio mom. I havent spoken to her in 15 years, and my dad in the last 2 years.
Im honestly decently adjusted despite it all. Good leaders in the military are to thank and even to blame for it.(ha ha) Im fit, healthy social life, no addictions apart from probably doom scrolling. Financially independent. In the healthcare field. Early therapy was immensely helpful. Books are helpful.
This part is a bit of a ramble, just hoping someone will relate or understand.
Im very fast to spot manipulative and abusive behavior, I give people the benefit of the doubt but intentional cruelty has no place in my life. Im not rigid when it comes to relationships(friends or other) hough I dont tolerate passive aggression, fast to address problems, look for mutual consideration, etc. Im not perfect but I just dont tolerate abuse in any form. I didnt have to be taught not to abuse people.
My friends are incredibly considerate. I have 13 very very close friends from different backgrounds and age groups. Mainly older though, these friendships are no less than 7 years old. They are in a way like my family. We all relate to eachother in our own way, they have their own forms of trauma and abuse that ranges from death, neglect, drug addiction, emotional and divorce. All very valid. I relate to them in different ways. But not fully as my background was extremely volatile. So I feel out of place at times. Hard to describe.
They find themselves in abusive relationships. They come to me for advice because I dont judge or condemn them. I tell them I am biased so read tjese books and determine if it is abuse. But their partners choices to scream/belittle/throw things/name call, etc is a choice and you got to figure out why youre tolerating it whether it be for self respect, self esteem or self worth issues.
Anyways, I think at times they believe I am too rigid for calling abuse abuse, or maybe at times I am too forward. I always ask if they want my input or if they want me to just listen.
Are there any fellow sort of or complete orphans out there that feel out of place?
●Parentified people, scapegoats, people who cut out a parent who did their best with them?(my dad, in his own way)
●how are you navigating life, ever feel a pang of emptiness when you see people with a parent they can go to? Almost jealousy?
●Feel silly when you consider your friends family when they already have a good family. Been invited into a family only to feel like this is something youve never had and not wanting to make it weird for them so you dont go to all the events you've been invited to.
I feel silly when I cut out people that have abused my friends but they dont even consider doing so for me. Then I understand that they dont consider it and I have an unfair hope that someone would do it for me, not that they need to or that I resent them, I dont. I just notice things on occasion like that and realize its probably a me problem
What deficits have you noticed in your life that you have worked through or are working through?
TLDR:
BOOKS PLEASE ON EXTREME VIOLENCE AS A CHILD FROM 1 OR MORE PARENTS