u/OuroborosOfBullshit

I hate myself. I want someone to fuck me I'm really lonely and I want to die I don't know what else to say I am tired of complaining to the void. There is nothing I have worth saying, I have never said anything at all. There is nothing productive about talking or rambling or wasting the words that I do. I have accepted that I will not be anything more than this and can only try and not be less than what I already am. And even so I am failing. I am not even a person I am just the concept of people's ideas of my potential and the bullshit I have fed them.

I am a pathetic piece of shit and I hate myself. I hate myself I can't fucking stand myself. I feel very alone at all times and nothing is enough.

Thinking of who you want to be and how much of that reflects who you really are or who you can be does it mean anything at all? I am saying nothing interesting I hate how fucking boring I am. I'm so fucking boring. I can't blame anyone for not liking me or loving me or giving a fuck. I'm so forgettable. People settle for my ears when they need to and leave when they get better, because by then they know they are worth much more than me.

I will either get the balls to finally just end it or spend the rest of my existence rotting until what I have gives way. I'm so fucking awful. All I do is bitch and moan all of this whining and complaining and I can't even just take real responsibility for myself ever. I'd be dead by now if I had any dignity. This is all overdramatic pathetic whiny bullshit Im so sorry. I feel very alone right now. I have many regrets. I have more regrets than I do empty moments to float around my head and I can't ever seem to be satisfied with life.

I don't know if I've ever felt genuine love for anyone, or if all I am capable of is strange obsessive need and infatuation. I have never felt like anyone has ever loved me. I am born of misconceptions and have never been loved for what I am or even for what I could be. I am disgusting. I don't want to be in this body anymore I don't want to be a sentient being I just want to exist in space for a while and then dissipate. I'm sorry.

My apologies would mean something if I shut the fuck up or just ended it. Otherwise they are worth just as much as I am which is Jack-Shit.

I don't even have to be in a certain mood anymore I'll be walking my dog and all of a sudden I start thinking about it.

Not to be one of those people, but I was on Instagram and I saw someone making watermelon bread which was green on the outside and I thought it was cute and then they sliced it open and it was red inside like a watermelon, the bread split and seeped it like skin and I felt extremely weird and ended up going on a walk to keep from doing anything, isn't that fucking stupid it's something so minor?

I play bass and I can't even sit down to play it without constantly thinking about it because I feel it where the bass sits on my thigh. I don't even have room there anymore and I keep thinking about it.

Every night before bed, while I'm out getting groceries, while I'm in the shower.

I used to just stick to matches and hitting myself with stuff but there's something so addicting about this specifically.

I just keep thinking about it now. It used to help me a lot but now it's becoming so tedious. I don't have room on my usual spots any more and I am trying to avoid migrating to other parts.

It sounds like a cold glass of water right now. I'm so fucking stupid.

How were you introduced to the series?

Just curious. I figure the audience for this is pretty vast considering the IP's age, I just don't know how much of it is online. I think the appeal is mostly dependent on someone's sense of humor as opposed to anything else. The humor is pretty specific and doesn't necessarily depend on the age of the audience or pop culture.

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This is in my head on repeat, has to be one of my top 3 title tracks ever. The 5:00-6:00 minute-ish portion of that song especially stand out to me but the whole song is such an experience. I love this song, I love this album, I love Tool.

Just as much as I want someone to love and comfort me, I want someone who hates me just as much as I hate myself, I want them to want to hurt in me in the same way that I want to hurt myself.

I think I just want my continued existence to be validated. I feel very desolate and purposeless. I don't know.

I feel very ugly. In every sense of that world I feel repulsive. I think beyond feeling, I know that I am grotesque and unpleasant, and I get a furthered sense of self-awareness when I blemish myself in any way and degree. It feels right and I feel more secure in myself. I often feel misplaced externally and internally. My body feels like a hotel room I should've long checked out of and the world around me feels like a busy lobby I'll go unnoticed in. I feel like if I go to the front desk with my card and tell them that I'm ready to leave they'll give me a fine and I'll be worse off. I think I'm better leaving my keys on the counter and not saying anything. Wow that tangent was fucking stupid. I don't know where I'm going with this anymore. I'm sorry thank you for reading.

I wish skin was more versatile. I really want to just go at my arms for a bit but I already have too many randomly placed things. For me to add more would be for me to make my life tedious.

I've stuck to my legs for a while but I try my hardest not to scar and still I manage to do that and still feel unsatisfied. I want to be able to just go ham and not have to have it show later. Bruising works too but I'm trying to avoid seriously injuring myself. I just want to indulge temporarily. I wasn't able to move my wrist for like a week last time. I feel agitated. I just want to bitch and moan sorry.

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I love hating myself. I love being fucking miserable and ruining what good I have, the good I don't deserve. I hope something awful happens to me. I want to give away all of my possessions, cutoff everyone I know, and then open my window and walk towards whatever is right in front of me until I find myself somewhere to lie down and sleep for a while.

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It's the numbing apathy you start to feel towards yourself, then towards the people in your life. It's not something you care to get away from in the moment concious of regret on every end of that compass that doesn't serve to lead you anywhere, but instead to keep you right where you've always been-atleast for as long as your memory can be misled.

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I'm considering giving away all of my traditional art supply and migrating fully to digital in order to save on money, space, and piece of mind in regards to privacy and having to essentially carry my thoughts around when I draw. I love to made traditional art but I'm very disorganized and am starting to get tired of the hassle. Any recommendations for platforms and tools (digital, or that will help me stay more organized)?