u/Perpetually-broke

My partner and I are both AuDHD which is great in a lot of ways, like we both understand each other and give each other grace with things like forgetting stuff and needing time alone, asking clarifying questions, etc. but also there's some slight downsides. The main one is that because we have the same comfort zone, neither of us really want to go outside that comfort zone so we don't go out on dates that often. We usually just chill at home and play video games or watch tv.

A little more about my partner: they're currently working a job that takes a lot out of them mentally. They also have sensory issues with food and they have Celiacs. So I want ideas for chill dates that are outside the house, but aren't too sensory overwhelming. And preferably don't cost a lot of money. I suck at coming up with things, so please help me out, thanks.

So yeah I'm not joking, I literally have an ACE score of zero, going off of the original 10 question ACE questionnaire. And I have C-PTSD. I can't sleep without taking 2 different prescription sleep meds every night, I don't trust almost anyone, I occasionally have emotional flashbacks and intrusive thoughts, I have social difficulties, etc. And I also recently got diagnosed with ADHD and ASD at age 25.

The point is that the ACE questionnaire is not an accurate measurement of childhood trauma, and certainly not an accurate predictor of an individual's mental health. In fact it was never intended to be used as a diagnostic tool in the first place. For a full breakdown of why it's not accurate and not helpful in many cases see this great explanation by u/Canuck_Voyageur here. They are much more knowledgeable about it than me.

But let me tell you about myself, to illustrate an example of what the ACE questionnaire misses completely.

I grew up in an upper middle class family. Both my parents were college educated, and my mom was even a mental health professional who specialized in treating kids (she totally missed my ADHD and Autism though). Neither of them were perfect but they were loving and supportive. As a young child they saw signs of my neurodivergence and queerness and they accepted and loved those parts of me too. But the thing is they never made it clear verbally. They never said "you're different but we love you regardless", so even though I definitely wasn't a normal kid and I had special needs, I had no idea and was completely unprepared for the world to hate me for being different.

Starting in fourth grade and continuing until 7th grade I was bullied for being "gay". My parents had so ill prepared me, I didn't know what gay meant, so I assumed it meant bad and wrong, since they used it as an insult for me. I was called slurs too, and threatened with violence and occasionally hit. It's possible I don't remember times that I was hit. The teachers were always either not around, or they didn't care. After those few years I changed completely. I got quieter and much more anxious and depressed. People pleasing became my default mode of interaction because it's how I learned to act with my bullies. I also stopped trusting and confiding in my parents because I felt like they deceived me and set me up for failure. I felt like it was no longer safe to be myself. I stopped trusting anyone, not even myself, since I learned that who I was was unacceptable. I also had undiagnosed Autism and ADHD, so there was also that added layer of feeling fundamentally different from my peers but not having any explanation for it. I also did turn out to be gay, and coming to terms with it was an excruciating process.

I had turned into a ball of stress and self hate, and even though the bullying ended and I came out, my mental health continued to get worse until I was completely socially shut off, depressed and suicidal by 11th grade.

None of that matters to the ACE questionnaire. Because my parents weren't the source of my trauma, it doesn't exist according to it.

This also means that >95% of the resources on CPTSD I come across feel like they don't account for my experiences. Whether it be videos, books, blogs, you name it. It's a mind f*ck. I'm diagnosed with PTSD, I live with the symptoms, and yet anywhere I look to read about my condition people start talking about things I've never experienced. Of course it's still good that people talk and write about their experiences of childhood abuse and neglect etc., but it sucks to feel like I don't hardly ever see my experiences represented or addressed.

I think I experience a crazy mix of the emotional difficulties of ADHD Autism and C-PTSD.

Pretty often I will be on the verge of tears, either because of emotional overwhelm, sensory overwhelm, or just sadness, and I like actually want to cry so I can let out some of what I'm feeling but almost every time, I get to the verge of tears and then I dissociate from my feelings and numb myself from them and then I never actually end up crying. And it happens automatically, like not even consciously, because on a conscious level I want to cry but then another part of me takes over and stops it from happening.

Also a lot of times I will feel an emotion and get stuck in it, which I know is an ADHD thing, but because I have alexithymia I often don't know why I'm feeling the feeling or where it's coming from. A lot of times I'll feel sad while at work without knowing exactly why. Maybe it's just depression. It's hard to say.

And 90% of the time I don't know what I'm feeling. Other people see my constant stimming and they think I'm "anxious" but idk if that's true. Maybe it is, I don't know.

I also almost never feel joy or express it. I think it's probably because of my trauma of being bullied and how that taught me that the things that bring me joy are wrong and weird. I kind of feel like sadness is my default emotion and everything else is just a momentary distraction from it.

I also was wondering for awhile if I might be aromantic because I kept dating and just not feeling anything for the people I was dating. But I did finally meet my partner who is also AuDHD. They make me feel content and warm inside and I'm comfortable calling it love.

My boss is still getting over a cold, constantly coughing all day and coughing and throat clearing are my trigger noises. She's super neurotypical and expects everyone else to be as well. She doesn't know I'm autistic or ADHD and I recently told her about my misophonia and I guess she either doesn't care or doesn't believe me because she's making no attempt to not cough or not cough as much. Also mind you she's not wearing a mask and she's coughing everywhere so it's already not good from a basic health standpoint. I was so relieved today when she left early for the day and I was left alone to mind the store. After leaving work my whole chest feels strained and I feel completely exhausted. I feel like my body and mental health are being destroyed every day and I feel like it's an unspoken rule that I'm not allowed to talk about it, or give any indication that I'm not happy.

I'm really interested in reading about different styles of Hindu temple architecture. I already have one about East Javanese temple art and architecture, it has a lot of good information, both history and analysis of the art itself and lots of good photos and cross sections of the temples. It's called Worshipping Siva and Buddha: The Temple Art of East Java. Does anyone know of other books like that but for other styles of Hindu temple architecture?

My boss has a cold and spends all day coughing, which is my trigger noise. It's unbearable and it's ruining my mental health. Currently hiding and covering my ears.

I didn't know what else to add as the flair.

I'm just one guy so idk if what I'm saying will help anyone else, but I hope so. This obviously isn't medical advice or scientific evidence or anything. I've mentioned in this sub a few times that my reactions have gotten less severe over time, and a couple times people asked me to elaborate. I honestly don't know what I did, and I still have misophonia but it's true that my reactions have gotten less severe and distressing. I hope sharing my story can help someone else.

I developed misophonia when I was 16. At that time I was very depressed, I'm talking suicidal thoughts 24/7. I also had undiagnosed Autism, ADHD, and CPTSD. I remember thinking for whatever reason that I was causing people to make my trigger noises by giving off the wrong vibe to them or something.. so I felt immense suffering which I didn't understand and I thought I was the cause of it. It was horrible.

Even though I didn't understand it I did try to avoid my trigger noises whenever possible. I was seeing a therapist at the time and eventually told him I was suicidal, then he told my mom and I got on antidepressants. I slowly recovered. I learned how to avoid and stop negative thought patterns that made me spiral into suicidality.

Then maybe a year later I saw a tiktok of someone explaining misophonia. I was overjoyed to find out I wasn't insane and I was experiencing something explainable and others shared my experience. I also had big issues with sleep. I still do but for now they're somewhat managed with the help of medications. My insomnia has always made everything else worse. My misophonia, my depression, my ADHD, my anger, even intrusive thoughts. So managing the insomnia has been huge for me.

And yeah.. ten years have passed since I developed misophonia and I'm not sure what I did exactly, maybe a combination of things, but my reactions are definitely less severe. On my best days I hear my trigger noises and hardly care. I speak up about my misophonia to ask people to be aware and try to not make the noises at work, and in other settings, and I put in earbuds to block out noises whenever I possibly can. I've been doing that ever since I discovered the concept of misophonia. And my mental and physical well-being as a whole is also better thanks to getting more sleep.

I don't know what I did but I know it's possible for it to get better.

I was very recently diagnosed with autism and ADHD and I'm starting to see my childhood in a whole new light. Looking back, I heard my parents and other people around me be dismayed when it was rainy outside and happy when it was sunny outside but I was the opposite. It was nearly impossible for me to enjoy sunny days because my eyes were too sensitive. I had to either wear sunglasses or if I didn't have sunglasses I would have to squint and look only at the ground, and my eyes would still hurt. I loved rainy days cause I liked the sound of the rain, I could actually see outside without squinting or pain, and I felt like the weather reflected how I felt inside. Pensive and kind of inexplicably sad.

I'm still that way, I still love rainy days. And I do see the beauty of sunny days now as an adult, and my eyes aren't as sensitive anymore, but I think I still prefer rainy days.

I'm just curious what causes people's chronic insomnia on here. For me I'm fairly certain it's related to my complex PTSD. I'm sleeping pretty regularly these days, like maybe 2/3 of the time I'll have good restful sleep, but that's only thanks to the medications I'm on. I haven't tested it but I'm pretty sure I'd be up all night without them. The last time I was unmedicated I would go for like three nights with barely any sleep and then I would crash, and repeat.

Title. 4 years ago I (25M) went to a psychologist to get a full psychological evaluation, just because of the amount of mental health challenges I was having at the time, and because I felt like there was more at play than just depression and anxiety (my previous diagnoses). Her conclusion was that I had C-PTSD from being bullied as a child as well as PDD (chronic depression), and she also acknowledged that I had clinically significant ADHD symptoms, so she actually reccomended that I try stimulants, even though she didn't diagnose me with ADHD. There also was an IQ portion which found that I was in the "gifted" range.

Anyways, recently I have been reconsidering if I might have ADHD and also maybe autism, cause I keep scoring pretty high on reccomended autism screeners and it would explain a lot. It would explain why I was so sensitive to the bullying, and it would explain why my personality changed so drastically after the bullying, because it wasn't just the trauma that changed me, it forced me to start highly masking at a young age, which is how I was able to escape diagnosis maybe.. idk.

I'm currently in the process of having my ADHD diagnosed by my psychiatrist, and I'm def gonna talk to her about the autism next time I see her.