u/PinDear310

In general around my period I feel very emotionally depleted. I feel numb the whole week before my period..

But this time it didn't happen, in fact my period was EARLIER today. A shorter cycle.

That all sounds like such good news since I have lost my period for just a short period and then experienced long cycles.

But I feel sad, upset... angry.

I am sad cuz in my head now 'I must be healed'. It's such a stupid thing cuz I know that there is no such thing as periods being an indicator that you are now fine (I mean this might literally even be a one time thing), but I kept help and feel it.

I am so sensitive to these things, like I immediately want to stop eating when this happens. I shouldn't do it and somewhere I know that stuff doesn't work like this... but then why do I feel it to be the truth?

The fact that my period was earlier makes it just so much worse. It's like.. improvement.

In my head I wanted improvement the entire time, but as soon as my body even so much hints at such a thing (wether it's actual improvement or just a coincidence) I immediately shut down and don't want it.

This also goes for weight gain.

Like.. I feel in my head it's the thing I want.. but then when I THINK it happens I immediately think 'wait! I am actually not ready! I don't want it! Go back!'. I hate it so much cuz when that feeling goes away and in fact realise I have not gained weight I almost feel like 'seriously? but I want to gain weight?'

Same goes for my period.

I feel like my dad doesn't really actively think of me (or anyone else in the family). I feel like sometimes he doesn't really understand that he has to put in work so we want to do activities with him.

Like he won't really do any activities with me. Most of the time he speaks to me is to give me chores. I do feel like I owe it to him to do chores because he takes care of me financially, but sometimes I feel sad that the only time he speaks to me is when he wants something.

Like... I have been studying for a year already and he often asks me if I have uni lectures. When I tell him no he says 'great then you can babysit maybe'. Or sometimes he'll take off from work to go eat lunch with my nephews, but he never does that for any of my close family members (siblings and mom).

Then when he does offer to do something outside of his office hours he always wants to do something he wants to do. He kinda forces it upon me to (rarely) bond with him through his hobbies.

Besides that, I am really really struggling with my mental health and he knows that, but I think (but I can't say for sure of course because he never talks to me about it) he kinda just experiences that as a 'normal' thing. Not that I think he wants me to suffer, but like... it is just a present thing, not actively being worked on.

I find it really difficult to communicate with him because I am scared to make him mad and/or sad. Any tips on how to do that?

Before I developed anorexia I had bought a chocolate bar (tony's chocolonely caramel sea salt) because it's my favourite.

For the longest time it had stayed on the bottom of the bag. I always took it with me to uni because I thought 'if I ever need sugar... I can eat it'. Of course I never ate when I in fact needed to eat so it never happened.

I was cleaning out my bag and found it, but I still hadn't touched it.

Now two years later.. I have finally opened it and took a piece. It is so overwhelming and I cried but... it was really nice.

TW: Talking about thinness

This might sound really crazy, but I honestly believe that this is the reason.

My cats sit on everyone else's lap but mine... It's not that they dislike me. They will lay next to me, they'll lay on my bed, they'll go to me to get pat, but they won't sit on my lap!! Even when I put them on my lap they get off.

I know cats are stubborn creatures (I have had cats in the past), but I honestly think it's the reason that I am too skinny!!

Why I think that is because my cats have actually tried to sit on my lap! They'll put their paw on my leg... but my leg is too skinny that the surface is too wobbly. I have a big thigh gap so when they do sit on my lap they slip in between and I think that they don't like that..

It honestly makes me really sad...

Sometimes they try it out again, but they always immediately get off... Like.. I am not a comfortable sitting space.

I was wondering if other people also feel like they are out of breath or have shortness of breath because I feel like I have experienced this quite regularly at this point.

I do think I sometimes psychosomatically make myself think that something is going on when it is in fact not, so that's why I also wanted to ask this question.

Basically to sketch a clear scenario:

I always get out of breath in the strangest situations. I think it has something to do with malnutrition/restriction because (I think) it gets worse when I struggle more with eating (and restrict more). What happens is that I get out of breath in strange situations which is why I find it alarming in the first place.

I literally lay down on my bed, and I feel like I have trouble getting in a full breath. I AM LITERALLY LAYING DOWN!? I don't get it. It mostly happens at night or right before dinner (which is when I experience the most hunger when I do restrict).

I am not asking for any medical advice as I know I should ask a GP about it. I was just wondering if anyone else also struggles with this...

I keep being unable to sleep because I get so stressed about the breathing which ironically makes it harder to breathe 😭. Sometimes I also get a heart palpitation while it happens.. or it is leading up to a sort of heart palpitation (but this is only when I am hungry).

I know this is weirdly specific 😞 So I apologise for that.

This is just me talking about howwww upset I am. 😭 I literally have no where/no one to express this to and this whole thing has ruined my day.

So basically was just setting the table and I dropped this tomato basil spread and cottage cheese (two of my safe foods) ON THE FLOOR.

The jar broke… the cottage cheese fell out. I was literally so upset cuz these are the only things I eat as a spread :(

My mom kept asking me “oh would you like the hummus? Would you like pesto? Would you like this and that”.

I just felt like I couldn’t eat cuz I felt so stupid and angry that I dropped it.

I was wondering if anyone has experienced/is experiencing outpatient care for ana in the Netherlands.

I am struggling to find a support system and I feel like I really need it (especially since I am very prone to relapse at this time due to uni starting again). I struggle to find a good place to go to...

So I was wondering if anyone is willing to share what outpatient care was like (I am also interested to hear about it in general, not necessarily in the Netherlands) and if anyone has undergone outpatient care in the Netherlands.

During my heavy restriction period and during early recovery I struggled a lot with food possessiveness. I got really mad when people ate stuff cuz I was scared by the idea of food running out. This didn't only happen with foods I liked, I also felt this with foods I disliked.

Like I would feel super angry and stressed and would sometimes steal food, hide it away in my room (never eating it). I still have a lot of food from that period in my room.

For a while I hadn't struggled with it anymore, but as I started to struggle with food again, that possessiveness came back.

I feel super mad when someone touches stuff (stuff in a bag, fruits, bread). For me it started with that 'contamination fear' and eventually that bled into feeling angry about food. I am noticing that it already happens with certain foods... I feel mad when someone even opens bags of food.

I have also started to hoard food again.

Now that I recognise these symptoms, I try to hold back my anger about food, but it is still there. So I was wondering if anyone else also experiences food possessiveness and how they deal with this sort of thing.

Hi! This is my first time on this sub.

Basically, I have suffered from dermatillomania since I was 10 years old. Currently I am 21. I have really a lot of trouble stopping with it. My parents often catch me picking at my skin and tell me to 'just stop' but I simply can't!

It hurts a lot... I have permanent scarring on my fingers and back. I really want to try and stop the picking because it has been going on for so so long and I do have a bad immune system so it is really just asking for problems (like I honestly don't know how I have not gotten a bad infection yet).

The sides of my fingers are completely pink-ish red from the scarring and they basically constantly hurts. My clothes are sometimes covered in blood because I scratch at my back and I feel super embarrassed going out with the scars I have there.

Does anyone have any tips on how to reduce skin picking? I have tried a lot but I am really open to a lot. I just really want this to stop (or at least reduce the amount of skin picking that I do.)

Hi! I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but I really want to know some good safe meals/foods.

I would say that I currently have one REAL safe food that I am wiling to eat when I am having trouble eating (Which is Skyr). I have a restrictive type of ED (and also orthorexia) so a lot of foods are very unsafe to me.

Today I was having a lot of trouble because I already ate my safe food today and because my orthorexia is sort of 'against' eating the same thing twice I felt very frozen. Also, I was running out of Skyr and I still needed some tomorrow morning... I was honestly really hungry but nothing seemed safe so I didn't eat anything...

Tomorrow I'll be going to the grocery store, so I would love to hear what your easy safe foods/meals are!! I might consider trying them and see how I feel.

Thank you very much <3

Update: I already want to say thank you so much for all the tips!!! They help so much!! If you see this post much later, I would still gladly accept your safe food recommendations!! (I can never have enough)

I really want to try to word this as polite as I can, but if I say something offensive I really don't mean it! If I do accidentally say something mean, please let me know so I can change it in my post (or delete it). I really don't mean to be offensive or to make someone feel invalidated. <3

I am 21F and I have had an early diagnosis (I was diagnosed at the age of 11 with PDD-NOS). To be honest, it just made sense to me. I never really questioned anything about it and no one really did. I even went into therapy for this as a kid.

However, lately my mom (whenever we talk about autism) keeps telling me that she thinks I don't have autism. She keeps telling me she thinks I don't have PDD-NOS and that I am just hypersensitive.

Look, I love my mom and my mom is very educated on this topic. She is very active in writing about autism and actually helping parents navigate supporting/getting support for their children who have autism. So that sort of makes this extra painful.

I get that she may say that sometimes because I come from a family who has more individuals with autism. They have different needs than I do. For example I have a little brother who needs a caretaker and I have a little sister who also gets overstimulated way quicker than I do. They both also stim more visibly than I do.

We have all have different autism diagnosis's...

But I feel like my mom keeps comparing me to both my siblings. She often tells me that I don't have the same amount of needs and that that's why I shouldn't have been diagnosed. Sometimes it's because she thinks I don't have autism and sometimes she thinks it's because my diagnosis isn't helpful to me.

It upsets me because I feel very... invalidated. I do have needs. I get overstimulated very fast, I do actually feel the need to stim sometimes but I have been taught to suppress it, I actually can't work, maintain social life and study at the same time so I need financial support. I also cannot live on my own at this point in my life for that reason and I have ongoing mental illnesses due to feeling like I cannot keep up/fit in with people around me (socially).

I get that my needs seem less extreme than the ones my siblings need cuz they really need a lot more support than I do, which is really fine and I am not saying that I am jealous of their support or anything, I just feel hurt that my mom keeps telling me that I shouldn't have been diagnosed.

Sometimes she also tells me stories about me when I was a kid: I didn't talk for 2 years, I was stranger-anxious from an incredibly young age (which doctors found strange) and people would call me serious but then also incredibly childish for my age.

Obviously these aren't the only reasons why I got diagnosed but my mom always joked and says: "it's incredible how we didn't notice", talking about how it's funny that I wasn't diagnosed earlier.

Which then makes me super confused, because why is she saying that apparently it was so 'obvious' but then also says I shouldn't have been diagnosed.

What also frustrates me a lot is that my mom has been going to a psychologist and she keeps asking me questions about whether something she does may be related to autism. My mom has NO diagnosis, but her psychologist does think she may be neurodivergent. I am not angry at the idea of her getting diagnosed by the way... I am more so upset because we are very similar... Like... seriously we are very similar.

Not saying that we are the same person (obviously), but how we react to things and the needs we have are very similar. We also both struggle with very similar things when it comes to communication... So I guess I am more so upset that she keeps telling me that I shouldn't have been diagnosed because it is "unhelpful" or "not true", while actively looking for a diagnosis herself.

I don't know how to politely put this... but I just think it's sort of mean? Like I think she doesn't realise the irony of it, because I think she could actually receive a very similar diagnosis as me, which would ironically also mean that she "shouldn't have been diagnosed" if we consider her logic in this story.

Maybe she is frustrated because she's not diagnosed yet and she's sort of trying to make it seem like a big deal because a diagnosis isn't "necessary?"

My other explanation for her comments could be that she's upset cuz sometimes people with a similar diagnosis as the one I have, talk for the entire community. I mean I have seen it happen a few times before (especially the low functioning and high functioning debates. I don't really want to use these words because I know that there are different opinions on using these words!!). I guess that I do understand that that can be annoying from the point of view of a caretaker. My little brother can't talk for himself. I am not just saying that to be demeaning. He really can't. (Please don't comment on that, I know my little brother). I get that it can be frustrating to hear someone advocate for an ENTIRE community while that's simply not possible to do in the case of something that is a spectrum.

My last explanation would be is that she thinks I'll be more obsessed about autism and that I will 'act' more autistic when having this diagnosis. I wouldn't say that I did that... I literally didn't even know what autism was until a few years ago. Literally when someone told me 'you have autism' I was like 'Alright, bye'. Like I literally didn't know what it was.

I just wanted to get this out because this frustrated me a lot. She keeps doing this with other issues I have as well. I show a lot of OCD behaviour (which is tied to some of the mental illnesses I have) but she says I shouldn't be diagnosed because "too many diagnosis's are bad" (and to her my 'OCD' behaviour isn't the same as the one she had so I can't have OCD.)

Like obviously I think it would be a little suspicious to have a super long list of diagnosis's but it would be nice if I could get some legit help for the issues I have. I simply cannot GET help when I don't KNOW what to get help for. One of the main examples is that I have been really struggling with >!anorexia!<(⚠️for those who don't want to click on the spoiler: food related issues⚠️). I have been looking for a professional (because you just need a professional for these kinds of issues) but she now tells me: maybe you just need a nice psychologist, not one who is necessarily focussed on this topic.

Like I get it... because this particular issue is rooted in a lot of stuff, but I simply cannot just "ignore" that I have this as well you know. (Which btw, she also blames the 'OCD' issues and other mental health ON the fact that I have autism... which is possible of course that I experience more mental health issues because of that... but how can we blame it on autism if I "shouldn't" have this diagnosis...)

Like she is right about some things, but sometimes I feel like she thinks she knows my experience better than she actually does. I guess I just don't know what to do. She upsets me with these comments and it makes me hesitant about looking for support and ANY other treatment for the other issues I am having.

So I am a 21 year old woman and my height has always been a pain in my butt.

As a young girl, I always felt really visible because when I was around 170-175 cm tall. I mean I don't want to sound like some stupid person who is like 'omg I am so tall' but lets be realistic here... 175 cm for a 10 year old is simply tall, I can't really change that fact.

I always noticed that I was taller than the other girls in my class and obviously other people noticed it as well. I would need bigger clothes BECAUSE I WAS TALLER. It made me feel really >!big!<, despite being a normal >!weight!< for my height. I would also get called >!pig!< by some of my classmates because I was taller.

So I always felt super insecure about my height.

I grew to be 185 cm tall (I believe that is 6'0-6'1? idk). There are tall women in my class, but I still struggle with my height. A lot of my friends are shorter than me and that insecurity I had back when I was MUCH taller than my peers still haunts me.

Even in recovery I struggle with it. I obviously still need bigger clothes than a shorter person with my >!BMI!< because I just legit have bigger bones. I feel like that often times makes people overlook my illness. They see that >!I am skinny, too skinny!<, but they don't think it's 'that bad'.

I also often struggle with seeing other people recover. Despite there also being tall people recovering from >!anorexia!<, I struggle with watching other people eat certain amounts in recovery. Like... I see someone shorter than me eat enough for them to feel satiated and I think 'but I am so much more hungry than that? So what is wrong with me?...' as if we literally have the same >!body type!<.

I understand that height is not the only thing that determines how much hunger you can have and how much energy your body needs, but height does play a partial role in it.

I guess I just really want to be small in the sense that I want to be shorter. I feel really visible ALL THE TIME and so in my head I just want to be shorter and I look at shorter people and sort of forget that we don't have the same needs.

I just feel really silly about this and it maybe sounds really stupid but I just wanted to get my frustration out. If this is an uncomfortable topic I'll delete it!

I am a 21 year old woman who lives with her parents. My mom has experienced anorexia in the past which she had only opened up about 3 years ago. About 1,5 years ago I developed anorexia myself.

My mom kept asking me whether or not I was okay because I was loosing weight rapidly. I always said I was, but she did get angry at me a lot of the time. She told me that I can never do anything normal, that I always have to go to the extremes (we had started to work out during this time). It had hurt me so much because I have been struggling with mental health pretty much my entire life (experiencing anxiety, panic disorder and depression).

She made the whole thing very shameful and eventually she got so mad at me that everything came out (involuntarily). I admitted to having an eating disorder and felt super embarrassed.

Since then my mom got mad at me every now and then but eventually stopped. That should be a good thing but now it has turned into something else: "we are the same".

Look, I love my mom. She does a lot for me and she's a kind person... but we are obviously NOT the same. Some stuff we relate to... and yes we have experienced quite similar mental health issues...

But obviously not for the same reason. She knows that, and yet she treats my anorexia the same as the way her anorexia used to be.

It frustrates me. Look, of course I want someone to relate to me. Anorexia can be super isolating and alone. However, my mom almost acts like she knows what has been going on in my life. This is simply not possible. I feel like I can barely open up about anything because she'll lecture me about. Like.. there are so many reasons why someone develops anorexia... Me and my mom simply have not grown up in the same environment like LITERALLY WE HAVEN'T. In pretty much every way I grew up in a better environment.

My reason for developing (if that's even the correct way to word it) is obviously not gonna be the same as hers.

And she does this with every mental health issue I have. Sometimes she even says I can't have something because she experienced it differently. Like... I have been diagnose with autism and do have compulsive behaviours. She says I cannot have OCD because I don't think my mom will die when I don't do the dishes and that these compulsive disorders are due to having autism.

I haven't been diagnosed with OCD, just for the record... But I have been advised many times to actually get myself checked because I do participate in a long chain of self soothing and compulsion gestures.

Look, I don't know if I have OCD, my point is that my mom basically tells me what I can and cannot experience because she experienced it differently. This just happens with EVERYTHING and it pisses me off.

Like I don't want to make my mom sound bad... but it just frustrates me so much. Why does my experience have to be her experience? Idk if it sounds selfish... I am sure someone would really like it when their mom understood their ED in some capacity... but it just frustrates me so much...

Sometimes my mom will be proud when she knows what I am doing. Like my dad would tell me "maybe you can try eating another banana" and my mom will be like "no that's not enough cuz it's x amount. Yeahhh I know that stuff from when I was experiencing this."

Like it makes me feel weird. Idk...

This whole message is a bit of a mess but I am just so frustrated and I don't know how to put it into words. Even though my mom doesn't get mad at me anymore when I struggle with disorderly behaviour, I still feel like I can't really tell her when I struggle because it will just turn into a relatable struggle and apparently she can tell me 'exactly' what I should do...

Hi, I have been in recovery for about 10 months-ish and I would say that I am doing a bit better. At the start I had intense territorial reactions around food. Like I would get super angry when someone touched food.. Even when it was food I didn't even like. Just the idea of the food going away made me feel so uncomfortable.

I understand this had to do with my brain putting me into survival mode.

However, I still sometimes struggle with this but now in different ways. Like the title indicates, I hate throwing stuff away. With stuff I mean food. Like I literally feel upset when I have to throw food out (whether it has gone bad or simply because I dropped it on the ground).

Naturally I don't want to eat food that has mold or touched bacteria... but it makes me so upset that I am physically unable to throw away ANY food. Like other people literally have to do it for me. Even talking about throwing food away makes me so uncomfortable. I don't get angry at it, but I just feel this super uncomfortable feeling.

Is this strange?

Hi! I have been in recovery for a while now and I wasn't open to any medical care at all at the start. However it was always something on my mind (mostly because my parents threatened me with it...)

Now I slowly want to actually find medical care... I was thinking about a psychologist, but I am having such trouble looking for one. I have informed my GP about having issues with eating, but she sort of brushed me off.

She did tell me she would give me a referral to a psychologist, but only if I find one myself...

And honestly, I did try to look... multiple times.

It is quite tough because a lot of clinics that have treatment for anorexia and provide a psychologist they tell me that I need to get blood work done, that I need to weight myself and that my heart needs to be checked, if I want to be accepted.

I know that they just want to know my stats and everything, but it honesty makes me feel like I am in some sort of 'competition'. Weighting can actually be super triggering for me and I feel like it will only cause me to get worse if I were to even get weighted...

I know I am underweight (visibly), but I still feel scared that somehow they'll tell me that they can't help me.

I tried to look for other psychologists but a lot of the ones I think are good are literally 3 hours of public transport away from me. Like I want to get better, but I also can't really travel 6 hours every day...

Then there is also this thing with waiting time... Like the earliest intake I can get is after 32 weeks (after the referral..) And if it isn't a match I basically have to go through all of this again.

I find myself struggling to take seeking for medical treatment serious... Like it just feels like an awful waste of time, even if it is for my health.

Hi, I have bought the about face liquid eyeshadows and I was actually really pleasantly surprised. Because I have hooded eyes and my eyelids always move the eyeshadow into the creases and with these eyeshadows it doesn't happen.

However, recently I bought the white matte eyeshadow version. I basically wanted to apply it to my inner corner in sort of like a very blurred out cut crease way to lighten up the area but the eyeshadow comes out cakey.

Sometimes when I apply it it doesn't come out cakey, but then I have trouble getting into my inner corner so I just get a super harsh transition. Whenever it does come out good it looks really good, but it's sort of a 50/50 situation.

I was wondering if there are any techniques to prevent the cakeyness from happening. Whenever I use the lighter grey-ish brown eyeshadow all over my eye nothing bad happens. It just smooths out so I am really confused why this white one is giving me issues.