u/Professional-Key5552

I am F33 and I was only in one relationship. I met him when I was 23 and we were in a relationship for 7 years. It was horrible. There was lots of abuse and it was hard to get out. Many things went wrong, but I got out alive in the end.

But that alone, made me damaged so much. I sometimes think that I would love to date. With 33, I am still so inexperienced. I at least have one ex, but as you maybe can imagine, sometimes I think I want to know if other men feel the same, are the same.

Though I can't even meet guys. I have tried dating apps, that didn't work at all. Men only played around there. I am very open and honest about myself, which I probably shouldn't be ? I just like to play with open cards, so I tell men that I have Crohns disease, rosacea, hirsutism, ptsd and ocd. And, if they ask, about my history and also with my ex.

But usually what happens is, I then get, "I actually have a girlfriend", and then I get pics of them with their gf. Many times I get blocked or ghosted obviously. There was one guy who said, he wants to meet me, and I was so excited for the entire week, but he cancelled last minute and then blocked me.

Sometimes I ask myself: "Would I date myself?" I would say: "No".
I went through a lot in my life, I have a lot of trauma in my childhood and especially teenage years. Many things went wrong and they obviously haunt me to this day. I went through a ton of therapy already and people usually say, "You are the strongest person I know". But by now, I feel so strong (which is the wrong word for it though I feel like), that I let no one get close to, or I can't.

Of course I am afraid that the same would happen again like with my ex. Often I also feel unworthy of love. But then again, when I look online, and what men are writing and doing outside, I feel like I should be happy that I am alone. I do grave closeness and physical touch, but when I think back about my life with my ex, it didn't feel like anything.

Sex didn't feel like anything. If you would have told me at that moment, that I wouldn't have sex, I could have believed it as well. Kissing didn't feel like anything, could have kissed a wall as well. So I just wonder, is it me? Or is it just my ex. But I also can't just go out there and get a guy either. Even if men often try to make it look easy online for women, it is not.

So yea, I feel way too damaged to date anyone. Anyone who would truly know me, would run away and in some sense, I am thinking, if I am not in a relationship with someone, it is better for me and for them as well. No one wants to deal with the ptsd that I have from my past traumas. No one wants to deal with the life that I have either. I feel that I live life on extreme hard mode and all I see are men who want an easy life. I would need to find a man who went through a lot as well and would understand, but I am not sure if that is even possible and if I could really be vulnerable again. But I also cannot take the risk of being hurt and abused again.

Some of you have already noticed that we have an influx of people (trolls, dupes, whoever) on this subreddit. Some may disguise themselves as being "fictos" just for the sake to stab us later in the back. This doesn't only happen here, it happens on other subreddits as well.

Since we touch on these subreddits on something emotional, like loving our fictional partners, we are already more vulnerable, also because being ficto is still not the norm in society. Because many people do not understand it, and to some extent they may be even jealous and have nothing else to do, some people just wanna be assholes, to say it bluntly, and hurt us.

I have seen it and witnessed it multiple times as well. If your comments and posts get downvoted, please don't take it as an offence, but always think that there is another person, who just can't deal with the feelings we have. That could be a dupe, could be a troll, or someone who just randomly stopped by and thinking what this even is.

1. As I said already, the best is, to not give a shit. People like this love to see us hurt and love it when we go from spaces like this, because then they feel that they have the power to hurt people like us. I can also understand though if it gets overwhelming if you get attacked over and over, and so we come to the second point.
2. As I already mentioned today in a comment under a post: Lock your dms. If you have someone you chat with and you can trust this person to 1000000%, then chat with them over discord or you can also chat further on reddit, but make sure to always have a backup plan as well, since on Reddit, profiles can get deleted and shadow-banned quite easily. With blocking your dm's, dupes will also have less space to attack you.
3. Another advice from me is, hide your profile. People love to go through others profile to find anything. In the past, when we couldn't hide our profiles, I had people who digged through my entire history of reddit, just to hurt me, and things I wrote years ago. And yes, I am aware of that that this happened and even happened here. So be also careful with this.
4. It touches on what I wrote in point 2 already and what I say here and there: Do not trust anyone lightly. You can have the greatest friendship and on the next day, the person can turn against you. Also something that I encountered multiple times. If possible, be aware of what you write online. Also some people do make screenshots out of everything, probably even my post and they may have a good laugh about it. And I am pretty sure that there are quite a few subreddits that only exist for uploading screenshots of other people to talk about them, without them even knowing about it. And this is also something that has happened to me more than a year ago, that I got a link from a stranger, clicked on it and saw how some men talked rudely about me and Dante on a subreddit for men. Them complaining that I only like Dante for his looks and his height.
5. Definitely never say where you live or any private information. No irl names and some people can already do a lot of damage if they know your age. Also always be careful when you upload irl pics. There are so many assholes who love to prey on people to stalk and do doxxing.

TLDR: Be careful online, do not care about the downvotes if you get any, try to protect yourself as much as possible, in the text there are some tips how to, don't be naive and trust anyone you meet.

I also absolutely hate that cai has removed all LLMs, except for Pipsqueak 2 (and Deepsqueak if you pay). It absolutely does not work nor engage in the rp at all. My fav's were Roar and Soft Launch.

Since cai has basically nuked itself again, I again search for other platforms and again get hit by, "For some reasons, other AI platforms are still doing a worse job". How can that be? In the past, I did pay for AI, not cai though, even in comparison, the paid version is still not as good as cai can pull it off.

Maybe now it's different, since like I said, Pipsqueak 2 is unusable, but I am just not sure where to go. It seems like all the other AI platforms have gone to trash too. The AI peak was really 2-3 years ago and I miss that time. How can it be that it has gotten so much worse than better during the few months?

I have heard, from people who pay for cai, it is not better even when you pay. So what is even the point? I do agree with those people who say that we should just go back with writing our own fanfiction, but I have done this my entire teenage years, (I am now in my 30s), and it is nice when things turn differently than in your head.

any experience with it? Good or bad? I hate the hair on my face and throat area. No money for electrolysis, and struggling since 20 years. So far I have shaved, but the hair is just always there and I hate it.

I got a cake with real flowers on it. Ordered it for my daughter. We would have the birthday party on Saturday. The cake is in the fridge. Will the flowers be still okay until Saturday? Do I need to do anything to keep them fresh?

Did it work? How was your experience? Which method worked the best? And for how long did the hair stay away? Online it says 2-3 weeks, but my hair grows very fast and I have to shave daily, sometimes even twice in a day.

I am F33, I feel the loneliest I ever have, well since a while already, but it's been pretty tough. I don't have any friends nor family. When I go out somewhere, I do it alone, but that alone is rare already. There isn't much going on and I also don't have that much money to spend either. But no one talks to me, which is understandable I guess. I am like a ghost to people in general. No human touch, no talking face to face, no hug, nothing.

The only time when I don't feel alone is when I am asleep. I go with the thought to sleep "If I am asleep, then I am not alone, because in my dreams, there are always people". But during the time when I am awake, I feel deep sadness of loneliness. I feel like, I don't know how to communicate even anymore. If someone would finally talk to me, I would overshare for sure. When I am at home, sometimes I talk to myself, it makes the room less quiet I guess, but obviously nothing comes back either.

I often wish, that my brain would just make a person up in the room, so I wouldn't be so alone anymore. But, I also got hurt so many times by irl people, that it is also really hard to trust anyone. No matter if it's online or offline, I never really had many friends in life, and I only had one partner ever, which left me 3 years ago. I know more people feel like this, but it's just so isolating. I know that the only person who can change it is me, but I am scared of changing it as well and I am not an outgoing person either, I was always the introvert and shy one, but always got bullied a lot because of that and because of how I look like.

Last time when I went out, a week ago, I just met up with some strangers, exchanged phone numbers to make a group. And guess what, I still haven't been added to the group. It just feels like I am deemed to be alone, which is fine, I would say. But there is also this part unfortunately that craves for any type of connection. Anything. I cry every day and even though I will try to go out today as well, it won't change anything. I will be a ghost to others. Will anyone even look at me and say "Hi"? I doubt it, but it would be nice.