u/ProperPenguinn

I’m trying to figure out if I’m (30F) overreacting or if my concerns are reasonable. I’m in a long-distance relationship and every time I visit him (31M) it’s a significant commitment on my end. I drive about 2 hours to the airport, arrive around 2 hours early, then take about a 2-hour flight, so it’s basically a full day of travel each way. He has been generous in paying for my flights and our dates, which I genuinely appreciate. On my end, I’ve covered things like airport parking, gas for the 4-hour round trip to the airport, and my checked bag. I never asked him to pay those expenses because I’m a woman and, personally, I didn’t want to make him feel like less of a man by nickel-and-diming him over every cost.
The part I’m struggling with is that he says one of his love languages is being cooked for and doing longer visits or considering moving forward in general he wants to see me cooking for him more during the short weekend visits. From my perspective, I’m already investing a lot of time and effort just to get there and our weekends together are limited. I was hoping longer visits would let us experience normal day-to-day life together, but instead it feels like he’s saying I need to prove myself more on these short trips before we even get to that point. Also, in the beginning he sent me door dash a few times as a gesture but seems to have stopped because he thinks it’s not even. Almost like he’s keeping a balance sheet. Am I overreacting for feeling like the focus is on what I still need to demonstrate rather than recognizing the effort I’m already making to be there?

Some context to go with the screenshots, I (28F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (29M) for five-ish months but we've known each other for over 6 years. He's always been a super charming, sweet, and kind guy for as long as I've known him until 2 months ago when he started and sending me videos of really stupid podcasts catering to men. I assumed he was sending it to me because he found them funny... Apparently not because he's been talking to me weird. I can't really put my finger on it but it's the language he uses and the vibe?? I honestly dismissed it thinking I was reading too much into nothing and chalked it up to his insecurities

He's been cheated on before and it's made him really insecure (which is very understandable) but lately it's been so bad he'd even shared my location with himself without my knowledge. We had a big fight over it

I had a banquet type work event recently and he was my plus one. I thought we had a great time but apparently he didn't think so because these are the messages I received as soon as he left (he left a little earlier because he had an early day)

He's never talked to me like this before in all the time I've known him but I also weirdly wasn't too shocked? Anyway, i finally had enough when he called me names and I had a flash of what my life would look like if I stayed with him and it terrified the shit out of me so I ended things

I've been feeling like my reaction was appropriate and my best friends agree but most of our mutual think I overreacted and should've been more understanding of his jealousy especially given how brutal his last relationship was. They've been sending me relationship videos telling me how true love means sticking with the person through difficult times and working through the issues together

Are they right? Did I overreact?

Edit #1: I’ve learnt the hard way that I shouldn’t push for reasons, it’s only going to hurt more than it helps 😭😭 I’ve also learnt that the other person doesn’t need to tell me a reason, they don’t owe me that.

Edit #2: My upvote ratio is 53% and I understand why, sorry I was so dumb with answering and pushing him 😭😭

Context: I (18F) have been talking to this guy (17M) from school for around 3 months now. We don’t have classes together but we do see each other around school a lot. Usually we hang out once every other day.

Before the first text of the pictures is us calling and him telling me we’re “over”, which felt really weird to me since I thought we’re still getting to know each other, so what exactly is over? He said he “had his reasons”, and then just said bye. I think the pictures are pretty self explanatory.

The text conversation was very much a roller coaster, and I’m not even sure what his main reasons were. Was it that he found someone else? Or that he didn’t feel wanted? Or he didn’t like my “problems” (which haven’t been problems in a long time)?

The scars he talked about were from SH, and he didn’t even know me when those were new, which was two years ago. I’ve been clean for two years so I don’t see that as an active problem I should be fixing.

It’s currently finals week, and I’m graduating in a week as well. I’m trying to do well on my last finals so that I can maintain my GPA for a scholarship I got. AIO especially for how I responded to him?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AIO/comments/1thxtrl/aio_for_thinking_my_gf_might_be_cheating/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

tldr: My (25m) in-person gf (24f) of 4 years accidentally texted me saying she was going to fly to see me (to give me kisses). I got confused because she wouldn't need to fly to give me kisses and when she explained her side, she told me she thought she was replying to her platonic childhood female friend who I have never heard of (she often tells me about all her friends and their gossip). The more I thought about her story the more it didn't make sense so she tried to gaslight me and I talked myself into believing her despite my gut feeling telling me otherwise.

Thanks everyone who helped me in my original post, in hindsight I seem delusional but I think I was really in shock and trying to justify her story in my head. I left halfway through work today to go to her house after she started ignoring my texts/calls (turns out she did block me temporarily). I packed up all her stuff in my car before I visited her in case she confessed. I tried to have a calm conversation with her about it and she got mad saying I was accusing her of cheating. When I asked to see any proof that "Penny" existed she freaked out when I suggested specific ways to prove it, started crying and admitted to actively cheating on me with 2 people. The one she thought she sent the text to lives in another state and she met him through her friend friend while he was visiting our city last year. During this time they went on a few dates and would make out bit it never went further than that, and some of her friends knew about it. The other was online only but she was sexting him on facetime and sending nudes. I got all my stuff from her house so I didn't need to go back later and after I left she unblocked me and sent me "You're throwing this away for what" and spamming lots of pics of us, my screenshots here start right after the many pics of us. I ended up blocking her on everything right after I sent that final text and plan on going no contact.

She is already telling our mutual friends that I cheated so I'm dreading the drama that might happen with our friend group. Her friends are texting me saying I'm a douche for wanting to move on so quickly (I don't plan on getting into another relationship for a long time), even the friends who knew she was going on dates with that guy are trying to rationalise it by saying it's not that bad and I'm overreacting. Plus her mum called me to yell at me for cheating but I explained it all to her though I don't think she believes me, but that's fine as I'll likely never see her again. I'm just going to try move on and maybe cut off any friends that cause more drama about it which I'm okay with because all my main close friends believe me. Some of them said they got toxic/controlling vibes from her but didn't want to say anything as I wouldn't have listened or seen what they mean (sounds about right tbh).

I read almost every single comment if not all and it made me realise how subtly toxic our relationship was even though I didn't realise until now because nothing major ever happened. I saw a comment about DARVO and it applied to every time we had conflict, she would cry and then accuse me of something random I wasn't doing. I also saw a comment saying it seems like I'm walking on eggshells and I now see that I was because I always did whatever made her happy even if it was wrong or made me upset just so I could avoid being yelled at. I'm not usually this passive with my friends or at work but I really loved her so I guess I had a soft spot for her? I think I definitely got conditioned over the 4 years to become a yes-man and now I see our whole relationship and our interactions in a different way. I'm absolutely devastated that this happened considering we were about to move in together in 2 months time and I was planning on proposing after a year of living together. I'm just glad I know now rather than later. Thanks again for everyone who talked sense into me, even the harsh ones lol I really did need it.

so me and my boyfriend recently broke up, and i had been friends with my best friend for 4 years. i’m really hurt she did this to me and she’s being so rude and irrational. i feel like she betrayed me, stabbed my back. i don’t have time for these people of course, but i’m still in denial she did this, even after being friends for so long and being so close. am i overreacting?

p.s: i blocked her after this

edit: i didn’t realise i didn’t give context. me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago, and we were long distance so whatever. i’m the one who broke up and fuck him. my best friend does live closer to him than i do but still far. i don’t know if they were hooking up before. possibly. but at this point i’m trying not to waste my energy on her and care because i know i am better than this. amen.